Advertising
Advertising

20 Sentences You Should Never Tell Your Good Friends

20 Sentences You Should Never Tell Your Good Friends

How would you define a good friend? If you are like me, you would expect a good friend to be great company, loyal, reliable, sincere, and trustworthy. This is someone you can phone at any time for advice or to chat. These friendships take time to build and effort to maintain, and they are reciprocal. So, what are some things you should never tell your good friends? Here are twenty sentences you should definitely avoid.

1. “Flossing my teeth” (AKA the Facebook status update)

The problem with taking your friendship online is that the whole world sees it! Use social media for trivial chitchat, but have a real conversation with your best friend. If he is far away, write him a decent email.

 “Posting information is like pornography, a slick, impersonal exhibition.” – William Deresiewicz

2. “Let’s phone each other sometime”

This is a vague and rather wishy-washy commitment. We use it all the time for acquaintances we have just met. It works fine for people we don’t intend to see again, but using a sentence like this with a good friend gives the impression that you can’t be bothered. Why not make a firmer commitment by saying, “We must phone each other every Wednesday evening?”

3. “Let me just check my cell phone”

Cell phones ruin many relationships and friendships. Text addiction is now part of our consumer mentality but it can erode a friendship or relationship in no time at all. If you are always checking your phone, your friend may get the signal that he or she is not worth your time. You’re letting them watch you manipulate an electronic device. Isn’t your friendship worth more than that? Give your friend your full attention while you are together — switch off your phone! Tell him or her, “I can take this call later, what have you been up to since we last met?”

4. “Can we talk about this at another time?”

Your friend may need your help and advice, and she has rung at an inconvenient time. Perhaps you’re watching your favorite comedian or preparing dinner. Asking her when she is in tears to phone later on is not what she expects from you as a good friend. Being available when the other party needs you is an important element in friendship and it is what you yourself would expect if you were going through hell. Instead, you should say, “I’m here for you, tell me all about it.”

Advertising

5. “You never get it right”

Who wants criticism all the time? Are we not together to bolster each other’s self esteem and confidence? There may be moments when we have to face or give criticism and a real friendship will survive these moments. But constant criticism will erode your friendship. Friends are there to celebrate, rejuvenate, and to rely on. Try something encouraging, like, “It will go better next time.”

6. “I can’t tell you – it’s private”

Telling your good friend this means that you do not trust them enough with confidential information. True friendship is about sharing our real selves and that will include private stuff. Start something confidential with “I know I can trust you with this.”

7. “I never have enough time”

In ancient times, friendship was such a high calling and a privilege that it was often more valued than marriage. Achilles and Patroclus spring to mind, as do David and Jonathan. Time is an essential ingredient in nurturing friendships. Telling a good friend you have not enough time is a real turn off. Try saying, “I’ll always have enough time for you.”

8. “I know I talk too much but I have so much to tell you”

Being a sympathetic and empathic listener should be two-way traffic! Exchanging news and updates can be a fun way of nurturing the friendship. You should never try to dominate the conversation. You should say, “I know I’m talkative but I want to hear about what you have been doing too, so please forgive me if I go on a bit too much.”

“Exchanging stories is like making love: probing, questing, questioning, caressing. It is mutual. It is intimate. It takes patience, devotion, sensitivity, subtlety, skill – and it teaches them all, too.” – William Deresiewicz

9. “I am going to be late”

This shouldn’t sound like a chronic condition. A lack of punctuality can mean missed restaurant bookings or walking into a film that has already started. If you are unpunctual, it might be time to start getting more organized. You should say, “I really am going to get my unpunctuality under control.”

Advertising

10. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth about X”

“O what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” – Sir Walter Scott

We could write a book about how lying betrays trust and leads to all sorts of problems. Withholding a truth puts a friendship is at risk. There are those people who argue that a white lie is sometimes necessary to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, but think carefully about the justification for the lie and its consequences later on. “I am going to tell you everything, no holding back on anything,” is a good start.

11. “You can decide where we are going”

Letting your friend decide everything can be damaging. The other end of the spectrum is where you make all the decisions and you are a control freak. Obviously, a happy medium needs to be found where you both take part in the decision making. “Let’s decide together what we want to do,” will offer more democracy.

