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These 12 Ways Will Heal A Broken Heart

These 12 Ways Will Heal A Broken Heart

When you’re dealing with a broken heart, the only way to get over it is to let go of the pain. In order to let go, you must face it, head on.

“To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” – Bess Myerson

Isn’t it ironic that it can take only one instant to fall deeply in love but it can take a long time to fall out of love? It’s all about you, not your ex. You are broken and the only one who is going to fix it is you. 

Liken it to breaking a limb. Your body has to heal, and it takes time. Someone else cannot do it for you. It’s the same with a broken heart. You have to heal it.

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In a nutshell, it’s all centered around three little words: Let it go. This is how:

1. Clearly define your motives right now.

Are they to get over this person? Are they to get even with them? Are they to win this person back? The only way to get over your broken heart is to let go and move on. If you believe that you will feel better when they hurt like you’re hurting, or when they come back to you, you will not be able to move on. So set your mind straight right now that you can and you will overcome your broken heart yourself.

2. Remove the remnants.

Nothing stings more than waking up first thing in the morning and seeing a picture of your ex on your bedside, or looking at your phone and seeing their face as your wallpaper. Remove all reminders from your daily life. This doesn’t mean throw them away. It simply means to pack them up for now so that no reminders hit you in the face.

3. Relieve, not relive the pain.

That gnawing pain that infiltrates every ounce of your being doesn’t have to consume you. You don’t want to go to work or go out and socialize. You want to shut everything out because you’re so hurt you have no idea how you’re going to pull out of it. You have a choice: You can spend the next few months, years, or your lifetime trudging your way through, or you can face the pain. There’s no way around it. You have to walk straight through it. This is the when the pain begins subsiding.

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4. Putting out the fire instead of fueling it.

You are broken—angry, sad, frustrated, alone, depressed, etc. The last thing you want or need is more humiliation. Should you beg for reconciliation? Maybe threaten them? Or go find them at that party? You know, the one they just posted a picture of on Facebook, smiling away looking as if they’ve completely forgotten you. You could confront them in public and ask them, “How could you?” You could blow up their phone, email and social media accounts. The end result is more hurt, anger, humiliation…and pain. Protect yourself: Let it go.

5. Take a pity pot moment.

At first, you’re going to want do this every single day. Sit in your brokenness. Let it come up. Feel it. Cry if you need to. Then, envision putting it into a helium balloon and letting it go. There you go, you just released it and now you can start your day.

6. That was then, this is now.

As you go about your days you could be doing fine, and then you see a couple holding hands, or see a place that you frequented with your ex and the hurt seeps in and tries to overtake your entire being. When something or someone triggers a flashback, just think: that was then, but this is now. Let it go.

7. Listen to mood-enhancing music.

Nothing is more heart wrenching than listening to the same music or watching the same TV programs as you did with your ex. Only listen to new, upbeat music and TV programs. Lifetime TV is out for a while! When you’re in public, and you cannot turn the station, use point #6 and let it go.

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8. Sweat it out.

Literally! Work out. Exercising stimulates mood-enhancing endorphins, is productive and healthy both physically and emotionally, and serves as a release for pent-up emotions. It’s the safest and healthiest way to get even with the hurt your ex has laid upon you. Pow! Take that! Feel better?

9. Don’t hold back.

Many relationships that fail do so because one or both individuals weren’t experiencing the freedom to grow or to truly be themselves. What did you hold back when you were with your ex? Do it now!

10. Have a change of scenery.

It’s time to let go of the old hangouts that you and your ex frequented together. Go to a different place to get your morning coffee, or to buy groceries, or shop for clothes. Establish your own turf where mutual friends won’t be telling you about how awesome your ex is doing, about their new relationship, or feel the need to ask you questions.

11. Laugh out loud.

Laughing promotes happiness. It’s scientifically proven that when you laugh, it stimulates endorphins that lift your mood. Are you worried about seeming fake? Consider this: If your heart weren’t broken, would you be smiling right now and laughing at that joke or situation? If the answer is yes, let the broken heart go. Laugh a little. Smile a lot!

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12. Fill the void with you

Just because your heart has been torn to shreds, it does not mean that you’re worthless or hopeless. Use this time to get to know and rely upon you. You have to live with you for the rest of your life. Learn about yourself inside and out, and most of all, depend upon you for your happiness. That way, if and when you ever have your heart broken again, you will bounce back much more easily.

