“When you forgive, you in no way change the past — but you sure do change the future.” — Bernard Meltzer
If we are honest, don’t we all carry a grudge towards someone or something? A heavy heart, lost loved one, or a belief that we have been treated unfairly?
I know I do. But I rarely stop to think how these resentments are affecting me.
Resentments are like weeds in our gardens, they multiply, take over and ultimately suffocate all the flowers. Sometimes they can be a big, blow-the-lid-off-the-container kind of resentment, and other times they are a small, sweep-them-under-the-rug kind of feeling. But the problem is that even if we sweep them under the rug, like Captain Jack Sparrow, on a rainy day they pop up, ready to strike. Surprise! And no one likes unpleasant surprises, right?
So, let’s take a look at why we need to get rid of these pesky weeds!
1. Resentments turn into anger
Anger is an ugly, clenched-fists, red-faced place, where no one wants to go. During the stage of retaliation, much like the Hulk, as much as you try to resist the urge to slam your opponent floor to ceiling, anger can make you feel like you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and unstoppable, powerful emotion.Advertising
You might catch yourself saying, “I wasn’t in my right mind,” and this is a dangerous place for any of us to be.
The truth is, anger is not caused by outer circumstances, people or things. Anger is a state of mind, and therefore only you can make yourself angry. You have the power to control your state of mind.
2. It’s bad for the body
Resentments can cause the following:
- Headaches and chronic pain
- Insomnia and a higher tendency for alcohol and drug abuse
- High blood pressure, heart attacks and stroke
- Skin problems
3. It’s bad for the mind
The effects aren’t just limited to the physical: letting go of old grudges reduces levels of depression and anxiety.
Our minds are like a busy freeway. The non-stop chattering, bouncing, judging, thinking, worrying about the future and reliving the past are exhausting.
When you’re holding on to resentments, your mind is agitated; it is centered around the ego, reconfirming that you were treated unfairly.Advertising
In this agitated state it is impossible for you to enjoy your life. Over-thinking manifests into a whole heap of problems. It can create unhealthy habits and leave us powerless against the devastating effects of poor mental health.
Forgiveness will bring you peace of mind.
4. Resentments ruin relationships
Resentments left unattended can lead to bottled emotions and unhealthy outbursts.
You may hurt your loved ones with physical and/or verbal abuse and isolate yourself from friends and family. It can lead to venting at innocent parties such as your children, spouse or pet. This can lead to low self-esteem and manipulation in our relationships.
Remember, no one is perfect. We’re going to hurt other people and other people are going to hurt us: intentionally and unintentionally. Do you want to become a bitter, resentful, unpleasant person? Letting go of resentments will renew your relationships, you will become a breath of fresh air.
5. Resentments subdue your instincts
We are all born with instincts to help us survive; animals know when to run from predators, baby kittens know how to nuzzle into their mothers, and we know when something just feels ‘off’.Advertising
The problem with resentments is all the unhealthy thinking, replaying and blaming. These states of mind subdue the otherwise beeping red alarm that tells us when something is wrong. Instead of tuning into our natural feelings, we are too busy thinking. We think, and then we think, and then we think some more.
We are always thinking! Stop all the chatter and let’s tune in to our inner compass, it won’t lead you astray. Start following the flow of life that you were meant to.
6. Resentments develop ignorance
Resentment arises from ignorance and from an unjustifiable sense of entitlement.
- I have been treated unfairly.
- I can’t believe he would say that to me.
- My husband never pays any attention to me.
- Why would she get the promotion over me, I am a much better candidate.
- It is unfair that my loved one was taken from me too soon.
And on and on.
If you check, any resentment is always in precious defense of the self.
Ignorance makes it impossible for us to see things clearly as they are. Ignorance is tuning out. Oftentimes, we are unaware that we are unaware. We project our assumptions, beliefs, hopes and fears and fuse them with reality. But it’s not reality, it is simply the way we have viewed a situation through our lens, and our lens can be discolored.Advertising
With a mindfulness practice we can become more and more open to what is and we can accept what has happened without so much blame and victimizing. All this blame actually catapults us into more suffering.
