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3 Reasons Why Men Cheat

3 Reasons Why Men Cheat

Infidelity is nothing new in our society, but most of us will agree that cheating seems to be more prominent than ever, or at least more recognized. That said, do men cheat more than women? And if so, how much?

According to the Associated Press Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 57% of men admit to cheating at some point in their lives compared to 54% of women who admit the same. Looking at that data, there doesn’t seem to be a significant difference between the genders.

The study goes on to say, however, that 22% of men admit to cheating in a marriage compared to only 14% of women. There’s a problem here, so I decided to seek out a professional opinion on why men cheat and how it can possibly be prevented.

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I sat down with Dr. Harrison Davis, a licensed psychotherapist based out of Atlanta. For over 16 years, Dr. Davis has observed and worked with clients struggling with adultery, and he gave some unique perspectives on why infidelity seems to be so pervasive for men in particular.

“There are multiple reasons for infidelity within marital and long-term relationships,” Dr. Davis claimed. “Both men and women have participated in adulterous behavior throughout the centuries, but men are typically associated with this issue. Still, they both tend to cheat for the same reasons.”

1. Uncertainty.

Dr. Davis pointed out that men tend to let uncertainty in their relationships steer them away from staying committed. He said, “Early in a relationship, men usually don’t take the relationship as seriously as women. They are more likely, then, to entertain the possibility of another relationship in case this one doesn’t work out.”

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Of course, women face uncertainty as well in their relationships, but Dr. Davis noted that age and maturity level significantly contribute to adulterous situations. Also, women are usually more likely to discuss relationship uncertainty with their partners, while men prefer not to address it.

2. Acceptance.

To most people, it seems obvious that cheating is a bad thing. There is a negative, social stigma to the idea of unfaithfulness, but if that stigma does not already exist, then cheating may actually be viewed as normal behavior.

According to Dr. Davis, some men grow up in an environment where their father cheated with their mother, but the mother stayed with him, perhaps pretending like it was not an issue. He said, “These events provide a model for the role of men in relationships. I have clients who describe growing up knowing their father’s girlfriend, despite being married and living in the house with his family.”

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If the concept of monogamy is foreign to a man, then he may be more inclined to view cheating as acceptable behavior. For some men, it may even be a part of their personality.

3. Resentment.

Lastly, Dr. Davis stated that a primary reason for infidelity among men is a lack of empathy. “When a man feels unappreciated by his partner for an extended period of time, he may eventually feel emasculated by her,” said Dr. Davis. “To fill the void, or suit his ego, he may give in to the advances of someone else who fulfills his need for a sexual or emotional relationship.”

It would seem that feeling vulnerable can be a significant reason for why a man would choose to stray from his commitments. Dr. Davis went on to say that, “Because of the resentment towards his wife, he decides to do something he knows is wrong and has little empathy towards her.”

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After talking to Dr. Davis, I began to notice the pattern connecting these causes of infidelity. It seems that men who go into relationships ill-prepared may fall into these situations where they feel tempted to cheat.

In other words, it may be wise for men and women to be more careful about which relationships they choose to take part in. Rushing commitment can lead to a relationship that ends in resentment, and if you know that the other person doesn’t have a problem with things like infidelity, then it may be wise to look elsewhere for a lifelong partner.

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Jon Negroni

An author and blogger who shares about lifestyle advice

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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