Enduring a broken heart is just like dealing with grief. There are seven stages to grief: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance. You will likely feel all of these, perhaps more than once. At the beginning of this article, there were three key words given that are paramount to healing a broken heart. In all circumstances, all emotions and all future endeavors, remember these three words always: Let it go. If you take these words on board and face your pain, you will find that you can heal from your broken heart faster than you think. 

 Learn more about how to take good care of yourself while healing from a broken heart.

Featured photo credit: http://www.morguefile.com/creative/rosevita via cdn.morguefile.com

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Last Updated on January 15, 2019

How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

Many of us feel awkward talking to strangers. I’m a very outgoing person, even though I sometimes feel uncomfortable walking up to someone and asking a question or starting a conversation. I consider myself pretty high up on the extrovert meter. So what is it that makes us pause and become worried or anxious about talking to people we don’t know?

In this article, we will discuss why we feel this way as well as some tips on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Step right up, don’t be shy!

Why We Feel Awkward Talking to Strangers

The next time you feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger, tell yourself that’s completely normal. There are numerous reasons why it’s actually natural to feel awkward talking to strangers:

Our Stress Levels Rise Around Strangers

Numerous studies have show that our levels of cortisol go up when we are around strangers.[1] Cortisol is the hormone inside of us which produces stress responses.[2]
So there you go, right off the bat you can see part of your standard response to strangers is due to a chemical reaction!

A very interesting by product of increased cortisol is that it makes us less empathetic. More than likely this can be traced to our evolution. The increase in the cortisol and the corresponding decrease in empathy makes us want to stay away from strangers. We are biologically wired to feel concern around strangers.

Evolution Taught Us to Be Wary

Evolution has also taught us to be wary of strangers in general. Humans as a whole have spent a large chunk of their history banded together in small protective groups. We did this in order to help protect each other and maximize resources.

When you think about it in this context, outsiders to our small groups or strangers are considered potential threats. Fear of strangers is common across almost all human cultures.

Culturally Conditioned

We can also thank our society for helping us feel uncomfortable and sometimes afraid of strangers. The term “stranger danger” is something most of us can relate to either growing up or raising kids. Or both.

I remember hearing this from my parents, mostly about not getting in someone’s car I didn’t know. And as the father of 2 teenage girls, you can be sure I’ve talked to them about this very concept more times that they want to hear.

The thought that strangers can be dangerous is built into us as it is. Toss in the amplification of the media on strangers doing things such as kidnapping kids and it takes it to an even higher level.

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Now that we’ve reviewed some of the reasons why we are nervous, let’s look at why you should talk to strangers more.

Benefits of Getting over the Awkwardness

Let’s take a quick look at some of the advantages of how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward. These are some high level benefits of talking to strangers.

1. Broadens Your Network

After you talk to someone, you didn’t know previously they become someone you know at least a little bit. This alone helps broaden your network of people you know. This is helpful in many ways whether it is work related or socially related.

2. Improves Your Communication Skills

I am a huge proponent of the value of solid communication skills and have written about it often. The more you talk to people, especially people you don’t know, the better your communication skills become.

Interacting with a wider variety of people will bring the added benefit of improving your communication skills.

3. Continually Learning

So many of us don’t actively seek to learn new things. This is one of the primary keys to staying engaged in life and our own personal self fulfillment.

Almost every time I speak to someone I didn’t know previously, I’ve learned something new. When we speak to strangers, it pushes us out of our comfort zones and we tend to learn new things.

4. Increases Self Confidence

Every time we learn to do something we were previously anxious about, we feel better about ourselves.

Forcing ourselves to talk to strangers will lead to increased self confidence. As we get more and more comfortable doing something that previously made us feel awkward, our self confidence will go up and up.

So, how to talk to strangers to reap these benefits?

How to Talk to Strangers

Here are some tips to on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

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1. Say Hello

Putting “say hello” first may seem a bit obvious but let’s take a deeper look. Much of the social awkwardness when speaking to strangers is simply breaking the ice. The first words that will engage someone.

Most people will respond when someone says hello or hi to them. And those that don’t, you probably don’t want to talk to anyway.

Practice being the person that opens the door to a conversation. Say hello.

