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How To Mend A Broken Heart After A Heart-breaking Goodbye

How To Mend A Broken Heart After A Heart-breaking Goodbye

Break up, saying goodbye to the person you were once close with and deeply in love with.

We have all been there and we all know how that feels.

We have all had our hearts broken. When it happens to you personally, it’s devastating and while people can relate, they aren’t in that moment. The pain is there and it’s real for you. Sometimes it feels like you’re completely helpless and you’ll never get past the suffering.

The important things to remember are that there are people there for you and that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and ways to help you get there. You have to understand that getting over a break up seems unachieveable but it’s just about the matter of time. Here are a few ways to assist you on your road to peace and happiness again.

Steps You Can Follow To Heal Your Break Up.

Here are a few ways to assist you on your road to peace and happiness again.

1. Cut all the contact.

Why?

This honestly is rule #1 in a break up. Keep your distance and don’t text, email, meet in person or call. You should probably take them off your Facebook or any other social networks while you’re at it. This doesn’t have to be permanent but while you’re vulnerable to any mean or, in contrast – loving words, it’s best not to have their voice in your head. The risk of getting back into a relationship when it wasn’t working is high. You may also end up in a war of words causing further hurt and anxiety. Cutting the ties for good when it’s over puts you on a faster path to healing.

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Try this:

  • Set up an “Emergency Contact List” that contains all your BFFs’ phone number, when you are tempted to call your Ex and beg for a return relationship, call and talk to your friends instead.
  • Pick an activity that you can do to replace the desire of texting/calling/stalking your ex, something handy you can do right away like watch your favorite Netflix show or walk around your favoruite local stores.

2. Let Your Emotions Out.

Why?

Cry, sob your eyes out, scream and yell. As long as it doesn’t hurt yourself or anybody else, find ways to release and let go of the pain you may be feeling. When people kindly and humorously tell you all break ups are hard, it’s because they are. Don’t take this part of the healing process away from yourself or it will grow and fester within you. You will naturally feel some negative emotions no matter how easy or hard your break up was. Honor your feelings and know that they will get less intense the more that you let them out. It helps you move past them!

Try this:

  • Listen to sad songs. Research shows that listening to sad songs actually can make us happier. Listening to sad songs can regulate negative emotion and mood as well as consolation. Here we have a playlist consist of sad song for you to listen to if you need a good cry. Find a quiet place, let your emotions run, and give yourself some relief.

3. Accept the fact that it’s over, at least for now.

Why?

Coping with the end of a relationship is a little bit like a 12 step program. You will reach acceptance far sooner by staying away from that person. This strategy relies on time more than anything else but there are ways to move it along. Try to look at the situation objectively, even if you didn’t agree to the breakup. Don’t over-analyze what could have been different. There are infinite should-haves and could-haves, and thinking about them will cause you to spiral. In the moments you were in the relationship, that’s when your actions mattered. They don’t anymore. Your mission now is to get to the place where you aren’t battling with yourself about the way things are. Do this with compassion and don’t beat yourself up. It may take some time for the heart to catch up with reality but in the meantime, accept that the relationship has ended.

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Try this:

  • Tell yourself it’s over now and it’s time to move on and start a new chapter of your life.
  • Tidy up all the things that would recall your memories with your ex. Make things out of sight, out of mind.
  • Talk to your family and friends because sometimes it’s hard to see a bigger picture when you are stuck in the situation.

4. Find Yourself

Why?

Chances are, you lost a piece of yourself in the relationship. Now is your chance to find you again and this can be fun. This is one of the positives to your break up, so embrace it! Maybe you let go of a hobby you used to love to do or stopped taking scented baths. You can eat salad and granola bars for dinner if you feel like it. There are a lot of personal things that made you special, you just have to find them again and get the feeling back. Alternatively, you may have grown in the relationship which means you can discover new things about yourself.

Try this:

  • Have a mindful conversation with yourself and do an in-depth discovery into your inner-self.Asking reflective questions can help you find out more about yourself and what you truly want to be.
  • Possible questions you can ask:
    1. If “love myself more” has the top priority in my life, will I still do what I am doing now?
    2. What do I appreciate myself the most?
    3. How was my life before the relationship?
    4. What do I want to achieve in my life and how should I start?
    5. What is the most important thing I should improve?

The journey to find yourself is hard because most of us don’t even have time to just sit down and think what we actually want. It can be a long journey but you can take your time to do so because it’s so worth it!

5. Explore and Have Fun

Why?

When you’re ready to authentically have fun again, get your girlfriends together and go out. Go dancing, go shopping, go on a roller coaster. Do something that makes you smile, laugh and feel good inside. I once went to a haunted house where things jumped out at me and scared me half to death. This was so therapeutic. Be spontaneous and silly. Enjoy your life.

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Try this:

  • Something new and exciting that you always wanted to do alone
  • Spend quality time with your friends and family
  • Reconnect with long-lost friends
  • Explore and develop new habits, learning a new language is a good option!

6. Pay Attention to Your Thoughts

Why?

As you look to move forward in your life, don’t deny or grasp on to your ex’s memory. They may pop into your mind as a memory of a moment where you were happy (or not). Acknowledge it, smile or cry. Let the memory go instead of clinging onto it. Don’t intentionally look at pictures or look at old texts you got from him. It’s now about you and your present moments. Your ex is a part of the person you are today and you can be grateful to them for that, but the chapter with them is gone.

Try this:

  • As mentioned before, CLEAR OUT all the things that stimulate memories
  • Don’t try to escape from your feelings. Face them. Write down how you feel to help you declutter your mind. The more you write, the more you can identify what trigger your emotion and you can get better prepare for them.

7. Understand the beauty of being single and don’t rush into another relationship.

Why?

Don’t bounce into another relationship too quickly, thinking that you’re okay. It is probably the best quick fix out there but at the same time, you never really get over your ex. In the long run you haven’t actually gotten over your ex and when your next relationship ends, you’ll have two ex’s to get over. You’re just prolonging the inevitable pain.

Try this:

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  • Ask yourself what kind of relationship you want. Understanding your need before entering a relationship is key because this can save you from another heart break.
  • Explore and meet new people when you are ready. Make sure you talk to them, take your time to get to know them before taking the move to start a new relationship.

8. Develop a mindful life.

Why?

It’s good to slowly and gradually develop a mindful life so your mind can stay peaceful and calm no matter what life throws you. Being mindful means you listen to yourself more and acknowledge your neemost importantly, understand what can make you happy.

Try this:

Here we have an infographic on how to start planning a mindful life. This beginner routine focus on living simple and slow and how to connect your mind and body. I suggest that you can add 10 minutes of meditation before bed just to clear out all the unncessary feelings and thoughts so you can get a better sleep!

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    Loraine Couturier

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    Last Updated on November 5, 2018

    8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

    8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

    We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

    Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

    Read on to learn the secret.

    1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

    To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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    Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

    Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

    2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

    You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

    However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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    3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

    It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

    To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

    4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

    Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

    This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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    5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

    In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

    Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

    However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

    6. There might just be a misunderstanding

    Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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    Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

    7. You learn to appreciate love as well

    A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

    However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

    8. Do you really need the hate?

    The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

    Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

    Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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