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15 Ways You Never Knew You Could Do To Complain Wisely

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15 Ways You Never Knew You Could Do To Complain Wisely

The definition of complaining is

“Expressing dissatisfaction about a state of affairs or an event.”

There can be many reasons a person might complain. Some are well justified out of a legitimate desire to make things right. If these complaints are followed by action, that is intelligent complaining. There are constructive ways to complain in order to make things better. How do you find these complaints?

1. “Here is what I have observed. It may not be true for you in which case, please ignore my advice.”

Telling someone something negative is difficult in most cases, but this statement allows the person to look at the situation and have his own opinion of it. There is no manipulative intention in this statement because you have invited him to ignore your advice if he disagrees and told him that you won’t hold it against him if he does nothing about it.

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2. “When you do or say (blank), it upsets me. Please don’t do or say it in my presence”.

This statement lets someone know that their words or actions have an effect on you and gives them the choice, i.e. “Either don’t say this or do this or don’t expect me to be present.”

3. ” I have noticed (blank)” or “I have some bad news.”

Sometimes we do have to tell someone something we know they don’t want to hear. Honestly, I don’t think there is a perfect way to phrase something negative that you, as a friend really should tell someone. In this category I would include things like chronic bad BO or offensive curse words used at inappropriate times. Ask yourself if you really are doing that person a favor by telling them. Also ask yourself if there is anything that person can do about it. If not, it is useless to bring it up. In cases where you think that your best friend’s jeans make her butt look big but she thinks they are great, zip your lips! If her boyfriend is cheating on her and you have proof, then you do need to let her know.

4. “Your (husband, friend, kid) is awesome! I would love to help you guys out if you ever need it.”

Telling someone something negative about someone they care about is never a good idea. When you do this it puts the person that you do it to in a position of having to choose between you and his or her loved one. Even if the person is complaining about a family member or friend, don’t agree too strongly, because later, when things are going better, the person may resent the comments you made.

5. “I understand and I am there for you.”

A person who is having a rough time does not want to hear about how much worse you have it or had it. Just listen. If you really need a shoulder to cry on, find someone else until the other person gets back on their feet.

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6. “Do you think (so and so) needs our help?”

If you notice something off with another person, and it’s bugging you, you should communicate about it. Then, if you think that person needs help, give it to them. If it is just a case of differing styles, again, keep it to yourself.

7. “Wow! Teach me to do that! You ROCK!”

Courage comes with knowledge. There are methods and technologies for learning ANYTHING. Are you embarrassed by Sting or John Mayer when they sing? They have learned art of performing and you can too!

8. “I’ve noticed (Blah di blah) and I think it needs to be handled! What can I do to help correct that?”

Noticing and taking action on things that are not correct is a sane and smart response.

9. “(So and So) is involved in (harmful action putting himself and others at risk) and here is the proof. I think we need to do something about it.”

People generally do not like to confront and handle others even when the list of harmful acts is growing and affecting a lot of people. The proof of this is the inaction of the world against Hitler in World War II until after millions of people were slaughtered. The bottom line though, is that action in some useful direction is a sane and correct response. Do not be surprised if you are the only one willing to tackle the problem. There is nothing wrong with pointing out and trying to curtail someone else’s harmful acts or crimes. There is something wrong with sitting around and doing nothing while that person destroys himself and everyone around him. Sometimes merely telling another about the situation is the first step in handling it. On the other hand, there is also something wrong with manufacturing false “proof” and presenting it as real. An act like that is never warranted.

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10. “Something negative may happen but no matter what happens we can always do something to make it better. “

Simple and true.

11. “Wow! That is awful! I’m sorry that happened to you!”

Now, the person may have done an awful thing but pain and unhappiness never did anything to really solve a problem correctly. A person’s urge to commit harmful acts comes about because of past pain. Adding present time pain to the backlog of pain does not help

12. “I forgive you.”

If the person just messed up and is carving himself up with daggers on your doorstep, and you are certain he or she will pay more attention next time, decide whether you can trust him or her again. You can forgive someone without opening the door to future betrayals. Look carefully and decide.

13. Text “Are you free in the morning? I need someone to talk to.”

The phrase “I need someone to talk to” is a meaningful phrase. Your friend will understand and be there for you. You ahve also shown respect by asking first, instead of just unloading.

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14. “What happened to Joe could have happened to any one of us. We need to correct that!”

