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The Number One Reason You’re Still Single

The Number One Reason You’re Still Single

I hate to be the one to break it to you but if you’re still single and don’t want to be there is really only one reason why. Now, you might need to sit down for this one. Are you ready? Here we go!

The number one reason is …

You just haven’t found the right one yet.

OK, let that sink in for a minute.

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My guess is that you were probably expecting a different answer, right? Like something that is wrong with you? Maybe you’re not pretty enough or masculine enough, not funny enough, not smart enough, not [insert your own negative criticism here].

Well, that’s not actually the truth; the truth is that you just haven’t found them yet.

I know we haven’t met before, but I’m guessing you’re pretty awesome, that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are possibly your own worst critic. Don’t believe me? Check out this video: What do strangers think of you?

So do yourself a huge favor, cut the negative thoughts, get happy and start loving yourself and your single freedom. The right one will come along in their own time. In the meantime, here is my list of eight things you can be doing while you wait for Mr or Ms Right. The best part is that it’s all about you, so get creative and add your own in – I’d love to hear what you’ve included.

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1. Stop waiting for them and start living in the now

It’s a good idea to know what you are looking for in a partner. If you don’t, how will you know when you’ve found him or her? But, if you are spending every waking moment day dreaming about them, then there is a big chance that you are wasting your valuable time right now. Instead of thinking about them, why not think about you? What goals do you want to achieve in the next 12 months? What places do you want to see? Which people you want to visit? Dream them up and then make a plan to achieve them. Because guess what? You’re single and you can do whatever you want!

2. Learn to love yourself

There is only ever going to be one of you. You are unique and special. Be proud of who you are and all the things you have achieved. You don’t need someone else to make you feel loved and you don’t need someone else to make you feel whole. You already have everything you need right now to live a happy, healthy and full life. So don’t be hard on yourself, learn to love yourself exactly the way you are.

3. Learn to love your single freedom

Dr Phil said it best: “It is better to be happy alone than sick with someone else. The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself.” I can’t agree more. Being single has so many benefits; it’s your chance to be selfish and do all the things you want to do. So get out there and enjoy it! Not sure where to start? Try these: 10 Things You Must Do When You’re Single.

4. Listen to the story you’re telling yourself

I recently wrote a blog post about listening to the stories that we tell ourselves. Anything you say that’s really negative is not helping you. If you call yourself a “freak magnet,” or tell yourself “all the good men/women are taken,” or that you are “never going to find someone,” then your chances of this happening are very high. We attract what we put out there to the world. So change that story and attract something new.

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5. Make time for your friends and family

When the time comes and you do find someone amazing, chances are you will have less time for many of your favorite people. So make time for your friends and family now by planning holidays to see them or trips together. Hang out and do things with the people who are closest to you.

6. Get out and try something new

Have you been wanting to try something different lately? Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had a chance to do it yet? Well, go out and do it! No doubt it will make you feel incredible. Don’t stop at one thing either. Make up your bucket list and start crossing things off now.

7. Set yourself a big goal and spend some time each day making it happen

It could be a career change, it could be overseas travel, it could be starting your dream business. Don’t hold yourself back. Write down that big goal and then work on it each and every day. Who knows what you can achieve. How exciting!

8. Trust the process

Have you ever listened to your friends who are married or in a relationship? Often they have a story about all the losers they met prior to finding their loved one. That’s because we all need to go through the process, to learn our own lessons and meet a few oddballs before the universe brings us the one we’re meant to be with. You are exactly where you need to be right now, so trust the process.

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“Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked with anyone else.” – Unknown

 

Stop looking for the negatives and start loving all the positives that come with your single freedom. Chances are when you get a little bit distracted and start achieving some big goals, the right one might just come along.

What would you like to add to this list? I’d love to know in the comments below.

You might also like: 7 Reasons Why You Are Still Single

Featured photo credit: mírame – look at me/ruurmo via flickr.com

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1 19 Golden Pieces of Relationship Advice From the Experts 2 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know 3 How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship 4 How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future 5 This Is What Happens When You Move Out Of the Comfort Zone

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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