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7 False Beliefs That Are Holding You Back in Life

7 False Beliefs That Are Holding You Back in Life

Are you carrying self-limiting beliefs that are preventing you from living a great life?

Consider these seemingly benign statements that we say to ourselves on a daily basis:

  • “I can’t tell the truth because I may get judged…”
  • “I don’t want to get close to this person lest my heart gets broken…”
  • “I don’t want to ask for what I want because, what if I get rejected?”
  • “I can’t trust people because I’ve been betrayed before…”
  • “I can’t pursue my dreams because I don’t know what I’d do if I fail…”
  • “I can’t do X because of Y…”

Can you spot the self-limiting thoughts behind these statements? Here are seven false beliefs that hold many from living a great life.

False Belief #1: “I can’t be my real self or I’ll be judged.”

I often watch videos of Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres, and other successful people on YouTube because I get to learn more about them and absorb their wisdom. I’ve noticed that no matter who the person is or how inspiring he/she may be, there’ll always be detractors trying to tear him/her down.

For example, with Oprah’s videos, I usually see detractors calling her “a fat hag,” “an overweight, money-grubbing whore,” and “a black racist.” Detractors of Ellen usually describe her as a “homo,” a “disgusting gay,” and an “evil lesbian who violates Jesus’ teachings, destroys the sanctity of marriage, and is going to hell.”

Seeing such comments helps me to realize that people are always going to judge, no matter how great of a person you are. You can never please everyone because everyone is different with his/her own set of opinions. Since everyone is different, why bother trying to please people? You are better off being yourself and owning your real self!

Embrace these beliefs instead:

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  • “It is not my job to please people in life.”
  • “Be myself; there’ll never be anyone else like me.”

Further reading:

False Belief #2: “I can’t fall in love or I’ll get my heartbroken.”

I used to carry this belief subconsciously. While I had been open to dating and being in a relationship since young, subconsciously I was afraid to love because I didn’t want to be rejected and have my heart broken. So, even though I would verbally say that I wanted to be in a relationship, I never truly opened my heart to others.

It was only in my late 20s when I let go of that belief, and subsequently found my soulmate. Now, if I had continued to close myself off, my now-husband and I would have never had gotten together; I would also not have found the love of my life. This would have been my greatest regret — except that I wouldn’t get to regret it because I wouldn’t even know what I had missed out!

To find true love, you need to put yourself out there and allow yourself to be vulnerable. While you may get hurt in the process, it’s part and parcel of any love journey. Know that it’s not possible to form a true connection without first allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Embrace these beliefs instead:

  • “I love freely because it is part of being human.”
  • “It is by opening my heart that I will attract the right kind of love into my life.”
  • “Heartbreaks help me to learn more about myself and love; they move me closer towards attracting the right person into my life.”

False Belief #3: “I can’t ask for what I want lest I get rejected.”

In life, people face rejection all the time. Rather than avoid rejection, learn how to handle it. Know that rejection is merely a process that lets you know that you’re poking in the wrong direction, so that you can adjust your strategy and redirect yourself in the right direction. By shying away from asking because you don’t want to face rejection, you’ll only rob yourself of opportunities to get what you want. The universe wants to give you what you want — create the opportunity for it to do so.

Embrace these beliefs instead:

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  • “Rejection is part and parcel of life. Every ‘no’ will lead me closer to a ‘yes.’”
  • “I need to first ask in order to receive.”

False Belief #4: “I can’t trust people lest they betray my trust.”

When I was in primary school, I found out that my then-best friend spoke ill about me the whole time we were “best friends,” even though she would always be saccharine sweet before me. As a twelve-year-old adolescent who was already self-inferior, this incident left me feeling worse about myself.

Even though this was a negative experience that made me more guarded, I realized – after embarking on my personal growth journey – that being guarded doesn’t help me to forge meaningful connections. While it may prevent me from getting hurt, it limits me from forming deep friendships with anyone.

