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These 12 Ways Will Heal A Broken Heart

These 12 Ways Will Heal A Broken Heart

When you’re dealing with a broken heart, the only way to get over it is to let go of the pain. In order to let go, you must face it, head on.

“To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” – Bess Myerson

Isn’t it ironic that it can take only one instant to fall deeply in love but it can take a long time to fall out of love? It’s all about you, not your ex. You are broken and the only one who is going to fix it is you. 

Liken it to breaking a limb. Your body has to heal, and it takes time. Someone else cannot do it for you. It’s the same with a broken heart. You have to heal it.

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In a nutshell, it’s all centered around three little words: Let it go. This is how:

1. Clearly define your motives right now.

Are they to get over this person? Are they to get even with them? Are they to win this person back? The only way to get over your broken heart is to let go and move on. If you believe that you will feel better when they hurt like you’re hurting, or when they come back to you, you will not be able to move on. So set your mind straight right now that you can and you will overcome your broken heart yourself.

2. Remove the remnants.

Nothing stings more than waking up first thing in the morning and seeing a picture of your ex on your bedside, or looking at your phone and seeing their face as your wallpaper. Remove all reminders from your daily life. This doesn’t mean throw them away. It simply means to pack them up for now so that no reminders hit you in the face.

3. Relieve, not relive the pain.

That gnawing pain that infiltrates every ounce of your being doesn’t have to consume you. You don’t want to go to work or go out and socialize. You want to shut everything out because you’re so hurt you have no idea how you’re going to pull out of it. You have a choice: You can spend the next few months, years, or your lifetime trudging your way through, or you can face the pain. There’s no way around it. You have to walk straight through it. This is the when the pain begins subsiding.

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4. Putting out the fire instead of fueling it.

You are broken—angry, sad, frustrated, alone, depressed, etc. The last thing you want or need is more humiliation. Should you beg for reconciliation? Maybe threaten them? Or go find them at that party? You know, the one they just posted a picture of on Facebook, smiling away looking as if they’ve completely forgotten you. You could confront them in public and ask them, “How could you?” You could blow up their phone, email and social media accounts. The end result is more hurt, anger, humiliation…and pain. Protect yourself: Let it go.

5. Take a pity pot moment.

At first, you’re going to want do this every single day. Sit in your brokenness. Let it come up. Feel it. Cry if you need to. Then, envision putting it into a helium balloon and letting it go. There you go, you just released it and now you can start your day.

6. That was then, this is now.

As you go about your days you could be doing fine, and then you see a couple holding hands, or see a place that you frequented with your ex and the hurt seeps in and tries to overtake your entire being. When something or someone triggers a flashback, just think: that was then, but this is now. Let it go.

7. Listen to mood-enhancing music.

Nothing is more heart wrenching than listening to the same music or watching the same TV programs as you did with your ex. Only listen to new, upbeat music and TV programs. Lifetime TV is out for a while! When you’re in public, and you cannot turn the station, use point #6 and let it go.

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8. Sweat it out.

Literally! Work out. Exercising stimulates mood-enhancing endorphins, is productive and healthy both physically and emotionally, and serves as a release for pent-up emotions. It’s the safest and healthiest way to get even with the hurt your ex has laid upon you. Pow! Take that! Feel better?

9. Don’t hold back.

Many relationships that fail do so because one or both individuals weren’t experiencing the freedom to grow or to truly be themselves. What did you hold back when you were with your ex? Do it now!

10. Have a change of scenery.

It’s time to let go of the old hangouts that you and your ex frequented together. Go to a different place to get your morning coffee, or to buy groceries, or shop for clothes. Establish your own turf where mutual friends won’t be telling you about how awesome your ex is doing, about their new relationship, or feel the need to ask you questions.

11. Laugh out loud.

Laughing promotes happiness. It’s scientifically proven that when you laugh, it stimulates endorphins that lift your mood. Are you worried about seeming fake? Consider this: If your heart weren’t broken, would you be smiling right now and laughing at that joke or situation? If the answer is yes, let the broken heart go. Laugh a little. Smile a lot!

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12. Fill the void with you

Just because your heart has been torn to shreds, it does not mean that you’re worthless or hopeless. Use this time to get to know and rely upon you. You have to live with you for the rest of your life. Learn about yourself inside and out, and most of all, depend upon you for your happiness. That way, if and when you ever have your heart broken again, you will bounce back much more easily.

Enduring a broken heart is just like dealing with grief. There are seven stages to grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance. You will likely feel all of these, perhaps more than once. At the beginning of this article, there were three key words given that are paramount to healing a broken heart. In all circumstances, all emotions and all future endeavors, remember these three words always: Let it go. If you take these words on board and face your pain, you will find that you can heal from your broken heart faster than you think. 

 Learn more about how to take good care of yourself while healing from a broken heart.

Featured photo credit: http://www.morguefile.com/creative/rosevita via cdn.morguefile.com

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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