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How To Quietly Build A Social Life

How To Quietly Build A Social Life

As an introvert, you love to spend time by yourself, or with a few old friends, but also feel a deep need for meeting new people. You also don’t want to pretend to be a big schmoozing extrovert.

Lucky for you, there is a middle ground. You don’t have to change your nature to have the friends you want.

The Key Is Efficiency

Because many of you are introverts, I will only share techniques that produce great results with little effort.

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So, how do you become  efficient in your socializing efforts? You focus on habits and automation, instead of motivation and effort. Here are two life hacks to get you started.

1. Go Out And Meet New People Once A Month

It seems simple when you read it, but getting out to meet new people as rarely as once a month can make a big difference. The fact is that you always need to be meeting new people. Not everyone will be a good fit for you, and not everyone will stick around forever, especially if you’re in your 20s or 30s.

The key here is to get out and meet new people once a month, every month. Make it a habit and stick to it. After all, once a month is very low-stress. At the same time, never confuse “meeting new people” with “meeting people”. It’s very important to go out and meet people you never knew before.

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What I recommend is to commit to helping some sort of community group that has the kind of people you want as friends. When you find a good  group, go to the organizing team and offer to help.

The easiest way to do this is to approach a social group or community and join them as a volunteer.  Commit to helping with every monthly event.

This little change will instantly make you genuine connections with people from that community, and you don’t even have to sweat it. People tend to come to meet you when you are part of the group hosting an event.

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And because there is a commitment there, even small, you’ll never need motivation to do it; you’ll just go. This is actually the easiest way to build a genuine circle of friends.

2. Think Of Your Friends…Once A Week

Again, if you have to remember to take care of your social life, you probably won’t do it. This is why I suggest that you focus on building the habits, once and for all, so that you don’t have to think about what to do or when to do it.

With lots of trial and error, I’ve found out that for an introvert, it’s ideal to do all your socializing once a week, at a specific time, and then move on. If you have to force it, if it’s a drag on your schedule, you probably will let go of it.

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Here are some specific steps you can take…

  1. Go to your online calendar app…
  2. Create a “recurring event”…
  3. Name it “let’s do some socializing”…
  4. Save it for Tuesday at 8pm…
  5. Move on!

Once you’ve done that, you can enjoy the rest of the week, without worrying about “Am I alienating people by not reaching out?” or “I really need to be more social.”

This works because on that specific time of the week, you can call, text, email, and make plans with the people you know, and the new people you meet at those events. All you have to do is spend an hour per week and reach out.

The magic of the calendar reminds you to do your weekly socializing, and you can enjoy your work and your “me time” for the rest of the week.

Are you ready to give it a try? Let us know in the comments below…

More by this author

Paul Sanders

A communication expert who tries to help people improve their social skills and make friends anywhere.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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