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15 Things Self-Destructive People Do That Makes Their Life Harder

15 Things Self-Destructive People Do That Makes Their Life Harder

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have a really difficult time in life? Have you often thought that they should turn their life around? Well, we have, and here are 15 things we’ve noticed that self-destructive people do that makes their life much harder.

1. They are friends with people who bring them down.

Self-destructive people often surround themselves with other self-destructive people. Sadly, in most cases, the friends they have are often the ones to help them along their journey in a negative way. It would be difficult for a self-destructive person to be friends with someone who would motivate them to do the right thing.

2.They don’t need any help.

People with problems, such as drug or alcohol addiction, are always inclined to say, “I don’t need help.” In reality, these are the people who need the most help – they are just unable or unwilling to realize it.

3. They turn to alternate methods for coping.

Many self-destructive people who suffer from mental issues, such as depression, often look for other ways to cope with their problems. In many cases, they turn to alcohol or drugs, which allow them to forget the problem for the moment. Unfortunately, this doesn’t help them deal with the real issues, and often creates new ones.

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4. They date the wrong kind of people.

Self-destructive individuals often have low self-esteem. For this reason, they often choose partners who help make their self-image thoughts come true. In many cases, they will allow themselves to become victims of sexual, physical, and mental abuse because the person they’re with always says, “I’m sorry,” “I love you,” and, “I won’t ever do that again.” Being in a relationship like this will just bring you down further and further.

5. They spend money on wants not necessarily needs.

People can also be financially self-destructive. These types of people often spend money on items they want, such as designer clothes, a fancy car, and the latest technological devices. However, they often neglect the things that are really important, such as bills, a home, and food.

6. They repeatedly make the same mistakes.

It is in most people’s nature to learn from their mistakes and not make the same one twice. This is not true with self-destructive individuals. Instead, they continually make the same mistake twice, whether it’s doing drugs, drinking and driving, or being careless about their sexual behavior.

7. They live in the moment.

Although most people try to live in the moment, they mean that they’re enjoying the time they have today. However, they also think about the consequences of their actions. Individuals who are self-destructive don’t think about the consequences of their actions, and only think about what they are thinking and feeling in the exact moment they make a decision, often ruining relationships around them.

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8. They are habitual liars.

People who are self-destructive are often habitual liars. In fact, they often find themselves lying to cover up lies, forgetting what they have lied about and to whom. They are definitely people who cannot be trusted.

9. They feel they have no positive assets.

Similar to self-esteem, self-destructive individuals only believe in and focus on their flaws. In fact, they feel they have no added value to give the world, and believe there is no point in striving to be a better person.

10. They often lack good hygiene habits.

This does not mean that every self-destructive person doesn’t shower, but they may not take care of themselves otherwise. For instance, they may be lacking a good tooth brushing and dental flossing, as well as other grooming habits, such as shaving or combing their hair.

11. They seclude themselves from the ones who love them most.

One of the most difficult aspects of being around a self-destructive person is being someone who truly loves them for who they were and are. Self-destructive individuals tend to seclude them from the ones who love them most, as they are the ones who would offer to help them, or get them the help they need to become better.

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12. They have no ambition in life.

Due to their low self-esteem, self-destructive individuals have no ambition in life. They feel they can’t accomplish anything, so what’s the point in trying, and that’s something they simply don’t do. They often can’t hold a job, and if they do, it’s not usually an upstanding position.

13. They are often seriously unhealthy.

In combination with the bad habits they develop – drugs and alcohol abuse – they often forgo making other healthy decisions. They don’t eat foods that are good for them, if they even eat, and they definitely don’t consult a physician when they aren’t feeling well, even if it could be something serious.

14. They start fights for no reason.

Because they don’t focus on the consequences of their actions, they tend to pick fights for no reason. Oftentimes, they focus on the biggest person in the room, thinking they will be the one to show them a lesson, even though there’s really no chance. They thrive on violence and anger.

15. They steal and cheat.

Again, most self-destructive individuals aren’t upstanding citizens. Because they don’t hold a job or care about consequences, they often partake in illegal activities, such as stealing, and are often cheaters, whether in competition or relationships.

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Self-destructive behavior is bad. Not only are these people taking themselves down, they also take down the people around them who love them. Essentially, their poor behavior and bad decisions destroy everything around them.

Featured photo credit: Vieja via Shots of Insight

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Published on September 23, 2020

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

What is Negotiation?

First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

Places We Negotiate

I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

1. Work/Business

This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

2. Personal

I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

3. Ourselves

You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

6 Negotiation Skills to Master

Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

1. Preparation

Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

2. Clear Communication

The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

3. Active Listening

Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

4. Teamwork and Collaboration

To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

5. Problem Solving

Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

6. Decision-Making Ability

Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

Conclusion

There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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