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Stop Lying to Yourself

Stop Lying to Yourself

It’s cruel and it’s unfair.

You are lying to yourself because you seek comfort. Well comfort is overrated. You are lying to yourself because you are scared of the unknown. But you must stop. To continue lying will eat away at your soul, causing you untold amounts of future pain.

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A lie is something that you make yourself believe in order to make life a little easier. A lie is a paradigm under which you operate to avoid pain. A lie will destroy you, inside and out. A lie is something you want to believe because to consider the opposite would hurt your ego.

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Sometimes the difference between a lie and the truth can be subtle. Sometimes your brain will try to “logically” trick you into believing a lie. I cannot give you a definitive guide on how to differentiate between the two; I am not you and I do not understand your specific circumstances, motivations, and desires. I can, however, give you some tips to guide you to make decisions that will serve you well.

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You are lying to yourself when:

  1. You try really hard to fit yourself into a mold that hurts.
  2. You make that decision that is “logically” correct, but something feels off when you say it out loud.
  3. You feel anxious all the time.
  4. You seek something familiar, even though you can’t grow from there.
  5. You deny your passions and fail to pursue what excites you, no matter what it is. This is a denial of your highest being and your truest self. This is unfair and disrespectful to yourself.
  6. You think you can do this all alone.
  7. You put someone else’s needs way above your own. You are lying to yourself when you neglect to take care of yourself.
  8. You seek distraction to get away from the real stuff — the hard problems. You seek distraction instead of actually working to fix the problems that bother you to your deepest core.
  9. You settle — for anything. You think you don’t deserve more than what’s handed to you.
  10. You care intensely about what someone else thinks — and let their opinions color your actions.
  11. You fail to produce quality work. You are entirely capable of trying your best. Perhaps failure to produce your best means you are in the wrong profession.
  12. You ignore that gnawing feeling in your heart and gut.
  13. You seek popularity and profits, instead of seeking authenticity.
  14. You make rash decisions from a stressed state of mind instead of a place of calamity and rationale.

You can stop lying to yourself by:

  1. Being courageous enough to make a definitive decision — going forward even though it is scary.
  2. Taking responsibility of what has happened, what is happening, and what is going to happen.
  3. Detaching yourself from the fantasy of reliving the past.
  4. Moving — actively working to find a place that resonates with you. Take action.
  5. Telling someone something hard. Tell someone that you have been lying to yourself and to them for some time now.
  6. Doing something dramatic, in a good way. Take a risk.
  7. Not doing something simply because you are told to do it or because everyone else is doing it. Think first if that action resonates with who you are. If not, then don’t do it, even if everyone else is.
  8. Facing the music, even though it hurts.
  9. Making a decision to stop lying to yourself. Today.
  10. Forgiving yourself for hurting yourself for so long.
  11. Focusing on what you know to be most important.
  12. Meditating — getting still and observing yourself from a calm place.
  13. Asking a trusted friend or mentor what he thinks of your future based on your present actions.
  14. Refusing to associate with people who don’t share your values.

I encourage you to actually act on these ideas. Thinking and reading passively is entertaining. You may even trick yourself into thinking that reading is productive. However, you will forget what you read shortly. Without action, you really just wasted your time by reading this article.

Write down how the ideas in this article are applicable to your life. Make some changes. Edit. Erase. Rewrite. This is the beauty in life: most things are volitional and nothing is really permanent until you die. And you will die, so stop wasting your life by living a lie.

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More by this author

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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