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5 Secrets of Socially Successful People

5 Secrets of Socially Successful People

When it comes to being socially successful, the quantity of your relationships is irrelevant. The important thing is the quality of them. I would rather have a small team that works in concert than a big team so scattered that nothing ever gets done. It’s better to have a few close friends who love you for who you are than a lot of acquaintances who you’re not so comfortable with. Here are five ways you can make people enjoy being around you.

1. Be confident, but not cocky.

There is a big difference between healthy confidence and arrogant cockiness. A confident person, when complimented about a wonderful thing they did, would reply with a simple “thank you.” A cocky person would take the opportunity to perform an unscheduled Academy Award acceptance speech. A confident person would offer praise for everybody who contributed to their success. A cocky person would claim all the credit for themselves without a second thought. Cocky people might experience temporary perks, but long-lasting success is a prize reserved for the confident.

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2. Be approachable, but not a pushover.

You should welcome your friends and coworkers with open arms. It’s hard to find a person who will offer a listening ear in a time of need, so fulfilling that need will help you become a person people trust. But there can be too much of a good thing. If you find yourself with invites you’re not that interested in, don’t be afraid to politely reject them. If your schedule becomes devoured by people desiring your attention, set some ground rules and prioritize. To take care of others, you must first take care of yourself.

3. Be direct in expression, but not nasty in delivery.

Receiving honesty with no filter is like finding a massive glass of ice water during a desert excursion. Speak words of truth, and people will be refreshed to hear them. Most people sugarcoat their opinions, so a willingness to tell it how you see it will win the appreciation of your friends and coworkers. But here’s the catch: delivery is everything. There is a big difference between “Your article sucks” and “I like the general concept, but I think it might play better if you try it from a different angle.” Authenticity is something you should aim for, but it isn’t a ticket to be nasty to people. To deliver honest and helpful feedback, use this sentence structure: “I liked (insert positive quality), but think it would be better if (constructive criticism/suggestion for improvement.” 

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4. Be mindful of your actions, but not absorbed in yourself.

Have you ever found yourself nervous while fielding questions in a job interview or talking to a cute person you have a crush on? So obsessed with making a positive first impression that you can’t escape the constant stream of thoughts causing you to doubt if you’re saying and doing the right things? As a consequence, you might find yourself so self-absorbed that you can’t focus on what the other person is saying (much less the nonverbal cues that will help you translate their words). The less time you spend questioning yourself and the more time you spend actively listening to the other person, the better off you will be. If you’d like to check out some tips that will help other people feel comfortable around you, click here.

5. Be assertive, but not overbearing.

There is a thin line between being assertive and overbearing, so let’s take a look at their definitions.

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as·ser·tive (adjective): having or showing a confident and forceful personality.

o·ver·bear·ing (adjective):  unpleasantly or arrogantly domineering.

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An assertive person would confidently (and politely) ask friends or networking contacts for help if they needed it (and hopefully offer to return the favor). An overbearing person would manipulate people to get what they wanted without a second thought about how their actions affected others. Being overbearing will make people avoid you because no one wants to help a pushy person. Being assertive will attract people to you, if you can reflect confidence and contagious enthusiasm.

How would you define being “socially successful?” Do you have any tips that might be useful?

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Daniel Wallen

Daniel is a writer who focuses on blogging about happiness and motivation at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on July 16, 2019

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

7 Ways to Get Rid of Negative Energy and Become Positive

Negativity affects ourselves and everyone around us. It limits our potential to become something great and live a fulfilling, purposeful life. Negativity has a tangible effect on our health, too. Research has shown that people who cultivate negative energy experience more stress, more sickness, and less opportunity over the course of their lives than those who choose to live positively.

When we make a decision to become positive, and follow that decision up with action, we will begin to encounter situations and people that are also positive. The negative energy gets edged out by all positive experiences. It’s a snowball effect.

Although negative and positive thoughts will always exist, the key to becoming positive is to limit the amount of negativity that we experience by filling ourselves up with more positivity.

Here are some ways to get rid of negativity and become more positive.

1. Become Grateful for Everything

When life is all about us, it’s easy to believe that we deserve what we have. An attitude of entitlement puts us at the center of the universe and sets up the unrealistic expectation that others should cater to us, our needs, and our wants. This vain state of existence is a surefire way to set yourself up for an unfulfilled life of negativity.

