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30 Things Only Your Sister Knows About You That Make Her Your Best Friend Ever

30 Things Only Your Sister Knows About You That Make Her Your Best Friend Ever

“Sister.She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she’s the reason you wish you were an only child.

~ Barbara Alpert.

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I am very privileged to have always had a  very close relationship with my sister.  I have a number of best friends, some have been my best friends for over 30 years and I love them dearly. My sister, however is  “my best friend ever” .Isadora James describes exactly how I feel about our relationship, she quotes;

” A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life”

What makes the relationship so special and why my sister is my best friend ever is, because she is my connection to my past, my present and future. We have so many shared memories and she treasures every one of those memories as much as I do. When I look ahead to the future  I see my sister by my side no matter what life path I choose and I am known to be susceptible to choosing many different paths!

So what makes my sister my best friend ever? Well, here are 30 things that my sister knows about me which explains exactly why she is my best friend ever. I am sure that if  you have a close relationship with your sister she too will know pretty much the same 30 things about you which of course makes her “your best friend ever”.

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Can I also just say that some of the 30 things my sister knows about me, nobody else does – so it is kind of scary declaring to the world and if you are reading this and you are my best friend, brother or husband remember I love you dearly!  Please do not use this information against me.This list is not ranked in any order of priority, its just random.

  1. My sister  knows my secrets from the past and right up to the present. She was  2 years old and I was eight when I first started telling her my secrets
  2. She knows my full potential, she knows exactly what I can achieve and has 100% belief in me
  3. She has a special nickname for me and when she calls me ##### (can’t quite tell that to the world just yet….maybe later)…that makes me feel special
  4. She knows how much I love her
  5. She knows that when she was born I loved her however I was also prepared to sell her
  6. My sister knows that when we go out for dinner I will want to share an entree and dessert with her and that I will pick food off her plate while she is eating and she is ok with that because she does the same. Everybody else gets really annoyed and we cant figure out what the problem is!
  7. She knows what embarrassing stories to tell about me and has told those stories at my 40th, my 50th birthday and wedding
  8. She knows what clothes I like and what looks good on me or what doesn’t. We often end up dressing in very similar outfits and then we have to flip a coin as to who has to go and change
  9. She knows why I am short and she is tall –  I am short like my grandmother and she is tall like my mum (she loves telling that to everyone). My lack of statue also relates to the nick name she has for me.
  10. She is the one person in my life who I can be totally myself – no pretence
  11. My sister is my connection to my childhood memories and to the memory of our parents – we just need to look at each other and we go back to the time of our childhood and growing up on the farm.
  12. She knows not to look bored or get that glazed look when I reminisce about the good times in my past – which is often
  13. She has seen me very intoxicated and has never judged me or made me feel bad. She knows how bad I will feel the next morning. Once when I tripped (it was the carpet) and broke a number of wine glasses in a very expensive restaurant she calmly got me in a taxi took me home and has never mentioned the incident again!
  14. She knows what I  think about the rest of the family – the good, bad and ugly
  15. She knows that she is the only one person that can moan to me about how annoying our family really are. No one else can do that, just her.
  16. She knows the right thing to say when I am feeling anxious, scared or fearful
  17. She always knows exactly what presents to give me and she always takes time to think about what the perfect gift is for me.
  18. My sister knows that I could ask her to do anything for me (even if it was illegal) and she would do it
  19. She notices and knows everything that is not so great about me, particularly the physical aspects happening for me at the time, and she will comment on them, such as having lots of pimples, looking too pale, losing too much weight, putting on too much weight etc.
  20. She knows she is the only one who can make a not very complimentary comment to me and won’t worry at all about what my response will be. She has already moved on.
  21. My sister knows that I hate all the yucky photos of me, however she somehow has managed to get them all and takes great delight in laughing and pointing out how ridiculous I looked
  22. My sister knows my pain and unbearable suffering at the sudden loss of our parents, because she too experienced the same pain and unbearable suffering – together we have managed to slowly recover.
  23. My sister knows that I trust her completely and that if my husband and I died, she would love and protect our children with her life.
  24. My sister knows (well she will now) that I admire and respect her immensely for her incredible determination, her intelligence, her focus and commitment to whatever task or project she sets for herself. She has amazing willpower which at times can be seen as being very stubborn – she just does not give up.
  25. Best friends will tread very carefully when they are giving feedback or offering an opinion to me, but not my sister, she knows exactly what needs to be said. She will point out all my faults and offer her opinions on how I should parent, save money, deal with my husband, lose weight etc. I also know that she loves me unconditionally no matter what I do, so I listen, breathe deeply and then smile.
  26. My sister knows that she has a memory like an elephant and when I tell stories from our childhood or family stories she will correct me if I get it wrong. She remembers everything and also knows what bits of the story I will leave out ( because it is not relevant to me) before I do and she will fill in the gaps! She is always right!
  27. My sister knows and shares the same values as me and that makes us very aligned in our thinking especially when we feel personally challenged by others.
  28. My sister knows that I can be unpredictable, fickle, fearful and at times painful and she is okay with it
  29. My sister knows how important my dream is to be a writer, speaker and coach and she is there 100%,  supporting, coaching and encouraging me on my journey. To her,  living my dream life is totally achievable and very realistic for me-  its a no brainer from her perspective. She keeps telling me to “just get on with it”.
  30. My sister is my best friend ever because she knows what makes me happy and she always thinks about how she can support me to be the best person I can be and to live a happy fulfilled rewarding life.