Whether anyone you tell agrees with you is neither here nor there. Take steps to correct the situation so that it doesn’t take you all out. If you can’t correct it, find a better and safer environment.

15. “OK, that (thought, action, idea) was not the best. I know I can do better!”

There is nothing wrong with making mistakes and learning from them. Even the worst mistakes are learning experiences. It is not OK to degrade or invalidate yourself over your mistakes or to let someone else degrade or invalidate you because of them. We all make mistakes and the real go-getters make more mistakes than other people because they are more active. It is not OK to do it to someone else, so don’t do it to yourself.

I know that much of what I have said requires courage and in answer to your unspoken question, Yes I have had my tushie handed to me more times than I can count by standing up and doing the right thing. But it has only been the times that I have failed to act and someone got  hurt that I regret. Courage means standing all by yourself sometimes, knowing that you are right. If you avoid all of the stupid complaints and work to make things better, you will be respected and even better, you will know you have kept your integrity. You may get your tushie handed to you but if you do I will be there for you.

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Last Updated on January 24, 2022

21 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

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21 Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

Having texting and video conferencing at our fingertips, it appears that maintaining a long-distance relationship is easier than ever. Long-distance calls are no longer a luxury; the days when they needed to be rationed are long gone.

Long-distance couples do not have to depend on 3 p.m. postal delivery, waiting for news that is at best four days old.

Now we’re no longer even in the days of waiting for our loved ones to check their e-mail when they get home from work. Instant messaging keeps us hooked to each other even when we are out shopping, working, playing, watching a movie and doing much more.

Technology, however, cannot compensate for everything in a long-distance relationship, as anyone with a long-distance relationship will tell you.

Many long-distance relationships still seem emotionally difficult despite the lack of regular physical proximity.

People often think long-distance relationships will never work. It may be discouraged by your family, and some of your best friends may tell you not to take it too seriously in case you end up heartbroken.

Many things are not possible due to the extra distance – no one can promise it will be easy. Things could get complicated, and you might feel lonely and sad at times.

Still, many of us try them.

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However, the extra distance also makes the simplest things the sweetest. Being able to hold the other person’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk together, smelling each other’s hair… these small wishes could suddenly mean so much more in a long-distance relationship.

Long-distance relationships may be tough, but they have their own surprises too.

Here’re 21 tips on how to make a long distance relationship work:

1. Avoid excessive communication.

It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples think that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of “loving.”

Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.

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2. See it as an opportunity.

“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous

View it as a learning journey for both of you. This is an opportunity for you to prove your love for one another. According to a Chinese proverb, “Real gold is not afraid of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long-distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger.

As Emma says it to Will in season four of Glee,

“I would rather be here, far from you, but feeling really close, rather than close to you but feeling really far away.” – Emma, Glee Season 4

3. Set some ground rules to manage your expectations.

Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of each other during this long-distance relationship. Set some ground rules so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise.

For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it all right for the other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.

4. Try to communicate regularly, and creatively.

Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happenings, however mundane some of the things may seem.

To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips, and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to.

5. Talk dirty with each other.

Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important things between couples. In a way, sexual desire is like the glue that keeps both parties from drifting apart. Sexual need is not only biological but also emotional.

Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty well too.

6. Avoid “dangerous” situations.

If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand to reassure them.

You should not let this sort of thing slip by because it will only make your partner extra worried or suspicious – and of course, very upset because they will feel powerless or lack control over the situation.

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You can fall victim to your traps by going out with eye candy from work after work or dating someone from your past who has been flirting with you without realizing it. Before entering a dangerous situation, you need to recognize the dangers.

Listen to your heart, but don’t just rely on it. Make sure you also listen to your mind.

7. Do things together.

Play a game online together. Watch a documentary at the same time on YouTube or Vimeo. Share a song on Skype while another plays the guitar. Video-call each other and go for a walk together. Together, go online shopping – and buy each other gifts (see #13).

You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it.

8. Do similar things.

Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news and etc., to each other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get to have more topics in common to talk about.

Even if you live apart, it’s nice to have some shared experiences.

9. Make visits to each other.

Every long-distance relationship is enriched by visits.

After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet each other to fulfil all the little things like kissing, holding hands, etc. These are typical for couples in long-distance relationships but more special and intimate for long-distance couples.

The atmosphere will be filled with fireworks, glitter bombs, confetti, rainbows, and butterflies.

10. Have a goal in mind.

Are we going to be apart for a long time?” “what about the future?” These are the questions you should ask yourselves.

