It’s not vain to want heads to turn when we walk into a room. Regardless of age or relationship status, we are hardwired to seek validation from the opposite sex that we are irresistible, and we are hardwired to seek envy from same-sex peers.
The good new is, you don’t have to win the genetic lottery to get noticed.
An “average” looking person can be more irresistible than the magazine cover model because inner beauty trumps physical beauty. People may not remember exactly what you say, but they remember how you made them feel. When you make them feel important, you will be seen as sexy and irresistible to the opposite sex. You’ll also have more friends than you’ll know what to do with.
“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful that the belief that she is beautiful.” – Sophia Loren.
I’ll take that quote one step further to include men…
Nothing make a man more irresistible than the belief that he is irresistible.
When you believe you are irresistible and use the tactics below, you will be a magnet of attraction like bees to honey.
1. Be proactive, approach others first.
Don’t be shy. At a gathering, approach people, especially those who are standing by themselves. Just say, “Hi!” Everyone is waiting for someone else to take the first step, so they’ll think, “Whew! Finally someone to talk to…I’m not a loser.” It’s also okay to approach groups, as long as they seem receptive.
Are you comfortable taking the lead? If not, what are you afraid of?
How often has rejection happened when you said, “Hi?” If it happens more often than you’d like, it’s due to lack of confidence. When you believe in yourself, confidence follows and rejections will significantly decrease.
A smile from the eyes is a turn-on because it’s authentic. A fake “Oh…hi” smile is a turn-off.
Are your smiles genuine?
3. Eye contact.
Wandering eyes show you don’t care. Sustained eye contact makes the other person feel they are the most important person in the room.
When the other person is talking, do not let your eyes wander and do not look at your phone—unless you tell them ahead of time that you are ‘on-call.’
Have you been guilty of looking away when someone is talking to you?
It’s sexy to believe in yourself. Can you look in the mirror and say, “I love you so much, you are awesome?” If you can’t, you probably need to heal old emotional scars.
It’s a turn-off when you don’t believe you are lovable and awesome. Everyone has ‘baggage.’ If you are not your baggage, you can be a turn-on.
So invest in coaches, therapists and/or personal development programs that can help you make peace with the past so that you can gain the confidence to be the ‘you-est’ you.
How confident are you?
Watch this TED talk: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are, by Amy Cuddy.
5. Say their name in the course of conversation.
The sweetest and most important word to your ear is…your name.
The last time someone used your name in the middle of a sentence, how did you feel? Probably pretty good. Especially with new acquaintances, say the person’s name in the course of your conversation. Since very few people do this with new contacts, you will stand out when you incorporate their name.
Have you ever used this tactic? If not, give it a try and watch their reaction and level of engagement with you.
6. Ask open-ended questions, starting with What, How, Why, and Where.
Don’t worry if you’re introverted. You don’t have to do the talking. You just have to be curious through asking questions because people love talking about themselves.
Start with some basics. “What brought you here? Where are you from? What do you do?”
Then, move on to these questions to take the ‘relationship’ to the next level:
- How do you feel about that?
- What’s exciting about your life? What brings you joy?
- If you had a magic wand and you could design your life just the way you want it, what would that look and feel like? (Questions relating to dreams and aspirations are deep. They’ll be thinking, “You’re amazing!”)
- Who would you get to be in this world if you were able to fully stand in the power of you? Why is that important to you? (This is a superhero question that will have others go crazy for you.)
Every answer contains the seed for follow-up questions. If they say, “We just raised $100K for that charity,” ask, “What inspired you to get involved with this charity?”
Have you ever gone deep with your conversations with strangers and acquaintances?
These questions work. I once struck up a conversation with a famous NFL football player while eating lunch at the bar of a New York City restaurant. Within 20 minutes, I knew his deepest fears and pains. I had no idea how famous he was until I Googled him afterwards. Obviously, I’m not a football fan.
