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3 Reasons It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Doing It Right

3 Reasons It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Doing It Right

There are only two ways of doing things: The right way or the wrong way.

Or at least, that’s often what we choose to believe.

As humans, our fatal flaw is that we want perfection. We want to do things, and we want them done right. They need to be 100 percent on the ball, with no mistakes, typos or discrepancies.

The problem with perfection though – it can stop you dead in your tracks.

It can be that all-powerful tool for inaction. Preventing you from even getting the ball rolling, never mind actually finishing a project. But as a general rule of thumb – if you’re not doing anything; nothing is going to happen. Period.

So, I’m here to show you why doing things perfectly isn’t all that important.

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That the right way, isn’t always the best way. That something imperfect can take on a life of it’s own, and become great.

1. Rules Are Made To Be Broken

I don’t particularly care for rules. They tend to get in the way of good ideas, productivity and achieving what you really want.

Rules are made for compliance, and to prevent all out anarchy. They serve as nothing more than a guideline for what you should be doing, based on someone else’s previous success. 

The best thing I find to do with rules?

Break them.

Choose the ones you loathe, and shatter them. Abide by the ones you like and forge your own path. Once the rules you made stop working for you – break those ones as well.

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By breaking the rules, you change the entire game. Just like Hendrix playing his guitar upside down, Rosa Park’s wouldn’t get out of her seat and Elvis’ crazy hips were too hot for TV.

Once you make the rules work for you, the game becomes a whole lot easier to play.

2. No Plan Survives Contact With The Enemy

We are supposed to plan. That’s what’s expected of us, no matter what we aim to do. That’s how the old saying goes, right? ‘Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.’ In the modern world, I think we plan a little too much.

We need a gym plan, a business plan, a planned route to work, a marketing plan, a plan of how to plan plans.

And, planning has it’s merits. It’s always worthwhile knowing what we’re going to do, and why’re going to do it. But in a lot of cases, the act of making a plan can stop us dead in our tracks. We don’t want to finish our plan until it is planning perfection.

The harsh truth of it all though – things rarely go to plan.

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In fact, if 25 percent of your plan actually happens, I’d be amazed. As soon as you set your plan in motion, the winds of change blow and realities you couldn’t ever have accounted for take over.

You could get the flu, upset a client, lose a contract, break your leg, have targeted the wrong audience, have a faulty beta model or have your building overrun by termites. Anything you couldn’t foresee coming in your plan could potentially happen.

Your success will not be measured on how well you planned your approach, but in how well you adapted to the obstacles in the way.

Don’t use planning as an excuse for in action. When it’s good enough, it’s time to put it in to action.

3. Mistakes Are Valuable

Imagine your life if you did everything right. If you made no mistakes, never tripped up over yourself and never, once in your life, just screwed it all up.

You’d never learn anything, ever.

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The important lessons in life, love and success come from making beautifully overwhelming mistakes. In taking that step in the wrong direction, that shows you it’s not the path to take. The mistakes that give you that gut intuition to do one thing, or another.

If I’d never have crashed my car at 17, I’d probably be dead now. I’d have been driving round, 20 mph over the limit with my music blaring, and ended up in a fatal accident. Instead, I’m here to write this article for you today.

Mistakes feel terrible at first. And nobody every really likes making a mistake. But the truth of the matter is – without them, you’ll never go any further forward in life. For every good decision, there is a powerful mistake hidden behind it.

When have you broken the rules, stopped planning to perfection or made a valuable mistake? I’d love to hear your comments.

Featured photo credit: old skool paul via flickr.com

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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