“Sister.She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she’s the reason you wish you were an only child.
~ Barbara Alpert.Advertising
I am very privileged to have always had a very close relationship with my sister. I have a number of best friends, some have been my best friends for over 30 years and I love them dearly. My sister, however is “my best friend ever” .Isadora James describes exactly how I feel about our relationship, she quotes;
” A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life”
What makes the relationship so special and why my sister is my best friend ever is, because she is my connection to my past, my present and future. We have so many shared memories and she treasures every one of those memories as much as I do. When I look ahead to the future I see my sister by my side no matter what life path I choose and I am known to be susceptible to choosing many different paths!
So what makes my sister my best friend ever? Well, here are 30 things that my sister knows about me which explains exactly why she is my best friend ever. I am sure that if you have a close relationship with your sister she too will know pretty much the same 30 things about you which of course makes her “your best friend ever”.Advertising
Can I also just say that some of the 30 things my sister knows about me, nobody else does – so it is kind of scary declaring to the world and if you are reading this and you are my best friend, brother or husband remember I love you dearly! Please do not use this information against me.This list is not ranked in any order of priority, its just random.
- My sister knows my secrets from the past and right up to the present. She was 2 years old and I was eight when I first started telling her my secrets
- She knows my full potential, she knows exactly what I can achieve and has 100% belief in me
- She has a special nickname for me and when she calls me ##### (can’t quite tell that to the world just yet….maybe later)…that makes me feel special
- She knows how much I love her
- She knows that when she was born I loved her however I was also prepared to sell her
- My sister knows that when we go out for dinner I will want to share an entree and dessert with her and that I will pick food off her plate while she is eating and she is ok with that because she does the same. Everybody else gets really annoyed and we cant figure out what the problem is!
- She knows what embarrassing stories to tell about me and has told those stories at my 40th, my 50th birthday and wedding
- She knows what clothes I like and what looks good on me or what doesn’t. We often end up dressing in very similar outfits and then we have to flip a coin as to who has to go and change
- She knows why I am short and she is tall – I am short like my grandmother and she is tall like my mum (she loves telling that to everyone). My lack of statue also relates to the nick name she has for me.
- She is the one person in my life who I can be totally myself – no pretence
- My sister is my connection to my childhood memories and to the memory of our parents – we just need to look at each other and we go back to the time of our childhood and growing up on the farm.
- She knows not to look bored or get that glazed look when I reminisce about the good times in my past – which is often
- She has seen me very intoxicated and has never judged me or made me feel bad. She knows how bad I will feel the next morning. Once when I tripped (it was the carpet) and broke a number of wine glasses in a very expensive restaurant she calmly got me in a taxi took me home and has never mentioned the incident again!
- She knows what I think about the rest of the family – the good, bad and ugly
- She knows that she is the only one person that can moan to me about how annoying our family really are. No one else can do that, just her.
- She knows the right thing to say when I am feeling anxious, scared or fearful
- She always knows exactly what presents to give me and she always takes time to think about what the perfect gift is for me.
- My sister knows that I could ask her to do anything for me (even if it was illegal) and she would do it
- She notices and knows everything that is not so great about me, particularly the physical aspects happening for me at the time, and she will comment on them, such as having lots of pimples, looking too pale, losing too much weight, putting on too much weight etc.
- She knows she is the only one who can make a not very complimentary comment to me and won’t worry at all about what my response will be. She has already moved on.
- My sister knows that I hate all the yucky photos of me, however she somehow has managed to get them all and takes great delight in laughing and pointing out how ridiculous I looked
- My sister knows my pain and unbearable suffering at the sudden loss of our parents, because she too experienced the same pain and unbearable suffering – together we have managed to slowly recover.
- My sister knows that I trust her completely and that if my husband and I died, she would love and protect our children with her life.
- My sister knows (well she will now) that I admire and respect her immensely for her incredible determination, her intelligence, her focus and commitment to whatever task or project she sets for herself. She has amazing willpower which at times can be seen as being very stubborn – she just does not give up.
- Best friends will tread very carefully when they are giving feedback or offering an opinion to me, but not my sister, she knows exactly what needs to be said. She will point out all my faults and offer her opinions on how I should parent, save money, deal with my husband, lose weight etc. I also know that she loves me unconditionally no matter what I do, so I listen, breathe deeply and then smile.
- My sister knows that she has a memory like an elephant and when I tell stories from our childhood or family stories she will correct me if I get it wrong. She remembers everything and also knows what bits of the story I will leave out ( because it is not relevant to me) before I do and she will fill in the gaps! She is always right!
- My sister knows and shares the same values as me and that makes us very aligned in our thinking especially when we feel personally challenged by others.
- My sister knows that I can be unpredictable, fickle, fearful and at times painful and she is okay with it
- My sister knows how important my dream is to be a writer, speaker and coach and she is there 100%, supporting, coaching and encouraging me on my journey. To her, living my dream life is totally achievable and very realistic for me- its a no brainer from her perspective. She keeps telling me to “just get on with it”.
- My sister is my best friend ever because she knows what makes me happy and she always thinks about how she can support me to be the best person I can be and to live a happy fulfilled rewarding life.
Its a funny thing when I first started writing this article I thought wow 30 things is a lot to come up with in regard to what my sister knows about me. However now that I have completed the 30 things she knows about me, I actually have more….maybe I will leave them for another time.Advertising
“When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us?” ~Pam Brown
Featured photo credit: two young women sitting on grass having good time via shutterstock.comAdvertising
Last Updated on September 18, 2020
13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way
For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way
“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown
“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye
Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?
You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.
Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.
1. Take a step back and evaluate
When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:
- What is the problem?
- Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
- How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
- What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
- How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?
Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.
2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem
If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.
At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.
Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.
3. Realize there are others out there facing this too
Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.
4. Process your thoughts/emotions
Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:
- Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
- Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
- Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
- Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.
5. Acknowledge your thoughts
Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.
By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.
Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.
6. Give yourself a break
If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.
7. Uncover what you’re really upset about
A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.
Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.
After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.
8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome
As Helen Keller once said,
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”
Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.
9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps
In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:
- What’s the situation?
- What’s stressing you about this situation?
- What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
- Take action on your next steps!
After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.
10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)
A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.
Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.
For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.
11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse
No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.
12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it
No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.
13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter
There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?
After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.
Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way
Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com