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How To Mend A Broken Heart After A Heart-breaking Goodbye

How To Mend A Broken Heart After A Heart-breaking Goodbye

Break up, saying goodbye to the person you were once close with and deeply in love with.

We have all been there and we all know how that feels.

We have all had our hearts broken. When it happens to you personally, it’s devastating and while people can relate, they aren’t in that moment. The pain is there and it’s real for you. Sometimes it feels like you’re completely helpless and you’ll never get past the suffering.

The important things to remember are that there are people there for you and that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and ways to help you get there. You have to understand that getting over a break up seems unachieveable but it’s just about the matter of time. Here are a few ways to assist you on your road to peace and happiness again.

Steps You Can Follow To Heal Your Break Up.

Here are a few ways to assist you on your road to peace and happiness again.

1. Cut all the contact.

Why?

This honestly is rule #1 in a break up. Keep your distance and don’t text, email, meet in person or call. You should probably take them off your Facebook or any other social networks while you’re at it. This doesn’t have to be permanent but while you’re vulnerable to any mean or, in contrast – loving words, it’s best not to have their voice in your head. The risk of getting back into a relationship when it wasn’t working is high. You may also end up in a war of words causing further hurt and anxiety. Cutting the ties for good when it’s over puts you on a faster path to healing.

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Try this:

  • Set up an “Emergency Contact List” that contains all your BFFs’ phone number, when you are tempted to call your Ex and beg for a return relationship, call and talk to your friends instead.
  • Pick an activity that you can do to replace the desire of texting/calling/stalking your ex, something handy you can do right away like watch your favorite Netflix show or walk around your favoruite local stores.

2. Let Your Emotions Out.

Why?

Cry, sob your eyes out, scream and yell. As long as it doesn’t hurt yourself or anybody else, find ways to release and let go of the pain you may be feeling. When people kindly and humorously tell you all break ups are hard, it’s because they are. Don’t take this part of the healing process away from yourself or it will grow and fester within you. You will naturally feel some negative emotions no matter how easy or hard your break up was. Honor your feelings and know that they will get less intense the more that you let them out. It helps you move past them!

Try this:

  • Listen to sad songs. Research shows that listening to sad songs actually can make us happier. Listening to sad songs can regulate negative emotion and mood as well as consolation. Here we have a playlist consist of sad song for you to listen to if you need a good cry. Find a quiet place, let your emotions run, and give yourself some relief.

3. Accept the fact that it’s over, at least for now.

Why?

Coping with the end of a relationship is a little bit like a 12 step program. You will reach acceptance far sooner by staying away from that person. This strategy relies on time more than anything else but there are ways to move it along. Try to look at the situation objectively, even if you didn’t agree to the breakup. Don’t over-analyze what could have been different. There are infinite should-haves and could-haves, and thinking about them will cause you to spiral. In the moments you were in the relationship, that’s when your actions mattered. They don’t anymore. Your mission now is to get to the place where you aren’t battling with yourself about the way things are. Do this with compassion and don’t beat yourself up. It may take some time for the heart to catch up with reality but in the meantime, accept that the relationship has ended.

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Try this:

  • Tell yourself it’s over now and it’s time to move on and start a new chapter of your life.
  • Tidy up all the things that would recall your memories with your ex. Make things out of sight, out of mind.
  • Talk to your family and friends because sometimes it’s hard to see a bigger picture when you are stuck in the situation.

4. Find Yourself

Why?

Chances are, you lost a piece of yourself in the relationship. Now is your chance to find you again and this can be fun. This is one of the positives to your break up, so embrace it! Maybe you let go of a hobby you used to love to do or stopped taking scented baths. You can eat salad and granola bars for dinner if you feel like it. There are a lot of personal things that made you special, you just have to find them again and get the feeling back. Alternatively, you may have grown in the relationship which means you can discover new things about yourself.

Try this:

  • Have a mindful conversation with yourself and do an in-depth discovery into your inner-self.Asking reflective questions can help you find out more about yourself and what you truly want to be.
  • Possible questions you can ask:
    1. If “love myself more” has the top priority in my life, will I still do what I am doing now?
    2. What do I appreciate myself the most?
    3. How was my life before the relationship?
    4. What do I want to achieve in my life and how should I start?
    5. What is the most important thing I should improve?

The journey to find yourself is hard because most of us don’t even have time to just sit down and think what we actually want. It can be a long journey but you can take your time to do so because it’s so worth it!

5. Explore and Have Fun

Why?

When you’re ready to authentically have fun again, get your girlfriends together and go out. Go dancing, go shopping, go on a roller coaster. Do something that makes you smile, laugh and feel good inside. I once went to a haunted house where things jumped out at me and scared me half to death. This was so therapeutic. Be spontaneous and silly. Enjoy your life.

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Try this:

  • Something new and exciting that you always wanted to do alone
  • Spend quality time with your friends and family
  • Reconnect with long-lost friends
  • Explore and develop new habits, learning a new language is a good option!

6. Pay Attention to Your Thoughts

Why?

As you look to move forward in your life, don’t deny or grasp on to your ex’s memory. They may pop into your mind as a memory of a moment where you were happy (or not). Acknowledge it, smile or cry. Let the memory go instead of clinging onto it. Don’t intentionally look at pictures or look at old texts you got from him. It’s now about you and your present moments. Your ex is a part of the person you are today and you can be grateful to them for that, but the chapter with them is gone.

Try this:

  • As mentioned before, CLEAR OUT all the things that stimulate memories
  • Don’t try to escape from your feelings. Face them. Write down how you feel to help you declutter your mind. The more you write, the more you can identify what trigger your emotion and you can get better prepare for them.

7. Understand the beauty of being single and don’t rush into another relationship.

Why?

Don’t bounce into another relationship too quickly, thinking that you’re okay. It is probably the best quick fix out there but at the same time, you never really get over your ex. In the long run you haven’t actually gotten over your ex and when your next relationship ends, you’ll have two ex’s to get over. You’re just prolonging the inevitable pain.

Try this:

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  • Ask yourself what kind of relationship you want. Understanding your need before entering a relationship is key because this can save you from another heart break.
  • Explore and meet new people when you are ready. Make sure you talk to them, take your time to get to know them before taking the move to start a new relationship.

8. Develop a mindful life.

Why?

It’s good to slowly and gradually develop a mindful life so your mind can stay peaceful and calm no matter what life throws you. Being mindful means you listen to yourself more and acknowledge your neemost importantly, understand what can make you happy.

Try this:

Here we have an infographic on how to start planning a mindful life. This beginner routine focus on living simple and slow and how to connect your mind and body. I suggest that you can add 10 minutes of meditation before bed just to clear out all the unncessary feelings and thoughts so you can get a better sleep!

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    Loraine Couturier

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    Last Updated on May 21, 2019

    How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

    How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

    For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

    If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

    Example 1

    You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

    You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

    In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

    Example 2

    You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

    People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

    You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

    Example 3

    You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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    The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

    Example 4

    You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

    Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

    If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

    Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

    • Understand your own communication style
    • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
    • Communicate with precision and care
    • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

    1. Understand Your Communication Style

    To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

    In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

    Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

    2. Learn Others Communication Styles

    Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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    If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

    “How do you prefer to receive information?”

    This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

    To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

    3. Exercise Precision and Care

    A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

    On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

    Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

    I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

    I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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    In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

    The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

    Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

    4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

    Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

    In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

    “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

    Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

    Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

    It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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    It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

    It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

    Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

    Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

    The Bottom Line

    When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

    I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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    Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

    Reference

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