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7 Communication Mistakes Most Couples Make

7 Communication Mistakes Most Couples Make

Being half of a couple can be difficult, even if you’re head-over-heels in love. Communicating with your honey can get touchy, because both of you have different thoughts, opinions, emotions and histories. Check out this list and see what common communication mistakes most couples make, so you can eliminate them from your own relationship.

1. Assuming that more communication is the solution.

Believe it or not, there is such thing as too much communication. Have you ever discussed or argued your point so much that you start saying everything that comes to mind? Sometimes those things that come to mind aren’t the best to come from your mouth… But this happens because you’re talking so much that you’re saying things just to hold your own in the conversation. This is how you know you’re communicating too much. Sometimes you need to keep things to yourself, and while this doesn’t mean hiding things from your partner, it means picking your words carefully and saying just what needs to be said to resolve the issue at hand. The last thing you want to do is open another can of worms while you’re in the middle of resolving the current issue!

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2. Expecting your partner to read your mind.

You don’t want to communicate too much, but you also don’t want to bite your tongue and expect your partner to know what you’re thinking. If you’re waiting for someone to read your mind, you’re never going to feel like an equal in the relationship. You need to say what you’re thinking and feeling, just make sure your partner understands that these are your emotions and opinions, not something you’re forcing on them.

3. Giving in without saying what you think.

Don’t roll over and give up everything you’re thinking just to resolve the problem at hand. Your partner can’t win every time, and you need to make sure you’re letting your feelings be known and getting what you need from the relationship, too. If you never say what you think because you’re trying to keep the peace, you’ll find that over time you’re actually holding a grudge and resenting your partner because you’re unhappy in the relationship.

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    4. Harping on hopeless issues.

    It’s easy to bring up fights from the past, or nag your partner for things in their history, or things they believe or do differently from you. This is always a bad choice, though. It changes nothing, and it makes you look like you’re never going to let anything go. Be the type of person who can get over a fight when it’s resolved, and not bring it up in each fight that follows. “Live in the moment” sounds like silly advice when you’re in the middle of an argument, but it’s something that needs to be done so you’re not prolonging every fight you have.

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    5. Not understanding what is really being said.

    Some couples find it helpful to summarize each others’ points. Sounds like something you’d do for a high school paper, right? It’s actually a really good way to make sure you understand each other! After your partner shares their thoughts, summarize by saying “It sounds like you’re happy with X, but need Y to change to feel like the relationship is moving forward.” Your partner can then clarify if needed. If you got it right, then you can start explaining your thoughts on the issue. This way each remark doesn’t bring up a new fight due to imagined snarkiness or hostility.

    6. Thinking about your rebuttal instead of listening.

    It’s ok to admit — most of us go into a fight knowing what points we want to make, how we want the other person to feel, and what we want for “winning”. This is a bad attitude to have, though, because any discussion should have at least two sides to be fair. But when you know exactly what you want to say, you often think about that instead of listening to what the other person is saying. Don’t just focus on the first few words your partner says — listen to their whole statement, take a moment to absorb it, and then think about what you want to say in a return. If you have to scrap your original plan of attack, it’s probably for the best.

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    7. Not considering the other’s point of view.

    Everyone is different, and you know your partner intimately. You know how they think about things, how certain words or situations make them feel. Don’t forget all of this just to win an argument. Take your partner’s feelings, opinions and background into consideration when you communicate. You can sidestep a lot of fights and hurt feelings by being considerate this way.

    Featured photo credit: morning shadow via flickr.com

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    Last Updated on November 5, 2019

    12 Powerful Habits of a Lifelong Learner

    12 Powerful Habits of a Lifelong Learner

    Formal education is something everyone has to go through to a certain degree, and the knowledge it offers isn’t always that practical in real life. Life long learning is how you improve as a person, bit by bit and day by day.

    Life long learners recognize the importance and joy of growth so they never settle for what they currently know and always seek for improvement.

    Here are 12 habits of people who value lifelong learning have in common – see how many of them you recognize in yourself.

    1. They Read on a Daily Basis

    Whatever problem or dilemma you currently face, there’s definitely at least one decent book that discusses it and presents a variety of solutions.

    Reading is a great way to open up new horizons, train your brain and revolutionize your life. I can’t even count how many times books completely transformed the way I view the world, and it’s always a change for the better. Through reading, you can connect with successful people and learn from the lessons they share.

    Life long learners love to get lost in books and do it regularly. Bill Gates knows that reading matters a lot; on his personal blog, he reviews plenty of game-changing books.

    Due to technology, you can access a bookshelf of the wealthiest entrepreneur on this planet.

