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17 Things Only Slow People Would Understand

17 Things Only Slow People Would Understand

Have you been called a “slowpoke”, a “sloth”, or just plain “slow?”  Have you ever been told to “speed up”, “hurry up”, “think fast”, or “spit it out”?  If you have, this article is for you!  You’re slow, you’re good at being slow, and you’re probably better off for it! This may be a fast-paced world, but you know that the quick way isn’t always the best way.  Here are 15 great reasons why you may be “slow.”

You Make Sure Everything is Correct

I learned within 10 minutes at my first job at Burger King that I would never make a good drive-thru “pusher.”  I was just too slow!  I knew how upset people got when their order was incorrect, and I think I spent 3 precious minutes bobbing my head up and down between the food in the carry-out bag and the overhead order screen.  Management quickly sent me back to front cashier.  Slow people can be very methodical.

You Want Everything to Be Perfect

Slow people can also be perfectionists.  This means it may take a long time to get the results, but they will be fantastic when you finally get them!  The last person to finish tests is often the person who is carefully checking answers.  I was one of those students who spent hours on my homework each night but also got straight A’s throughout my school career.

You’re Waiting for the Right Timing

If you’re slow, methodical, AND a perfectionist, you are also likely to be a procrastinator.  You know you’re not a slacker — you have very good intentions — you’re just afraid that your project may take a very long time.  In fact, this very article is past the due date!  The best thing for you slow, perfectionistic, procrastinators like me is to make sure you break those projects into manageable chunks and then schedule them in throughout the week, reworking your timing as needed.  If you can manage your time, you can put that perfectionism to great use!

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You Are in “the Zone”

Do people complain that you are slow at correspondence?  This may be because you find responding to e-mails, phonecalls, and texts very disruptive!  I often find that I get into a flow throughout the day, and responding to a “very important” phonecall or e-mail can throw a wrench in my productivity machine.  I feel much more at ease when I can sit down and respond to all my e-mails at once.

You Give Your Full Attention

I also much prefer completing one project at a time, which I’ve discovered is actually better for you!  Studies show that in order to multitask you actually need to split your brain activity, which means less focus and less efficiency! Remember that on your next job interview!  Finally, I’m uncomfortable answering the phone if I know my mind won’t be fully present.  This may make us the wrong choice as an emergency contact, but it makes us the right person for a heart-to-heart conversation.  When we talk with others, they know that we have time for them, and we’re not checking our e-mail while we’re doing it.

You Choose Your Words Carefully

Unfortunately, those who can spit out rapid-fire responses get noticed, while those with well-developed answers get the shaft!  Introverts in particular take quite a long time to process information.  They run their thoughts through a complex system of tests and tweaks before they are satisfied enough to share their response.  So, often others think they have nothing to say!  If you are one of those big analyzers, be sure to say, “Let me think on that a minute,” so that others know that you are still forming your response.  Also, remember to find a healthy balance.  Rapid-firers may regret speaking before thinking, but deep thinkers can fall into the trap of over-thinking.

You Think More Deeply

Not only do you spend quite a bit of time analyzing, you may go pretty deep with your thinking, too.  You prefer profound thoughts to small talk, and there is so much knowledge and learning to consider!  Deep thinkers may not be the life of the party, but if you ask the right questions — you might open Pandora’s box!

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You’re a Good Listener

Or maybe you’re not deep in thought. Maybe you’re actually listening!  Many people aren’t good listeners because they’re not giving their full attention to the person who is speaking; they’re too busy formulating what they will say next. Good listeners still their minds and do not form a response until the other person is finished.  These are the people that you really want to talk with because you know they’ll hear everything you have to say.

You Consider All of Your Options

Some may call you indecisive . . .  but how about open-minded?  I’m sometimes the last person to place my order because I won’t settle for “the usual.”  I’m brave enough to try something new but conscientious enough to thoroughly read the menu and try to make my best choice.

You’re An Artist

When it was time to go out, and I was running behind I used to joke to my partner that I was having a “girl moment.”  Truthfully, I was getting my inner artist on!  I would experiment with make-up, adding a little of this and taking away a little of that, looking at my face from every angle in the mirror.  And I would sometimes change my whole outfit 5 or 6 times because I just couldn’t find the top to match the bottom. And then it was accessories, accessories, accessories!  That’s also why we spend so much time trying on clothes?  We know what looks good, and we’re not stopping ’til we find it!

You Enjoy Your Food

Are you considered a “slow-eater”?  Good for you!  This is much better for your health.  As a classroom teacher, by the time I made it to lunch after wrapping up for the morning, I usually had 10-15 minutes to shovel down food.  During a visit to my chiropractor I asked about my issues with bloating, and I was amazed by the simplicity of his response: “Chew your food more slowly.”  Sure enough, my condition improved immediately after I changed my eating style!  Besides allowing your stomach to more properly digest your food, you slow-eaters are more likely to enjoy your food.  You’ll have more time to taste it, to smell it.  Slow-eating is encouraged to help prevent over-eating, as well.  If I’m craving a cookie, and I’ve crammed it down my throat, my body has missed the satisfying taste and smell, and I’m more likely to grab another one.  Slowing down your eating also gives your stomach a chance to catch up with your eyes!  Those who eat more slowly are more likely to recognize when their stomach is full and to stop eating when they are satisfied.

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You Want to Fully Get Something

How much do you remember of those tests you crammed for?  How much did you really get from that article you skimmed?  I enjoy a book much more when I take my time reading it.  I get a lot more out of a movie when I rewind parts that I missed.  The more you slow down, the more you understand.

You Care

Which gifts do you appreciate the most and remember the longest — the ones that took two seconds to buy or the ones that took careful thought and much effort? Some people will go on a hunt until they find that perfect gift.  Others make them, infusing their precious time and love into their gifts.  This past Christmas my dad’s gift to me was a beautiful miniature stained glass window of lighthouses (my favorite image) that he had created himself.  You can be sure that will stay in my window for the rest of my life.

You’re in the Moment

Do people complain that you walk too slowly, run too slowly, ride too slowly, or drive too slowly?  Besides being a safer person, you are also more likely to be relaxed and in the moment!  Think about those “Sunday drivers” that drive you crazy — or maybe you’ve been one of them!  Why do they drive so slowly?  They are relaxed.  They are not rushing to work or to an appointment.  They are spending the day with family and friends, in a state of peace, doing the things they love.  Isn’t that a great place to be?

You Enjoy the View

When you take a brisk walk through the park, do you remember the flowers that you passed?  Do you catch the birds that fly overhead?  I’ve found that I can’t remember much of what I did on the days that I rushed from place to place, and I don’t see any of the trail when I’m biking for speed.  My mom is notorious for lagging behind on nature walks because she stops every few feet to take pictures!  She says that taking pictures has opened up a whole new world for her.  She sees things that she never would have noticed before.

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You Want to Be Safe

There’s nothing wrong with slowing down and leaving yourself enough time to get where you want to go.  I’d prefer to be safe and read a book for a bit if I arrive somewhere early.  If people are honking behind you or passing you left and right — so what?  I’ll bet you have a great driving record and are less likely to be found in a ditch on those bad weather days!

You’re Worth the Wait

So what that you’re the last one ready, the last one to speak, or the last one done?  You’re worth it!  You take your time, you do it right, and it turns out well.  You’re a happier, more relaxed person, a genuine listener, a dependable employee, and you look amazing!

So, the next time someone tells that you are slow, take it as a compliment!  Know that by slowing things down you are enjoying the view and keeping your life from speeding on by.

Featured photo credit: Just Colorful Bubble by Victor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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