2. Ask About Them

Something that I have noticed over the years is that people love to talk about themselves. Even fairly private people tend to open up when asked about events in their lives.

You can ask leading questions that get people to talk about themselves and recent events. Things like recent movies watched or the summer vacation are great to get someone talking.

As a father, I also know that people love to talk about their kids. Asking about kids is a fairly easy topic to bring up and in general, most people will expound upon all the great things their kids do or are involved with.

3. Just Do It

One of the biggest reasons we don’t do things we want to or know we should is because we overthink it. Quit thinking about it so much and just do it.

When you give yourself the time to analyze every little angle about a situation, you also give plenty of time to talk yourself out of it. You’ll wind up thinking what if this happens or what if that happens.

Try to force yourself to jump right in without thinking about it too much. Whenever I have done this, I always feel great about it afterwards, no matter how it turned out.

4. Don’t Take It Personal

One of the greatest lessons in life I ever learned was don’t take anything personally. We all go through life with our own sets of experiences and see things through our own lens. The way people react to different situations has almost nothing to do with us. It has to do with previous experiences and the way people feel about things other than us.

When someone’s reaction isn’t what you’d hoped or expected, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Remember that and keep it in context.

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5. Get a Chuckle If Possible

I used the word chuckle purposely because it makes me laugh. In my opinion, it’s one of those funny words. We all like to laugh because it makes us feel good. And when someone makes us laugh, we typically remember those people in a positive light.

One of the best ways to make a conversation easy and free flowing is to get some laughter going. It doesn’t mean you have to be the master joke teller or anything. See if you can work in a way to make the person you are talking to get a smile or some laughter in. In fact, laughing at yourself maybe a nice try.

6. Detach

A great feeling is when you don’t mind which way something turns out, that you will be fine no matter what happens. Kind of like when I watch my two favorite football teams play against each other. I don’t really care who wins, I just want a fun game.

Treat talking to strangers the same way. You don’t really care how the conversation goes because you are detaching from the outcome. Make it a fun time with yourself and if the conversation goes well, awesome! If not then no big deal, move on.

7. Share Your Stories

Well, all like to feel connected to other people. And many times we wind up hanging out with people that we have things in common with. No surprise here.

To help with how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward, tell stories that have commonalities with the person you are talking to. Kids are an easy one. I have a daughter who was a competitive cheerleader and now plays club volleyball. I have instant connection and stories with strangers I speak with who have kids that play sports. It’s easy to relate to.

So when you are speaking to a stranger and you have a story or mutual connection point, bring it up.

8. Give a Compliment

Almost everyone likes hearing a compliment, whether they admit to it or not. As a general rule, we don’t give out enough compliments. It’s amazing how one small remark someone tosses your way about how good you look can literally make your entire day.

When you are speaking with someone you don’t know, see if you can work a compliment in. Nothing creepy here. Not a good idea to tell someone you just met that they are the prettiest or handsomest person you ever met. However, if you can share how you like their tattoo or shoes or something like that, it will help put the conversation into an easy going, smiling place.

9. Relax Your Body Language

If you go into a situation all worried and nervous, it shows on your body. Your shoulders are tensed up, there’s a look of consternation on your face, things like that.

When you engage a stranger in conversation, make it a point to relax your body language. Take a deep breath before you engage the person, let your body relax, and put a smile on your face. This will help relax you and it has the added benefit of putting the other person more at ease.

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If they see that you are relaxed, it helps them relax. Plus having open, engaging body language is very conducive to inviting someone to open up into a conversation with you.

10. Practice, Practice, Practice

Like everything else in life, talking to strangers gets easier with practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Make it a point to talk to several strangers each week and it will definitely help you relax as you do it more and more.

After a while, it will become something you don’t even think about, you just do it. And that takes all of the awkwardness out of being in these type situations.

The Bottom Line

As we have seen, it is perfectly natural to feel awkward talking to strangers. We are biologically built that way and we have our own society constantly warning us how dangerous it is. It’s no wonder we feel awkward talking to strangers!

There are numerous benefits to learning to be more comfortable talking to strangers. See if you can employ some of the techniques mentioned to learn how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Once you start practicing speaking with strangers more often and utilizing some of the tips, you will become more comfortable doing so. This in turn will lead to a learned new skill and increased self confidence.

Remember, everyone you know was a stranger at one time. Now get out there and make some new friends.

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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