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4 Simple Steps To Deal With Disappointments

4 Simple Steps To Deal With Disappointments

You failed to close the business deal after all the hard work? Hit a rough patch in relationship and he or she left? Your friendship ends even though you’ve cared and cherished him or her all the time?

Inevitably, life throws a lemon to us and it makes us sour and heartbroken. Don’t let it drag you down. You don’t even need advice or tons of motivational books to pick yourself up. Here are four simple steps to deal with disappointments in life:

1. Release the pain

Cry, as hard as you want, as loud as you need. If you want to scream, go ahead. It’s okay to feel down. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Forget about looking at the bright side, be happy and so on. There’s no room for positivity now. You need to express all the sadness, anger and frustrations first. Remove them all. Leave no trace. I cried for days as I didn’t do well in my Electone exam.

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“There you go… let it all slide out. Unhappiness can’t stick in a person’s soul when it’s slick with tears.” – Shannon Hale

2. Gain some support

Finished crying? Now your heart may be empty. Get some love – whether it’s a hug or a pat on the shoulder. No one around? Hug your pet – or your pillow. After all, you don’t need any advice for now. Don’t try to settle anything. Just seek some comfort, something you can hold on to. Make yourself feel better first.

“Detach from needing to have things work out a certain way. The universe is perfect and there are no failures. Give yourself the gift of detaching from your worries and trust that everything is happening perfectly.” – Orin

3. Clear your mind

Take a walk. Look at nature. If you can, pack light and just go travel. Release yourself from all the expectations and allow yourself to breathe, relax and calm down. All you need is time and let things settle down naturally. They will. And remember not to blame or judge anyone, especially yourself. Instead, be kind to yourself. Heal.

“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.” – Anne Frank

4. Face your problems

Feeling better? It’s time to clear things up. This is important because if you fail to learn from the issues, it may become a boomerang and keeps coming back to you.

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Now write down your feelings. You can make a mind map too. The purpose is to have a fresh view on the big picture. Find out:

  • What made you feel frustrated?
  • What did you expect?
  • Why it didn’t work out?
  • Is it as bad as you think?
  • Is there anything you can do to fix it?
  • What are all the steps (details) that you need to take?

If you think there are still ways to resolve the situation, act immediately. On the other hand, if you think it’s out of your control, you will need to let it go, and take it as it is. Believe that you tried your best. If you didn’t, promise yourself to be alert and take a better approach next time. Here’s Tryon Edwards’s suggestion: “Right actions in the future are the best apologies for bad actions in the past.”

You see, sometimes life just doesn’t grant our wishes and turn out the way we liked. But always believe that, everything happens for a reason – a good reason. These experiences may look awful but they are precious. They help us to grow stronger, wiser, view things with a different perspective and learn to appreciate the things we have. They shape us to our better selves.

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It’s alright. Stand up, dust yourself off, embrace new days with hope!

Featured photo credit: Thinking by Creative Ignition via flic.kr

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Noel

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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