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5 Types of People You Love to Hate But Probably Shouldn’t

5 Types of People You Love to Hate But Probably Shouldn’t

We often throw the word “hate” around and use it too lightly. We say we hate people we don’t understand, or people who frustrate us with their behavior. However, we don’t really hate these people. The term “hate” should be reserved only for the most unacceptable human behaviors, like violence or prejudice.

There are five types of people that I thought I hated for a long time. Then I realized that they were simply people dealing with their own weaknesses and fears. Maybe they were dealing with those fears much differently than I thought they should. But I realized it’s a far better idea to try to understand and sympathize with them, rather than say I hate for them.

Here are those five types of people, and what I learned about them.

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1. The bragger

This person has to be number one on almost everyone’s list of “hated” people. No one likes a bragger, and I’ve especially detested the act of bragging for as long as I can remember. I knew a guy who seemed to have it all figured out, or at least he thought he did. On one occasion at a social event, his extroverted attempts at charming everyone really started to annoy me. I bluntly made a few remarks, thinking I’d put him in his place.

The result was actually surprising. He became quiet for several minutes, even appearing somewhat anxious. At that point, I realized something that I should have known much sooner. This guy wasn’t full of himself. He was just the opposite, and his attempts at charming everyone in the room were really just pleas for acceptance. I immediately felt guilty for being rude to him because he was dealing with insecurity the only way he knew how. His behavior still seems like show act at times, but I don’t hassle him now. It’s just a part of his journey to becoming more sure of himself, and that’s ok. 

2. The selfie queen

This is another character you often hear people complain about. One particular friend of mine fits the bill perfectly. I’ll admit, we only know each other through mutual friends, and probably wouldn’t otherwise, as we’re not much alike. However, there is something in her that is relentlessly benevolent. She’s kind and accepting of just about everyone. Much of her selfie-snapping, I believe, can be attributed to her need to feel liked and accepted. Once we see the reason behind annoying behaviors like this, all of our “hate” for them suddenly seems cruel.

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While there will always be a part of me (a fairly large part of me) that finds her a bit annoying, and sometimes shallow, I find myself wanting to support her. I’ll even “like” a few of the not-so-interesting photos she regularly posts of herself, her house, her food, etc., just to make her feel good. Of course, she doesn’t need it. She has plenty of friends and family members who adore her. But I think it’s important for me to remind myself to be accepting of things that bother me, and accept someone who is clearly asking for a little validation now and then.

3. The perfectionist

You know those people who say, “Lets go with the flow and see what happens?” Perfectionists are the opposite of those people. They believe there’s only one “right” way, and they don’t tolerate variations or gray areas. Since I’m relatively easygoing and open to change, perfectionists have hassled me quite a few times. Someone in my close circle is like this, and accomplishing things with them often feels like wading through honey. We repeatedly have to stop in the middle of a task and regroup to do things as by-the-book as possible. 

While I constantly fought this perfectionist to loosen up, my efforts were always futile. But maybe I was pushing too hard. After all, is it really such a bad thing to want to do everything to the best of your ability? When you think about it, that’s all a perfectionist really is. The trait is actually somewhat admirable.

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4. The pushover

While it may seem harsh to hate on a pushover, it’s also difficult to watch them be continuously stepped on without getting frustrated. One of my closest friends seems to have a little problem with letting things slide. People take drastic measures to inconvenience him, and he doesn’t give it so much as a thought. Many times, he’s even stood up for people while I angrily express how out of line they are.

The thing to recognize is, people who are perceived as pushovers often have a valuable trait that most of us lack—patience. These people can have their tolerance tested time and time again, but never run out of reasons to be understanding. Instead of regarding these people as weak, we should consider what we can learn from them.

5. The crazy girl

Calm down feminists, I know there are crazy guys too. However, one particular girl I met years ago really struck me. She was notoriously known as the “crazy” one who was to be avoided—and certainly not to be invited to parties. She was rude, inconsiderate, volatile at times, and an emotional wreck at other times. On more than one occasion, I found myself trying to set her straight for the rude things she’d say to me. She would casually apologize, then seem to forget all about the incident seconds later.

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Looking back, it’s obvious now that trying to reprimand her was a ridiculous and misguided approach. All of her behaviors were symptoms of major troubles she was having at home. She projected the chaos onto everyone she came across, and they promptly rejected her in response. Thus the more I thought about it, the more I felt sorry for her. It doesn’t seem fair to hate others with so many problems, when we have so few to complain about.

Featured photo credit: Pixabay via pixabay.com

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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