People living in this sort of entitlement are “energy suckers”–they are always searching for what they can get out of a situation. People that don’t appreciate the nuances of their lives live in a constant state of lacking. And it’s really difficult to live a positive life this way.

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When we begin to be grateful and appreciate everything in our lives–from the small struggles that make us better, to the car that gets us from A to B every day–we shift our attitude from one of selfishness, to one of appreciation. This appreciation gets noticed by others, and a positive harmony begins to form in our relationships.

We begin to receive more of that which we are grateful for, because we’ve opened ourselves up to the idea of receiving, instead of taking. This will make your life more fulfilling, and more positive.

2. Laugh More, Especially at Yourself

Life gets busy, our schedules fill up, we get into relationships, and work can feel task oriented and routine-driven at times. Being human can feel more like being a robot. But having this work-driven, serious attitude often results in negative and performance oriented thinking.

Becoming positive means taking life less seriously and letting yourself off the hook. This is the only life that you get to live, why not lighten up your mood?

Laughter helps us become positive by lightening our mood and reminding us not to take life so seriously. Are you sensitive to light sarcasm? Do you have trouble laughing at jokes? Usually, people who are stressed out and overly serious get most offended by sarcasm because their life is all work and no play.

If we can learn to laugh at ourselves and our mistakes, life will become more of an experiment in finding out what makes us happy. And finding happiness means finding positivity.

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3. Help Others

Negativity goes hand in hand with selfishness. People that live only for themselves have no higher purpose in their lives. If the whole point of this world is only to take care of yourself and no one else, the road to a long-term fulfillment and purpose is going to be a long one.

Positivity accompanies purpose. The most basic way to create purpose and positivity in your life is to begin doing things for others. Start small; open the door for the person in front of you at Starbucks or ask someone how their day was before telling them about yours.

Helping others will give you an intangible sense of value that will translate into positivity. And people might just appreciate you in the process.

4. Change Your Thinking

We can either be our best coach or our best enemy. Change starts from within. If you want to become more positive, change the wording of your thoughts. We are the hardest on ourselves, and a stream of negative self talk is corrosive to a positive life.

The next time you have a negative thought, write it down and rephrase it with a positive spin. For example, change a thought like, “I can’t believe I did so horribly on the test–I suck.” to “I didn’t do as well as I hoped to on this test. But I know I’m capable and I’ll do better next time.”

Changing our self-talk is powerful.

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5. Surround Yourself with Positive People

We become most like the people that we surround ourselves with. If our friend group is full of negative energy-suckers and drama queens, we will emulate that behavior and become like them. It is very difficult to become more positive when the people around us don’t support or demonstrate positive behavior.

As you become more positive, you’ll find that your existing friends will either appreciate the new you or they will become resistant to your positive changes. This is a natural response.

Change is scary; but cutting out the negative people in your life is a huge step to becoming more positive. Positive people reflect and bounce their perspectives onto one another. Positivity is a step-by-step process when you do it solo, but a positive group of friends can be an escalator.

6. Get into Action

Negative thoughts can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. Negativity is usually accompanied by a “freak-out” response, especially when tied to relationships, people and to worrying about the future. This is debilitating to becoming positive and usually snowballs into more worry, more stress and more freak-outs.

Turn the negative stress into positive action. The next time you’re in one of these situations, walk away and take a break. With your eyes closed, take a few deep breaths. Once you’re calm, approach the situation or problem with a pen and pad of paper. Write out four or five actions or solutions to begin solving the problem.

Taking yourself out of the emotionally charged negative by moving into the action-oriented positive will help you solve more problems rationally and live in positivity

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7. Take Full Responsibility, Stop Being the Victim

You are responsible for your thoughts.

People that consistently believe that things happen to them handicap themselves to a victim mentality. This is a subtle and deceptive negative thought pattern. Phrases like “I have to work” or “I can’t believe he did that to me” are indicators of a victim mentality. Blaming circumstances and blaming others only handicaps our decision to change something negative into something positive.

Taking full responsibility for your life, your thoughts and your actions is one of the biggest steps in creating a more positive life. We have unlimited potential within to create our own reality, change our life, and change our thoughts. When we begin to really internalize this, we discover that no one can make us feel or do anything. We choose our emotional and behavioral response to people and circumstances.

Make positive choices in favor of yourself.

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny” ― Lao Tzu

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Featured photo credit: Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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