Trust freely, while being smart about how you handle toxic people who betray your trust. Cut off the bad eggs in your life while opening yourself fully to receive new people into your life.

Embrace these beliefs instead:

  • “Everyone is deserving of my trust unless otherwise disproved.”
  • “Without trust, I can’t form a meaningful relationship with anyone.”

Further reading: The Secret To Meaningful, Fulfilling Social Relationships

False Belief #5: “I can’t pursue my dreams because I may fail.”

Before I came to pursue my dreams, there was a brief moment when I worried about failing. What if I fail? I thought. What would happen to my life? Would I be deemed a failure, a loser, a good-for-nothing?

However, it didn’t take long before I realized that my fear was redundant. Firstly, by doing proper strategizing, planning, and taking due action, there was no reason why I would fail. Secondly, even if I were to “fail” (as defined by not generating revenue before my savings run out), I could always return to the corporate world, generate more savings, and then return to pursue my dreams after a year or two. I could simply just do this over and over again, until I succeed.

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Failure is over-glorified in today’s world. People fail all the time; there’s no need to make a big hoo-haa out of it. What’s more important is the actions you take when things don’t go your way. How can you learn from your failures? How can you turn your failures into success? These are the questions to ask yourself to create the future of your dreams.

Embrace these beliefs instead:

  • “My dreams are mine for the taking.”
  • “Whatever I can conceive, I can achieve. It’s up to me to take the steps to make things happen.”

Further reading: How to Achieve Any Goal with Success (seven-part series)

False Belief #6: “I don’t need to be successful, so I’m not going to strive for success.”

Uh-oh, the self-intellect’s trap. I carry a variation of this belief sometimes, such as “I don’t need a lot of money to live a great life, so I’m not going to strive for riches,” and have to catch and correct myself when that happens.

The danger with this belief is that it creates this intellectual, rational, even convincing self-justification on why you shouldn’t be successful (or even, why you aren’t successful right now), when actually, it’s in your destiny to be successful, wealth, abundant, or whatever you want to be. And believe it or not, the only person who can break this trap is you yourself, because the ego can find unlimited ways to justify its state of being.

You don’t need a reason to achieve success because you’re meant for success. But supposed you do need one — what would you do if you are hugely successful, have a billion dollars in your bank, and are well-known throughout the world? How can you put this success, money, and fame to the highest use of all? Perhaps this answer will be the answer you need to strive for your highest potential.

Embrace these beliefs instead:

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  • “I succeed simply because I can be.”
  • “By being successful, I have more resources to achieve my highest goals and dreams and to support the highest good of mankind.”

False Belief #7: “It’s too late to pursue my dreams.”

Everyone knows Colonel Sanders, the founder and ambassador of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC). However, did you know that before Sanders became a world-famous Colonel, he was a “sixth-grade dropout, a farmhand, an army mule-tender, a locomotive fireman, a railroad worker, an aspiring lawyer, an insurance salesman, a ferryboat entrepreneur, a tire salesman, an amateur obstetrician, an (unsuccessful) political candidate, a gas station operator, a motel operator and finally, a restaurateur”?

It was between the ages of 48 and 49 that Sanders finalized his now-famous “Original Recipe” for KFC with 11 herbs and spices. At the age of 65 in 1955, Sanders traveled the U.S., visiting from restaurant to restaurant, knocking from door to door, and cooking batches of chicken for the restaurant owners to convince them to franchise his chicken. In 1964 at the age of 74, Sanders sold the company to investors for US$2 million (about US$15 million today), a lifetime salary, and the agreement that he’d be the company’s quality controller and trademark.

I don’t care much about the KFC restaurant since I don’t eat meat, but Sanders’ story is both inspiring and chocked full of lessons.

If you often say that it is too late to pursue your dreams, recognize that your age isn’t the real limiting factor here — your belief that it is a limiting factor, is the limiting factor. Forget the standard societal track of success where one needs to be at a certain place in life at a certain age to be considered successful. Your life path is bigger than such predefined tracks. Create your own life path and make it happen.

