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A Bone-chilling Yet Meaningful Ad Everyone Should Watch

A Bone-chilling Yet Meaningful Ad Everyone Should Watch

Domestic violence is an epidemic. You may not hear the kind of hype about it as you did with the ebola virus or the false alarm of snowmagddeon weather predictions. Nor will you read headlines of it the way you do about ISIS. But the impact it carries in our culture is far deeper, and much more direct than either of these other real or imagined threats. Domestic violence is a form of terrorism created in the home by those who the victim often relies upon for their very survival. Yet there is no Department of Homeland Security to protect most victims of it, no debates in the halls of Congress designing a campaign of action to combat it, even though the numbers of people, mostly women, who have died from domestic abuse related incidents since 2001 are far greater than the deaths that happened during the terrorist attacks of September 11th, plus the US casualties from wars in Iraq and Afghanistan combined. As you can see in this bone chilling yet meaningful ad everyone should watch titled No More, the nuances of this threat, as well as any chance of protection from police, are intricately woven in a psychological tapestry that often traps the person when they need help the most.


How do we change this?
As the great psychologist Carl Jung once said: “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” It is through a growing awareness and ongoing social commitment to keep shining the light on this issue that will eventually bring about lasting positive change. The video No More is just one example of how focusing our awareness as a society on the disturbing blight of domestic violence can eventually heal this wound both for individuals and society at large . It is through education, awareness and empowerment that we can evolve our society to reduce and minimize the epidemic of domestic violence.

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Educating yourself and others is the first step.
If you still are unsure that this issue actually is an epidemic, begin the educational process by examining the facts as laid out in this article on the Huffington Post. Know as well that there are a number of positive programs aimed at educating how to prevent domestic violence before that deadly cycle ever begins. Tony Porter’s organization A Call To Men educates and empowers men, who may not necessarily see themselves as part of the problem of domestic violence, to get involved. Many urban areas also have outreach and educational programs aimed at ending domestic violence through education and early intervention. REACH Beyond Domestic Violence is a program in the greater Boston area that has trained over 5,000 youth and 5,000 adults on issues related to domestic violence and dating violence. Most urban areas have domestic violence resources that can be found with a simple Google search. And if you need, or know someone who needs help, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.

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Increased awareness
about the psychological dynamics of domestic abuse also helps to combat this epidemic. In many domestic violent situations the fear of getting help paralyzes those who are being beaten and violently abused from getting the care and protection they need. Also, it is important to recognize that the deeper issue is about power and control. Being subject to ongoing abuse and violence destroys a person’s self esteem, making it even harder for them to get free from this potentially deadly cycle. Domestic violence is not limited by race, gender, or sexual preference. It effects all aspects of society. If you think you, or someone you know, is in an abusive situation that involves, or might lead to, domestic violence, read this link at Helpguide.org about signs of abuse and abusive relationships.

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Empowerment is the key. Some recent studies suggest that one avenue of recovery for survivors of domestic violence is being financially literate. Having the tools to support oneself empowers an individual to be able to leave relationships that are otherwise unhealthy and potentially dangerous. Here is more interesting information about this on President Obama’s WhiteHouse.gov website.

It may take many years for society to totally unravel the ingrained root causes of domestic violence, but there is hope. Many societal norms which caused citizens to be silent or look the other way in the past are now being challenged. Airing the video No More, during the 2015 Superbowl, bravely sends a wave of education, awareness and empowerment deeper into the American psyche about the need to bring an end to this dangerous and deadly epidemic.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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