12. “But we have always done it like this”

Real friends push each other out of their comfort zones. Doing the same old thing offers a comforting routine but it can also lead to fossilization! Why not suggest new venues, different activities, alternative restaurants and so on? This is important because we tend to become locked into our own little worlds. Instead try, “We should be trying out some new things, don’t you think?”

13. “You could have asked me for advice or help”

The truth is that good friends know when to be there and when to lend a shoulder to cry on. You should not need to be asked or told. You should say, “You know that I am always around, if you need help with anything.”

14. “I told Y all about your problems”

Gossip and betrayal will damage a friendship irrevocably. A true test of friendship is communicating fully with each other. You can rely on each other not to gossip and this adds a great sense of security and serenity to your friendship. With a good friend, “You can trust me, I won’t tell anyone else.”

Advertising

15. “I told you there was no point in applying for that job”

“A true friend is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.”- Aristotle

Saying this will not help your friend see the positive side of things. It is not very encouraging. You should say, “It is always worth trying, because whatever way it goes, it will give you a new insight on how things work.”

16. “You know I never criticize you”

A test of a real friendship is when you are able to gently point out some faults in your friend’s character. Good friends are not afraid of indicating where they have screwed up, without being overcritical or harsh. Be constructive: “Maybe that was not the best way to respond when the boss reprimanded you.”

17. “I forgot that you were getting your medical results”

Being there also means not forgetting the important moments when your friend may have to face a stressful situation as regards health, work, or family issues. Genuine friends make a note and send a text to wish their friend well. Put a reminder on your phone and tell them, “I will give you a call when you get your results.”

18. “I am never going to nag you about your laziness”

Good friends are going to be on the lookout to help each other get over a lack of drive or initiative. Saying that you cannot be bothered to even gently nag means that you do not value the freindship very highly. You should say, “I know it’s a pain, but you should really try to get some more exercise. We should go to the gym together, maybe.”

19. “I cannot really offer any advice about your being bullied”

Whether at school or work, people often find they are in a stressful situation and they may be bullied. Don’t leave your friend to fend for himself — at least offer some advice or help. Extend a hand by saying, “Tell me about it because my brother was bullied at work and he was able to resolve the issue.” Genuine friendships can also help to reduce the stress in these situations, one study has found.

Advertising

20. “I do not think friendships can last for ever”

This is sending the wrong message. Not every friendship can last a lifetime but those that do are pure gold. You should say that you value the friendship, for example, “Honestly, the fact that you are always on the other end of the phone is a great source of comfort to me.”

Did you know that people who have more friendships in their old age are much more likely to live longer? This was the result of several studies which have highlighted how friendships and social interaction are the greatest health resource you could have as you approach your old age.

Let us know in the comments what really makes a good friend for you.

Featured photo credit: Friendship/Mathias Klang via flickr.com

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

10 Reasons Why People Are Unmotivated (And How to Be Motivated) 10 Morning Habits Of Happy People 10 Simple Morning Exercises to Make You Feel Great All Day What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It Work Smarter, Not Harder: 12 Ways to Work Smart

Trending in Communication

1 How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life 2 How to Live Your Best Life Starting Today 3 How to Not Take Things Personally for a Happier Life 4 How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often 5 How to Fight Your Irrational Fears And Stay Strong

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

How to Reinvent Yourself and Change Your Life

There will always be times in your life when you may need to learn how to reinvent yourself. This could come when you experience a big change, such as leaving your job, moving on from a relationship, transferring to a new home, or losing a loved one. If you are going through a major shift in your life, you may have to find new ways of thinking or doing things, or risk failing to reach your full potential.

“When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Many people who dared to leave their old unhappy lives enabled themselves to pursue their passions and find a renewed zest for living. You can also achieve the same if you take a leap of faith and make things happen for yourself.

To help you always be at your best wherever you may be in your life, here are some practical tips on how to reinvent yourself.

The Reinvention Checklist

Before embarking on a journey of self-reinvention, you need to make sure that you have everything that you need to make the trip bump-proof. These things include:

Resilience

Problems and obstacles are guaranteed to happen. Some of them will be difficult and may knock you off course; the important thing, however, is that you learn from these difficulties, never lose focus, and always get back up. This requires building resilience to get through the tough times.

