“When you forgive, you in no way change the past — but you sure do change the future.” — Bernard Meltzer
If we are honest, don’t we all carry a grudge towards someone or something? A heavy heart, lost loved one, or a belief that we have been treated unfairly?
I know I do. But I rarely stop to think how these resentments are affecting me.
Resentments are like weeds in our gardens, they multiply, take over and ultimately suffocate all the flowers. Sometimes they can be a big, blow-the-lid-off-the-container kind of resentment, and other times they are a small, sweep-them-under-the-rug kind of feeling. But the problem is that even if we sweep them under the rug, like Captain Jack Sparrow, on a rainy day they pop up, ready to strike. Surprise! And no one likes unpleasant surprises, right?
So, let’s take a look at why we need to get rid of these pesky weeds!
1. Resentments turn into anger
Anger is an ugly, clenched-fists, red-faced place, where no one wants to go. During the stage of retaliation, much like the Hulk, as much as you try to resist the urge to slam your opponent floor to ceiling, anger can make you feel like you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and unstoppable, powerful emotion.Advertising
You might catch yourself saying, “I wasn’t in my right mind,” and this is a dangerous place for any of us to be.
The truth is, anger is not caused by outer circumstances, people or things. Anger is a state of mind, and therefore only you can make yourself angry. You have the power to control your state of mind.
2. It’s bad for the body
Resentments can cause the following:
- Headaches and chronic pain
- Insomnia and a higher tendency for alcohol and drug abuse
- High blood pressure, heart attacks and stroke
- Skin problems
3. It’s bad for the mind
The effects aren’t just limited to the physical: letting go of old grudges reduces levels of depression and anxiety.
Our minds are like a busy freeway. The non-stop chattering, bouncing, judging, thinking, worrying about the future and reliving the past are exhausting.
When you’re holding on to resentments, your mind is agitated; it is centered around the ego, reconfirming that you were treated unfairly.Advertising
In this agitated state it is impossible for you to enjoy your life. Over-thinking manifests into a whole heap of problems. It can create unhealthy habits and leave us powerless against the devastating effects of poor mental health.
Forgiveness will bring you peace of mind.
4. Resentments ruin relationships
Resentments left unattended can lead to bottled emotions and unhealthy outbursts.
You may hurt your loved ones with physical and/or verbal abuse and isolate yourself from friends and family. It can lead to venting at innocent parties such as your children, spouse or pet. This can lead to low self-esteem and manipulation in our relationships.
Remember, no one is perfect. We’re going to hurt other people and other people are going to hurt us: intentionally and unintentionally. Do you want to become a bitter, resentful, unpleasant person? Letting go of resentments will renew your relationships, you will become a breath of fresh air.
5. Resentments subdue your instincts
We are all born with instincts to help us survive; animals know when to run from predators, baby kittens know how to nuzzle into their mothers, and we know when something just feels ‘off’.Advertising
The problem with resentments is all the unhealthy thinking, replaying and blaming. These states of mind subdue the otherwise beeping red alarm that tells us when something is wrong. Instead of tuning into our natural feelings, we are too busy thinking. We think, and then we think, and then we think some more.
We are always thinking! Stop all the chatter and let’s tune in to our inner compass, it won’t lead you astray. Start following the flow of life that you were meant to.
6. Resentments develop ignorance
Resentment arises from ignorance and from an unjustifiable sense of entitlement.
- I have been treated unfairly.
- I can’t believe he would say that to me.
- My husband never pays any attention to me.
- Why would she get the promotion over me, I am a much better candidate.
- It is unfair that my loved one was taken from me too soon.
And on and on.
If you check, any resentment is always in precious defense of the self.
Ignorance makes it impossible for us to see things clearly as they are. Ignorance is tuning out. Oftentimes, we are unaware that we are unaware. We project our assumptions, beliefs, hopes and fears and fuse them with reality. But it’s not reality, it is simply the way we have viewed a situation through our lens, and our lens can be discolored.Advertising
With a mindfulness practice we can become more and more open to what is and we can accept what has happened without so much blame and victimizing. All this blame actually catapults us into more suffering.
7. Forgiveness will enhance your life
When we skip from thought to thought in a foggy haze, these moments can end up filling up most of our lives.
The recognition that you can choose emotional well-being even when things don’t turn out the way you want, will change you, in spirit, mind and body. Dwelling on past injustices has no effect on the present other than causing you and your loved ones pain. Being angry will not bring back a lost loved one or mend your broken heart.
This may be difficult but you can still wish someone happiness, even if they hurt you.
Forgiveness can change your life. It doesn’t mean you have forgotten the past. It doesn’t mean you have to keep someone in your life. It just means that you have decided to move on and that you are ready to be happy.
Quick forgiveness tips:
- Explore your emotions.
- Seek professional help.
- Develop empathy.
- Forgiving is not forgetting.
- Think about your family.
- Rely on facts.
- Write down three good things that came from the negative situation.
- Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. Let it go.
- Live in the moment.
- Take up a meditation practice.
Peaceful mind, peaceful life. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we want — it can be really tough. Sometimes we will be caught in violent storms, and these resentments will make us seasick. Accept the storm and you will find a life boat amidst even the strongest waves.
Last Updated on September 20, 2018
7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life
What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.
For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.
It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.
1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?
The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.
What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.
The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.
2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?
Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.
How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?
If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.
Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.
3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?
Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.
If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?
These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.
What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …
4. What are my goals in life?
Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:
Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.
5. Whom do I admire most in the world?
Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.
Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?
You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.
Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.
6. What do I not like to do?
An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.
What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?
Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.
The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …
7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?
Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.
But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,
“What do I want to do with my life?”
So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.
Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com
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