Maybe you just got dumped, or perhaps you had the unfortunate task of breaking up with someone. Whether it was long or short term, the end of a relationship can be heart breaking. Someone who was once so close to you is now gone, and that can almost feel like a death sometimes. And in a way it is—it’s the death of love. It may feel like you’ll never get over it, but I can assure you that you will in time. One thing you can do is try and make it easier on yourself by applying some of the following tips to your post-breakup life. I’m not saying that they’ll make you feel spectacular in ten minutes’ time, but they’ll certainly make it easier to move on.
1. Allow Yourself a Break
You’ve just been through something traumatic, and proper attention must be paid. It’s okay to give yourself a little break from life for a while. Before you start running for the kitchen knives, I mean that you need a holiday away from normality. Give yourself permission to focus on yourself and neglect some things that can handle it. Just make sure it isn’t your hygiene. Take a few days off work if you can. Indulge in some of your ‘sometimes’ foods. Do what you need to do on your vacation from the real world. Just don’t break any laws or engage in stalking.
2. Think, But Don’t Obsess
We all need time to wallow after a breakup, but you should only allow it up until a point. What you don’t want to do is become Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. Eventually you need to think about the breakup and the relationship reasonably. There are reasons why it didn’t work, and whether they were good ones or not you need to accept them. Think rationally about them and know that things wouldn’t be better if you were still together if you weren’t both happy.
3. Give Yourself Space
Even if you guys decided to remain friends, you simply have to give yourself time away from each other. If you don’t, someone is bound to get hurt further and you’ll have to deal with two emotional melting pots. Believe me, one is more than enough. Give yourself a chance to get over the person. Or, if you were the dumper, give your ex the chance to get over you. You don’t want somebody to take something the wrong way. In addition to making the healing process easier, it will also give you a better shot at being friends later down the road.
As a guideline, standing outside the person’s bedroom with a boom box would not be giving yourself space.
4. Let Yourself Feel
Bottling your emotions up simply isn’t healthy. I know it isn’t fun, but you need to have your mourning period. Let yourself cry and yell. Assume the fetal position on the couch whilst watching your RomCom of choice. That goes for you too, gentlemen. I’ve seen you do it with my own eyes. Doing these things are good methods of catharsis.
5. Feel in an Appropriate Way
Again, wallowing is a necessary step in the healing process but you must not let it get out of hand. You need to let both your ex and yourself move on. This can be particularly difficult if the other person finds somebody else, but you simply need to accept it. Don’t let negative emotions rule your life forever, because the only person you’re actually hurting is yourself…unless you plan on boiling some bunnies, but I strongly advise against that.
If nothing else, do you really want to be branded as the crazy ex? Even if the other person was or is a complete douchebag, you shouldn’t give them the satisfaction or power of letting them rule your life well after the relationship is over.
6. Don’t Go Through It Alone
Surrounding yourself with supportive, loving people is one of the best things you can do during a breakup. They will restore your self-esteem and remind you how to have fun. Also, it’s always better to have someone else to yell “bastard” with.
I don’t mean your face, but that’s always a positive thing too.
Take the time to get organized and get rid of any unwanted stuff lying around your home. This means absolutely anything of your ex’s that you’ve been holding on to for the sake of memory. You can do the mature thing and ask if you would like them back, or you could build a ritualistic fire and burn them. Your choice.
In addition to keeping you busy, getting rid of old junk, particularly ones with bad memories attached, will also make you feel clean and refreshed on the inside too. It’s a much cheaper option to colonic irrigation.
8. Eat Well
Although ice cream is imperative for proper breakup wallowing, at some point you need to put it back in the freezer and start eating healthy. Although it may sound like it, this has nothing to do with ‘looking hotter’ for the opposite sex. Screw them. This is all about you. Adopting healthy eating habits has been scientifically proven to help boost your mood. Although it may seem like chocolate will always make you feel better, some lovely fruit, vegetables and smoothies will do a much better job. You’ll also feel less drained and be far less likely to spiral into a depression.
It’s all about endorphins, baby.
It seems like all of your happy feelings go screaming for the hills after a breakup, and it’s about time you go and chase after them. The endorphins released during and after a workout will make you feel elated, energized and even happy again. If you’re not much of an exerciser, you can always start small. Take the stairs instead of an elevator or maybe go for a walk. Try doing at least 30 minutes of exercise a day to get rid of the blues. I would personally recommend boxing so you can imagine that the bag is your ex’s head.
10. Be Thankful
I know that you’re feeling hurt, perhaps even crushed, and that being thankful for anything may seem impossible. Despite how you might feel, there are things in your life to be grateful for, and now is the best time to dwell on them. As an exercise, write down all of the things in your life that you’re thankful for. If there are people on the list—tell them. Doing so may just pull you out of your gloom.