Advertising
Advertising

Here’s How You Can Get Your Ideal Boy/Girl

Here’s How You Can Get Your Ideal Boy/Girl

Are you thinking about “settling” with your current partner only because your dream boy/girl is too far to be reached? Oliver Emberton got you an answer on Quora why you shouldn’t do so and how you can get your dream boy/girl.

Imagine how you’d feel if your dream girl said she might ‘settle’ for you.

She had someone better in mind, but he was out of reach, so with reluctance she decided you’d have to do. Belittled? Inadequate? Pathetic? Don’t do that to someone else.

Advertising

    Ok so you want this ideal girl?

    Chances are she probably isn’t the one you think she is – but that doesn’t mean the journey is pointless. It could be the wakeup call you need.

    One of the wonderful and horrendously unfair things about being a man is you have huge opportunity to increase your own attractiveness. Whilst women tend to be judged more by their looks, men tend to be judged more by who and what they are. That’s good news for you, especially with your current attitude – the scope for improvement is likely massive.

    Advertising

      Firstly, forget about chasing women.

      They don’t find desperation attractive, and you need your concentration elsewhere. Notice the most attractive guys rarely if ever chase. Notice the least attractive are whiny, clingy and fawning. Don’t be one of them.

      Advertising

        Now you need to craft a personal mission to improve yourself. This will be deeply personal to you, but generally you’ll want to make the most of your health, wealth, appearance, social awareness and develop a broad range of interests and skills. This is not a 20-minute exercise, and if you need one of those, you probably should go back to feeling miserable.

        Some examples:
        • Volunteer – give blood, teach, build a shelter
        • Take a dance class
        • Skydive
        • Learn to cook
        • Travel somewhere life-altering (think Africa, not Disneyland)
        • Take up a sport, and get good at it
        • Join a book club
        • Learn about body language and human psychology
        • Seek out the best media – music, film, books – and develop a deep understanding of them
        • Learn a magic trick
        • Start a company
        • Try public speaking
        • Learn to dress well
        • Raise money for a good cause
        • Start a creative project – like a short film, a single, or a short story
        • Learn a musical instrument
        • Make a craptonne of money
        • Run a marathon

        Do something to inspire others. Do something to inspire yourself.

        You’ll quite literally be a better person, and way more attractive. Your life should be a testament to greatness, not a self-piteous whine.

        Advertising

        Chances are your ideal girl really isn’t. It sounds like you’re so attached to her as an ideal you can’t see her as a person anymore, and clinging on to that thought is only making you depressed. You need to direct those energies elsewhere.

        You and you alone hold the power to turn it around and make something more of yourself. Your life is your story to write – and the hero always gets the girl.

        More by this author

        Anna Chui

        Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the Content Strategist of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

        How to Live Life to the Fullest and Enjoy Each Day How Self-Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It) 30 Books Everyone Should Read At Least Once In Their Lives Why Hard Work is Better Than Talent It’s Okay To Be Envious As Long As You’re Not Jealous

        Trending in Communication

        1 Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses 2 11 Red Flags in a Relationship Not To Ignore 3 Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating 4 7 Simple Ways To Be Famous In One Year 5 How To Feel Happier (10 Scienece-Backed Ways)

        Read Next

        Advertising
        Advertising
        Advertising

        Last Updated on March 5, 2021

        Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

        Science Says People Who Talk To Themselves Are Geniuses

        I talk a lot to myself. It helps me to keep my concentration on the activity on hand, makes me focus more on my studies, and gives me some pretty brilliant ideas while chattering to myself; more importantly, I produce better works. For example, right now, as I am typing, I am constantly mumbling to myself. Do you talk to yourself? Don’t get embarrassed admitting it because science has discovered that those who talk to themselves are actually geniuses… and not crazy!

        Research Background

        Psychologist-researcher Gary Lupyan conducted an experiment where 20 volunteers were shown objects, in a supermarket, and were asked to remember them. Half of them were told to repeat the objects, for example, banana, and the other half remained silent. In the end, the result shown that self-directed speech aided people to find the objects faster, by 50 to 100 milliseconds, compared to the silent ones.

        Advertising

        “I’ll often mutter to myself when searching for something in the refrigerator or the supermarket shelves,” said Gary Lupyan.

        This personal experience actually made him conduct this experiment. Lupyan, together with another psychologist, Daniel Swigley, came up with the outcomes that those to talk to oneself are geniuses. Here are the reasons:

        Advertising

        It stimulates your memory

        When you are talking to yourself, your sensory mechanism gets activated. It gets easier on your memory since you can visualize the word, and you can act accordingly.[1]

        It helps stay focused

        When you are saying it loud, you stay focused on your task,[2] and it helps you recognise that stuff immediately. Of course, this only helps if you know what the object you are searching looks like. For example, a banana is yellow in colour, and you know how a banana looks like. So when you are saying it loud, your brain immediately pictures the image on your mind. But if you don’t know what banana looks like, then there is no effect of saying it loud.

        Advertising

        It helps you clarify your thoughts

        Every one of us tends to have various types of thoughts. Most make sense, while the others don’t. Suppose you are furious at someone and you feel like killing that person. Now for this issue you won’t run to a therapist, will you? No, what you do is lock yourself in a room and mutter to yourself. You are letting go off the anger by talking to yourself, the pros and cons of killing that person, and eventually you calm down. This is a silly thought that you have and are unable to share it with any other person. Psychologist Linda Sapadin said,[3]

        “It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what’s important and firm up any decisions you are contemplating.”

        Featured photo credit: Girl Using Laptop In Hotel Room/Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

        Reference

        Read Next