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Do it Already! 3 Ways to Jumpstart Your Dreams

Do it Already! 3 Ways to Jumpstart Your Dreams

I wanted to be a writer from the time I was four years old, but I spent the next twenty years of my life not really writing. Some say that no matter what we dream of doing, jumpstarting our dreams is so much closer than it seems in the dream itself. If I wanted to be a writer, why didn’t I just write?

The verb was right under my nose.

Sadly, I didn’t believe in my writing. Even sadder still, I never showed my writing to anyone around me, and I didn’t have any feedback (negative or positive) to build upon. How could I believe in myself if I didn’t have anyone to tell me if I was good or not, or how to improve?

At some point, I had to rip the bandaid right off.

I did it by starting a blog, sharing it with my friends, and bracing myself for their feedback. Luckily, the feedback was constructive, and I’m now working harder than ever at becoming a better writer—living my long-lost dream.

In his book Screw It, Let’s Do It, Sir Richard Branson describes many of the crazy things he’s attempted in his life. Apparently, he doesn’t stick to just building billion dollar businesses; he’s also taken many scary journeys, like a hot air balloon flight that almost cost him his life. In explaining his risk-taking, he says:

“I believe in myself. I believe in the hands that work, in the brains that think, and in the hearts that love.”

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Without believing in myself, there’s no way I could’ve written a few books and shared my heart and soul on my blog. Without putting myself out there, there’s no way my words would be right in front of you right now. If there’s something you’ve dreamed of doing but haven’t quite started yet, I have a few questions for you, but, first, here are a few tips that worked for me:

Start So Small That There’s No Way to Lose

You’ve heard plenty of people tell you to acquire the habit of flossing by just flossing one tooth. Mind tricks like this do help build new habits, but the mind trick isn’t exactly what I find so powerful.

Starting small helps me feel competent enough to keep going.

I’ll never forget my first blog post: it consisted of an image of a Nutella jar with a candle on top, and the title might have been something like “I Don’t Know What I’m Doing“. It was a simple little test, but it accomplished my task for that day; setting up the blog. I felt accomplished that day. I felt like I climbed a mountain. I had never set up a blog before, and tackling that task made me feel awesome—awesome enough to tackle my next task the very next day.

Is there a way you could break up your tasks so you can dedicate a little bit of time each day to accomplishing the overarching dream?

There’s a reason you haven’t gone for your dream yet, whether it be money, time, or something else. Breaking it up into small pieces may help to change that in the future.

Hack Your Fears & Uncertainties

I’m convinced that the hardest part about fear isn’t feeling it; it’s mentally grappling with it. Browsing the internet, I stumbled upon a great video by Tim Ferriss that covers just how he (a renowned author and lifehacker) fights fear. In the video, Tim describes a way to very practically analyze and plan out what facing fear looks and feels like.

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In the short five minute talk, Tim suggests grappling with fear by pulling out a piece of paper and making three columns.

Column 1: Bad things that could happen if you do what you’re considering

Column 2: Things you can do to minimize bad things from happening

Column 3: Things you could do to undo the change, or re-achieve where you are now

By putting those three columns down on paper and filling them out with as much detail as possible, what fear can’t be undone?

If there’s something you are fearing, can you apply the three column smackdown to squash it forever?

I went after my dream of being a writer by starting my blog. From the beginning, I knew that the worst thing that could happen was getting negative reactions from people around me. If that happened, my plan was pretty simple: DELETE IT. Your dream may be different. It may include bigger risks and bigger fears. Whatever the size of your dream, the three column approach may help you sort through the uncertainties.

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PS. To make it simple, I made you a simple spreadsheet to use the three column approach. Download it to your Google Drive for free here.

Enlist the Help of Others

No matter how much we try, there’s only so much we can do alone. In my opinion, it takes a village to do most anything awesome.

They say that the easiest way to change is to get friends that are where you want to be.

Some of the best successes I’ve had as a writer (and blogger) have been a direct result of making friends with people from all walks of life and experiences. I’ve met amazing people at conferences but also in my own hometown. Are you underestimating the power of community? Whether you dream of climbing Mt. Everest or quitting your job to move to a tropical beach, the knowledge and wisdom of anyone who’s done it before can help you leaps and bounds—especially when it comes to skipping common mistakes.

In my experience (which is all I know), one of the best ways to make new friends is to thank people who have made an impact in your world. No matter how scary it sounds, I constantly reach out to people who I admire to say I’m grateful for their work. Some of these people end up being incredible mentors and friends.

Ready to Jumpstart Your Dreams?

Almost everyone I come across has huge dreams for their lives. They want to conquer their fears and strive to always be better, but they fail on the follow-through. If you want to go after your dreams sooner rather than later—because there’s no better time than now—try these three steps to jumpstart your dreams now.

Your life is passing you by every single second. It’s yours to live. Are you living it?

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I’d love to hear from you:

What’s holding you back from living your dreams?

Is there something in particular you’re afraid of? Could you avoid it?

Could hanging out and brainstorming with others help you achieve your dreams?

Leave your ideas and stories in the comments!

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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