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The Number One Reason You’re Still Single

The Number One Reason You’re Still Single

I hate to be the one to break it to you but if you’re still single and don’t want to be there is really only one reason why. Now, you might need to sit down for this one. Are you ready? Here we go!

The number one reason is …

You just haven’t found the right one yet.

OK, let that sink in for a minute.

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My guess is that you were probably expecting a different answer, right? Like something that is wrong with you? Maybe you’re not pretty enough or masculine enough, not funny enough, not smart enough, not [insert your own negative criticism here].

Well, that’s not actually the truth; the truth is that you just haven’t found them yet.

I know we haven’t met before, but I’m guessing you’re pretty awesome, that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are possibly your own worst critic. Don’t believe me? Check out this video: What do strangers think of you?

So do yourself a huge favor, cut the negative thoughts, get happy and start loving yourself and your single freedom. The right one will come along in their own time. In the meantime, here is my list of eight things you can be doing while you wait for Mr or Ms Right. The best part is that it’s all about you, so get creative and add your own in – I’d love to hear what you’ve included.

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1. Stop waiting for them and start living in the now

It’s a good idea to know what you are looking for in a partner. If you don’t, how will you know when you’ve found him or her? But, if you are spending every waking moment day dreaming about them, then there is a big chance that you are wasting your valuable time right now. Instead of thinking about them, why not think about you? What goals do you want to achieve in the next 12 months? What places do you want to see? Which people you want to visit? Dream them up and then make a plan to achieve them. Because guess what? You’re single and you can do whatever you want!

2. Learn to love yourself

There is only ever going to be one of you. You are unique and special. Be proud of who you are and all the things you have achieved. You don’t need someone else to make you feel loved and you don’t need someone else to make you feel whole. You already have everything you need right now to live a happy, healthy and full life. So don’t be hard on yourself, learn to love yourself exactly the way you are.

3. Learn to love your single freedom

Dr Phil said it best: “It is better to be happy alone than sick with someone else. The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself.” I can’t agree more. Being single has so many benefits; it’s your chance to be selfish and do all the things you want to do. So get out there and enjoy it! Not sure where to start? Try these: 10 Things You Must Do When You’re Single.

4. Listen to the story you’re telling yourself

I recently wrote a blog post about listening to the stories that we tell ourselves. Anything you say that’s really negative is not helping you. If you call yourself a “freak magnet,” or tell yourself “all the good men/women are taken,” or that you are “never going to find someone,” then your chances of this happening are very high. We attract what we put out there to the world. So change that story and attract something new.

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5. Make time for your friends and family

When the time comes and you do find someone amazing, chances are you will have less time for many of your favorite people. So make time for your friends and family now by planning holidays to see them or trips together. Hang out and do things with the people who are closest to you.

6. Get out and try something new

Have you been wanting to try something different lately? Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had a chance to do it yet? Well, go out and do it! No doubt it will make you feel incredible. Don’t stop at one thing either. Make up your bucket list and start crossing things off now.

7. Set yourself a big goal and spend some time each day making it happen

It could be a career change, it could be overseas travel, it could be starting your dream business. Don’t hold yourself back. Write down that big goal and then work on it each and every day. Who knows what you can achieve. How exciting!

8. Trust the process

Have you ever listened to your friends who are married or in a relationship? Often they have a story about all the losers they met prior to finding their loved one. That’s because we all need to go through the process, to learn our own lessons and meet a few oddballs before the universe brings us the one we’re meant to be with. You are exactly where you need to be right now, so trust the process.

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“Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked with anyone else.” – Unknown

 

Stop looking for the negatives and start loving all the positives that come with your single freedom. Chances are when you get a little bit distracted and start achieving some big goals, the right one might just come along.

What would you like to add to this list? I’d love to know in the comments below.

You might also like: 7 Reasons Why You Are Still Single

Featured photo credit: mírame – look at me/ruurmo via flickr.com

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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