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10 Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person

10 Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person

Do you have any exes who were so awful you can’t help wondering, “What the hell was I thinking?” Join the club. If you’d like to make sure you’re with Mr. or Ms. Right, watch out for these 10 signs you’re dating the wrong person.

1. You feel like you have to wear a mask.

If you’re putting on a song-and-dance in an elaborate attempt to impress your partner, you might be dating the wrong person.

Your partner should love you as you are. Does it feel like they are trying to mold you into an entirely different person? If so, it might be time to let them go.

2. They think the world revolves around them.

If it seems like your partner is more interested in how you fit in their world than they are with your individual needs, you might be dating the wrong person.

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Even though you just went to his parents’ house for Thanksgiving last year, he gets upset when you suggest visiting your parents this year. Despite the fact that she knows you haven’t had a night out with the guys in over a month because work’s been so busy, she pitches a fit because you’re not spending time with her. If your partner’s words and actions scream, “ME-ME-ME,” you should find someone who appreciates your needs (and not only theirs).

3. Your friends and family haven’t met them.

If you haven’t introduced your partner to your friends or family despite spending a decent amount of time together, you might be dating the wrong person.

Let’s just face it, shall we? There are only a few reasons why you wouldn’t introduce your partner to your friends or family, and none of them are pretty. If you’re so embarrassed by this person that you don’t want to invite them into your social circles, do everyone a favor and pull the plug.

4. They don’t really listen to you.

If your partner is always waiting for their turn to speak, you might be dating the wrong person.

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They always go off on tangents about their day at work, but never seem interested in yours. They always suggest where they’d like to go, but never seem to care what you think. If your partner does a whole lot of speaking (but never listens), you might want to find someone not so self-centered to share your life with.

5. Hanging out with them drains you.

If spending time with your partner exhausts you, you might be dating the wrong person.

Even the best of relationships include the occasional fight, but this should be the exception, not the norm. You should feel happy and alive with your partner, not sad and stuck.

6. You avoid difficult conversations.

If every difficult chat gets swept under the rug, you might be dating the wrong person.

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Should you bring up things like politics, religion, favorite sexual positions, or your desire to have five children on the first date? Probably not. But as the weeks and months and years go on, it becomes more and more important to have those tough (but necessary) conversations. If you want to have children but your partner doesn’t, you might have a problem. If your religion is a top priority but your partner is anything but a devout follower, you need to have a chat. If there’s something the matter, say so (because no, your partner isn’t a psychic).

7. Your relationship is their one and only interest.

If your partner has no hobbies or interests outside of your relationship, you might be dating the wrong person.

Who would want to date a person who isn’t passionate about anything? Tread carefully if your partner has zero life goals, because relationships with a person lacking ambition are anything but fulfilling. And that brings us to…

8. They expect 24/7 companionship.

If your partner is so clingy you want to scream, you might be dating the wrong person.

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It is unhealthy and unwise to expect a person to be your singular source of happiness. Alone time isn’t merely just something that would be nice to have, but rather a necessity for your mental health.

9. You never feel like you’re “good enough.”

If your partner never has anything nice to say, you might be dating the wrong person.

No matter how hard you try, you feel like you can’t do anything right. No matter how much you do, you feel like you always have to prove yourself. No matter how much you love them, you feel like they don’t return the feeling.

10. You can’t imagine a future together without laughing or crying.

If the thought of a life-long commitment makes you want to curl up in a ball and weep, you might be dating the wrong person.

I know the thought of being alone might not appeal to you, but staying in a relationship that is destined for failure is as silly as it gets. If you have no future with this person, end the relationship and find someone you can be happy with.

More by this author

Daniel Wallen

Daniel is a writer who focuses on blogging about happiness and motivation at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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