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8 Practical Tips for Parents of Kids with ADHD

8 Practical Tips for Parents of Kids with ADHD

I’m going to make this quick, since you parents with ADHD kids don’t exactly have the time or luxury of sitting around with your feet up, enjoying quiet and leisurely reading. But the school year is back upon us, and I figured you could use a “Great job! You’re doing a wonderful job at something that is RIDICULOUSLY HARD!” as well as a few tips:

1. Manage your expectations

Assuming your child has been evaluated properly, he/she has a legitimate neurological condition that impairs planning, organization, impulse control, focus, and attention. ADHD is not something that can be CURED, but rather, is a condition that can be managed with teaching strategies, making accommodations, practicing difficult skills, and sometimes, medication.

Sometimes parents think that their children “should” be able to follow through on cleaning their room, finish a whole worksheet without being distracted, remember their notebooks, and keep their hands to themselves when reminded. However, these expectations may be unrealistic without interventions and accommodations. And most importantly, these difficulties are due to neurological differences, and do not indicate poor parenting efforts on your part.

2. Meet them where they’re at (AKA provide “accommodations” even at home.)

In the event that a child is unable to stay on task, focus, sit still, organize, control impulses, or plan on his own, parents are tasked with creating accommodations. An “accommodation” is basically a way to assist a child so that he/she can ultimately be successful. At school, that may be anything from the child sitting in the front row away from his friends, to a sticker chart, or to a one-on-one aid.

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Eventually, some accommodations are reduced as the child learns how to attend, focus, organize, control impulses, and plan on his/her own. However, sometimes a child learns how to create his/her own accommodations to continue to use into adulthood. Calendars, alarms, digital prompters, post-it-notes, manipulatives/fidget objects, to-do lists, keeping an incredibly structured routine (homework immediately after school), and mental tricks to use when bored are all examples of commonly used accommodations that kids with ADHD can continue to use into adulthood.

Often the accommodations necessary at home are demanding of the parents. Like when “meeting him where he’s at” requires you to first help him organize all the steps necessary for him to finish his homework, then sit with him in a quiet room during home-work time and give frequent verbal prompts to stay on task. Or when “meeting him where he’s at” includes standing in his bedroom and giving him re-directions every 90 seconds as he holds his written list of tasks (#1. Throw all trash away #2.Put dirty clothes in hamper #3. Clean clothes in drawer #4. Put toys in box #5. Bring plates and dishes downstairs).

3. Recruit Help

In cases where a child needs constant one-on-one assistance/frequent re-directions (if you turn away for two seconds Jimmy will be hanging from the chandelier, and you need to be there to provide negative reinforcement if not to prevent him for cracking his skull open), I often recommend recruiting help. What parent is able to cook dinner, attend to siblings, and live any sort of life if constant re-directions and behavioral interventions are necessary for one (or more) of the children?

This might sound crazy, but what’s crazier is NOT doing it: For about an hour a day, preferably during a time which every day is designated to chores and homework, get HELP. Yes, that’s right. Recruit a paid (high-schooler in the neighborhood for $5/hour?) or unpaid (Aunt Martha?) parent’s helper to help the child organize and stay on task while doing daily chores and homework.

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Discuss with the “helper” the accommodations and interventions that you do with your child (These can be suggested by the child’s therapist. Some examples are: rewarding every two minutes of focus with a sticker, providing exercise breaks every ten minutes, providing visual, not verbal, re-direction cues, spraying him with a squirt bottle when he stops attending– just kidding. Really, but that reminds me that a sense of humor is sometimes all that gets you through it.) This helper will then, for that hour, be responsible for instilling accommodations, rewards, and consequences when necessary.

4. Work closely with your child’s therapist

If you never hear about what your child is supposed to be working on or how you are supposed to be assisting your child with ADHD, I suggest you check in with the therapist to make sure parental involvement is part of the treatment plan.  Parental involvement NEEDS to be part of the treatment plan for ADHD (and if there are no mood or self esteem issues present in the child– two things that often accompany the ADHD diagnosis– the BULK of the therapy may include the parent).

Your child’s therapist can assist you in creating reasonable and appropriate accommodations for home, and decide when and how it makes sense to gradually give your child more independence. The therapist can also help you navigate behavioral expectations, rewards and consequences which are both realistic and hold the child accountable for growth.

5. Practice self-awareness and self-soothing

There is nothing like a child with ADHD to test a parent’s every last nerve! The worst thing a parent can do is anger to shut a child down or destroy his motivation to keep trying. And unfortunately, frustration and anger are often reactions to dealing with a child who struggles with compliance.

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Parents with ADHD kids often have similar “anger triggers” when they deal with their child. I often hear parents admit that their “trigger” thoughts (the split-second thoughts that fuel their anger) are “He SHOULD be able to do this,” “He’s not going to be successful,” and “I must have failed as a parent.” Pay attention to which thoughts make you even more angry, and replace them with something more realistic such as, “He is doing what he can and I am doing what I can.” Then, in-the-moment, practice self-soothing, such as taking deep breaths or deliberately tensing up and releasing individual muscles when you feel yourself getting angry.