Advertising

Support

Humans are social beings. Although it is important that you learn to rely on yourself when facing any challenge, it is also important to have a support team that you can lean on to give you a boost when things get too tough and to correct you when you’re making mistakes.

The key is to find the right balance between independence and dependence. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and share the difficulties you’re facing. When you open up, you’ll find the people who are really going to be there for you.

Self-Care

During the process of learning how to reinvent yourself, you will have to pull yourself away from your old comfort zones, habits, roles, and self-perceptions. This can be difficult and cause you to question your self-worth, so it’s important to engage in self-care to maintain a positive outlook and keep your mind and body healthy as you face the challenges that await you. Self-care can include:

  • Participating in a hobby you enjoy
  • Spending time with your support system
  • Taking some time to walk in nature
  • Practicing loving-kindness meditation

Find what works for you and what helps you feel like your true self as you seek a reinvented version of you.

How to Reinvent Yourself

Once you’re sure that you’re equipped with all the tools in the self-reinvention checklist, you can begin your journey of learning how to reinvent yourself.

1. Discover Your Strengths

This step provides valuable information on how you deal with certain situations. If you have this information, you will be able to manage difficulties more efficiently.

Advertising

To find out what your strengths are, you can ask your friends and colleagues for feedback, engage in self-reflection, or try these 10 Ways to Find Your Own Personal Strengths.

2. Plan

This step calls for a thorough assessment of your current emotional, psychological, and financial status so that you can develop plans that are realistic and practical.

It’s okay to have ambitious dreams, but your plans have to be realistic. Making use of SMART goals can help you plan your life better.

You can also consult your mentor or life coach for practical tips and advice.

Ultimately, you’ll want to create specific long-term and short-term goals that you can create milestones for. By doing this, you’ll lay out a specific roadmap to your reinvented self.

3. Try Things Out

Sometimes, we don’t know if solutions actually work until we try them out. This is why it is important to experiment whenever possible, especially if you’re dealing with a career change. You may need to simply experiment in order to find the things you like. This can be the same with hobbies. If you’re not sure what you would like doing, accept invitations from friends to join them in their favorite sport or take a class, like pottery or photography.

Advertising

By seeing what’s out there in any area of your life, you’ll have a better chance of finding the things you enjoy and the goals you want to create.

4. Manage Your Finances Well

Changes may require a bit of money. If you’re shifting to a new career, you may have to pay for training. If you’re going through a tough divorce or having a hard time dealing with the death of a loved one, you may have to pay for therapy. If you’re moving to a new home, you’ll definitely have to pay a whole lot of expenses.

All of these things are possible, but it will require a bit of money savviness as you learn how to reinvent yourself. If you have that cushion, you’ll feel more comfortable straying from your current path to try new things.

5. Muster Your Courage

Fears and self-doubt may arise when you encounter difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, they may also come when you’re taking risks. You have to manage these negative emotions well and not allow them to discourage you. Tap into your courage and try doing at least one new thing each week to develop it.

Learn how to deal with your self-doubts to move forward in this article: How Self Doubt Keeps You Stuck (And How to Overcome It)

6. Use Your Support Group

As stated above, you need to build a strong support group before you even start the process of reinventing yourself. Your group will keep you from taking wrong turns and encourage you when you get too weighed down by problems. Don’t be afraid to call them, or even ask them out for coffee if you need to vent about the current difficulties you’re facing.

Advertising

7. Remind Yourself Every Day of Your Commitment

Write your goals on different-sized cards and scatter them at home and at work in places where you can easily see them. This way, you will constantly be reminded of where you want to be. Remember, writing down your goals helps them stick[1].

8. Accept Failure, Learn, and Resume Your Journey

Failing is normal, especially when we’re trying out something new. When you fail, simply recognize it, learn from it, and move on. Failure, in the end, is the best way to learn what does and doesn’t work, and you simply won’t be able to learn how to reinvent yourself if you don’t accept the inevitable failures that await you.

Final Thoughts

If you truly want to learn how to reinvent yourself and live the life you desire, take the advice above and start taking action. It will take time, patience, and plenty of effort to make the change you want happen, but it will be all worth it.

More Tips on How to Reinvent Yourself

Featured photo credit: Ashley Rich via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next