    2. They Attend Various Courses

    Whether it’s online or offline, there are countless courses you can participate in without spending a dime on it. These are great opportunities to connect with clever and like-minded people and learn from them.

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    Because of the advanced technology, you can now gain knowledge from online programs, starting from coding through self-improvement to programs from top universities.

    There are literally endless ways to thrive. What life long learners have in common is squeezing as much as possible out of these opportunities.

    3. They Actively Seek Opportunities to Grow

    Instead of spending your free time laying on the couch and watching TV, you prefer doing something creative and practical. You know every wasted minute is gone forever.

    That’s why you’d rather practice your language skills with a native-speaker you’ve met, engage in local meet up or attend a class that teaches something you always wanted to learn.

    Life long learners stay up-to-date with growth opportunities in their areas and participate in them frequently.

    4. They Take Care of Their Bodies

    “Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.” — John F. Kennedy

    A clever mind combined with a body in a great condition is the best asset you can have. Our bodies were designed to run, walk, jump, swim, lift and much more. Leading a sedentary lifestyle harms both your physical and mental sphere.

    Life long learners know the body is your temple. In order to make it flourish for as long as possible, they train regularly, move a lot and eat healthy.

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    5. They Have Diverse Passions

    Among Steve Jobs’ wise quotes, there’s one I like especially. It’s about connecting the dots:

    “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” — Steve Jobs

    Each dot is some event or skill in your life, and it’s only when you go through these elements that you know how to combine them into something great.

    Having a variety of passions indicates that you love to progress. By practicing different skills, you give yourself an advantage over the rest of the people. During hard times, you are more likely to to act intelligently and solve your problems with less effort.

    6. They Love Making Progress

    If behind the efforts, there is passion and a deep desire to grow, your chances of success are way higher, compared to when you are forced to learn.

    Life long learners love to experience the constant growth and improvement. The breakthrough moments help them to notice the impressive change that took place because of the learning process. Any milestone serves as a driving force for further headway.

    7. They Challenge Themselves with Specific Goals

    In order to keep growing, you clearly define your goals. Smart goal setting is one of the tools to ensure constant growth.

    Since you love challenges, a difficult goal doesn’t scare you. Quite the opposite, it keeps you motivated and engaged.

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    Research showed that precise and ambitious goals increase the performance of an individual. As we already agreed, life long learners are people who care about their performance, hence they never stop improving.

    8. They Embrace Change

    A complete change can lead to incredible results. This is especially visible on the example of successful companies.

    Oftentimes, it’s that transformation which created space for their so-called overnight success. Twitter was originally created as an internal service to serve Odeo employees. Currently, it has over 300 million monthly active users and is considered the second biggest social network.

    As a life long learner, you know a change can lead to extraordinary results so you welcome it and stay open minded about making a shift.

    9. They Believe It’s Never Too Late to Start Something

    Some people tend to think after a certain age, they are no longer allowed to start something and become successful. The truth is, it’s just a lame excuse not to leave the comfort zone.

    Opposite to common misconceptions, there’s no wrong age to begin something. Henry Ford was 45 when he invented the Ford Model T car, which is considered as the first affordable automobile.

    Sure, for some domains like becoming a professional athlete, starting early is required. However, to learn and improve for its own sake, you are never too old.

    10. Their Attitude to Getting Better Is Contagious

    “We now accept the fact that learning is a life long process of keeping abreast of change. And the most pressing task is to teach people how to learn.” — Peter Drucker

    There’s nothing better than to see your surroundings getting involved in what you actively participate in. Oftentimes, the best way to achieve that is to inspire them and be the example. As Gandhi would say, you need to be the change you want to see in the world.

    As a life long learner, you are extremely passionate about the constant growth and people around you can sense that positive attitude. As a result, they start acting similarly.

    11. They Leave Their Comfort Zone

    Is it really better to step out of your comfort zone? The answer is always yes.

    You always embrace discomfort as you know the path to success leads through hardship and countless obstacles. Instead of being afraid of facing them, you challenge yourself to overcome more and more difficult handicaps.

    Every time you get out of your comfort zone, regardless whether you win or fail, you learn something new. That’s the part you love the most!

    12. They Never Settle Down

    “Knowledge is exploding, so you need to commit yourself to a plan for life long learning.” — Don Tapscott

    A sense of being clever enough is something you don’t experience. Without a doubt, you appreciate what you already know, but that’s never a reason to stop. You just know once you stop learning, you lose the amazing privilege humans have, namely an ability to a never-ending intellectual development.

    More About Lifelong Learning

    Featured photo credit: Christin Hume via unsplash.com

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