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7 Secrets To Social Success

7 Secrets To Social Success

Have you ever witnessed somebody who is so confident and fluent in conversations that it’s actually really impressive? How do they do it? Well, David Morin of Dumb Little Man has seven secrets that can help to improve our chances of social success:

We all know people who are beloved by everyone and seem able to make friends wherever they go. Some regard them with admiration tinged with a bit of envy, then shrug their shoulders and figure those people are just born with that special “something”. It might be surprising to learn that being popular is a skill that can be learned like any other.

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Just as you wouldn’t expect to wake up one morning knowing how to play the piano, the key to success in making friends is setting goals and developing a game plan. Use these seven tips as the framework on which you build your skill set.

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  1. Be interested, not interesting. A widespread misconception is that popular people are the ones talking about their latest promotion or exciting vacation they took or wild party they attended. Hearing the occasional interesting story is fine, but most people become bored or resentful listening to these blow-by-blow accounts. It’s far more effective to take a genuine interest in the lives of others and get them talking about themselves. And remember that no word sounds as magical as one’s own name. Addressing people by name makes them feel special.
  2. Be positive – but not too positive. Think about people you’ve known who expect the worst from everyone and everything and aren’t shy about speaking up. Not much fun to be around, are they? This doesn’t mean you have to be constantly spreading false rays of sunshine. That’s nearly as annoying as eternal pessimism. Have a clear-eyed and honest attitude and people will come to value your opinions as trustworthy.
  3. Be charitable to others. Gossiping about friends and co-workers may gain you an audience, but it’s superficial and temporary. Those who indulge their pettier instincts trashing others aren’t the ones you want in your circle. Eventually even those people will realize that you’re just as likely to be talking about them in the same way and they’ll steer clear. It also translates as weakness and insecurity, trying to build yourself up by tearing others down. Take the high road and you’ll be seen as fair-minded.
  4. Be helpful and dependable. If someone you know needs assistance that you’re able to provide with a minimum of inconvenience, offer it. The key term here is “minimum of inconvenience”. Doing favors for others that involve more time and trouble than they would for the person themselves comes across as desperation. Giving aid when you’re truly in a position to do so communicates a sincere interest in the welfare of others. As a side note, be sure to follow up on any commitments you make. The damage to your reputation is doubly harsh if people can’t count on your word.
  5. Be a “matchmaker”. If you’re heading to the movies with a friend, invite another film-loving pal to come along. Love sports? Assemble a group to attend the big game. Spearhead gatherings at your home or a fun venue such as a wine bar, inviting at least a few people who are new to the group. Keeping your social network interconnected has a circular effect where you’re perceived as having many friends, thereby gaining you even more. Don’t forget your manners during impromptu meetings, either. When out with a friend, many people make the mistake of failing to introduce them to others they may encounter. By doing so you run the risk of coming off as socially inept at best and rude or uncaring at worst.
  6. Be your (best) self. Yes, it’s a cliche you’ve heard a million and one times, but ideas become cliches by standing the test of time. Insincerity is a huge turn-off and no matter how great of an actor you are, the pretense will catch up with you. The most attractive people, both physically and mentally, are the ones who are clearly comfortable in their own skin. Accepting and embracing your own unique qualities radiates a healthy confidence that’s magnetic to others.
  7. Be self-aware. Periodically step outside yourself to evaluate how you come across to others. Don’t mistake this for being overly concerned with their opinions of you. Taking stock of the image you project shows a healthy respect for yourself as well as for them. Another factor to consider is your body language. You may not even realize that you’re wearing a perpetual frown or creating a stand-offish posture with crossed arms and lack of eye contact. It’s a simple concept, but it can make a big difference with how comfortable people feel around you.

As you work on developing your social skills, keep in mind that these tips center around the saying, “To have a friend, be a friend.” If you let that advice guide your actions, you’ll develop that charisma that makes people want to be around you while also staying true to your own values and principles.

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David Morin runs SocialPro, an online resource for having more success in life trough mastering social principles most people don’t know about. Watch his free video course where he teaches social hacks.

Making Friends and Increasing Business Contacts is Easy If You Know These 7 Secrets of Socially Successful People | Dumb Little Man

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Siobhan Harmer

Siobhan is a passionate writer sharing about motivation and happiness tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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