Its a funny thing when I first started writing this article I thought wow 30 things is a lot to come up with in regard to what my sister knows about me. However now that I have completed the 30 things she knows about me, I actually have more….maybe I will leave them for another time.

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“When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us?”  ~Pam Brown

Featured photo credit: two young women sitting on grass having good time via shutterstock.com

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More by this author

Kathryn Sandford

Career Resilience Coach passionate about supporting others to grow and thrive in a complex world.

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Last Updated on December 4, 2020

How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace

How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace

We all crave constructive feedback. We want to know not just what we’re doing well but also what we could be doing better.

However, giving and getting constructive feedback isn’t just some feel-good exercise. In the workplace, it’s part and parcel of how companies grow.

Let’s take a closer look.

Why Constructive Feedback Is Critical

A culture of feedback benefits individuals on a team and the team itself. Constructive feedback has the following effects:

Builds Workers’ Skills

Think about the last time you made a mistake. Did you come away from it feeling attacked—a key marker of destructive feedback—or did you feel like you learned something new?

Every time a team member learns something, they become more valuable to the business. The range of tasks they can tackle increases. Over time, they make fewer mistakes, require less supervision, and become more willing to ask for help.

Boosts Employee Loyalty

Constructive feedback is a two-way street. Employees want to receive it, but they also want the feedback they give to be taken seriously.

If employees see their constructive feedback ignored, they may take it to mean they aren’t a valued part of the team. Nine in ten employees say they’d be more likely to stick with a company that takes and acts on their feedback.[1]

Strengthens Team Bonds

Without trust, teams cannot function. Constructive feedback builds trust because it shows that the giver of the feedback cares about the success of the recipient.

However, for constructive feedback to work its magic, both sides have to assume good intentions. Those giving the feedback must genuinely want to help, and those getting it has to assume that the goal is to build them up rather than to tear them down.

Promotes Mentorship

There’s nothing wrong with a single round of constructive feedback. But when it really makes a difference is when it’s repeated—continuous, constructive feedback is the bread and butter of mentorship.

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Be the change you want to see on your team. Give constructive feedback often and authentically, and others will naturally start to see you as a mentor.

Clearly, constructive feedback is something most teams could use more of. But how do you actually give it?

How to Give Constructive Feedback

Giving constructive feedback is tricky. Get it wrong, and your message might fall on deaf ears. Get it really wrong, and you could sow distrust or create tension across the entire team.

Here are ways to give constructive feedback properly:

1. Listen First

Often, what you perceive as a mistake is a decision someone made for a good reason. Listening is the key to effective communication.

Seek to understand: how did the other person arrive at her choice or action?

You could say:

  • “Help me understand your thought process.”
  • “What led you to take that step?”
  • “What’s your perspective?”

2. Lead With a Compliment

In school, you might have heard it called the “sandwich method”: Before (and ideally, after) giving difficult feedback, share a compliment. That signals to the recipient that you value their work.

You could say:

  • “Great design. Can we see it with a different font?”
  • “Good thinking. What if we tried this?”

3. Address the Wider Team

Sometimes, constructive feedback is best given indirectly. If your comment could benefit others on the team, or if the person whom you’re really speaking to might take it the wrong way, try communicating your feedback in a group setting.

You could say:

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  • “Let’s think through this together.”
  • “I want everyone to see . . .”

