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7 Things You Should Never Say to Someone

7 Things You Should Never Say to Someone

You’ve just said something wrong. The other person is looking at you with a red angry face, but the issue is not about what you’ve said, it’s about what they’ve heard.

There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas, killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends, family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it.

Here are 7 things you should never say to someone:

1. “I don’t care”

What they hear: “Leave me alone. I have better things to do than listen to you.”

Explain why you would love to hear about that subject, and why “right now” is not the best time for you. Everybody matters. Not caring about someone is denying their existence: If people matter for you, you will matter for them.

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2. “You’re wrong”

What they hear: “You are stupid. You know nothing. You’re worthless.”

Prefer more tactful sentences. “I would have thought that…”, “My understanding is that…”

Ask questions to make sure you and the other person are working on the same assumptions.

3. “You can’t do it”

What they hear: “You don’t have what it takes to do it, no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try?”

Why would you set someone up for failure? I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions, and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves, but I would like to ask you: how can you judge what is good for somebody? And what if failure was the best path for growth?

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Encourage people who have chosen a challenging path.

Good judgement comes with experience, but experience comes from bad judgement; – Will Rogers

4. “This should be easy”

What they hear: “It’s easy for most people. If you have trouble doing it, there is probably something wrong about you”

The level of difficulty is perceived differently by everyone, and everyone has their own Everest. If you’re telling somebody that their job is easy, then you’re undermining their contribution to society and you’re telling them they don’t deserve the salary they have.

If someone is struggling and coming for help, then they have trust you enough to show you their weakness. Don’t rub their face in it by saying “This should be easy”.

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Acknowledge the challenges that people encounter and value their commitment to overcome them.

5. “I told you so”

What they hear: “You did not listen to me. That’s all your fault. I’m so much better than you.”

This one is a common no-no.

It’s useless to shoot a dead horse, especially when other person needs your help more than ever. Don’t keep tabs on who’s right and who’s wrong. If it were a competition, the one keeping tabs would be the one losing.

Help the other person, and don’t add insult to injury.

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6. “As I just said before…”

What they hear: “You don’t listen to me. You’re making me repeat myself. You’re so annoying and dumb”

This is a very sneaky conversation killer. If someone asks you a question and you point out that you’ve already answered it, then you’re killing their willingness to learn, or even to have a slight interest in what you say.

Say the same thing in another way and by illustrating it differently.

Tell them what you’re going to tell them. Then, tell them. Finally, tell them what you’ve told them. – Aristotle

7. “Good luck”

What they hear: “There’s nothing you can do that will make you succeed. Only luck will. let’s hope for a once-in-a-millenium planet-alignment-like opportunity so that you can succeed.”

Also, it is bad luck to wish good luck. It is more common for comedians to say “Break a leg”, or “Merde!” – the French equivalent of “Shit!”. The expression comes from the fact that, during older times, successful plays would attract a lot of carriage traffic and therefore a significant amount of horse dejection. Maybe this is why people would slip and “break a leg”.

Don’t attribute success to luckcelebrate the other person’s qualities instead. “Show them your guts!” “Give them something they’ll never forget!”

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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