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Are You Ready to Break Up With Your Mentor?

Are You Ready to Break Up With Your Mentor?

A mentoring relationship can be one of the most worthwhile ones you’ll enjoy, but when things go wrong, they can go very wrong. You may have reached the natural end of your relationship. Or you may have made a bad decision.

Just like any other business relationship, the key is to manage it with as much respect as you can muster. Even if your mentor is not in your line of business, you’ll probably see them several times after you end your mentorship with them.

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Before you tell them that you want to break up, start asking yourself some hard questions about why you want the relationship to end. After you know the answers, it will be easier to tell your mentor honestly why you think you both should go your separate ways.

Have you changed your long term or short term goals?

If that’s the case, there might be someone else out there who can do a better job of helping you reach them. You may be at a point where you want to drastically change your business goals.  Once you do so, you’ll need to connect with someone who has experience in the direction you’re heading into, and that may be a completely different person.

Does their advice and guidance currently help you overcome obstacles?

In the past, their words may have been golden, but lately, it seems as if you have to ignore their advice. When you make decisions that go against their advice, you have more success.  Maybe they’ve just stopped “getting you.”

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Are they currently helping you develop your professional skills, opportunities and networks?

One of the greatest advantages of having a mentor is the ability to take advantage of their own business contacts and experience. You may have reached the point that you’ve exhausted all of these resources.

Are you in a marriage of convenience?

Did either of you agree to the mentorship “just to be nice” to the other? Did you go into the relationship thinking your mentor would be perfect for you just to realize that you don’t mesh very well? Have you constantly had problems relating to each other? It’s probably time for an amicable divorce.

Is your relationship turning toxic?

A toxic mentorship doesn’t have to be abusive. It can simply be one that is inhibiting your personal or professional growth. It is possible that your mentor has some jealousy issues and is deliberately or unconsciously trying to sabotage your growth. You may be responsible for the toxicity, hanging on to your current mentor like a security blanket long after you should’ve let them go.

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Most mentors will take on several mentees over the years, and if you’ve outgrown your mentor, tell them that you know it’s time that they move on to another mentee. No matter how you feel about your mentor and your relationship, the key is to keep things open. This is especially true if your mentor is guiding you in your business life. Focus on all the positive things that your mentor has done for you, like sacrificing her time, taking you to networking events, or taking you out to lunch. It would be a nice touch to take your mentor on one of these activities as a way of saying thank you and goodbye.

If word gets out that you’re ungrateful, demanding, unprofessional, and ended your previous mentorship by just not responding to emails, it will be virtually impossible to find another mentor. We select most of our mentors due to their superior position in an industry, their large network of contacts, or advanced experience. If you leave your mentor in a negative way, you may very well shoot yourself in the foot professionally. Even if your mentor is a total jerk, refrain from treating him or referring to him as such.

In the future, you may decide to return to your mentor. You never know how different things may be in five years, or even one year from now. If the two of you had an amicable split, you mentor will be more amenable to returning to mentor you in the future.

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Leaving a mentorship means that you’ve grown in some kind of way. When you end your relationship, take pains to do so in an positive and open manner. Even if things have started to do downhill in your relationship, if you take charge and end things on a positive note, you’ll be able to leave with your dignity and professional reputation intact.

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Last Updated on July 16, 2019

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

Negativity affects ourselves and everyone around us. It limits our potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Negativity has a tangible effect on our health, too. Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively.

When we make a decision to become positive, and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. The negative energy gets edged out by all positive experiences. It’s a snowball effect.

Although negative and positive thoughts will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity.

Here are some ways to get rid of negativity and become more positive.

1. Become Grateful for Everything

When life is all about us, it’s easy to believe that we deserve what we have. An attitude of entitlement puts us at the center of the universe and sets up the unrealistic expectation that others should cater to us, our needs, and our wants. This vain state of existence is a surefire way to set yourself up for an unfulfilled life of negativity.

People living in this sort of entitlement are “energy suckers”–they are always searching for what they can get out of a situation. People that don’t appreciate the nuances of their lives live in a constant state of lacking. And it’s really difficult to live a positive life this way.