4. Ask How You Can Help

When you’re on a team, you’re all in it together. When a mistake happens, you have to realize that everyone—not just the person who made it—has a role in fixing it. Give constructive feedback in a way that recognizes this dynamic.

You could say:

  • “What can I do to support you?”
  • “How can I make your life easier?
  • “Is there something I could do better?”

5. Give Examples

To be useful, constructive feedback needs to be concrete. Illustrate your advice by pointing to an ideal.

What should the end result look like? Who has the process down pat?

You could say:

  • “I wanted to show you . . .”
  • “This is what I’d like yours to look like.”
  • “This is a perfect example.”
  • “My ideal is . . .”

6. Be Empathetic

Even when there’s trust in a team, mistakes can be embarrassing. Lessons can be hard to swallow. Constructive feedback is more likely to be taken to heart when it’s accompanied by empathy.

You could say:

  • “I know it’s hard to hear.”
  • “I understand.”
  • “I’m sorry.”

7. Smile

Management consultancies like Credera teach that communication is a combination of the content, delivery, and presentation.[2] When giving constructive feedback, make sure your body language is as positive as your message. Your smile is one of your best tools for getting constructive feedback to connect.

8. Be Grateful

When you’re frustrated about a mistake, it can be tough to see the silver lining. But you don’t have to look that hard. Every constructive feedback session is a chance for the team to get better and grow closer.

You could say:

  • “I’m glad you brought this up.”
  • “We all learned an important lesson.”
  • “I love improving as a team.”

9. Avoid Accusations

Giving tough feedback without losing your cool is one of the toughest parts of working with others. Great leaders and project managers get upset at the mistake, not the person who made it.[3]

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You could say:

  • “We all make mistakes.”
  • “I know you did your best.”
  • “I don’t hold it against you.”

10. Take Responsibility

More often than not, mistakes are made because of miscommunications Recognize your own role in them.

Could you have been clearer in your directions? Did you set the other person up for success?

You could say:

  • “I should have . . .”
  • “Next time, I’ll . . .”

11. Time it Right

Constructive feedback shouldn’t catch people off guard. Don’t give it while everyone is packing up to leave work. Don’t interrupt a good lunch conversation.

If in doubt, ask the person to whom you’re giving feedback to schedule the session themselves. Encourage them to choose a time when they’ll be able to focus on the conversation rather than their next task.

12. Use Their Name

When you hear your name, your ears naturally perk up. Use that when giving constructive feedback. Just remember that constructive feedback should be personalized, not personal.

You could say:

  • “Bob, I wanted to chat through . . .”
  • “Does that make sense, Jesse?”

13. Suggest, Don’t Order

When you give constructive feedback, it’s important not to be adversarial. The very act of giving feedback recognizes that the person who made the mistake had a choice—and when the situation comes up again, they’ll be able to choose differently.

You could say:

  • “Next time, I suggest . . .”
  • “Try it this way.”
  • “Are you on board with that?”

14. Be Brief

Even when given empathetically, constructive feedback can be uncomfortable to receive. Get your message across, make sure there are no hard feelings, and move on.

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One exception? If the feedback isn’t understood, make clear that you have plenty of time for questions. Rushing through what’s clearly an open conversation is disrespectful and discouraging.

15. Follow Up

Not all lessons are learned immediately. After giving a member of your team constructive feedback, follow it up with an email. Make sure you’re just as respectful and helpful in your written feedback as you are on your verbal communication.

You could say:

  • “I wanted to recap . . .”
  • “Thanks for chatting with me about . . .”
  • “Did that make sense?”

16. Expect Improvement

Although you should always deliver constructive feedback in a supportive manner, you should also expect to see it implemented. If it’s a long-term issue, set milestones.

By what date would you like to see what sort of improvement? How will you measure that improvement?

You could say:

  • “I’d like to see you . . .”
  • “Let’s check back in after . . .”
  • “I’m expecting you to . . .”
  • “Let’s make a dent in that by . . .”

17. Give Second Chances

Giving feedback, no matter how constructive, is a waste of time if you don’t provide an opportunity to implement it. Don’t set up a “gotcha” moment, but do tap the recipient of your feedback next time a similar task comes up.

You could say:

  • “I know you’ll rock it next time.”
  • “I’d love to see you try again.”
  • “Let’s give it another go.”

Final Thoughts

Constructive feedback is not an easy nut to crack. If you don’t give it well, then maybe it’s time to get some. Never be afraid to ask.

More on Constructive Feedback

Featured photo credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com via unsplash.com

Reference

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