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8 Practical Tips for Parents of Kids with ADHD

8 Practical Tips for Parents of Kids with ADHD

I’m going to make this quick, since you parents with ADHD kids don’t exactly have the time or luxury of sitting around with your feet up, enjoying quiet and leisurely reading. But the school year is back upon us, and I figured you could use a “Great job! You’re doing a wonderful job at something that is RIDICULOUSLY HARD!” as well as a few tips:

1. Manage your expectations

Assuming your child has been evaluated properly, he/she has a legitimate neurological condition that impairs planning, organization, impulse control, focus, and attention. ADHD is not something that can be CURED, but rather, is a condition that can be managed with teaching strategies, making accommodations, practicing difficult skills, and sometimes, medication.

Sometimes parents think that their children “should” be able to follow through on cleaning their room, finish a whole worksheet without being distracted, remember their notebooks, and keep their hands to themselves when reminded. However, these expectations may be unrealistic without interventions and accommodations. And most importantly, these difficulties are due to neurological differences, and do not indicate poor parenting efforts on your part.

2. Meet them where they’re at (AKA provide “accommodations” even at home.)

In the event that a child is unable to stay on task, focus, sit still, organize, control impulses, or plan on his own, parents are tasked with creating accommodations. An “accommodation” is basically a way to assist a child so that he/she can ultimately be successful. At school, that may be anything from the child sitting in the front row away from his friends, to a sticker chart, or to a one-on-one aid.

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Eventually, some accommodations are reduced as the child learns how to attend, focus, organize, control impulses, and plan on his/her own. However, sometimes a child learns how to create his/her own accommodations to continue to use into adulthood. Calendars, alarms, digital prompters, post-it-notes, manipulatives/fidget objects, to-do lists, keeping an incredibly structured routine (homework immediately after school), and mental tricks to use when bored are all examples of commonly used accommodations that kids with ADHD can continue to use into adulthood.

Often the accommodations necessary at home are demanding of the parents. Like when “meeting him where he’s at” requires you to first help him organize all the steps necessary for him to finish his homework, then sit with him in a quiet room during home-work time and give frequent verbal prompts to stay on task. Or when “meeting him where he’s at” includes standing in his bedroom and giving him re-directions every 90 seconds as he holds his written list of tasks (#1. Throw all trash away #2.Put dirty clothes in hamper #3. Clean clothes in drawer #4. Put toys in box #5. Bring plates and dishes downstairs).

3. Recruit Help

In cases where a child needs constant one-on-one assistance/frequent re-directions (if you turn away for two seconds Jimmy will be hanging from the chandelier, and you need to be there to provide negative reinforcement if not to prevent him for cracking his skull open), I often recommend recruiting help. What parent is able to cook dinner, attend to siblings, and live any sort of life if constant re-directions and behavioral interventions are necessary for one (or more) of the children?

This might sound crazy, but what’s crazier is NOT doing it: For about an hour a day, preferably during a time which every day is designated to chores and homework, get HELP. Yes, that’s right. Recruit a paid (high-schooler in the neighborhood for $5/hour?) or unpaid (Aunt Martha?) parent’s helper to help the child organize and stay on task while doing daily chores and homework.

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Discuss with the “helper” the accommodations and interventions that you do with your child (These can be suggested by the child’s therapist. Some examples are: rewarding every two minutes of focus with a sticker, providing exercise breaks every ten minutes, providing visual, not verbal, re-direction cues, spraying him with a squirt bottle when he stops attending– just kidding. Really, but that reminds me that a sense of humor is sometimes all that gets you through it.) This helper will then, for that hour, be responsible for instilling accommodations, rewards, and consequences when necessary.

4. Work closely with your child’s therapist

If you never hear about what your child is supposed to be working on or how you are supposed to be assisting your child with ADHD, I suggest you check in with the therapist to make sure parental involvement is part of the treatment plan.  Parental involvement NEEDS to be part of the treatment plan for ADHD (and if there are no mood or self esteem issues present in the child– two things that often accompany the ADHD diagnosis– the BULK of the therapy may include the parent).

Your child’s therapist can assist you in creating reasonable and appropriate accommodations for home, and decide when and how it makes sense to gradually give your child more independence. The therapist can also help you navigate behavioral expectations, rewards and consequences which are both realistic and hold the child accountable for growth.

5. Practice self-awareness and self-soothing

There is nothing like a child with ADHD to test a parent’s every last nerve! The worst thing a parent can do is anger to shut a child down or destroy his motivation to keep trying. And unfortunately, frustration and anger are often reactions to dealing with a child who struggles with compliance.

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Parents with ADHD kids often have similar “anger triggers” when they deal with their child. I often hear parents admit that their “trigger” thoughts (the split-second thoughts that fuel their anger) are “He SHOULD be able to do this,” “He’s not going to be successful,” and “I must have failed as a parent.” Pay attention to which thoughts make you even more angry, and replace them with something more realistic such as, “He is doing what he can and I am doing what I can.” Then, in-the-moment, practice self-soothing, such as taking deep breaths or deliberately tensing up and releasing individual muscles when you feel yourself getting angry.

6. Prioritize your child’s sleep, exercise, and nutrition as well as your own

You know how your child does best when he exercises, sleeps adequately, and stays away from sugar? Well, you will be your calmest, most emotionally-resilient, and most patient when you have also taken care of yourself. (Side note: Some parents notice behavioral differences when their kids abstain from certain dyes or gluten, but I always suggest these dietary changes with caution, since I have also heard parents claim they noticed no difference at all when these items are removed.)