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When we begin to be grateful and appreciate everything in our lives–from the small struggles that make us better, to the car that gets us from A to B every day–we shift our attitude from one of selfishness, to one of appreciation. This appreciation gets noticed by others, and a positive harmony begins to form in our relationships.

We begin to receive more of that which we are grateful for, because we’ve opened ourselves up to the idea of receiving, instead of taking. This will make your life more fulfilling, and more positive.

2. Laugh More, Especially at Yourself

Life gets busy, our schedules fill up, we get into relationships, and work can feel task oriented and routine-driven at times. Being human can feel more like being a robot. But having this work-driven, serious attitude often results in negative and performance oriented thinking.

Becoming positive means taking life less seriously and letting yourself off the hook. This is the only life that you get to live, why not lighten up your mood?

Laughter helps us become positive by lightening our mood and reminding us not to take life so seriously. Are you sensitive to light sarcasm? Do you have trouble laughing at jokes? Usually, people who are stressed out and overly serious get most offended by sarcasm because their life is all work and no play.

If we can learn to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes, life will become more of an experiment in finding out what makes us happy. And finding happiness means finding positivity.

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3. Help Others

Negativity goes hand in hand with selfishness. People that live only for themselves have no higher purpose in their lives. If the whole point of this world is only to take care of yourself and no one else, the road to a long-term fulfillment and purpose is going to be a long one.

Positivity accompanies purpose. The most basic way to create purpose and positivity in your life is to begin doing things for others. Start small; open the door for the person in front of you at Starbucks or ask someone how their day was before telling them about yours.

Helping others will give you an intangible sense of value that will translate into positivity. And people might just appreciate you in the process.

4. Change Your Thinking

We can either be our best coach or our best enemy. Change starts from within. If you want to become more positive, change the wording of your thoughts. We are the hardest on ourselves, and a stream of negative self talk is corrosive to a positive life.

The next time you have a negative thought, write it down and rephrase it with a positive spin. For example, change a thought like, “I can’t believe I did so horribly on the test–I suck.” to “I didn’t do as well as I hoped to on this test. But I know I’m capable and I’ll do better next time.”

Changing our self-talk is powerful.

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5. Surround Yourself with Positive People

We become most like the people that we surround ourselves with. If our friend group is full of negative energy-suckers and drama queens, we will emulate that behavior and become like them. It is very difficult to become more positive when the people around us don’t support or demonstrate positive behavior.

As you become more positive, you’ll find that your existing friends will either appreciate the new you or they will become resistant to your positive changes. This is a natural response.

Change is scary; but cutting out the negative people in your life is a huge step to becoming more positive. Positive people reflect and bounce their perspectives onto one another. Positivity is a step-by-step process when you do it solo, but a positive group of friends can be an escalator.

6. Get into Action

Negative thoughts can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Negativity is usually accompanied by a “freak-out” response, especially when tied to relationships, people and to worrying about the future. This is debilitating to becoming positive and usually snowballs into more worry, more stress and more freak-outs.

Turn the negative stress into positive action. The next time you’re in one of these situations, walk away and take a break. With your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths. Once you’re calm, approach the situation or problem with a pen and pad of paper. Write out four or five actions or solutions to begin solving the problem.

Taking yourself out of the emotionally charged negative by moving into the action-oriented positive will help you solve more problems rationally and live in positivity

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7. Take Full Responsibility, Stop Being the Victim

You are responsible for your thoughts.

People that consistently believe that things happen to them handicap themselves to a victim mentality. This is a subtle and deceptive negative thought pattern. Phrases like “I have to work” or “I can’t believe he did that to me” are indicators of a victim mentality. Blaming circumstances and blaming others only handicaps our decision to change something negative into something positive.

Taking full responsibility for your life, your thoughts and your actions is one of the biggest steps in creating a more positive life. We have unlimited potential within to create our own reality, change our life, and change our thoughts. When we begin to really internalize this, we discover that no one can make us feel or do anything. We choose our emotional and behavioral response to people and circumstances.

Make positive choices in favor of yourself.

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny” ― Lao Tzu

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Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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