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5 Secrets of Socially Successful People

5 Secrets of Socially Successful People

When it comes to being socially successful, the quantity of your relationships is irrelevant. The important thing is the quality of them. I would rather have a small team that works in concert than a big team so scattered that nothing ever gets done. It’s better to have a few close friends who love you for who you are than a lot of acquaintances who you’re not so comfortable with. Here are five ways you can make people enjoy being around you.

1. Be confident, but not cocky.

There is a big difference between healthy confidence and arrogant cockiness. A confident person, when complimented about a wonderful thing they did, would reply with a simple “thank you.” A cocky person would take the opportunity to perform an unscheduled Academy Award acceptance speech. A confident person would offer praise for everybody who contributed to their success. A cocky person would claim all the credit for themselves without a second thought. Cocky people might experience temporary perks, but long-lasting success is a prize reserved for the confident.

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2. Be approachable, but not a pushover.

You should welcome your friends and coworkers with open arms. It’s hard to find a person who will offer a listening ear in a time of need, so fulfilling that need will help you become a person people trust. But there can be too much of a good thing. If you find yourself with invites you’re not that interested in, don’t be afraid to politely reject them. If your schedule becomes devoured by people desiring your attention, set some ground rules and prioritize. To take care of others, you must first take care of yourself.

3. Be direct in expression, but not nasty in delivery.

Receiving honesty with no filter is like finding a massive glass of ice water during a desert excursion. Speak words of truth, and people will be refreshed to hear them. Most people sugarcoat their opinions, so a willingness to tell it how you see it will win the appreciation of your friends and coworkers. But here’s the catch: delivery is everything. There is a big difference between “Your article sucks” and “I like the general concept, but I think it might play better if you try it from a different angle.” Authenticity is something you should aim for, but it isn’t a ticket to be nasty to people. To deliver honest and helpful feedback, use this sentence structure: “I liked (insert positive quality), but think it would be better if (constructive criticism/suggestion for improvement.” 

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4. Be mindful of your actions, but not absorbed in yourself.

Have you ever found yourself nervous while fielding questions in a job interview or talking to a cute person you have a crush on? So obsessed with making a positive first impression that you can’t escape the constant stream of thoughts causing you to doubt if you’re saying and doing the right things? As a consequence, you might find yourself so self-absorbed that you can’t focus on what the other person is saying (much less the nonverbal cues that will help you translate their words). The less time you spend questioning yourself and the more time you spend actively listening to the other person, the better off you will be. If you’d like to check out some tips that will help other people feel comfortable around you, click here.

5. Be assertive, but not overbearing.

There is a thin line between being assertive and overbearing, so let’s take a look at their definitions.

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as·ser·tive (adjective): having or showing a confident and forceful personality.

o·ver·bear·ing (adjective):  unpleasantly or arrogantly domineering.

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An assertive person would confidently (and politely) ask friends or networking contacts for help if they needed it (and hopefully offer to return the favor). An overbearing person would manipulate people to get what they wanted without a second thought about how their actions affected others. Being overbearing will make people avoid you because no one wants to help a pushy person. Being assertive will attract people to you, if you can reflect confidence and contagious enthusiasm.

How would you define being “socially successful?” Do you have any tips that might be useful?

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Daniel Wallen

Freelance Writer

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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