Advertising
Advertising

18 Things to Remember If You Love a Person with OCD

18 Things to Remember If You Love a Person with OCD

Two simple words can destroy your life. Every minute, every second, of every hour all you hear is, “What if?” Every situation is potentially dangerous. Your heart and mind join forces becoming an evil villain that is out to destroy you and bring you down. That’s what if feels like if you have OCD.

The simplest things in life became huge mountains that are impossible to climb. A family vacation, a night out with friends, or a walk around the block is a death trap.

Obsessions are thoughts that get stuck in a repetitive cycle when the brain doesn’t shift gears as it should. Unwelcome, unwanted, and distressing; these mental images don’t stop.

That’s when the compulsions begin. The OCDer repeatedly performs behaviors trying to erase the scary mental images that won’t go away. These rituals might be excessive hand washing, cleaning, counting, or checking. Even though the person with OCD knows these are ineffective, the urge is overwhelming and overpowering so they give in to it.

Whether you’re born with it, or develop it later, life with OCD is a living hell. Their brains can’t shift through thoughts at a normal pace.

Thoughts get stuck, constantly running like a hamster trapped in a cage spinning endlessly on his wheel. OCD interferes with responsible functioning: job, relationships, punctuality, or just being able to live comfortably with themselves and their loved ones.

Advertising

Most people are familiar with the most commonly talked-about types of OCD such as checking appliances and doors, fear of germs that may cause illness or death, and repetitive invading thoughts. However, there is a lot more to OCD than that.

“OCD is a biochemical problem in which the brain locks and starts sending false messages that are not recognized as false,” according to Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz, author of “Brain-Lock: Freeing Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.” The brain gets stuck in gear and cannot shift to the next thought.

The good news is that you can make a physical change in your brain. Here are 18 things that will help you understand your OCD loved one:

1. They have a repetitive cycle in their brains that they cannot control.

They want to “just stop,” but as hard as they try; they can’t. Because the OCD brain is locked, it doesn’t move through tasks at a normal pace.

2. They derive no pleasure from rituals.

Gamblers, shoppers, or substance abusers receive pleasure from acting out a ritual. OCDers do not.

3.  They catastrophize.

The scenes that appear in the minds are suitable for a gory horror movie.

Advertising

4. They check, re-check, and can’t stop checking.

Everyone checks the doors or stove to make sure they are locked and off before bedtime. You might have forgotten to shut the stove after answering your texts. But when a person with OCD checks, they don’t trust that they checked, so they check again and again. Maybe they missed something, or maybe the stove magically got turned on again?

Are the doors locked and the appliances off? Was that bump in the road a person I ran over? What did I say in that email? Checking is never believable. No matter how many times they check, they don’t trust their last check-up (garage doors, toasters, hot irons). The only comfort comes from putting your hot iron in your purse and carrying it with you to work.

5. They have disturbing thoughts of harm to themselves or their loved ones.

One small thought can become a horrendous mental vision of tragic events that they might cause or could happen.

6. They worry about worrying.

As if worrying isn’t bad enough, OCDers worry about why they worry so much. They feel anxious that they worry about things that are not worth worrying about.

7. They avoid certain objects, situations, or environments.

A person, place, or thing can spark a destructive wildfire in their minds. Fearful of obsessive thoughts, a person with OCD will go five miles out their way to avoid a reminder that could set off obsessive thinking.

8. They live with constant doubt, insecurity, and uncertainty.

Checking isn’t reassuring. Worrying is disturbing. Living in constant doubt causes anxiety and distress.

Advertising

9. They may be superstitious.

Associating a past event to a word, piece of clothing or place; a person with OCD can think it has power. They also believe that any action they take will have a positive or negative effect because of that word, item, or place. They will walk over cracks on a sidewalk, avoid driving past a certain address, or even wear the same item of clothing for a week. They can get stuck on numbers. An address or date can seem lucky or unlucky so they avoid it or succumb to its power.

10. They need reassurance.

Who doesn’t need to hear “everything is going to be alright” when feeling nervous? But a person with OCD needs a lot more reassuring than one sentence.

11. They have no concept of time when in a ritual.

A shower may last for an hour even when the hot water runs cold. You wonder why it takes so long to brush her teeth or wash her face. Every action must be performed in a certain order and with meticulous detailing as if they were preparing the latest model Tesla for it’s debut at the 2015 Auto Show.

12. They may be hoarders.

Old clothes, purses, shoes, and papers cannot be removed. They might need them for future use. You might also be a bit nostalgic, but is there so much clutter you can’t see the floor?

13. They won’t use a public bathroom.

Germs are so scary that no matter how much their body needs to release itself, they will wait until they get to a bathroom that they feel comfortable in.

14. They place objects so they are perfectly aligned.

Symmetry is important, so is order. Papers on a desk, pictures on a wall, or hair on their head; everything must be just right. An uneven edge on a fingernail can cause an hour of nail-biting as they try to smooth the jagged edge. They can spend hours getting dressed, choosing outfits, or fixing their hair. Never feeling that they are “just right,” they will try on ten different outfits until they find the perfect one. They are often late for work or their own birthday party.

Advertising

15. They touch, rub, or tap certain objects repeatedly.

Trying to calm their minds away from upsetting thoughts, they may pick their face, play with their phones or twirl their hair.

16. They examine their food very carefully.

Afraid that they might get sick if the food isn’t fresh or cooked perfectly. Any little bruise on an avocado might be a sign of an epidemic disease. It might take them ten minutes to examine and prepare a hamburger before biting into it.

17. They dread illness.

They fear that they have every disease they read or hear about that they become a hypochondriac.

18. They never feel that anything is clean enough.

Feeling that every pot, dish, or item of clothing is contaminated, the person with OCD is repeatedly cleaning them.

As difficult as it is to live with OCD or someone who has it, there are benefits to it. Most likely with a higher than average IQ, people with OCD are mathematicians, statisticians, and analysts who give us the latest technology, medicine, and put astronauts into space. Striving for perfection, they are excellent in fields that require repetitive practice such as athletics and musicians. And it’s probable that the person who takes care of you when you’re sick, does your taxes, and built the bridges that you drive across has OCD too.

There is good news! When OCD interferes with normal daily functioning, they can learn to self-command with self-control. A person with OCD can improve their quality of life. They no longer have to suffer. With proper treatment of Cognitive Behavior Therapy using the Exposure and Response Method, and learning to say, “It’s not me, it’s my OCD,” a calmer, happier life is possible.

Special thanks to- “Brain Lock- Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior by Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. with Beverly Beyette.

More by this author

18 Signs You’ve Found Your Soulmate 12 Ways To Deal With Stubborn People And Convince Them To Listen 20 Things to Remember If You Love a Person with ADD If You Love Someone Who Has ADHD, Don’t Do These 20 Things 10 Small Habits That Help You Maintain A Long-Lasting Relationship

Trending in Communication

1 12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now 2 How to Use the 5 Minute Journal to Invest in Your Happiness 3 What’s the Purpose of Life? A Guide to Live with Meaning 4 Why Happiness is a Choice (And a Smart One to Make) 5 How to Survive a Midlife Crisis (The Definitive Guide for Men)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

Advertising

Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

Advertising

Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

Advertising

7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

Advertising

Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next