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Here’s How You Can Get Your Ideal Boy/Girl

Here’s How You Can Get Your Ideal Boy/Girl

Are you thinking about “settling” with your current partner only because your dream boy/girl is too far to be reached? Oliver Emberton got you an answer on Quora why you shouldn’t do so and how you can get your dream boy/girl.

Imagine how you’d feel if your dream girl said she might ‘settle’ for you.

She had someone better in mind, but he was out of reach, so with reluctance she decided you’d have to do. Belittled? Inadequate? Pathetic? Don’t do that to someone else.

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    Ok so you want this ideal girl?

    Chances are she probably isn’t the one you think she is – but that doesn’t mean the journey is pointless. It could be the wakeup call you need.

    One of the wonderful and horrendously unfair things about being a man is you have huge opportunity to increase your own attractiveness. Whilst women tend to be judged more by their looks, men tend to be judged more by who and what they are. That’s good news for you, especially with your current attitude – the scope for improvement is likely massive.

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      Firstly, forget about chasing women.

      They don’t find desperation attractive, and you need your concentration elsewhere. Notice the most attractive guys rarely if ever chase. Notice the least attractive are whiny, clingy and fawning. Don’t be one of them.

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        Now you need to craft a personal mission to improve yourself. This will be deeply personal to you, but generally you’ll want to make the most of your health, wealth, appearance, social awareness and develop a broad range of interests and skills. This is not a 20-minute exercise, and if you need one of those, you probably should go back to feeling miserable.

        Some examples:
        • Volunteer – give blood, teach, build a shelter
        • Take a dance class
        • Skydive
        • Learn to cook
        • Travel somewhere life-altering (think Africa, not Disneyland)
        • Take up a sport, and get good at it
        • Join a book club
        • Learn about body language and human psychology
        • Seek out the best media – music, film, books – and develop a deep understanding of them
        • Learn a magic trick
        • Start a company
        • Try public speaking
        • Learn to dress well
        • Raise money for a good cause
        • Start a creative project – like a short film, a single, or a short story
        • Learn a musical instrument
        • Make a craptonne of money
        • Run a marathon

        Do something to inspire others. Do something to inspire yourself.

        You’ll quite literally be a better person, and way more attractive. Your life should be a testament to greatness, not a self-piteous whine.

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        Chances are your ideal girl really isn’t. It sounds like you’re so attached to her as an ideal you can’t see her as a person anymore, and clinging on to that thought is only making you depressed. You need to direct those energies elsewhere.

        You and you alone hold the power to turn it around and make something more of yourself. Your life is your story to write – and the hero always gets the girl.

        More by this author

        Anna Chui

        Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

        27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down Are We Spending Too Little Time on Too Many People? How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck and How to Overcome It 7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck 53 Relationship Questions That Will Make Your Love Life Better

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        Last Updated on November 5, 2018

        8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

        8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

        We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

        Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

        Read on to learn the secret.

        1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

        To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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        Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

        Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

        2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

        You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

        However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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        3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

        It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

        To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

        4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

        Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

        This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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        5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

        In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

        Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

        However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

        6. There might just be a misunderstanding

        Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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        Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

        7. You learn to appreciate love as well

        A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

        However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

        8. Do you really need the hate?

        The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

        Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

        Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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