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8 Reasons Why We Find It Hard To Realize Happiness

8 Reasons Why We Find It Hard To Realize Happiness

What is happiness? It is the inner state of positive emotions and feelings.  It is a harmony between physical and spiritual world. We are happy when we enjoy our social life, work, family and we have enough alone time to renew within. For each of us happiness is something different. To define happiness is harder than to be happy. Because happiness is an emotion, a way of thinking, feelings and life itself. It is not something we can understand, have a recipe and just make it. Happiness must be discovered by ourselves. Happiness is an experience in which we can understand more, be ourselves and learn gratitude.

But why it is so hard to be happy? Is it because we don’t live in this very moment and become disappointed about the past or worried about future?

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

Marcel Proust

1. We live in the past or future.

There is always something to be disappointed about in the past. The mistakes grow bigger day by day and eat us from the inside. They can destroy us and take away the will to live, to challenge and achieve. We become afraid from the future, loss and mistakes. Fears overtake our will and energy to be and live.

Life is divided into three terms – that which was, which is, and which will be. Let us learn from the past to profit by the present, and from the present, to live better in the future.

William Wordsworth

2. We don’t live in this moment.

If we don’t live in the moment, we can’t notice the blessings and miracles around. We miss opportunities and lose the potential of every day.

Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.

Wayne Dyer

3. We live in rush.

And then we start to live in rush. We try to runaway from yesterday and chase the future and live it as fast as possible being afraid of failures and unknown.

We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.

Bill Watterson

4. We forget to appreciate and be thankful.

When we are a constant rush we forget to be appreciative and thankful for what we had, have and will have. We can’t be kind, gentle and positive with other people and express gratitude.

Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.

Voltaire

5. We compare ourselves with others and want what they have.

When we start to compare our lives and ourselves with other people, we think that we will be happy with what they have, doing what they do, but it’s rarely true and often, we don’t see the unhappiness behind of a lot of what our neighbor might have.

How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.

Marcus Aurelius

6. We don’t know what we truly want.

To be happy is to understand the point of life. If we don’t take time to feel it within and try to become fulfilled with something that others do, we end up feeling empty and lost. We can’t be happy or find happiness if we don’t know where we are going. Each moment wanting something else.

A lot of people get so hung up on what they can’t have that they don’t think for a second about whether they really want it.

Lionel Shriver

7. We lose reality.

Sometimes it is easier to hide from reality and forget about anybody and indulge in fantasies and virtual world. To take a look at our life and if there is something we want to change and have different and go for it. Not to hide from problems or pretend everything is alright. But have a clear vision where we are right now and where we want to be and what stand in the middle. We can have a big dreams, but without action it is just a fantasy.

One of the greatest moments in anybody’s developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide from himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is.

Norman Vincent Peale

8. Our priorities are messed up.

We have to find balance between living for ourselves and for others. It is easier not to take responsibility for our life and spend each day for others than to realize what we want and set up our needs in first place. What is more important for us – our inner world or put in order the outer world?

Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.

Stephen R.Covey

Happiness is to know what we want, see clear steps to achieve it and embrace each day with gratitude and faith. Choose to make this day as happy as possible and be in the moment. Notice how much there is to be happy and find the key to never lose your happiness but create it pure and rich in colours.

Featured photo credit: Sad lonely woman walking alone into the woods via shutterstock.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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