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9 Ways To Stop Living Someone Else’s Life

9 Ways To Stop Living Someone Else’s Life

Whether it’s within your career, your relationships, or another aspect of your life, it’s challenging to wake up to the reality that you’ve been living someone else’s life.

Here are nine steps you can take to live a life that’s more true to yourself:

1. Think about the bigger picture

We all have a finite amount of time in which to live our lives, and every day that goes by is one day less you have to live a life that’s true to yourself.

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Taking a step back, considering the bigger picture, and remembering that your time is limited can help you stay focused on your real dreams and goals, rather than the dreams or goals you think you should have.

2. Question your beliefs

Everyone grows up with an internal script about how the world works and how we should spend our lives. That script forms in childhood and influences the way your life plays out.

Often, our internal scripts are unconscious and we go about our daily lives without even realizing that we’re acting on them. If you want to stop living someone else’s life, it’s important to start questioning your internal script and the beliefs behind it.

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3. Invest in your self-awareness

Therapy, coaching, and self-work like journaling are all useful tools for life transitions, including moving towards a life that is more satisfying and meaningful to you.

Not only will these tools support you through the process of questioning your beliefs, but they will also help you uncover your authentic values, and look ahead to create a vision for a life that is truly yours.

4. Notice when you defer to others

Sometimes, we feel pressure to conform to the values and beliefs of other people in our lives. In these situations, the first step towards shifting this pattern is to become aware of it.

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Start noticing when you defer to other people by default. Notice whether this happens around specific people, specific areas of life, or specific topics of conversation. Keep a list of your trigger points in these areas so you can build up a picture of the situations in which you’re most likely to prioritize other people’s beliefs and values over your own.

Once you have that picture, you’ll become more aware of when this is happening in the moment, and take steps to stop your deferral process before it’s even begun.

6. Set boundaries

If you feel under pressure from specific people to live a life that’s not true to yourself, then it’s time to set boundaries. Doing this can be challenging, as you risk disrupting the dynamic of your relationship with that person or people. Ultimately, however, the people who respect and care about your well-being will want to support you as you explore your individuality and develop a life that is more authentic.

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5. Have fun and experiment

If you’ve been living someone else’s life, it can be hard to visualize what your ideal life might even look like.

This is a great opportunity to experiment with possibilities and explore your interests, dreams, goals and ambitions.

7. Spend time with yourself

Just like we get to know other people by spending time with them, we get to know ourselves by spending time with ourselves. Make time to be alone with yourself, without distraction, and begin the process of reconnecting to your true thoughts and feelings.

8. Imagine your eulogy

Just like taking a bigger-picture perspective, thinking about how you want to be remembered can help you focus on what’s most important to you. What do you want people to say about who you were and what you did?

9. Remember that it’s your life

As obvious as it might sound, remember that your life is your your own and that, as much as other people might give you advice, you are the one who will have to live with the consequences of that advice. Keeping this reality in mind can help you distance yourself from other people’s opinions and beliefs.

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Hannah Braime

Hannah is a coach who believes the world is a richer place when we have the courage to be fully self-expressed.

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Last Updated on August 12, 2019

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life.

Take a look at these 13 things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become mentally stronger.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

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3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

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7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it.

However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

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10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive.

They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

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13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

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Featured photo credit: Candice Picard via unsplash.com

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