In fact, a couple cannot stay in a long-distance relationship forever. Eventually, we all need to settle down.

So make a plan with each other. Set up a timeline, mark down the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal.

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It is important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still motivated to work together in the same direction towards a future that includes one another.

That’s right, you need some motivation to make a relationship last too. Find out more about what motivates you here.

11. Enjoy your alone time and your time with your friends and family.

You are alone, but you are not lonely unless you choose to feel like it. You don’t have to let your world revolve around your partner — you still have you, your friends, and your family. Take this time apart to do more with your friends and family. Go to the gym more often. Get a new hobby. Binge-watch shows. There are plenty of things for you to do that don’t involve your partner.

12. Stay honest with each other.

Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever. If you try to hide anything from your partner, that secret will sooner or later swallow you up from the inside out. Don’t try to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need. It’s better to look at the problem during its initial stage than to only disclose it when it’s all too late.

13. Know each other’s schedules.

It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and free. So that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time. You wouldn’t want to disturb your partner when they are in the middle of class or halfway through a business meeting. Make sure you are aware of everyone’s small and big events in their lives, i.e., college midterms and exams, important business trips and meetings, job interviews, etc. Particularly if you live in different time zones, this becomes more important.

14. Keep track of each other’s social media activities.

Facebook and Instagram photos of each other. Send each other tweets. Tag each other on Facebook. Post stuff on each other’s wall. Let them know you care. Be cool with stalking each other.

15. Gift a personal object for the other person to hold on to.

Memories have power. No matter what it is–a pendant, a ring, a keychain, a collection of songs and videos, or a perfume bottle. Everyday items and things have meanings to us, whether we realize it or not. We all try to store memories in material things so that when our minds fail, we will still be able to look at or hold onto something that will help us recall our memories. This is why something so simple can mean so much to a person when others may see little or no value in it.

16. Get a good messaging app.

This is extremely important because texting is the most frequent and common way of communication the two of you have. You need a good messaging app on your phones that allows interactions beyond words and emoticons.

Personally, I use this messaging app called LINE. I find it highly effective because it has a huge reserve of playful and very funny “stickers” that are free for its users to use. You can also go to the app’s “Sticker Shop” to download (or gift!) extra stickers of different themes (e.g., Hello Kitty, Pokemon, Snoopy, MARVEL, etc.) at a low price. Occasionally, the app will give out free sticker sets for promotions. This messaging app is cute and easy to learn to use.

17. Snail-mail your gift.

Mail each other postcards and hand-written love letters. Send each other gifts across the globe from time to time. Flower deliveries on birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day. Shop online and surprise each other with cool T-shirts, sexy underwear, and such.

18. Stay positive.

You need to constantly inject positive energy into the long-distance relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful, and you can sometimes feel lonely, but you need to remind yourself that the fruits at the end will be sweet as heaven.

One good trick to staying positive is to be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love — someone who also loves you back. Be thankful for the little things, like the hand-made letter that arrived safely in your mailbox the other day. Be thankful for each other’s health and safety.

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19. Keep each other updated on each other’s friends and family.

This will help you two to know each other’s culture and values. Knowing small habits of each other helps in developing an understanding and building mutual trust.

Talking about family and friends gives you more matters to talk about. The best thing to talk about is gossip and scandals.

20. Video-call whenever possible.

Because sometimes looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s voices can make everything feel alright again.

A video call is though nothing like being together, but it’s the best thing and the most to do for coziness in a long-distance relationship.

21. Give each other pet names.

Because it’s cute. It keeps the lovey-dovey going. Having special names for each other reserved only for one another are heart-warming. Hearing that one word with love lifts our spirits up, and we feel assured all over again.

Chaos seems to fade away just by hearing that special word from someone special.

With the best wishes…

Love (or like) is a force that is beyond your control. Love just happens. The same goes for turning off those feelings, even when you get the perfect job halfway across the country.

Neither one of us expects to be long-distance in a relationship. But if you’re in a relationship like this, you’ll just have to make the most out of a difficult situation. These advice for long distance relationships will hopefully help you stay strong and cheerful when living apart from one another.

More Recommended Relationships Experts on Lifehack
  • Carol Morgan —  A communication professor, dating/relationship and success coach
  • Dr. Magdalena Battles — A Doctor of Psychology with specialties include children, family relationships, domestic violence, and sexual assault
  • Randy Skilton —  An educator in the areas of relationships and self-help

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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