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15 Things Parents Of ADHD Children Understand So Well

15 Things Parents Of ADHD Children Understand So Well

If you have ADHD or are a parent of a child with ADHD, you have to put up with a lot of ignorance and misconceptions about this disorder. This does not help at all in your daily struggle with a condition which is often downplayed and sometimes, even ignored. Here are 15 things you wish people knew about ADHD.

1. They have a minor mental disorder.

Because it has been all hyped up, ADHD is thought of as a major mental disorder. Many others are convinced that it has been been invented by Big Pharm to sell more medication, such as Ritalin or Adderall. You know that ADHD exists and as many as 9% of American children are battling this disorder. There are now so many studies from prestigious scientific institutions that show ADHD is a minor mental disorder that you wish more people would get their facts right. ADHD needs to be recognized, treated and dealt with. As a parent, you know it is just a difference but it needs careful handling.

“ADHD is real and valid. The sooner we recognize the patterns and learn to work with these kids, the better assured we will be that they as adults with be healthy members of society.” – Rhonda Van Diest.

2. They have a chemical imbalance in the brain.

It is true that children and adults with ADHD have problems with paying attention, keeping things organized and staying on task. Kids can be impulsive, defiant and overreact when faced with frustration. This is the result of brain chemistry which is out of sync and has nothing to do with bad parenting!

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Effective parenting comes into its own when kids are helped to cope and the parents are able to successfully draw the line between helping them too much and allowing them to get on with it. A good example is during homework. As a wise parent, you keep an eye by being present and get on with your own tasks. You can offer to get them things they need but you do not actually do the homework for them.

3. They need structure and routine.

Many people assume that disciplinary measures are needed to deal with bad behaviour and it has nothing to do with structure and routine. They just assume that threats of consequences and punishment will bring an ADHD child into line very quickly. But wise and experienced parents like you know very well that the best way is to set up structure and routine for playtime, meals, homework and bedtime. Using charts and stars for good behaviour, having visual planners and being consistent can be really effective.

4. They may need medication.

There are two extreme views here. One is that ADHD meds are harmful and addictive and will ruin a child for life. There are some side effects of these stimulants such as weight loss, disturbed sleep and other problems. The other view is that meds will solve all ADHD problems and all the kids have to do is take their pills and they will be fine. The answer, as usual, is to aim for a sensible middle path. Careful diagnosis together with collaboration between parents, teachers and doctors can produce measurable results in calming a child down and increasing their attention span. But this has to be done by using behavior techniques as well. Many experts says that behavior management must always be tried first before resorting to psychostimulant meds.

5. They fidget all the time, but they need to.

The latest news and research shows that fidgeting is really useful to help ADHD kids stay on task. Up to now, many teachers told kids to stop fidgeting. But balancing on a Swiss ball, finger tapping and knee bouncing are all helpful for ADHD kids. This secondary movement helps to keep them alert. Up to now, people were convinced that these movements were nothing more than distractions. Many schools now have Swiss balls instead of chairs and parents can try similar things at home when their kids do homework.

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6. They can make choices.

There is another misconception about people with ADHD. They are thought to be incapable of making a simple choice. But experts now know that offering the ADHD child a structured choice is really effective. Asking the child to choose clothes for school the evening before or asking them which subject they want to start the homework with are all great ways to assist them in making wise choices. It will also help them with self-control.

7. They have unexpected talents.

People with ADHD have a uphill task it is true, because the symptoms of restlessness, hyperactivity and impulsivity can make normal learning difficult. But many ADHD kids are extremely intelligent and funny. They may take longer to do certain tasks but they have a hyper focus when passionate about an activity which is second to none. There are many inspiring examples of people in the past and present who have excelled because of their ADHD. They can often solve problems by thinking along unconventional lines and they see it as a gift, rather than an obstacle.

“I can distill complicated facts and come up with simple solutions. I can look out on an industry with all kinds of problems and say, ‘How can I do this better?’ My ADD brain naturally searches for better ways of doing things.” – David Neeleman, founder of JetBlue.

8. They have social skills.

It is true that many people with ADHD have problems with social skills and as children, have trouble in turn taking when playing and other aspects of developing socially. When autism is present as a comorbid disorder, the problems of social interaction become a problem. The good news is that ADHD sufferers have a sense of humor and their empathic qualities are not affected in any significant way. They are also hypersensitive in the emotional sense and this means they can be more caring and sensitive generally. There is even better news in that most of people’s success depends on their emotional intelligence and not on their paper qualifications.

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9. They are actually good at sports.

People wrongly assume that because a lack of focus is part of ADHD, people with this disorder will never be any good at sport. But there are many sports where people with ADHD have excelled. Michael Phelps had ADHD as a child and has won more gold Olympic medals in swimming than anyone else in history. Generally, kids with ADHD do better at individual sports than team ones. As they have problems in following directions, paying attention and staying focused, this can result in problems in obeying rules and anticipating moves. Individual sports are much more suited to them and they can excel at martial arts, swimming, dance, and gymnastics.

10. They can do well at work.

Many people with ADHD have to face challenges at work, just like they had to do at school. In spite of all that, many people go on to have remarkably successful careers. The secret is to use as many aids as possible to reduce distractibility, boredom and procrastination. Making lists of points to cover complex projects before writing a report helps. Seeking a quiet space, when available, is an excellent idea. Also, using headphones with white noise to block out distracting noise is helpful. Planners, time-line charts and alerts can all help with time management. The best thing of all is that having a high energy level combined with the ability to multi-task can help many people with ADHD thrive at work.