6. Prioritize your child’s sleep, exercise, and nutrition as well as your own

You know how your child does best when he exercises, sleeps adequately, and stays away from sugar? Well, you will be your calmest, most emotionally-resilient, and most patient when you have also taken care of yourself. (Side note: Some parents notice behavioral differences when their kids abstain from certain dyes or gluten, but I always suggest these dietary changes with caution, since I have also heard parents claim they noticed no difference at all when these items are removed.)

7. Validate yourself frequently

Remind yourself that it makes sense to feel the way you feel. It’s okay and understandable to feel exhausted, angry, alone, afraid, and powerless. It is hard work to attempt to teach and manage a child with ADHD, and I say “attempt,” because in some moments, teaching and managing is not even possible. It makes sense that some days you just want to shut the door of your room and stay in bed and cry.

Also, validate your behaviors. It makes sense that you lose your patience sometimes. It makes sense that you make mistakes sometimes, and don’t have all the answers and solutions all the time. You can feel and do all of that and STILL be doing an amazing job.  (I’m pretty sure you are doing a superb job, in fact, as evidenced by the fact that you are even reading this article!)

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8. Seek support

Seek support in your marriage (if you are married), and seek support in your close relationship(s). When you need support, take a deep breath and tell someone how you are feeling (frustrated, powerless and afraid?). And then tell them what you need: Just listen, hug me, hold my hand, give me an afternoon to nap.

And I often suggest in couples therapy, that partners directly ask, “Just tell me I’m not crazy for feeling the way I feel. It makes sense to you that I feel this way, right?” (This is also known as asking for validation; There is no shame in asking for validation, especially when friends or husbands that don’t read my blog, give you a deer-in-headlights look when you betray your vulnerable emotions.) There are also support groups for parents who have children with ADHD, and multiple Facebook pages offering a supportive community. There is something powerfully rejuvenating about hearing other people truly understand your struggles and knowingly rejoice with you in your triumphs.

So in conclusion, parents who must be doing an amazing job since you are, in fact, invested in your child enough to be reading this blog, great job and best of luck!

Featured photo credit: tangle_eye via mrg.bz

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Last Updated on January 17, 2019

8 Simple Mindfulness Exercises to Bring Peace and Happiness to Your Life

8 Simple Mindfulness Exercises to Bring Peace and Happiness to Your Life

In life, we all need to be conscientious of what we are doing. You don’t need to live a life of stress if you don’t want to. You can achieve peace and happiness in life by carefully building mindfulness exercises into your life’s routine.

Exercising mindfulness isn’t rocket science and as importantly, you can do it. It will, however, take a few tries to get into the groove of things but once you get it, it is like riding a bike, you will never lose it.

Trust me. It’s in your best interest to learn and put these mindfulness exercises into practice. In this article, I will share with you 8 mindfulness exercises that will help you to boost your energy, vitality and live a more peaceful and happier life.

Why Is It Hard to Live A Peaceful And Happy Life?

Our Habitat Has Become Too Technological

The world has accepted the idea that technology is often the cure for all evil. We have accepted, as a society, that everything technological will make us live a better life without fully investigating the many side effects that modernity brings.

There are a number of technological side effects that have a tremendous impact on your life that the media rarely tells you about.[1] Some of them include self-harm, economic inequality, having less sex, and even suicide. The global community is becoming less happy because of technology.

How can anybody live a peaceful and happy life when they are depressed? Technology advancements, ladies and gents, is a major reason for why we are living a poor life because it has infiltrated our lives too much.

According to my research, Americans spend an average of 8 hours a day looking at the computer screen — The average screen time spent on smartphones alone is about 20 hours per week. That’s a lot! No wonder why living a happy and peaceful life is so difficult these days.

Too Many People Don’t Want to Unplug

Americans check their phones an average of 80 times during vacation.[2] Some admit to checking their smartphones 300 times every single day. In countries like Brazil, India and China, the situation is no different.

The reality is that people are constantly plugged into technological devices and this behavior is literally making people all over the globe fight an inner war with themselves, which consequently makes them very sad. As we know, war is the enemy of peace which won’t make anybody happy.

Listen carefully:

We have a global anxiety epidemic because people don’t want to unplug from their smartphones and most people aren’t doing anything to fix it. It is a sad state of affairs but very real. This obsession with technology is turning us into perishable robots who live terrible lives.

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The era of anxiety is here to stay. There is little doubt about it. We can, however, fight back with the best remedy of all — We call it mindfulness!

Thank God there is an antidote to this whole technological madness. Without further ado, let’s go straight to the mindful exercises.

8 Mindfulness Exercises to Start Practicing

There are tons of mindfulness exercises available for you to engage with out there.[3] In the paragraphs below, I will include the best ones I’ve personally tried or have seen my close friends and family members try.

Are you ready for it? Let’s go!

1. Pray Daily

You should pray on a daily basis. Why is that you may ask — Well, because science has told us to do so.

