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A Bone-chilling Yet Meaningful Ad Everyone Should Watch

A Bone-chilling Yet Meaningful Ad Everyone Should Watch

Domestic violence is an epidemic. You may not hear the kind of hype about it as you did with the ebola virus or the false alarm of snowmagddeon weather predictions. Nor will you read headlines of it the way you do about ISIS. But the impact it carries in our culture is far deeper, and much more direct than either of these other real or imagined threats. Domestic violence is a form of terrorism created in the home by those who the victim often relies upon for their very survival. Yet there is no Department of Homeland Security to protect most victims of it, no debates in the halls of Congress designing a campaign of action to combat it, even though the numbers of people, mostly women, who have died from domestic abuse related incidents since 2001 are far greater than the deaths that happened during the terrorist attacks of September 11th, plus the US casualties from wars in Iraq and Afghanistan combined. As you can see in this bone chilling yet meaningful ad everyone should watch titled No More, the nuances of this threat, as well as any chance of protection from police, are intricately woven in a psychological tapestry that often traps the person when they need help the most.


How do we change this?
As the great psychologist Carl Jung once said: “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” It is through a growing awareness and ongoing social commitment to keep shining the light on this issue that will eventually bring about lasting positive change. The video No More is just one example of how focusing our awareness as a society on the disturbing blight of domestic violence can eventually heal this wound both for individuals and society at large . It is through education, awareness and empowerment that we can evolve our society to reduce and minimize the epidemic of domestic violence.

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Educating yourself and others is the first step.
If you still are unsure that this issue actually is an epidemic, begin the educational process by examining the facts as laid out in this article on the Huffington Post. Know as well that there are a number of positive programs aimed at educating how to prevent domestic violence before that deadly cycle ever begins. Tony Porter’s organization A Call To Men educates and empowers men, who may not necessarily see themselves as part of the problem of domestic violence, to get involved. Many urban areas also have outreach and educational programs aimed at ending domestic violence through education and early intervention. REACH Beyond Domestic Violence is a program in the greater Boston area that has trained over 5,000 youth and 5,000 adults on issues related to domestic violence and dating violence. Most urban areas have domestic violence resources that can be found with a simple Google search. And if you need, or know someone who needs help, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.

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Increased awareness
about the psychological dynamics of domestic abuse also helps to combat this epidemic. In many domestic violent situations the fear of getting help paralyzes those who are being beaten and violently abused from getting the care and protection they need. Also, it is important to recognize that the deeper issue is about power and control. Being subject to ongoing abuse and violence destroys a person’s self esteem, making it even harder for them to get free from this potentially deadly cycle. Domestic violence is not limited by race, gender, or sexual preference. It effects all aspects of society. If you think you, or someone you know, is in an abusive situation that involves, or might lead to, domestic violence, read this link at Helpguide.org about signs of abuse and abusive relationships.

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Empowerment is the key. Some recent studies suggest that one avenue of recovery for survivors of domestic violence is being financially literate. Having the tools to support oneself empowers an individual to be able to leave relationships that are otherwise unhealthy and potentially dangerous. Here is more interesting information about this on President Obama’s WhiteHouse.gov website.

It may take many years for society to totally unravel the ingrained root causes of domestic violence, but there is hope. Many societal norms which caused citizens to be silent or look the other way in the past are now being challenged. Airing the video No More, during the 2015 Superbowl, bravely sends a wave of education, awareness and empowerment deeper into the American psyche about the need to bring an end to this dangerous and deadly epidemic.

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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