7. Share your thoughts about a topic they brought up.
This shows you are actively listening. We feel validated when we feel heard. Another rung up the irresistibility ladder for you.
8. Show your vulnerabilities.
If the conversation is moving along and it seems right, share your fears and dreams. They may give you fresh perspective on how to overcome your fears. They may even know someone who can help you to realize your dreams.
9. Connect them to someone important in your network.
“What’s your most important goal this year? Maybe there is someone in my network that I can connect you with to help you get what you want.”
They’re thinking, “Wow, you are so awesome. This is too good to be true to have someone really care about me. What can I do to reciprocate?”
When you give others what they want, you will eventually get what you want because of the Law of Reciprocity.
Who can you help with an introduction?
10. Keep up with current events.
“What do you think about…”
11. Show you are not afraid to take risks.
Going outside of your comfort zone is sexy and inspiring. “I went white water rafting…boy, was it scary and exhilarating!”
The more risks you take, the more you will be rewarded with exciting relationships and opportunities. That’s why it’s important to take risks and go deep when you meet new people. The more they know about how fearless and courageous you are, the more they will be in awe of you.
If they sense that you are someone who is afraid of going outside of your comfort zone, you may be seen as a bore. There’s nothing irresistible about boring people.
What is something you can do in the next couple of days that is out of your comfort zone?
12. Show the vision of where you want to go.
You’re sexy and exciting if you are trying to leave the world a better place than you found it. Have goals and projects. You’re boring if you have no direction, no interests, no life.
What are you doing to make a difference?
13. Talk about the positives in your life.
Don’t churn in negative memories. If you feel guilt, shame and/or worthlessness, you will repel others with your ‘dark cloud.’ In contrast, if you’ve made lemonade out of the ‘lemons’ of your negative events, others will be inspired by your story.
Happy thoughts create happy energy. Happy energy is magnetic and irresistible.
Are you over the negative memories? If not, what are you doing about it?
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously.
Make fun of yourself through stories about ‘stupid’ things you have done. Laughing creates feel-good chemicals. When you are associated with making others laugh, they will want more of you.
15. Follow up with your new friends.
Follow up promptly if you promised to get them information they want. You will stand out if you follow up because very few people follow through. You will eventually get what you want if you give others what they want first.
Have you been following through with everything you said you were going to do?
16. Pay attention to personal grooming.
You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. But the ugly truth is…everyone judges a book by its cover.
You only have three seconds to make a first impression. It’s hard to overturn someone’s initial impression of you later on. So show up as your best self.
It’s sad some people don’t take care of the little details. Sloppy nails, scuffed shoes, out-of-date fashions, out-of date-hair, etc. Not taking care of the outside of you is a reflection of low self-worth. It’s a turn-off. Do the work to look presentable.
‘No time’ is an excuse. We make time for things that are important to us. If it’s important to you to present the outside of you that is congruent with how awesome you feel about yourself, you will make the time to look decent.
A note to guys: If you are going bald, the ladies are not bothered by it if you are not bothered by it. If you are self-conscious (think ‘comb-over’), women can detect it. There are many sexy, bald men in the media. The ladies go crazy for them.
Implement some of these tactics. You will make yourself irresistible to the opposite sex.
Final thought from a guy in his 40s with regards to inner beauty.
“When you talk about beauty coming from the inside, it’s really true. Ask any man if he knows a woman whom he does not find beautiful—he even might find her ugly—but for some reason finds irresistibly sexy.
“He will tell you he can think of several women like that. Guys often talk to each other that way. “I know she’s not that attractive, but there’s something about her…”
“Obviously, this is coming from some inner quality that is being reflected outward. There’s also the opposite—women who are objectively beautiful but just don’t really have sex appeal. They’re just there, like a beautiful painting or sculpture, but they don’t inspire passion. These women lack inner beauty.
“Some women have both inner and outer beauty. These are the women who make men cry.”
(Let me add that women think the same way about guys.)