7. Validate yourself frequently

Remind yourself that it makes sense to feel the way you feel. It’s okay and understandable to feel exhausted, angry, alone, afraid, and powerless. It is hard work to attempt to teach and manage a child with ADHD, and I say “attempt,” because in some moments, teaching and managing is not even possible. It makes sense that some days you just want to shut the door of your room and stay in bed and cry.

Also, validate your behaviors. It makes sense that you lose your patience sometimes. It makes sense that you make mistakes sometimes, and don’t have all the answers and solutions all the time. You can feel and do all of that and STILL be doing an amazing job.  (I’m pretty sure you are doing a superb job, in fact, as evidenced by the fact that you are even reading this article!)

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8. Seek support

Seek support in your marriage (if you are married), and seek support in your close relationship(s). When you need support, take a deep breath and tell someone how you are feeling (frustrated, powerless and afraid?). And then tell them what you need: Just listen, hug me, hold my hand, give me an afternoon to nap.

And I often suggest in couples therapy, that partners directly ask, “Just tell me I’m not crazy for feeling the way I feel. It makes sense to you that I feel this way, right?” (This is also known as asking for validation; There is no shame in asking for validation, especially when friends or husbands that don’t read my blog, give you a deer-in-headlights look when you betray your vulnerable emotions.) There are also support groups for parents who have children with ADHD, and multiple Facebook pages offering a supportive community. There is something powerfully rejuvenating about hearing other people truly understand your struggles and knowingly rejoice with you in your triumphs.

So in conclusion, parents who must be doing an amazing job since you are, in fact, invested in your child enough to be reading this blog, great job and best of luck!

Featured photo credit: tangle_eye via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

10 Reasons Why You Should Get Naked More Often

10 Reasons Why You Should Get Naked More Often

Getting naked is often thought of as an act that should only be reserved for intimacy—and even then some get squirmy! Many people are more comfortable believing that the more clothes you are wearing the better. However, getting naked more often can have great benefits for you. Here are 10 great reasons to get naked more often:

1. It burns more fat.

Your body’s main supply of brown adipose tissue (BAT), or good fat cells, are located around your shoulder blades and neck. When your body is exposed to the elements and is cooler, the BAT proliferates and essentially kills the white adipose tissue, aka bad fat cells. So, not wearing any clothes helps promote this and makes you healthier.

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2. You’ll become comfortable with who you are.

Self-acceptance is hard to come by today. Ask anyone you know and see if they are happy with themselves. Chances are they will say they are too fat, not pretty, and find all of the flaws that they can. In reality, others do not see this. They see that you are beautiful. When you begin to get naked, you learn to appreciate your body and realize how beautiful you really are.

3. It saves you money.

Being naked more often saves on buying new clothing since you are wearing nothing a lot of the time. Be careful when you are in public, though—you may have to put on some clothes!

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4. It increases your immune system.

Being naked and getting exposure to the sun’s rays actually increases your body’s vitamin D levels. Vitamin D is directly related to your immune system. When you have optimal levels of vitamin D, your body’s immune system is impeccable, and you will be better equipped to ward off viruses, including the common cold and flu. So go lay outside naked on your private balcony or in your yard.

5. It makes you face your fears head on.

People cringe today when you mention the words “get naked.” They are so afraid of it—and today’s children are so ingrained with this—that they must wear layer upon layer to deal with their body image. However, when you are naked, you face your fears of body image and self-acceptance, experiencing some of the best moments of your life.

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6. You will feel better in your clothes.

When you do wear clothes (because not everyone has yet accepted being naked in public), you will start to choose clothing that accentuates the parts of your body that you love. You will begin to notice that maybe that muumuu does not flatter your beautiful curves and start wearing clothes that you love.

7. You will embrace vulnerability.

When you put yourself out there, it is a natural reaction to have fear and worry. However, this is an opportunity to embrace being vulnerable. It allows you to think and get down to the core of what really matters and what is of importance to you. When you strip away all of the excess, you are 100% you and willing to take on anything that comes your way.

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8. You will show the world the real you.

Today, we have many ways of altering our appearance from our true body image when we wear clothing. Some people alter their image so much that they fear getting naked with the person they love. It seems crazy that this could even happen; however, the rise in use of breast-enhancing bras and Spanx products has put this idea into people’s minds. This all goes back to being comfortable with your true body image. If a person really does love you, then they should not love you based upon your image. If they do, then you may even decide that the ever-so-uncomfortable leggings that go up above your waist to hold in all of the imperfections may not be worth it after all.

9. You will have fun.

Well, this could go in all sorts of directions. But when you are comfortable with your naked body and see it as being flattering, then life is more fun. You start realizing that you are beautiful and are willing to do more things that you probably would not have done otherwise—with and without your clothes on.

10. You can have intercourse with the lights on.

Many people are self-conscious about the way they look and decide that the less lighting the better when they are intimate with their partner. It’s nothing new. If you survey your best friends, you will probably come to this conclusion too. They may say that it even gets awkward, because they are more concerned with what their partner thinks of their body than just having and enjoying amazing intercourse. When you love the way you look naked, you will also want to have your partner see you at your best.

What are you waiting for? Start spending more time in the buff today and begin to change the way you think about your body.

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