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4 Proactive Strategies to Build a Social Life

4 Proactive Strategies to Build a Social Life

A lot of people believe that developing a social life is something that should just happen naturally, on it’s on, without you needing to do anything. I disagree.

I think that while this can happen for some folks, in certain stages of their life, it’s not always the case. Which is why many of us today lack a fulfilling social life. If you’re in college so you get to hang around lots of other people and you’re naturally a social person, your social circle will develop on its own. But if you’re an accountant working in cubicle all day who doesn’t go out much and is kind of shy, your social life may be seriously deficient.

In my view, building a social life requires the same active and strategic approach that making money or building a career requires. An approach based on setting goals and acting on them. Coming from this angle, I want to show you 4 proactive strategies to build a social life.

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1. Understand Your Type

A fulfilling social life looks differently for different people. Some of us need lots of friends and a large social circle. Some of us are more fond a having just a few friends, but who are very close to us. And some prefer a mix of the two. What is your preference? Do you know? Take some time to think about this and visualize what your ideal social circle would look like.

Another aspect to think about is what kind of people you want in your social circle. Do you prefer people who are artistic, or people who are tech-oriented? People who are outdoorsy or prefer to be indoors? Usually, you will get along best with individuals who are similar to you. So I advise you to consider your dominant traits and consciously decide which of these traits are important for you to find in others. If you know what kind of people you want in your life, you’re much more likely to find them,

2. Go Where the People Are

Once you know how many and what kind of friends you’re looking for, it’s time to take action in order to meet them. This may seem obvious, but it’s something many of us disregard: if you just wait for others to come to you, you’ll never build a social circle. You must have the initiative and go to them.

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My recommendation here is to think about activities where you are likely to meet people you’d enjoy interacting with, and get involved in a few of them. For instance, you may take a class on a topic you’re interested in. You may volunteer for a charity organization. Or join some sort of club. Even if you don’t have any friends whatsoever at this point, you can apply this strategy. You can get involved in such activities all by yourself, and you’ll meet others there.

In using this strategy, the Internet is your friend. You can discover all sorts of classes, social events, clubs and organizations near you online. But keep in mind that this is only the first step. Then you need to actually get out of the house, go there and participate.

3. Be Friendly First

So you attend a training program on, let’s say, urban photography. There are lots of other people there. What do you do? In general, the passive approach tends to prevail. Many of us just sit around doing nothing and expect others to come talk to us, ask us questions, and be chatty. And this may happen, or it may not. One thing I’m certain of though is that it’s not the best approach. You want to be friendly first. Be the one to break the ice.

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Walk up to other people and introduce yourself to them. Then start chatting with them. For example, ask them how they found out about the event, how long they’ve been interested in urban photography, segue from there into other topics, and if they seem to enjoy talking to you (which they almost always will), keep the conversation going.

Doing this may not be easy at first, especially if you’re not used to being this outgoing, but it’s something you get used to with practice. The trick is to not let hesitancy prevent you from being social. And I can tell from experience that if you are social and friendly with new people first, you’ll really stand you and they’ll love you for it.

4. Make New Friends through Current Friends

If you’re building a new social life from scratch, the beginning is always the hardest part. However, once you’ve met a few people, it gets a lot easier because you can then leverage them to meet even more people. You can then meet some of their friends and acquaintances, and expand your social circle further.

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Again, a proactive approach works miracles. Let your friends know that you’re interested in meeting new people and you’d love for them to introduce you to other people they know. If they indeed are your friends, they’ll love to help you out. They may invite you to come with them to parties they go to, they may call other people to join you when you go out, and they’ll introduce you to new people. But you have to let them know their help is desired.

The best part is that the bigger your social circle becomes, the easier it is to employ this strategy. Your social life will expand faster and faster, and you’ll find it progressively easier to find people you match well with.

Your social life is completely in your hands. You can have a social life as rich, connected and diverse as you want. All you need is to do a bit of smart planning in this area, and take massive action. There is certainly no shortage of possibilities to meet people and make friends. It’s up to you to capitalize on them. Good luck!

More by this author

Eduard Ezeanu

Eduard is a confidence and communication coach with 7+ years of experience.

