“Pearls don’t lie on the seashore. If you want one, you must dive for it.”
Life is beautiful once you go out on quests that coincide with your beliefs. This article will provide you with insights and motivate you to pursue the love of your life, rather than merely residing inside your comfort cave with regrets.
1. The future is not obvious.
The future is neither secured nor obvious if you reside in the comfort cave. Change is constantly happening in life; if you resist it by staying inside, you will simply perish. Charles Darwin wrote about “survival of the fittest,” not survival of strongest. Those who adapt to change ultimately survive and achieve their aspirations, so why waste time by residing inside the cave when the future is not promised? Just start your quest in search for eternity or meaning. Nothing is lost except your dreadful fear.Advertising
2. Inaction leads to eventually hating yourself.
Residing inside the comfort cave feels secure at the beginning. But in due course, you will come to hate yourself for your inaction and you may die at the end of a boring life. It’s better to die from living life without regret and shame; the worst predicament you could find yourself in is hating yourself despite knowing this fact and doing nothing about it. Just get up and start the adventurous voyage of life, which you will never be ashamed of, unlike residing in a cave.
3. The journey is worth pursuing.
The journey outside the cave can leave you with many trials and tribulations. It’s definitely not going to be easy, but I can surely say that it’s worth pursuing. All those hurdles in the way make you tough and capable of fighting the uncertainties of life. The pursuit towards happiness is always preceded by harsh truths, so be prepared and cherish the journey. At the end of the day, its not always about destination; the journey matters too.Advertising
4. You may find the treasure.
Joseph Campbell famously says, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Treasure could be anything that you truly believe in; it might be your passion toward music, interest in politics, love of art, faith in people, etc. History is full of amazing heroes who challenged the comfort cave and found their treasures. So do not worry—have faith in your heart and plunge into the journey, for we live by faith not by sight.
5. You will grow as a person.
The universe is within you; you cannot discover it unless you grow as a person. The journey outside of the comfort cave gives you a chance to grow spiritually and change accordingly. You cannot expect the world to change and anticipate that the world will change you. Life is full of paradoxes; you can only understand them if you grow within, or else you end up succumbing to the paradoxes in search for answers.Advertising
6. You will discover the purpose of life.
The ultimate purpose of life is not defined by destiny; it has to be discovered by you. It is only possible to discover this purpose by coming out of the comfort cave, for discovery will happen only on the journey. Residing in the comfort cave and contemplating the purpose of life will ensure that the maze always remains unsolved to you. The purpose of life will never be discovered unless you go on a quest for it.
7. You will achieve “Nirvana.”
Buddha describes “Nirvana” as the supreme form of human achievement; it is nothing but a transcendent state of overcoming fear and desire. The journey tests you to the core to overcome the fear of uncertainty and to lose your petty desires in transcendence, along the way of achieving “Nirvana.” The true and transcendent state of mind will be the eternal source of happiness that you have been searching for your entire life.
Featured photo credit: Liam Andrew Cura via s3.amazonaws.com
Last Updated on May 21, 2019
How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship
For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.
If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:
You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.
You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.
In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.
You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.
People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.
You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.
You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.
The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.
You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.
Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.
If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.
Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:
- Understand your own communication style
- Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
- Communicate with precision and care
- Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger
1. Understand Your Communication Style
To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.
In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.
Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.
2. Learn Others Communication Styles
Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.
If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:
“How do you prefer to receive information?”
This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.
To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.
3. Exercise Precision and Care
A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.
On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.
Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.
I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.
I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.
In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.
The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.
Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.
4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger
Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.
In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,
“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”
Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.
Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.
It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.
It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.
It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.
Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.
Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.
The Bottom Line
When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.
I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.
More Articles About Effective Communication
- Conflict Management Styles for Effective Communication at Work
- 13 Best Communication Books for Stronger Social Skills & Relationships
- How to Master Effective Communication Skills at Work and Home
- 7 Most Important Communication Techniques to Master in the Workplace
Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com
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