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15 Things Self-Destructive People Do That Makes Their Life Harder

15 Things Self-Destructive People Do That Makes Their Life Harder

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have a really difficult time in life? Have you often thought that they should turn their life around? Well, we have, and here are 15 things we’ve noticed that self-destructive people do that makes their life much harder.

1. They are friends with people who bring them down.

Self-destructive people often surround themselves with other self-destructive people. Sadly, in most cases, the friends they have are often the ones to help them along their journey in a negative way. It would be difficult for a self-destructive person to be friends with someone who would motivate them to do the right thing.

2.They don’t need any help.

People with problems, such as drug or alcohol addiction, are always inclined to say, “I don’t need help.” In reality, these are the people who need the most help – they are just unable or unwilling to realize it.

3. They turn to alternate methods for coping.

Many self-destructive people who suffer from mental issues, such as depression, often look for other ways to cope with their problems. In many cases, they turn to alcohol or drugs, which allow them to forget the problem for the moment. Unfortunately, this doesn’t help them deal with the real issues, and often creates new ones.

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4. They date the wrong kind of people.

Self-destructive individuals often have low self-esteem. For this reason, they often choose partners who help make their self-image thoughts come true. In many cases, they will allow themselves to become victims of sexual, physical, and mental abuse because the person they’re with always says, “I’m sorry,” “I love you,” and, “I won’t ever do that again.” Being in a relationship like this will just bring you down further and further.

5. They spend money on wants not necessarily needs.

People can also be financially self-destructive. These types of people often spend money on items they want, such as designer clothes, a fancy car, and the latest technological devices. However, they often neglect the things that are really important, such as bills, a home, and food.

6. They repeatedly make the same mistakes.

It is in most people’s nature to learn from their mistakes and not make the same one twice. This is not true with self-destructive individuals. Instead, they continually make the same mistake twice, whether it’s doing drugs, drinking and driving, or being careless about their sexual behavior.

7. They live in the moment.

Although most people try to live in the moment, they mean that they’re enjoying the time they have today. However, they also think about the consequences of their actions. Individuals who are self-destructive don’t think about the consequences of their actions, and only think about what they are thinking and feeling in the exact moment they make a decision, often ruining relationships around them.

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8. They are habitual liars.

People who are self-destructive are often habitual liars. In fact, they often find themselves lying to cover up lies, forgetting what they have lied about and to whom. They are definitely people who cannot be trusted.

9. They feel they have no positive assets.

Similar to self-esteem, self-destructive individuals only believe in and focus on their flaws. In fact, they feel they have no added value to give the world, and believe there is no point in striving to be a better person.

10. They often lack good hygiene habits.

This does not mean that every self-destructive person doesn’t shower, but they may not take care of themselves otherwise. For instance, they may be lacking a good tooth brushing and dental flossing, as well as other grooming habits, such as shaving or combing their hair.

11. They seclude themselves from the ones who love them most.

One of the most difficult aspects of being around a self-destructive person is being someone who truly loves them for who they were and are. Self-destructive individuals tend to seclude them from the ones who love them most, as they are the ones who would offer to help them, or get them the help they need to become better.

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12. They have no ambition in life.

Due to their low self-esteem, self-destructive individuals have no ambition in life. They feel they can’t accomplish anything, so what’s the point in trying, and that’s something they simply don’t do. They often can’t hold a job, and if they do, it’s not usually an upstanding position.

13. They are often seriously unhealthy.

In combination with the bad habits they develop – drugs and alcohol abuse – they often forgo making other healthy decisions. They don’t eat foods that are good for them, if they even eat, and they definitely don’t consult a physician when they aren’t feeling well, even if it could be something serious.

14. They start fights for no reason.

Because they don’t focus on the consequences of their actions, they tend to pick fights for no reason. Oftentimes, they focus on the biggest person in the room, thinking they will be the one to show them a lesson, even though there’s really no chance. They thrive on violence and anger.

15. They steal and cheat.

Again, most self-destructive individuals aren’t upstanding citizens. Because they don’t hold a job or care about consequences, they often partake in illegal activities, such as stealing, and are often cheaters, whether in competition or relationships.

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Self-destructive behavior is bad. Not only are these people taking themselves down, they also take down the people around them who love them. Essentially, their poor behavior and bad decisions destroy everything around them.

Featured photo credit: Vieja via Shots of Insight

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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