When people pray, they feel peaceful, almost eliminating anxiety. Worries become secondary, and often gives people energy and hope to cope with the difficulties of life.

Prayer can make you more confident and focused. Prayer also helps you with self-control, helps to control pain, and can protect you against illnesses and disorders like cancer and high blood pressure. At least, this is what researchers from Harvard Medical School have said.[4]

Pray. You won’t regret it.[5]

2. Pay Attention to Your Inner Thoughts

A lot of people allow themselves to be influenced by their negative thoughts. Be different and resist believing in them. It is a bad habit that can lead to unhappiness.

By the way, if you do feel this way, chances are high that somebody other than you put these thoughts into your head.

Here is my secret to combat this cancer — look at things objectively. I bet that if you look at things as they are, you will realize that most if not all of your negative thoughts are only inside of your head.

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If you pay close attention, you will quickly realize that these voices aren’t worth your time. Believe me — Ignoring them and looking at things with objectivity is often the best course of action.

This article can guide you to beat negative thoughts:

How to Stop Automatic Negative Thoughts When You’re Overwhelmed

3. Smile Often

Smiling will slow down your heart. It will also relax your body because when you smile, your body releases endorphins which in itself has a number of positive benefits for you as a person.

Smile often! You may want to smile early in the morning, during the day, and late in the evening. It is amazing what happens to you when you decide to smile instead of being grumpy.

Surrender your problems to a nice smile. You will notice two things. First, most people just don’t which makes them live a miserable life. Second, if you decide to smile often, you will eventually smile unconsciously which is the ideal.

The moment that you smile unconsciously, you then know that you are truly happy.

4. Organize Your Working Desk

A messy desk will make you less productive and can agitate and overstimulate you. You don’t want that.

When you clear your desk, you engage in deep inner-thinking and your systematic decision making ends up becoming therapeutic.

Most people realize that they are most creative when their creative space is clean and organized. The former often makes people more aware of what they are doing which lends to less stress and more productivity.

Organizing your desk will also make you more energetic and focused because order often decreases chaos which is a condition that often slows down daily progress.

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5. Celebrate Your Friend’s Victories

I love this mindful exercise. One of the best ways to live a happy and peaceful life is to celebrate the victories of others. When you do that, you automatically make your friends in a better mood which makes you in a better mood, as well.

Happiness is contagious! We might as well celebrate others as much as we can. If you find out that your peer has won an award, celebrate with him! If your friend is the recipient of a local charity award, celebrate with her!

What is also awesome is that when you celebrate with others, they often celebrate with you in return. This, ladies and gentleman, will make you feel fantastic. You can’t go wrong with this one, period.

6. Listen to Your Spouse/Partner

God put someone in your life for a reason. You might as well listen to him or her.

I listen to my wife everyday. In fact, I often ask the following question to her, “Amanda, what are your thoughts about…” or “What am I missing about…” It is shocking what I hear back from her. Without her having much context and perspective, by the art of observation in my own nonverbal behavior and the behavior of others, she accurately gives me incredible insights which helps me out with living my life to the fullest.

I’m a firm believer that spouses are supposed to engage in interpersonal communication every day. I most definitely do and will continue doing it. You should do the same.

7. Give Yourself a Break from Technology

You can’t be in total equilibrium if your computerized devices control your life. You must get away from technology on a daily basis.[6]

How do you do that? This is my formula:

First, take this smartphone control test. It is only ten questions but this test will place you somewhere in the human robot cycle continuum.

If your score is between 25-30, take a break from the computer (or smartphone, pad, laptop/desktop) every twenty minutes and stop being on a computerized device after 8:00pm.

If you score between 30-35, still take a break every 20 minutes but stop being on these devices at 5:00pm.

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If you score more than 35, you need to take action immediately.

Limit computer use as much as possible throughout the day. Give yourself as many breaks from the computer as possible. Are you ready for the challenge?

8. Go Exercise

Go exercise at least three times a week. I don’t care if you need to workout early in the morning, late in the evening, on the weekends or during work days. Working out is absolutely imperative for you to live happy and peaceful life.

The stresses of the modern world are too much for you to neglect this important mindfulness exercise. When you go to the gym, you burn calories, focus on activities one step at a time, your mind relaxes, anxiety decreases, you sweat and often think about topics unrelated to your work place among many other benefits.

You must exercise at least three hours each week for optimum results. Why? Just take a look at all the benefits of regular exercising:

12 Benefits of Regular Exercise You Should Know

The Bottom Line

It’s in your best interest to learn and put these mindfulness exercises into practice. Now that our habitat has become too technological and many people just don’t want to unplug, engaging in daily prayer, celebrate your friends’ victories, and listening to your spouse are among the best ways to be mindful about what you are doing and how you are living.

It is possible to live a happy and peaceful life. It only depends on you.

Go exercise! Take a break from technology and invest in you! Life is too short for distractions.

More Resources About Mindfulness

Featured photo credit: Lesly Juarez via unsplash.com

Reference

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