Advertising
Advertising

How To Appreciate the Negative People In Our Lives

How To Appreciate the Negative People In Our Lives

We all have negative people in our lives. While we may or may not be able to do anything about their presence, we CAN work with our minds around them, and we might even learn to appreciate what they have to teach us.

Here are some things to remember when dealing with our rascals.

1. Remember that it’s not your job to like everyone.

First of all, give yourself a break. There are more than seven billion people on the planet, and it’s simply not possible for us to love every other person in the world. It’s okay not to like someone.

Advertising

2. Remember that someone DOES love that rascal, even if it’s not you.

Believe it or not, there really IS at least one other person, of the same seven billion on the planet, who likes this awful person. (Really? Ick! I want my money back!)

3. Remember that they show us our shortcomings.

Ugh, you mean we’re like THEM in some way? No way! Yeah, it makes me want to squirm, too, but we’re all moving through the same soup of subatomic mirrors. This means that if negative people show up in our lives, we are offering something unpleasant to all those little mirrors. The good news is, we can use this opportunity to figure out what we’re offering—and then stop!

4. Remember to look for the root of the problem.

Think about why the universal mirrors might have brought this rascal into your life, and why the mirrors might have brought you into theirs. If this person is judgmental, do you detest being judged? If they are manipulative, do you hate being manipulated? If they are showoffs, could you have a bit of a jealous streak?

Advertising

5. Remember that they inspire us not to be like them.

There’s nothing like negative people to motivate us into being better, is there?

6. Remember that these negative people probably want to get away from you as much as you want to get away from them.

But remember the mirror thing? You’re actually keeping them in your experience by paying attention to them. So stop holding the poor things prisoner with your complaining and hatred. Set them free!

7. Remember to create boundaries.

Setting “boundaries,” as we usually think of them, doesn’t really work all that well. When you tell your children, “don’t do that,” don’t you just KNOW they’re waiting until your back is turned?

Advertising

Instead, think of “boundaries” as setting boundaries on what you pay attention to. Your attention is the same as your respect, and you can “set a boundary” around that person by deciding that they don’t deserve your respect, and therefore your attention. It’s sort of like encasing them in Teflon. You can think about them, but you can also choose whether or not your thoughts actually stick to them.

8. Remember to focus on common ground.

If you see or have to work with an irritating person on a regular basis, try using a project you’re working on or something you have in common, such as sports, as a way to deflect your attention away from the stuff that gets under your skin. “So, what about those Broncos?”

9. Remember to focus on stuff we like.

Think about something that you like about this rascal. Yes, it really is possible to find SOMETHING to like—try harder. What about that scarf they’re wearing? Or the car that they drive? How about their kids—even though their kids are probably some of those crazy people who actually LIKE them. But are their kids nice?

Advertising

10. Remember to reach for compassion.

Negative people weren’t always the way they are now. Try imagining them as a baby, just as innocent and helpless as we all were when we first came into this world. What happened to them? Could it be possible that something similar happened to you?

Conclusion:

The thing about the negative people in our lives is that, like any other bad experience that is hard to ignore, they force us to grow by making it uncomfortable to stay where we are. We can then either keep ourselves in our discomfort by complaining about the situation and hoping that someone comes to our rescue, or we can allow ourselves to move into the new comfort zone by letting go.

This is the rascal’s true gift to us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtE7N5qq5w8

Featured photo credit: Hate & Anger/Timothy Vogel via flickr.com

More by this author

When You Start to Pursue Your Dreams, These 13 Things Will Happen 10 Brilliant Features Of Google Now You’ll Regret Missing Henry David Thoreau Quote 11 Free Life-Changing Books and Essays in the Public Domain 17 Benefits of Having an Animal as Your Best Friend 7 Success Tips Musicians Can Teach Us

Trending in Communication

1 What Is Your Destiny in Life? How to Mindfully Achieve Your Purpose 2 7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck 3 10 Things You Can Do Now to Change Your Life Forever 4 Meditation Can Change Your Life: The Power of Mindfulness 5 Understand Your Love Style & Learn to Love: Co Dependent Relationship

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

Advertising

When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

Advertising

I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

Advertising

No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

Advertising

If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

Read Next