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6 Differences Between Ones Who Like You And The One Who’ll Keep You

6 Differences Between Ones Who Like You And The One Who’ll Keep You

If you’re like most of us, no matter what relationship you are in, you’re likely to think at one time or another that you’re with the one. As much as we’d like to follow our hearts however, finding the one is more than just a matter of strong attraction. It’s important to make sure your heart and your head agree if you are spending the rest of your life with someone, so it’s vital to sort out the qualities that make someone worth spending your life with. Overall, the biggest indicator is when someone is truly selfless, invested, and interested in who you are and what you want. The following points will help you make that distinction, and are qualities anyone should value when looking for the one.

Attention Vs Care

One big difference between someone you like and someone you should stay with is paying attention to you, versus caring about you. Any healthy romantic relationship means that the other person should pay attention to your desires, likes, and day-to-day schedule. However, when somebody really cares, there’s a difference. Someone who listens to your favorite songs just to get to know you better, for example, is somebody who cares about you and isn’t just paying attention for the short term benefits.

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All Talk Vs All Action

It’s easy to have feelings for people who are smooth talkers. It seems that they know just how to appeal to your insecurities and hopes. However, when you’re with the one who is really interested in you, you’ll find that actions speak louder than words. Especially when you have disagreements and ask your other half to change the way they treat you; words promising to make changes are nowhere near as important as active steps. When you find someone who is willing to put in the effort and make real decisions for your best interest, keep them.

Hearing Vs Listening

Another difference between a significant other and a significant other who could be the one, is how they listen to you. If your significant other appears to listen to you, but rarely understands what you’re saying or makes changes, they may just be hearing you instead of listening to you.

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Interest Vs Investment

Another way to recognize the one is how interested they are in you. Anyone you date is likely to show some amount of interest in your passions and career, however the one will be truly invested in everything from your relationships, to how your day goes. You should always seek out people who are truly invested in you, and want to see you be your happiest. If you’re going to be with someone long term, it is crucial that they are not only interested in you, but invested in you.

Concerned Vs Involved

Another way to measure whether you are with the one, is to consider how involved they are in your life. Someone who sees themselves with you for a long period of time will not just concern themselves with your life and family, but will look for new ways to be truly involved. When your significant other moves from learning the names of your relatives to cracking jokes with and looking forward to seeing them, you know you have someone special.

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Thinking For You Vs Thinking Of You

Another way to sort out whether your relationship is the right one, is to consider whether they think of you or for you. An involved, concerned significant other will offer you advice, give you feedback, and be honest about their opinions. However, a love interest who offers cutting criticisms, and makes you feel less confident is a sign that they are thinking for you and not about what’s best for you. Always try to find those who are honest about what they think, without manipulating you or shaming you into doing what they want. When you’re with the one, it should always be obvious that they want what’s best for you, not what’s best for them.

Featured photo credit: Dennis Skley via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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