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Last Updated on November 14, 2017

How To Mend A Broken Heart After A Heart-breaking Goodbye

How To Mend A Broken Heart After A Heart-breaking Goodbye

Break up, saying goodbye to the person you were once close with and deeply in love with.

We have all been there and we all know how that feels.

We have all had our hearts broken. When it happens to you personally, it’s devastating and while people can relate, they aren’t in that moment. The pain is there and it’s real for you. Sometimes it feels like you’re completely helpless and you’ll never get past the suffering.

The important things to remember are that there are people there for you and that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and ways to help you get there. You have to understand that getting over a break up seems unachieveable but it’s just about the matter of time. Here are a few ways to assist you on your road to peace and happiness again.

Steps You Can Follow To Heal Your Break Up.

Here are a few ways to assist you on your road to peace and happiness again.

1. Cut all the contact.

Why?

This honestly is rule #1 in a break up. Keep your distance and don’t text, email, meet in person or call. You should probably take them off your Facebook or any other social networks while you’re at it. This doesn’t have to be permanent but while you’re vulnerable to any mean or, in contrast – loving words, it’s best not to have their voice in your head. The risk of getting back into a relationship when it wasn’t working is high. You may also end up in a war of words causing further hurt and anxiety. Cutting the ties for good when it’s over puts you on a faster path to healing.

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Try this:

  • Set up an “Emergency Contact List” that contains all your BFFs’ phone number, when you are tempted to call your Ex and beg for a return relationship, call and talk to your friends instead.
  • Pick an activity that you can do to replace the desire of texting/calling/stalking your ex, something handy you can do right away like watch your favorite Netflix show or walk around your favoruite local stores.

2. Let Your Emotions Out.

Why?

Cry, sob your eyes out, scream and yell. As long as it doesn’t hurt yourself or anybody else, find ways to release and let go of the pain you may be feeling. When people kindly and humorously tell you all break ups are hard, it’s because they are. Don’t take this part of the healing process away from yourself or it will grow and fester within you. You will naturally feel some negative emotions no matter how easy or hard your break up was. Honor your feelings and know that they will get less intense the more that you let them out. It helps you move past them!

Try this:

  • Listen to sad songs. Research shows that listening to sad songs actually can make us happier. Listening to sad songs can regulate negative emotion and mood as well as consolation. Here we have a playlist consist of sad song for you to listen to if you need a good cry. Find a quiet place, let your emotions run, and give yourself some relief.

3. Accept the fact that it’s over, at least for now.

Why?

Coping with the end of a relationship is a little bit like a 12 step program. You will reach acceptance far sooner by staying away from that person. This strategy relies on time more than anything else but there are ways to move it along. Try to look at the situation objectively, even if you didn’t agree to the breakup. Don’t over-analyze what could have been different. There are infinite should-haves and could-haves, and thinking about them will cause you to spiral. In the moments you were in the relationship, that’s when your actions mattered. They don’t anymore. Your mission now is to get to the place where you aren’t battling with yourself about the way things are. Do this with compassion and don’t beat yourself up. It may take some time for the heart to catch up with reality but in the meantime, accept that the relationship has ended.

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Try this:

  • Tell yourself it’s over now and it’s time to move on and start a new chapter of your life.
  • Tidy up all the things that would recall your memories with your ex. Make things out of sight, out of mind.
  • Talk to your family and friends because sometimes it’s hard to see a bigger picture when you are stuck in the situation.

4. Find Yourself

Why?

Chances are, you lost a piece of yourself in the relationship. Now is your chance to find you again and this can be fun. This is one of the positives to your break up, so embrace it! Maybe you let go of a hobby you used to love to do or stopped taking scented baths. You can eat salad and granola bars for dinner if you feel like it. There are a lot of personal things that made you special, you just have to find them again and get the feeling back. Alternatively, you may have grown in the relationship which means you can discover new things about yourself.

Try this:

  • Have a mindful conversation with yourself and do an in-depth discovery into your inner-self.Asking reflective questions can help you find out more about yourself and what you truly want to be.
  • Possible questions you can ask:
    1. If “love myself more” has the top priority in my life, will I still do what I am doing now?
    2. What do I appreciate myself the most?
    3. How was my life before the relationship?
    4. What do I want to achieve in my life and how should I start?
    5. What is the most important thing I should improve?

The journey to find yourself is hard because most of us don’t even have time to just sit down and think what we actually want. It can be a long journey but you can take your time to do so because it’s so worth it!

5. Explore and Have Fun

Why?

When you’re ready to authentically have fun again, get your girlfriends together and go out. Go dancing, go shopping, go on a roller coaster. Do something that makes you smile, laugh and feel good inside. I once went to a haunted house where things jumped out at me and scared me half to death. This was so therapeutic. Be spontaneous and silly. Enjoy your life.

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Try this:

  • Something new and exciting that you always wanted to do alone
  • Spend quality time with your friends and family
  • Reconnect with long-lost friends
  • Explore and develop new habits, learning a new language is a good option!

6. Pay Attention to Your Thoughts

Why?

As you look to move forward in your life, don’t deny or grasp on to your ex’s memory. They may pop into your mind as a memory of a moment where you were happy (or not). Acknowledge it, smile or cry. Let the memory go instead of clinging onto it. Don’t intentionally look at pictures or look at old texts you got from him. It’s now about you and your present moments. Your ex is a part of the person you are today and you can be grateful to them for that, but the chapter with them is gone.

Try this:

  • As mentioned before, CLEAR OUT all the things that stimulate memories
  • Don’t try to escape from your feelings. Face them. Write down how you feel to help you declutter your mind. The more you write, the more you can identify what trigger your emotion and you can get better prepare for them.

7. Understand the beauty of being single and don’t rush into another relationship.

Why?

Don’t bounce into another relationship too quickly, thinking that you’re okay. It is probably the best quick fix out there but at the same time, you never really get over your ex. In the long run you haven’t actually gotten over your ex and when your next relationship ends, you’ll have two ex’s to get over. You’re just prolonging the inevitable pain.

Try this:

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  • Ask yourself what kind of relationship you want. Understanding your need before entering a relationship is key because this can save you from another heart break.
  • Explore and meet new people when you are ready. Make sure you talk to them, take your time to get to know them before taking the move to start a new relationship.

8. Develop a mindful life.

Why?

It’s good to slowly and gradually develop a mindful life so your mind can stay peaceful and calm no matter what life throws you. Being mindful means you listen to yourself more and acknowledge your neemost importantly, understand what can make you happy.

Try this:

Here we have an infographic on how to start planning a mindful life. This beginner routine focus on living simple and slow and how to connect your mind and body. I suggest that you can add 10 minutes of meditation before bed just to clear out all the unncessary feelings and thoughts so you can get a better sleep!

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    Loraine Couturier

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    Last Updated on September 20, 2018

    7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

    7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

    What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

    For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

    It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

    1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

    The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

    What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

    The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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    2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

    Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

    How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

    If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

    Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

    3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

    Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

    If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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    These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

    What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

    4. What are my goals in life?

    Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

    Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

    5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

    Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

    Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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    You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

    Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

    6. What do I not like to do?

    An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

    What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

    Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

    The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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    7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

    Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

    But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

    “What do I want to do with my life?”

    So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

    Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

    Reference

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