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Those Who Fear Rejection Will Know How To Embrace It After Reading This

Those Who Fear Rejection Will Know How To Embrace It After Reading This
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Have you ever felt paralyzed and worried about being judged by others?

Being rejected is painful. It’s perhaps one of the worst things to ever happen to your emotions and takes a toll on you after a while if you don’t know how to deal with it.

It’s the reason many people fear rejection and stay where they are. They often resort to other means of comfort like staying indoors and watching TV shows and movies versus going out and living life for real.

We create buffers all around us to avoid the pain of failure and rejection, and don’t seem to realise that we’re doing it.

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Here are 15 ways to help you overcome it once and for all and to finally live the life you’ve always imagined.

1) Let go of thinking it’s all over when rejection happens.

There has never been a time where the world collapsed on top of me whenever I experienced failure. It may have felt like it at the time but the reality is, it is mostly in your head anyway and usually built up to be a lot bigger than it actually is.

2) Re-evaluate what a rejection really means.

Are you going to view rejection as a character assassination or as a learning experience? Every successful person I have ever known started off being terrible at their craft, yet over a period of time slowly hacked away at their craft and got better and better at it.

3) Let go of the need to always be right.

There really is no such thing as right and wrong, only opinions. An opinion only becomes a fact when it’s told by someone perceived to be an authority. But, even then, become suspicious of it. You are free to think and believe whatever you choose to believe.

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If you truly believe that you’re a failure, then there’s nothing to stop you from believing it besides you.

4) Use rejection as an opportunity to grow.

As was said in #2, no one ever achieved anything in life without making mistakes along the way. Every rejection is an opportunity to re-evaluate your actions and a chance to adjust your sail in a different direction.  You will learn things which you could not have known any other way.

5) Realize that you are not special.

After all’s said and done, no one is really going to care about your day or whether you succeeded or failed. This is the first step to to understanding that what everyone else thinks of you really isn’t something to worry much about.

6) Take pride in yourself first.

When you truly realize that your thoughts and beliefs are what count, you begin to see that at the end of the day, only you matter when it comes to personal responsibility. Do what you can in your life, and whether you are praised or criticized, take pride in having done your best.

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7) Keep an open mind.

Nothing is set in stone on this world. What you might think at this present moment may well change in the near future. Don’t count the thoughts and feelings of the billions of other people currently alive. Learn to leave things open to interpretation. Nothing is what it seems.

8) Stop taking yourself too seriously.

If you’re a high achiever, you will naturally want the best from yourself. But try to understand that you can’t be perfect all the time. You’re not infallible, nor are you made of iron. The minute you get over your perceived greatness is when you’ll begin to see that you are just another human being trying to get by like everyone else.

9) Understand that rejection is a part of life.

When you view the world objectively, you begin to understand that rejection happens all the time. However, you can choose to overlook the criticisms that are of no value to you. Therefore, rejection only ever becomes a rejection when you place importance on it. Your reaction is something you have direct control over.

10) Focus on failure, not success.

If you attempt anything in life not expecting to succeed, something interesting begins to happen. Not only do you put less pressure on yourself, but your journey towards proficiency becomes much more fun in the process. Expectation is the prime reason for people quitting before reaching their goals.  Be hopeful and confident, but acknowledge that you might not succeed perfectly every time.

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11) Have the courage to challenge your fears consistently.

No one ever grew in life without pushing limits. The only limit we have is the limit we set for ourselves and our imaginations. Learn to challenge your beliefs and fears on a daily basis in order to see and understand what your true limits are. Thoughts are just thoughts, and you have control over them.

12) See each problem as a challenge and not an obstacle.

Every obstacle is something that was put there to show you what your current boundaries are. The person who is willing to challenge those boundaries is usually the person who achieves more.

13) View life as a video game.

Whenever you reach a new level in your life, there is always higher level that is perceived to be harder and more challenging to overcome. Over time, with consistent effort, each level will seem easy to overcome.  Keep at it until it gets easier.

14) Learn to embrace your flaws.

As with #5, You have weaknesses like everyone else and won’t know how to overcome them until you learn to recognize and accept them. The first step to growth is acceptance of your flaws. The second is using your weaknesses to identify your strengths  building those over a period of time.

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15) Stop caring what other people think.

At the end of the day, no one really cares about you and whether or not you exist in the world. Everyone has his or her own individual problems in life and are simply doing exactly what you’re doing right now when it comes to worries, anxieties and frustrations.

The minute you take people off the pedestal is when you begin to live your life free from external judgement. It is your life to live after all, and it is now up to you to go out and claim it.

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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