“Sister.She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she’s the reason you wish you were an only child.
~ Barbara Alpert.Advertising
I am very privileged to have always had a very close relationship with my sister. I have a number of best friends, some have been my best friends for over 30 years and I love them dearly. My sister, however is “my best friend ever” .Isadora James describes exactly how I feel about our relationship, she quotes;
” A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life”
What makes the relationship so special and why my sister is my best friend ever is, because she is my connection to my past, my present and future. We have so many shared memories and she treasures every one of those memories as much as I do. When I look ahead to the future I see my sister by my side no matter what life path I choose and I am known to be susceptible to choosing many different paths!
So what makes my sister my best friend ever? Well, here are 30 things that my sister knows about me which explains exactly why she is my best friend ever. I am sure that if you have a close relationship with your sister she too will know pretty much the same 30 things about you which of course makes her “your best friend ever”.Advertising
Can I also just say that some of the 30 things my sister knows about me, nobody else does – so it is kind of scary declaring to the world and if you are reading this and you are my best friend, brother or husband remember I love you dearly! Please do not use this information against me.This list is not ranked in any order of priority, its just random.
- My sister knows my secrets from the past and right up to the present. She was 2 years old and I was eight when I first started telling her my secrets
- She knows my full potential, she knows exactly what I can achieve and has 100% belief in me
- She has a special nickname for me and when she calls me ##### (can’t quite tell that to the world just yet….maybe later)…that makes me feel special
- She knows how much I love her
- She knows that when she was born I loved her however I was also prepared to sell her
- My sister knows that when we go out for dinner I will want to share an entree and dessert with her and that I will pick food off her plate while she is eating and she is ok with that because she does the same. Everybody else gets really annoyed and we cant figure out what the problem is!
- She knows what embarrassing stories to tell about me and has told those stories at my 40th, my 50th birthday and wedding
- She knows what clothes I like and what looks good on me or what doesn’t. We often end up dressing in very similar outfits and then we have to flip a coin as to who has to go and change
- She knows why I am short and she is tall – I am short like my grandmother and she is tall like my mum (she loves telling that to everyone). My lack of statue also relates to the nick name she has for me.
- She is the one person in my life who I can be totally myself – no pretence
- My sister is my connection to my childhood memories and to the memory of our parents – we just need to look at each other and we go back to the time of our childhood and growing up on the farm.
- She knows not to look bored or get that glazed look when I reminisce about the good times in my past – which is often
- She has seen me very intoxicated and has never judged me or made me feel bad. She knows how bad I will feel the next morning. Once when I tripped (it was the carpet) and broke a number of wine glasses in a very expensive restaurant she calmly got me in a taxi took me home and has never mentioned the incident again!
- She knows what I think about the rest of the family – the good, bad and ugly
- She knows that she is the only one person that can moan to me about how annoying our family really are. No one else can do that, just her.
- She knows the right thing to say when I am feeling anxious, scared or fearful
- She always knows exactly what presents to give me and she always takes time to think about what the perfect gift is for me.
- My sister knows that I could ask her to do anything for me (even if it was illegal) and she would do it
- She notices and knows everything that is not so great about me, particularly the physical aspects happening for me at the time, and she will comment on them, such as having lots of pimples, looking too pale, losing too much weight, putting on too much weight etc.
- She knows she is the only one who can make a not very complimentary comment to me and won’t worry at all about what my response will be. She has already moved on.
- My sister knows that I hate all the yucky photos of me, however she somehow has managed to get them all and takes great delight in laughing and pointing out how ridiculous I looked
- My sister knows my pain and unbearable suffering at the sudden loss of our parents, because she too experienced the same pain and unbearable suffering – together we have managed to slowly recover.
- My sister knows that I trust her completely and that if my husband and I died, she would love and protect our children with her life.
- My sister knows (well she will now) that I admire and respect her immensely for her incredible determination, her intelligence, her focus and commitment to whatever task or project she sets for herself. She has amazing willpower which at times can be seen as being very stubborn – she just does not give up.
- Best friends will tread very carefully when they are giving feedback or offering an opinion to me, but not my sister, she knows exactly what needs to be said. She will point out all my faults and offer her opinions on how I should parent, save money, deal with my husband, lose weight etc. I also know that she loves me unconditionally no matter what I do, so I listen, breathe deeply and then smile.
- My sister knows that she has a memory like an elephant and when I tell stories from our childhood or family stories she will correct me if I get it wrong. She remembers everything and also knows what bits of the story I will leave out ( because it is not relevant to me) before I do and she will fill in the gaps! She is always right!
- My sister knows and shares the same values as me and that makes us very aligned in our thinking especially when we feel personally challenged by others.
- My sister knows that I can be unpredictable, fickle, fearful and at times painful and she is okay with it
- My sister knows how important my dream is to be a writer, speaker and coach and she is there 100%, supporting, coaching and encouraging me on my journey. To her, living my dream life is totally achievable and very realistic for me- its a no brainer from her perspective. She keeps telling me to “just get on with it”.
- My sister is my best friend ever because she knows what makes me happy and she always thinks about how she can support me to be the best person I can be and to live a happy fulfilled rewarding life.
Its a funny thing when I first started writing this article I thought wow 30 things is a lot to come up with in regard to what my sister knows about me. However now that I have completed the 30 things she knows about me, I actually have more….maybe I will leave them for another time.Advertising
“When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us?” ~Pam Brown
Featured photo credit: two young women sitting on grass having good time via shutterstock.comAdvertising
Last Updated on March 30, 2020
What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)
Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.
You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.
This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.
Table of Contents
What Does Self-Conscious Mean?
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”
Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.
There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.
How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious
When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.
Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.
1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”
One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.
The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?
Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them. They’re just thoughts, after all.
2. Be Honest
A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.
If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.
On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.
Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.
3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work
Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.
If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout. Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.
4. Succeed at Something
When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.
Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.
5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness
Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.
Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.
If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.
If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.
Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.
6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control
Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.
You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.
On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.
You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.
7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments
Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.
Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.
Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.
When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?
Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing, but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.
In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.
Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.
It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.
When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.
The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.
Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.
Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.
Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.
More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem
- How to Build Self Esteem (A Guide to Realize Your Hidden Power)
- How to Gain Confidence and Really Boost Your Self Esteem
- Signs Of Low Self-Esteem And The Root Causes You Might Not Know
- How to Be Confident: 62 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence
Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com
|||^||Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious|
|||^||Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself|
|||^||Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout|
|||^||Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It|
|||^||Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine|
|||^||Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?|
|||^||Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware|