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Here’s How You Can Get Your Ideal Boy/Girl

Here’s How You Can Get Your Ideal Boy/Girl

Are you thinking about “settling” with your current partner only because your dream boy/girl is too far to be reached? Oliver Emberton got you an answer on Quora why you shouldn’t do so and how you can get your dream boy/girl.

Imagine how you’d feel if your dream girl said she might ‘settle’ for you.

She had someone better in mind, but he was out of reach, so with reluctance she decided you’d have to do. Belittled? Inadequate? Pathetic? Don’t do that to someone else.

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    Ok so you want this ideal girl?

    Chances are she probably isn’t the one you think she is – but that doesn’t mean the journey is pointless. It could be the wakeup call you need.

    One of the wonderful and horrendously unfair things about being a man is you have huge opportunity to increase your own attractiveness. Whilst women tend to be judged more by their looks, men tend to be judged more by who and what they are. That’s good news for you, especially with your current attitude – the scope for improvement is likely massive.

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      Firstly, forget about chasing women.

      They don’t find desperation attractive, and you need your concentration elsewhere. Notice the most attractive guys rarely if ever chase. Notice the least attractive are whiny, clingy and fawning. Don’t be one of them.

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        Now you need to craft a personal mission to improve yourself. This will be deeply personal to you, but generally you’ll want to make the most of your health, wealth, appearance, social awareness and develop a broad range of interests and skills. This is not a 20-minute exercise, and if you need one of those, you probably should go back to feeling miserable.

        Some examples:
        • Volunteer – give blood, teach, build a shelter
        • Take a dance class
        • Skydive
        • Learn to cook
        • Travel somewhere life-altering (think Africa, not Disneyland)
        • Take up a sport, and get good at it
        • Join a book club
        • Learn about body language and human psychology
        • Seek out the best media – music, film, books – and develop a deep understanding of them
        • Learn a magic trick
        • Start a company
        • Try public speaking
        • Learn to dress well
        • Raise money for a good cause
        • Start a creative project – like a short film, a single, or a short story
        • Learn a musical instrument
        • Make a craptonne of money
        • Run a marathon

        Do something to inspire others. Do something to inspire yourself.

        You’ll quite literally be a better person, and way more attractive. Your life should be a testament to greatness, not a self-piteous whine.

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        Chances are your ideal girl really isn’t. It sounds like you’re so attached to her as an ideal you can’t see her as a person anymore, and clinging on to that thought is only making you depressed. You need to direct those energies elsewhere.

        You and you alone hold the power to turn it around and make something more of yourself. Your life is your story to write – and the hero always gets the girl.

        More by this author

        Anna Chui

        Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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        Last Updated on January 18, 2019

        7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

        7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

        Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

        But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

        If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

        1. Limit the time you spend with them.

        First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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        In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

        Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

        2. Speak up for yourself.

        Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

        3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

        This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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        But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

        4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

        Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

        This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

        Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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        5. Change the subject.

        When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

        Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

        6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

        Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

        I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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        You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

        Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

        7. Leave them behind.

        Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

        If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

        That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

        You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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