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How To Appreciate the Negative People In Our Lives

How To Appreciate the Negative People In Our Lives

We all have negative people in our lives. While we may or may not be able to do anything about their presence, we CAN work with our minds around them, and we might even learn to appreciate what they have to teach us.

Here are some things to remember when dealing with our rascals.

1. Remember that it’s not your job to like everyone.

First of all, give yourself a break. There are more than seven billion people on the planet, and it’s simply not possible for us to love every other person in the world. It’s okay not to like someone.

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2. Remember that someone DOES love that rascal, even if it’s not you.

Believe it or not, there really IS at least one other person, of the same seven billion on the planet, who likes this awful person. (Really? Ick! I want my money back!)

3. Remember that they show us our shortcomings.

Ugh, you mean we’re like THEM in some way? No way! Yeah, it makes me want to squirm, too, but we’re all moving through the same soup of subatomic mirrors. This means that if negative people show up in our lives, we are offering something unpleasant to all those little mirrors. The good news is, we can use this opportunity to figure out what we’re offering—and then stop!

4. Remember to look for the root of the problem.

Think about why the universal mirrors might have brought this rascal into your life, and why the mirrors might have brought you into theirs. If this person is judgmental, do you detest being judged? If they are manipulative, do you hate being manipulated? If they are showoffs, could you have a bit of a jealous streak?

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5. Remember that they inspire us not to be like them.

There’s nothing like negative people to motivate us into being better, is there?

6. Remember that these negative people probably want to get away from you as much as you want to get away from them.

But remember the mirror thing? You’re actually keeping them in your experience by paying attention to them. So stop holding the poor things prisoner with your complaining and hatred. Set them free!

7. Remember to create boundaries.

Setting “boundaries,” as we usually think of them, doesn’t really work all that well. When you tell your children, “don’t do that,” don’t you just KNOW they’re waiting until your back is turned?

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Instead, think of “boundaries” as setting boundaries on what you pay attention to. Your attention is the same as your respect, and you can “set a boundary” around that person by deciding that they don’t deserve your respect, and therefore your attention. It’s sort of like encasing them in Teflon. You can think about them, but you can also choose whether or not your thoughts actually stick to them.

8. Remember to focus on common ground.

If you see or have to work with an irritating person on a regular basis, try using a project you’re working on or something you have in common, such as sports, as a way to deflect your attention away from the stuff that gets under your skin. “So, what about those Broncos?”

9. Remember to focus on stuff we like.

Think about something that you like about this rascal. Yes, it really is possible to find SOMETHING to like—try harder. What about that scarf they’re wearing? Or the car that they drive? How about their kids—even though their kids are probably some of those crazy people who actually LIKE them. But are their kids nice?

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10. Remember to reach for compassion.

Negative people weren’t always the way they are now. Try imagining them as a baby, just as innocent and helpless as we all were when we first came into this world. What happened to them? Could it be possible that something similar happened to you?

Conclusion:

The thing about the negative people in our lives is that, like any other bad experience that is hard to ignore, they force us to grow by making it uncomfortable to stay where we are. We can then either keep ourselves in our discomfort by complaining about the situation and hoping that someone comes to our rescue, or we can allow ourselves to move into the new comfort zone by letting go.

This is the rascal’s true gift to us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtE7N5qq5w8

Featured photo credit: Hate & Anger/Timothy Vogel via flickr.com

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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