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How to Support Friends’ Projects

How to Support Friends’ Projects

We’ve all been on one side or the other of this equation: we’ve done something new, something creative, and we’re really proud of it. We ask our friends to get involved, and tell us what they think, and the friend says, “Wow! That’s really great. I like it. I like it.”

You, as the creative type, are crushed. Nothing sounds more like “This is horrible, and I’m not really getting it, nor do I think I have even one good thing to say about it” the way “I like it. I like it” does.

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On the other side, maybe you’re the appreciator, and you’re thinking, “I know absolutely nothing about Klesmer music, so how do I know if it’s good or bad?” So what do you tell your friend? Here are some thoughts:

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  • Feedback helps improve things– It’s pretty rare that someone’s project will be 100% perfect. Giving someone a compliment or two, followed by some food for thought on improving the effort is a great way to help the creator understand another person’s perspective, and perhaps better develop their effort for next time.
  • This is not the “feedback sandwich”– Which is: “I like you, this sucks, but I like you.” Instead, be sure you give all your good notes, and if you offer criticism, make sure you say it in a way that’s actionable. “I liked the pieces. I could’ve used a little more balance between the different audio segments. I had to really crank it for the fourth one, and then turn it down fast for the last.”
  • Give actionable advice– Saying “this could really use some improvement,” is about as good as saying, “I like whales, because I do.” Instead, tell the creator of the project, “Your software really is slick. I’m a keyboard gal, myself. Do you have keyboard shortcuts? Is that coming in a future release?”
  • Sometimes, it’s a matter of tastes– Be on the lookout for when something is strictly a matter of taste. You might not like leopard print upholstry, but if your old college buddy says he feels like the old Dokken days, don’t stomp on him. Just say, “Whoa. That’s certainly your style, Joe.” If they’re clever, they know.
  • It’s about them, not you– Leave your biography out of it. If you don’t like something because of when you were twelve and the babysitter locked you in the closet and blared Enya for hours, just acknowledge all the positives you can muster, and simply state that it’s not your style directly, but you could see where people might connect with it.
  • Imagine the crowd at large, and not just yourself– If you’re truly fishing for ways to empower the creative type, think of 100 people getting a chance to experience this product or service or experience. Tell your creative friend, “Wow, sailors who like Anne Murray and who snowboard are really going to love your new boot warmers.” It’s a good compliment, but says nothing about you directly.
  • Be as honest as you can– again, and finally, don’t be an ass. Try to couch things in a way that you affirm your friendship (or relationship) with the person, but do everything you can to be helpful. Sometimes, creative types are throwing a hundred prototypes out there to see what makes sense, what sticks. If you’re just nodding like a bobble head at all of them, what’s that going to do for your creative friend? Be true.

Ultimately, the goal of most creative class types is to do something that they can be proud of, and that others will find useful. Your participation in the process is valuable, and more so than your blanket phrases and kindness. Be true, be courteous, and be receptive to the needs and hopes of your creative friends.

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Oh, and if you’re the creative, realize that other people won’t always get where you’re going, because they can’t see all the details that you’ve still got stuck in your very active head. That’s okay, too.

–Chris Brogan just helped a friend launch a creative new podcast called The Great Big Small Business Show. He would love for you to try this lesson in person, after you sample the friend’s project. Other times, Chris writes at [chrisbrogan.com]

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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