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7 Steps To Understanding Yourself That Makes Dealing With Difficult People Easier

7 Steps To Understanding Yourself That Makes Dealing With Difficult People Easier

Can you think of a time where you were fuming because you seriously just could NOT handle dealing with difficult people anymore?

It can be frustrating to deal with difficult people. It can test our patience and our limits. When a person is purposely being difficult and pushing your buttons, it may seem almost impossible not to blow up and put them in their place.

But today I wanted to share with you an invitation to let go.

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After reading Byron Katie’s book “Loving What Is” when I was getting my coaching training, it seriously transformed the way I look at conflicts and how I feel about them. In this post, I’m going to show you how understanding yourself makes it easier to deal with “difficult people.”

Although I have the practical business and marketing expertise, I have Life Coach training as well and have always placed very high value on personal development and self-discovery (that’s also a part of why I call myself a Holistic Business Coach). I believe it’s crucial to spend time learning and exploring who you are in order to become successful in your business. I do this process with my clients sometimes when they need it or direct them to the book for private exploration.

It’s life-changing.

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Step 1. Write down what’s annoying you about someone

Take out a piece of paper and write about the person that’s being difficult or annoying to you. Write in full sentences and in a way that really shows how you feel about it. For example, “Katie is really frustrating, she never cleans the apartment! She’s so lazy!” Be brutally honest with yourself when you do this – no one will see this piece of paper and the more truthful you are during this exercise, the better this Work will hep you.

Step 2. Ask yourself “Is this true?”

Then take it sentence by sentence and run each sentence you wrote through a series of questions below. For example, for the question “Katie never cleans the apartment” – ask yourself “Is this true?” See what comes up for you.

Step 3. Ask yourself “Can I absolutely know that it’s true?”

If you’re really frustrated with yourself, the answer that might come up to the previous question might be “Yes.” When that happens, ask yourself “Can I absolutely know that it’s true?” because you have to be completely 100% sure that what you are stating is, in fact, reality. Does Katie really never clean the apartment? Has she never cleaned an apartment? Not at all? Is it still a no? Well, how would you know? Do you monitor what Katie does 24/7? Chances are, that’s a no. So there’s a chance that the answer to this question is actually “No” because you cannot be 100% sure that she never cleans. She might clean sometimes when you’re not home. Who knows.

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Step 4. Recognize how you react when you think that thought

Think the original negative thought. “Katie never cleans the apartment” – Agh, how frustrating is this!? Recognize how you react when you think this thought. Do you react with frustration, anger, resentment, something else? Recognize it. Verbalize it so it really creates that impact on you.

Step 5. Ask yourself “Who or What would I be without the thought?”

This question is really important. Ask yourself how you would go through life if you were unable to think the thought “Katie never cleans the apartment” in the presence of Katie or ever. Would you feel more peaceful? More relaxed? How would you be in her presence without this thought? Would you be friendlier and happier and actually able to enjoy her presence rather than focusing on the fact she hasn’t cleaned? Most likely it’s a Yes. This question and inquiry makes you realize that the only reason why you see the person as “difficult” or frustrating is because of your own thought about it. Not about what the person has actually done – it’s your thought around it that makes you feel this way.

Step 6. Can you see a reason to drop the thought?

Since the thought is what causes all the negative feelings inside of you, can you see a stress-free reason to not actually have the thought? It’s important that you know that you can’t actually drop a thought. You can’t make that happen. But once you recognize that the thought is no longer necessary and you recognize all the things around it, the thought may float away on its own.

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Step 7. Turn the statement around

After you’ve done the inquiry it’s time to turn the statement around. Replace the name of the person in the statement with “you.” You’re basically turning the statement around to be about you. So “Katie never cleans the apartment” becomes “I never clean the apartment.” Think whether the new statement sounds as true or truer to you than the original statement you wrote.

Some eye opening a-ha moments may ensue!

Just spend the time and really do this and inquire within. Also, make sure you don’t just skip forward to the last statement, you have to do the questions first in order for this to truly make a positive effect. Hope this helps!

Featured photo credit: joltevic via morguefile.com

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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