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The Number One Reason You’re Still Single

The Number One Reason You’re Still Single

I hate to be the one to break it to you but if you’re still single and don’t want to be there is really only one reason why. Now, you might need to sit down for this one. Are you ready? Here we go!

The number one reason is …

You just haven’t found the right one yet.

OK, let that sink in for a minute.

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My guess is that you were probably expecting a different answer, right? Like something that is wrong with you? Maybe you’re not pretty enough or masculine enough, not funny enough, not smart enough, not [insert your own negative criticism here].

Well, that’s not actually the truth; the truth is that you just haven’t found them yet.

I know we haven’t met before, but I’m guessing you’re pretty awesome, that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are possibly your own worst critic. Don’t believe me? Check out this video: What do strangers think of you?

So do yourself a huge favor, cut the negative thoughts, get happy and start loving yourself and your single freedom. The right one will come along in their own time. In the meantime, here is my list of eight things you can be doing while you wait for Mr or Ms Right. The best part is that it’s all about you, so get creative and add your own in – I’d love to hear what you’ve included.

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1. Stop waiting for them and start living in the now

It’s a good idea to know what you are looking for in a partner. If you don’t, how will you know when you’ve found him or her? But, if you are spending every waking moment day dreaming about them, then there is a big chance that you are wasting your valuable time right now. Instead of thinking about them, why not think about you? What goals do you want to achieve in the next 12 months? What places do you want to see? Which people you want to visit? Dream them up and then make a plan to achieve them. Because guess what? You’re single and you can do whatever you want!

2. Learn to love yourself

There is only ever going to be one of you. You are unique and special. Be proud of who you are and all the things you have achieved. You don’t need someone else to make you feel loved and you don’t need someone else to make you feel whole. You already have everything you need right now to live a happy, healthy and full life. So don’t be hard on yourself, learn to love yourself exactly the way you are.

3. Learn to love your single freedom

Dr Phil said it best: “It is better to be happy alone than sick with someone else. The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself.” I can’t agree more. Being single has so many benefits; it’s your chance to be selfish and do all the things you want to do. So get out there and enjoy it! Not sure where to start? Try these: 10 Things You Must Do When You’re Single.

4. Listen to the story you’re telling yourself

I recently wrote a blog post about listening to the stories that we tell ourselves. Anything you say that’s really negative is not helping you. If you call yourself a “freak magnet,” or tell yourself “all the good men/women are taken,” or that you are “never going to find someone,” then your chances of this happening are very high. We attract what we put out there to the world. So change that story and attract something new.

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5. Make time for your friends and family

When the time comes and you do find someone amazing, chances are you will have less time for many of your favorite people. So make time for your friends and family now by planning holidays to see them or trips together. Hang out and do things with the people who are closest to you.

6. Get out and try something new

Have you been wanting to try something different lately? Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had a chance to do it yet? Well, go out and do it! No doubt it will make you feel incredible. Don’t stop at one thing either. Make up your bucket list and start crossing things off now.

7. Set yourself a big goal and spend some time each day making it happen

It could be a career change, it could be overseas travel, it could be starting your dream business. Don’t hold yourself back. Write down that big goal and then work on it each and every day. Who knows what you can achieve. How exciting!

8. Trust the process

Have you ever listened to your friends who are married or in a relationship? Often they have a story about all the losers they met prior to finding their loved one. That’s because we all need to go through the process, to learn our own lessons and meet a few oddballs before the universe brings us the one we’re meant to be with. You are exactly where you need to be right now, so trust the process.

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“Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked with anyone else.” – Unknown

 

Stop looking for the negatives and start loving all the positives that come with your single freedom. Chances are when you get a little bit distracted and start achieving some big goals, the right one might just come along.

What would you like to add to this list? I’d love to know in the comments below.

You might also like: 7 Reasons Why You Are Still Single

Featured photo credit: mírame – look at me/ruurmo via flickr.com

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Last Updated on April 19, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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