Advertising
Advertising

15 Things Everyone Should Reflect On After Another Year Has Passed

15 Things Everyone Should Reflect On After Another Year Has Passed

Growing up takes time. I remember at 15 talking to my aunt on the 15th anniversary of her 21st birthday about the stigma of aging. Later that evening, I asked my grandfather about the hula girl tattoo on his arm.

“That’s your grandma,” he proudly answered before stretching out the skin on his forearm and quipping, “and this is what she used to look like.”

Don’t struggle through another year—shake off those birthday blues with these useful lifehack questions to unlock your mind.

1. Where was I this time last year?

Forecasting is both the most and least important part of planning. To get an accurate picture of where you are, you need to check where you were last year at the same time. Are you still on the right path? If not, what threw you off course, and what can you do to get back up and moving in the right direction?

Advertising

2. Am I who I want to be?

When you were six years old, you had dreams of who you wanted to be. Are you that person? You may not be in the exact career, but are you the type of person you wished for? The happiest people live to please their inner child—that person you used to be before everyone taught you about “real” life.

3. Have I lost/gained weight since last year?

What does your body look like compared to last year? If you wanted to lose or gain weight, did you? Did you bulk up like you wanted, or are you the same or worse? There’s no better time than now to strengthen your resolve to get into shape.

4. Did I accomplish my goals for this year?

It’s not just for the new year; everyone makes goals and resolutions throughout the year. Did you accomplish your goals for last year? What did you wish for when you blew out your candle? What did you do to make it happen?

5. Why do I have to age?

Much like pooping, everyone ages. I have no more of an answer than anyone else. Just enjoy the life you have and try to find your smile. It’s the only way to truly live.

Advertising

6. Do I need to change any routines?

At certain ages, you become susceptible to different ailments, depending on your lifestyle, gender, social position, etc. If you need to quit smoking or get serious about a project, now’s the time.

7. What do I have to be grateful for?

You have a roof over your head, shoes on your feet, and clothes on your back (and hopefully everywhere else, because otherwise you’re a naked superhero and likely in the back of a squad car). If you’re breathing and awake, you have something to be grateful for. Show your gratitude to the world.

8. What good can I do next year?

Now that you have a firm grasp on who you’ve been, it’s time to decide who you’re going to be. You may want to be an entrepreneur or an adventurer or just get promoted to management at your current job. Whether you want to have a child or be one, make plans, because time doesn’t stop for anyone.

9. Who have I let in my life?

Look around at your friends and family—you’re stuck with some of these people, but others can be exchanged (or, at the very least, you can spend less time with them). Only allow people into your life who bring positive energy and influence. Politely phase the rest out at your leisure.

Advertising

10. What do I need?

Start prioritizing your life. We all have so many goals that it’s impossible to keep up with them all. Taking stock of what you have and what you feel you need keeps you financially and mentally organized. You need a ball to keep your eye on it.

11. How do I feel?

How do you honestly feel about yourself? You can lie to whoever you choose, but be honest with yourself. If you’re unhappy with a situation, make the necessary changes to make it better. Sometimes this means quitting a job or packing up and moving. Even if you’re wrong, you’ll survive, and at least you’ll know for next time.

12. What’s my motivation?

Actors ask this all the time, and there’s a reason—you need to know what’s motivating you to get up every morning to keep living. Times will get hard, no matter what path you’re on, so figure out what drives you, and focus on that.

13. Am I aging gracefully?

Sometimes you have to maintain your youth, and sometimes you need to let go. How you decide to live is up to you, but make sure you’re at least doing it with grace and compassion. Nobody likes a Debbie or Donald Downer.

Advertising

14. Who are these people?

Do you have any heroes? If so, what were they doing at your age? One of my childhood heroes was Tupac Shakur, and at my age, he had been dead for six years. That’s a sobering thought that keeps me pushing toward greatness with humbleness.

15. Was it worth it?

At the end of the day, was everything you’ve done worth it? Even if you lose, if you enjoyed or appreciated the experience of trying, then you’ve won. If you lost more than you wanted, it may be time to make a change in your life.

More by this author

7 Ways To Make Exercise Fun For Everyone Say Goodbye to a Skinny Body: How to Gain Weight Fast 24 Easy Ways To Make Money On The Internet What 500 Calories Really Looks Like in Different Foods 20 Awesome Screensavers that Make your Desktop Delightful

Trending in Communication

1 How to Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage and Rekindle the Passion 2 Why You Feel Lonely In Your Marriage And How To Deal With It 3 6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of 4 How To Spark A Positive Mood When Feeling Dull 5 5 Reasons You Will Never Be a Fighter

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

Advertising

2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

Advertising

  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

Advertising

This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

Advertising

6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

Read Next