11. They will not grow out of it.

A lot depends on how much treatment and loving care the child has while growing up. Assuming that this is a mere passing childhood phase is foolish. At the most, only about 20% to 33% of adults will outgrow it. How an adult copes successfully with ADHD in later life will mainly depend on whether they had a safe, supportive and loving home environment which provided them with the coping skills they needed. This will stand them in good stead when they reach adulthood. As a wise parent, you are preparing for the long haul.

12. They are not just hyperactive.

Most people associate ADHD with hyperactivity. But as most parents know, there are also other sub types such as the predominantly inattentive subtype. This is frequently undiagnosed because daydreaming at the back of the class rarely gets noticed. Losing things, forgetting tasks and being distracted by sounds or movements are the most common symptoms of this type of ADHD. Many girls discovered that they had this type of ADHD when they reached adulthood because nobody was sharp enough to notice while they were at school.

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13. They are not getting an unfair advantage.

Special accommodations (504s and IEPs) exist for kids with ADHD and this is right. There are a wide range available such as extra breaks, special seating arrangements near the front of the class, buddy tutoring and quieter classrooms. Some schools allow them to have squeeze balls and to chew gum. Remaining focused, staying positive and learning are the key objectives in allowing these special arrangements and they should never be regarded as an unfair advantage. They are merely levelling the playing field a bit. Most parents ensure their ADHD children will be able to avail of these facilities.

14. They do not all have the same symptoms.

Many people just assume that ADHD is an overall term for the usual symptoms, whether they are boys or girls. The fact is that boys tend to get noticed more because they display more physical symptoms such as aggression, hitting and being more impulsive. Girls tend to have less noticeable symptoms such as inattention, day dreaming, low self-esteem and can be more verbal when they talk and tease all the time.

15. They should not be treated the same as other kids.

As most parents know, bringing up an ADHD child is an enormous challenge, especially as they themselves may have the same condition. Ignoring the problem or downgrading it are not going to help. Treating them like other kids is not helpful at all. ADHD kids are special but they can achieve great things if they are given the right opportunities. Parents need to talk openly to their kids about this mental difference so that they know what is ahead.

Above all, they need a loving, supportive, and enriched childhood and yes, it is going to be tough.

“Living with ADHD is like walking up a down escalator. You can get there eventually but the journey is exhausting.” – Kathleen Ely.

Featured photo credit: Tanisha’s first shoot/ Harsha K R via flickr.com

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Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on November 19, 2020

The Gentle Art of Saying No for a Less Stressful Life

The Gentle Art of Saying No for a Less Stressful Life

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments—you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time. That’s why the art of saying no can be a game changer for productivity.

Requests for your time are coming in all the time—from family members, friends, children, coworkers, etc. To stay productive, minimize stress, and avoid wasting time, you have to learn the gentle art of saying no—an art that many people have problems with.

What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger, or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

However, it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here’s how to stop people pleasing and master the gentle art of saying no.

1. Value Your Time

Know your commitments and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it.

Be honest when you tell them that: “I just can’t right now. My plate is overloaded as it is.” They’ll sympathize as they likely have a lot going on as well, and they’ll respect your openness, honesty, and attention to self-care.

2. Know Your Priorities

Even if you do have some extra time (which, for many of us, is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time?

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For example, if my wife asks me to pick up the kids from school a couple of extra days a week, I’ll likely try to make time for it as my family is my highest priority. However, if a coworker asks for help on some extra projects, I know that will mean less time with my wife and kids, so I will be more likely to say no. 

However, for others, work is their priority, and helping on extra projects could mean the chance for a promotion or raise. It’s all about knowing your long-term goals and what you’ll need to say yes and no to in order to get there. 

You can learn more about how to set your priorities here.

3. Practice Saying No

Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word[1].

Sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.

4. Don’t Apologize

A common way to start out is “I’m sorry, but…” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important when you learn to say no, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm and unapologetic about guarding your time.

When you say no, realize that you have nothing to feel bad about. You have every right to ensure you have time for the things that are important to you. 

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5. Stop Being Nice

Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. However, if you erect a wall or set boundaries, they will look for easier targets.

Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.

6. Say No to Your Boss

Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss—they’re our boss, right? And if we start saying no, then we look like we can’t handle the work—at least, that’s the common reasoning[2].

In fact, it’s the opposite—explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.

7. Pre-Empting

It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting,

“Look, everyone, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects, and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”

This, of course, takes a great deal of awareness that you’ll likely only have after having worked in one place or been friends with someone for a while. However, once you get the hang of it, it can be incredibly useful.

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8. Get Back to You

Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, try saying no this way:

“After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.”

At least you gave it some consideration.

9. Maybe Later

If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say,

“This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].”

Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands. If you need to continue saying no, here are some other ways to do so[3]:

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Saying no the healthy way

    10. It’s Not You, It’s Me

    This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often, the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time.

    Simply say so—you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization—but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true, as people can sense insincerity.

    The Bottom Line

    Saying no isn’t an easy thing to do, but once you master it, you’ll find that you’re less stressed and more focused on the things that really matter to you. There’s no need to feel guilty about organizing your personal life and mental health in a way that feels good to you.

    Remember that when you learn to say no, isn’t about being mean. It’s about taking care of your time, energy, and sanity. Once you learn how to say no in a good way, people will respect your willingness to practice self-care and prioritization. 

    More Tips for a Less Stressful Life

    Featured photo credit: Kyle Glenn via unsplash.com

    Reference

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