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Last Updated on June 24, 2019

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

Why Social Media Might Be Causing Depression

A study [1] published in Depression and Anxiety found that social media users are more likely to be depressed. This was just one of the huge number of studies linking social media and depression[2] . But why exactly do platforms like Facebook and Instagram make people so unhappy? Well, we don’t know yet for sure, but there are some explanations.

Social Media Could Lead to Depression

Depression is a serious medical condition that affects how you think, feel, and behave. Social media may lead to depression in predisposed individuals or make existing symptoms of depression[3] worse explains[4] the study above’s senior author Dr. Brian Primack. So, the problem may not be in social media per se, but how we use it.

Signs You’re Suffering From “Social Media Depression”

If you feel like social media is having a negative impact on your mood, then you may be suffering from “social media depression.” Look for symptoms like:

• low self-esteem,

• negative self-talk,

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• a low mood,

• irritability,

• a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed,

• and social withdrawal.

If you’ve had these symptoms for more than two weeks and if this is how you feel most of the time, then you are likely depressed. Although “social media depression “is not a term recognized in the medical setting, social media depression seems to be a real phenomenon affecting around 50% of social media users. As explained in a review study[5] published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, if a person has a certain predisposition to depression and other mental disorders, social media use may only worsen their mental health.

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Social Media Could Crush Self-Esteem

We know that social media and depression are in some way linked, but why is this so? Well, according to Igor Pantic, MD, Ph.D.[6], social media use skews your perception about other people’s lives and traits. To explain this further, most people like to portray an idealized image of their lives, personal traits, and appearance on sites like Facebook and Instagram. If you confuse this idealized image with reality, you may be under the false impression that everyone is better than you which can crush your self-esteem and lead to depression. This is especially true for teens and young adults who are more likely to compare themselves to others. If you already suffer from low self-esteem, the illusion that everyone has it better off than you will just make you feel worse.

Causing Social Isolation and Other Negative Emotions

Another commonly cited reason for the negative impact of social media on mental health is its link with social isolation. Depressed people are more likely to isolate themselves socially and chose only to interact indirectly through social media platforms. But communication online tends to be superficial and is lacking when compared to real-life interaction explains Panic. What this means is not that social media leads to isolation but the other way around, possibly explaining why we find so many depressed persons on these sites.

Lastly, social media use may generate negative emotions in you like envy, jealousy, dislike, loneliness, and many others and this may worsen your depressive symptoms.

Why We Need to Take This Seriously

Both depression and social media use are on the rise according to epidemiological studies. Since each one has an impact on the other, we have to start thinking of healthier ways to use social media. Teens and young adults are especially vulnerable to the negative impact of social media on mental health.

Advice on Social Media Use

Although these findings did not provide any cause-effect explanation regarding Facebook and depression[7], they still do prove that social media use may not be a good way to handle depression. For this reason, the leading authors of these studies gave some suggestions as to how clinicians and people can make use of such findings.

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One suggestion is that clinicians should ask patients about their social media habits. Then they can advise them on how to change their outlook on social media use or even suggest limiting their time spent on social media.

Some social media users may also exhibit addictive behavior; they may spend too much time due to compulsive urges. Any compulsive behavior is bound to lead to feelings of guilt which can worsen depressive symptoms.

Having Unhealthy Relationship with Social Media

If you feel like your relationship with social media is unhealthy, then consider the advice on healthy social media use provided by psychology experts from Links Psychology[8]:

Avoid negative social comparison – always keep in mind that how people portray themselves and their lives on social media is not a realistic picture, but rather an idealized one. Also, avoid comparing yourself to others because this behavior can lead to negative self-talk.

Remember that social media is not a replacement for real life – Social media is great for staying in touch and having fun, but it should never replace real-world interactions.

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Avoid releasing personal information – For your safety and privacy, make sure to be careful with what you post online.

Report users who bully and harass you – It’s easy to be a bully in the anonymous and distant world of social media. Don’t take such offense personally and report those who abuse social media to harass others.

The bits of advice listed above can help you establish a healthy relationship with social media. Always keep these things in mind to avoid losing an objective perspective of what social media is and how it is different from real life. If you are currently suffering from depression, talk to your doctor about what is bothering you so that you can get the treatment you need to get better. Tell your doctor about your social media use and see if they could give you some advice on this topic.

Reference

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