7. Forgiveness will enhance your life
When we skip from thought to thought in a foggy haze, these moments can end up filling up most of our lives.
The recognition that you can choose emotional well-being even when things don’t turn out the way you want, will change you, in spirit, mind and body. Dwelling on past injustices has no effect on the present other than causing you and your loved ones pain. Being angry will not bring back a lost loved one or mend your broken heart.
This may be difficult but you can still wish someone happiness, even if they hurt you.
Forgiveness can change your life. It doesn’t mean you have forgotten the past. It doesn’t mean you have to keep someone in your life. It just means that you have decided to move on and that you are ready to be happy.
Quick forgiveness tips:
- Explore your emotions.
- Seek professional help.
- Develop empathy.
- Forgiving is not forgetting.
- Think about your family.
- Rely on facts.
- Write down three good things that came from the negative situation.
- Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. Let it go.
- Live in the moment.
- Take up a meditation practice.
Peaceful mind, peaceful life. Life doesn’t always turn out the way we want — it can be really tough. Sometimes we will be caught in violent storms, and these resentments will make us seasick. Accept the storm and you will find a life boat amidst even the strongest waves.
Last Updated on November 4, 2020
15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life
Self-improvement doesn’t have to be big mind-blowing changes; it can actually be simple steps to improve upon what you already have to get you where you want to be. However, what you will need is consistency, determination and wiliness to try some things that will stretch and challenge you.
Rather than setting your sights way off into the future, which leaves you feeling like you’ll never make it, you can start following these simple and effective self-improvement steps today. So if you want to make an immediate impact on your life and are willing to take action, then keep reading— you’ll going to love these!
1. Be willing to work hard.
As with anything in life, if you want something, you’ve got to work hard to get it. This doesn’t mean you burn the candle at both ends, leaving you exhausted and leaving your personal life in ruins. It merely means that when you want something badly enough, you’ll put in the time to get there. Action is what’s important here and the more ‘inspired’ the action is, the better the results in the end.
2. Make sure you have friends who you can talk to.
Sharing the load is important as with any self-improvement. If you can communicate with others and get feedback on how you are doing then that’s great. We all need ‘cheerleaders’ in our corner to keep us going when times get hard, but you also need to have people who will tell you how it is even when you don’t want to hear it. So make sure you have a good support network around you, especially those people whose opinions you respect.
3. Adapt to your circumstances rather than over-thinking them.
Sometimes, we can hit a hard period. Perhaps you’ve lost your job or your partner has left you. Instead of over analyzing the situation, learn to adapt to your circumstances and accept them as they are. It’s not about making your circumstances into some kind of a drama; remember, what you focus on expands which means you’ll get more of it. You then don’t become your problems and you’ll feel a lot less burdened by them.
4. Ensure that you use your time wisely.
Time is of the essence, some might say; whilst others will say that time is an illusion. One thing we do know is that you have one life on this planet, so how you use that time is of the utmost importance. So how can you use your time wisely? Only you know how to do that, but look at how you currently spend your days: do you sit working all day, get home, eat and then sit slumped in front of the TV for the rest of the evening? Your time on this earth is precious, so isn’t it time to make use of the time you have left? Try something new, go for a walk, learn a new language or meditate but make sure it’s something you absolutely love.
5. Always be consistent.
A wonderful way to self-improvement is to make changes to how you do things. For example, with your friends, are you always the unreliable one who bows out of an arrangement just before it happens? Or are you someone who starts a new exercise routine and then stops doing it 3 weeks into it? Whatever it is and whatever you do, always be consistent. When you make a commitment, stick to it. It will improve your life immeasurably you’ll feel more confident and happier with yourself, especially because you’ll know that whatever you tackle, you’ll be able to consistently do it!
6. Go and find your happy place.
No, I’m not saying “place” as in popping to your local bar or restaurant and gorging yourself on your favorite drinks or food. What I’m saying is to find out what you love to do, what makes you happy and go there. Your happy place is a place where you find peace, where you lose yourself and feel contented. Meditation is a great way to find your happy place; it brings you back to you and ensures that you are always living in the present moment.