Embrace these beliefs instead:

  • “It’s never too late to pursue anything. What’s more important is that I take action now.”
  • “Age is just a number. My current age is just a reflection of the number of years I’ve been alive, but not a reflection of my unlimited power as a being.”

Further reading: How To Overcome Fear Of Loss And Pursue Your Dreams

How About You?

Do you carry any of these false beliefs? How are you going to turn them around? Share with me in the comments section.

Original Article: 7 Limiting Beliefs Keeping You from Living Your Best Life | Personal Excellence

Featured photo credit: StandUPP via flickr.com

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Celestine Chua

Celestine is the Founder of Personal Excellence where she shares her best advice on how to boost productivity and achieve excellence in life.

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Published on October 7, 2019

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

Can a person really be toxic? Well, a toxic person does not refer to those who are affected by the virus or toxic. To be precise, toxic people are those who are very unsupportive, abusive and unhealthy in nature. Their behavior is filled with venom and you will not feel any sort of gentle breeze in their words.

In this article, you will learn how to spot out a toxic person, and what you can do to deal with them.

Signs of Toxic People

To make it more obvious, I have added some signs of toxic people below.

Manipulative Behavior And Fabricated Mind

Toxic people are unable to deal with the bitter truth firmly. If you are going to blurt out their fabrications with proof, they will try to change the whole matter with their manipulative behavior. They will titillate you with sensitive words or they will try to frighten you to get rid of the problems.

Inhuman And Merciless in Nature

We know that sharing our thoughts with friends will keep us in good mental state. But, if you are not getting fruitful outcomes, you have to understand that you are spending time with toxic friends.

Toxic people do not know how to put themselves in other’s shoes. They just put on a mask of simplicity. But, in reality, they don’t have feelings for you. Therefore, you should stop sharing your valuable time with them as you will get nothing except annoyance and silence.

Hypocrisy at Its Best in Their Nature

Toxic people have a great hunger for respect, adoration, and fidelity. After dignifying them with these valuable elements, you will get nothing; you will be cheated, manipulated and criticized by them. And, if you are not willing to listen to them, you will be controlled by guilt-tripping.

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Emotional Outburst And Pathological Excuses

Toxic people always want to see themselves in the positive end. Therefore, to get their job done, they always have an emotional outburst and emotional excuse to make an impulsive impression upon you.

We do mistakes and it is our duty to accept those mistakes. But, toxic people have their own rules, they have a tendency to present themselves rationally even after committing a mistake. If someone tries to expose themselves with facts, they show no embarrassment and use emotional excuses as a shield.

Play with Your Emotion And Gradually Erode It

Toxic people always try to condescend you with critical jokes and when you try to elicit your thoughts, they just burst out laughing. Teasing becomes an important element in your relationship with toxic person. They even give you backhanded compliments to belittle you.

Thus, using their toxic mindset, they just gradually diminish your abilities as well as intelligence. And you will have nothing left in your hand other than putting up with these things to maintain the silence.

Well, you probably might have not seen all these signs in one person as there are different types of toxic people roaming around you.

4 Types of Toxic People

To understand it better, I’m mentioning the different types of toxic people here.

1. Conversational Narcissist

There are some toxic people who do not know how to give importance to others. They will talk about themselves but never ask you about your condition; they will only recall you when they need you or they are facing some sort of problems.

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2. Emotional Vampires

These vampires do not suck your blood but dissipate your emotion. They always talk negatively about everyone and compel you to think in the same pattern that they follow. They mask themselves in such a way in front of you that you gradually start giving importance to them. But, ultimately, you will not get any positive outcome from them.

3. Monsters with Green eyes

As discussed earlier, toxic people will give you backhanded compliments. Basically, these are called monsters with green eyes. These monsters feel happy when you feel sad. Therefore, they will always try to belittle your achievements, intelligence, and strengths. Along with it, they give compliments with some negativity in it.

