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5 Secrets of Socially Successful People

5 Secrets of Socially Successful People

When it comes to being socially successful, the quantity of your relationships is irrelevant. The important thing is the quality of them. I would rather have a small team that works in concert than a big team so scattered that nothing ever gets done. It’s better to have a few close friends who love you for who you are than a lot of acquaintances who you’re not so comfortable with. Here are five ways you can make people enjoy being around you.

1. Be confident, but not cocky.

There is a big difference between healthy confidence and arrogant cockiness. A confident person, when complimented about a wonderful thing they did, would reply with a simple “thank you.” A cocky person would take the opportunity to perform an unscheduled Academy Award acceptance speech. A confident person would offer praise for everybody who contributed to their success. A cocky person would claim all the credit for themselves without a second thought. Cocky people might experience temporary perks, but long-lasting success is a prize reserved for the confident.

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2. Be approachable, but not a pushover.

You should welcome your friends and coworkers with open arms. It’s hard to find a person who will offer a listening ear in a time of need, so fulfilling that need will help you become a person people trust. But there can be too much of a good thing. If you find yourself with invites you’re not that interested in, don’t be afraid to politely reject them. If your schedule becomes devoured by people desiring your attention, set some ground rules and prioritize. To take care of others, you must first take care of yourself.

3. Be direct in expression, but not nasty in delivery.

Receiving honesty with no filter is like finding a massive glass of ice water during a desert excursion. Speak words of truth, and people will be refreshed to hear them. Most people sugarcoat their opinions, so a willingness to tell it how you see it will win the appreciation of your friends and coworkers. But here’s the catch: delivery is everything. There is a big difference between “Your article sucks” and “I like the general concept, but I think it might play better if you try it from a different angle.” Authenticity is something you should aim for, but it isn’t a ticket to be nasty to people. To deliver honest and helpful feedback, use this sentence structure: “I liked (insert positive quality), but think it would be better if (constructive criticism/suggestion for improvement.” 

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4. Be mindful of your actions, but not absorbed in yourself.

Have you ever found yourself nervous while fielding questions in a job interview or talking to a cute person you have a crush on? So obsessed with making a positive first impression that you can’t escape the constant stream of thoughts causing you to doubt if you’re saying and doing the right things? As a consequence, you might find yourself so self-absorbed that you can’t focus on what the other person is saying (much less the nonverbal cues that will help you translate their words). The less time you spend questioning yourself and the more time you spend actively listening to the other person, the better off you will be. If you’d like to check out some tips that will help other people feel comfortable around you, click here.

5. Be assertive, but not overbearing.

There is a thin line between being assertive and overbearing, so let’s take a look at their definitions.

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as·ser·tive (adjective): having or showing a confident and forceful personality.

o·ver·bear·ing (adjective):  unpleasantly or arrogantly domineering.

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An assertive person would confidently (and politely) ask friends or networking contacts for help if they needed it (and hopefully offer to return the favor). An overbearing person would manipulate people to get what they wanted without a second thought about how their actions affected others. Being overbearing will make people avoid you because no one wants to help a pushy person. Being assertive will attract people to you, if you can reflect confidence and contagious enthusiasm.

How would you define being “socially successful?” Do you have any tips that might be useful?

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Daniel Wallen

Daniel is a writer who focuses on blogging about happiness and motivation at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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