7. Make sure you embrace all your emotions.
In life you are going to find that it throws you some difficult challenges, sometimes it will bring out your fears and lead you into uncertainty, and other times it will be joyful. It’s important to embrace all emotions that come up in your life, embrace them wholeheartedly and understand why they are there and then let them go. Try not to dismiss or resist them because remember “what you resist, persists,” so embrace them each and every time.
8. Always be prepared to step out of your comfort zone.
The idea of stepping out of your comfort zone for some people can leave you paralyzed with fear; however for any changing in your life, your comfort zone will always have to be stepped out of. It doesn’t have to be something big, like doing a sky-dive or something just as crazy. However, it’s worthwhile to change something that you’d once have feared, like going to the cinema on your own or eating at a sushi restaurant when the thought of trying raw fish which would normally mean you running for the hills.
So try something new—it doesn’t have to be wacky, but it has to challenge you!
9. Be on hand to help others.
Whether it’s helping a stranger on the street or a family member or a friend helping someone else either in their time of need, lending a helping hand is a wonderful and simple self-improvement to make. Giving to others is not only beneficial to those you are helping but also to yourself; it can give you a sense of purpose, of contribution and also takes your mind of your own troubles and worries.
10. Live in the present moment.
A wonderful self-improvement tool is to live in the present moment, to live in the now. It is within this moment that you’ll appreciate all that you have and see the beauty in the simplest of things. Being mindful of your current circumstances and bringing your mind back to where it belongs will bring about a happier way of life instead of constant worry or stressing about the past or future—both of which do not exist. Only the present moment exists. When you get used to living that way, you’ll never want to go back!
11. Learn something new.
There is nothing so liberating as learning something new; it can lift both your confidence and self-esteem and give you a great reason to meet new people. If you continually top up your brain activity by learning something new all the time, you’ll feel on top of your game and want to share the knowledge you have learned. There is nothing quite so empowering as learning a new tool in life that can either improve your circle of friends or raise confidence levels—or both!
Reading is also a great way to help you learn something new:
12. Exercise daily.
This seems an obvious one, but exercise is so important not only to your health but also to your spirit. We all know that after exercise, the world can feel a brighter and more positive place, so why don’t we do it more often? Exercise isn’t about getting the perfect body or losing weight; it’s more about feeling good inside and out! With a healthy body comes a healthy mind—so start something today. Even if it’s just a daily walk, it’s better than staying on that couch, again.
13. Go to new places, travel a bit.
I’m not saying go fly off to some far away distant forgotten land—although you can if you so wish. It’s more about going to new places and experiencing life outside of your own back yard. Too many of us stay in one place too often. We only see the same people, the same streets and do the same things each and every day. If you want to improve your life, get out there and see the world and what it can offer. You can start by going to a town or city you’ve never been to in your own country and checking out the architecture, the landscapes and the people. Anything new is good, so get out there!
14. Listen to uplifting music and dance.
If there’s one thing that can really improve your life and get you excited about it, it’s listening to great uplifting music and dancing. When was the last time you really let go? Let it all hang loose and got into a piece of music and let yourself go? Dancing, like exercise, makes you feel great. It releases all kinds of emotions and can make you feel unbelievably good. Self-improvement isn’t all about the serious stuff; it can be something as simple as finding new music, music that inspires you and makes you dance and have fun!
15. Get up earlier than normal.
This is the last one, and it’s last because it’s one of those self-improvement tips that we all know is a good thing, yet we seem to avoid it at all costs! If you think about it, the earliest part of the day is when your brain is most active because it’s been turned off for the last 7 hours or so. So don’t you think it’s best to get all those things above done in the morning? Things like exercise, meditation and dancing, which can all be done in the first part of the day. Take it from me: this early morning stuff can really get your day started with a bang!
More on Self-Improvement
Featured photo credit: Laura Chouette via unsplash.com