4. Black-Eyed Cats

These cats always do mew-mew and try to control everything around them. They love to be pampered but, they do not like if someone goes against them.

If you are in a relationship with such persons, you will be nagged until you are giving them complete satisfaction. In a nutshell, it must be said that you have to align yourself with them if you want to live with them. But, ultimately, you will lose your mental, conversational and emotional freedom.

How to Deal with Toxic People

Living with problems is more convenient than living with toxic people. But, toxic people are parasites and therefore, you will see these monsters rambling around you wherever you go.

However, if you know how to deal with them, it would be very helpful for you and your life would be much easier to live. We have added some tips to assist you, just check these out.

Get Rid of Intermittent Reinforcement

We are very optimistic in nature and over the time, this optimism has reached to such a level that we can happily put up with the ‘close losses’ instead of trying to catch the ‘near wins’.

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B.F Skinner once did an experiment with three rats. He put them in different cages attached with levers. The lever delivered food when it was pressed. In the 1st cage, the lever always delivered food when the rat pressed it. In case of the 2nd cage, food was never delivered by the lever even after pressing it, therefore, the rat understood the lesson and never tried to get food. But, in the third cage, the lever delivered food randomly and as a result, the rat was completely hooked and fixated. He constantly pushed it but didn’t get the food always.

Well, this is called intermittent relationship and the same thing happens in human relationships where toxic people give you intermittent reinforcement and your heart gets pumped up with optimism. As a result, you will be hooked and your life will be fixated at some point with toxic people.

You should learn to move on without them and live your life happily because random happiness cannot bring permanent relief.

Never Make Too Many Allowances And Pardons

Well, sympathetic attitude is very good and it is also a fact that sometimes toxic people suffer from genuine depression, physical as well as mental illness. But, you have to set a boundary and you cannot allow people to get away with anything so easily.

If you make too many allowances as well as pardons, it would not be good for you in the long-term. Yes, there are some people who are facing extreme hardships and they are not even toxic in nature. But, all you can do is show some genuine compassion keeping yourself within the boundaries.

Always Try to Ignore Their Toxic Traps

Demotivational words are the primary weapon that they frequently use in their implications to detract you. Along with this, they throw words in such a way that you start feeling guilty. Well, you must understand that these are just toxic traps and you should not step on it.

Always remember that you will have full access to freedom if you stop taking things personally. They not only do this with you but also with everyone. You just have to keep in mind that these toxic words are not based on truth but on their own mental reproduction. So, you just have to ignore this and focus on your work.

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Show Them Your Beautiful Smile Not the Curves on Your Forehead

Toxic people have an aptitude to attack mentally, mock disgracefully and diminish shamefully. But, you will not be affected if you don’t surrender yourself. Show them that you are not getting belittled or insulted.

We all have our problems and we also know that we are capable of solving these problems. Therefore, the matter entirely depends upon us and if we don’t allow these vampires to enter into our life or play with our emotions, they cannot suck our happiness. So, I’d suggest you show your beautiful smile when they buzz around you.

Don’t Suppress Yourself

Toxic people will intimidate, bully, pass guilt, and forcefully take money from you to get their job done. They know very well that they are doing wrong and at the same time, they are acquainted with the concept that we are incapable of doing anything against them.

Most of the time, we keep ourselves quiet until someone speaks up. And because of this suppressive mindset, we are gradually being dragged into their mind games.

Well, we have to change this concept as it infuses courage into them. We need to obstruct them with firm minds and make them realize the negative consequences of their behavior.[1] If they are upsetting you, just tell them directly. Your direct statement might open a new gate of opportunity that will allow you to help them if they are suffering from genuine problems.

So, why are you still tolerating these toxic people? Follow the tips mentioned above and deal with them in the right way.

Featured photo credit: Devin Avery via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Tips for Grooming: Change Your Fixed Negative Belief

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