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15 Things Only Loved Ones Of Alzheimer’s Patients Would Understand

15 Things Only Loved Ones Of Alzheimer’s Patients Would Understand

Alzheimer’s is a physical ailment that damages the brain cells, leading to dementia. The decaying of brain cells causes severe memory loss, as well as reduced thinking skills and emotional capacity. The disease was first discovered by Dr. Alois Alzheimer, a German psychiatrist and neuropathologist, in 1906. Dr. Alzheimer noticed changes in the brain cells of a woman who died out of a peculiar mental illness. She suffered from memory loss, speech decay, and erratic behaviour. Upon her death, Dr. Alzheimer investigated her brain and discovered many abnormal clumps (they are now known as amyloid plaques) and tangled bundles of fiber (now known as neurofibrillary tangles). Therefore, it was concluded that plaques and tangles (the result of protein buildup in the brain) are the main two reasons for Alzheimer’s disease. Loss of connections among nerve cells in the brain is another contributing factor.

Alzheimer’s disease usually begins around the age of 65. This estimation varies, naturally. But experts say that 5 million Americans suffer from this disease by the time they are 65 or older. Of course, there are treatments for this illness. As these treatments have become more advanced over time, doctors have been injecting the missing chemicals into the brains, helping them to receive some signals. Alzheimer’s starts gradually, eventually interfering with daily life. Patients end up totally dependent on another person, unable to do even the simplest of work.

It is the patients’ loved ones who most understand the difficulties that Alzheimer’s patients face. This article is dedicated to those beautiful souls who undertake the full time job of taking care of these patients with utmost love. Here are 15 things only these loved ones would understand:

1. You know that the person is more than a disease.

Your loved one can be your father, or mother, or your partner. Regardless of the relationship you have to that person, you always know that the person means the world to you. This is the person, who at one time loved you and took care of you just like you are doing now. This person is who you have known all your life, even though they will never function like they used to.

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2. You use every process of communication to reach your loved one.

Your loved one has memory loss, no way to express emotions, or perhaps even worse, your loved one fails to recognize you. It doesn’t mean you stop taking care of him or her. You try your best to communicate with them through different mediums of connection. It can be music, reading books, watching television shows, or talking about daily occurrences. Even a simple touch on the arm can give them the message that they are loved.

3. You cannot argue with your loved one.

With the loss of behavioral abilities, a patient is left with little reasoning ability. They may react aggressively at times. You know there is no point in arguing with your loved one. Rather, arguments would lead to more upsetting situations and would frustrate both parties. It is better just to agree with the things they say.

4. You know your person is not changing, but the disease is.

It is extremely hard to see the gradual change the person is going through right in front of your eyes. The struggles in language, the lack of communication, the changes in mood, the shift in personality, and all other negative factors come from the disease. It is not the patient’s fault. Your loved one is the same person, even though he or she cannot control the situation anymore.

5. You have to be educated about this disease.

I have tried my best to summarize the term Alzheimer’s. But it is more than that. Researchers have been studying this disease for years. Here is a website where you can go and study it more in detail. Becoming more educated about the disease will help you to better understand the person you are taking care of.

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6. You must give them independence when possible.

If your loved one is in a more mild stage, you should give them some independence to do their own work. They should at least try to do some activities in order to stay active. In these ways, your loved ones can stimulate their brains to carry messages as much as possible. Of course, they will eventually stop being able to accomplish such tasks once they reach the moderate to severe stages. Until then, encourage them to do things like count money, keep a diary, or talk about things they are fond of or remember well.

7. You should develop set routines and schedules.

As the illness develops further, it becomes very hard for you and your loved one to keep track of daily routines. Just like nursing a baby, you should have a set rhythm with them. Remember, this person is like a child to you. Keeping a daily routine and schedule will make life much easier. This can help to eliminate confusion and frustration for your loved one.

8. You have to continue with good nutrition.

Your loved ones need a proper, balanced diet. Studies have shown that a lack of healthy food can contribute to worsening Alzheimer’s. It is recommended that a patient cut down on refined sugar and increase intake of fruits and vegetables to help better manage the disease.

9. You should plan time for physical exercise.

Did you know that physical exercise is extremely beneficial for your loved one? Their bodies need to stay healthy just like yours does. Regardless of the stage they are in (it is better if they start from an early stage, since the habits will build as time progresses), you can accompany them on daily walks, gardening, or even dancing!

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10. You should maintain the current list of medications.

You should take your loved one to regular check-ups. The doctors will fix the medications according to the stage that they are in. It is very important to maintain the list of current medicines. You should take extra caution to see to it that they don’t miss a single dose.

11. You cannot forget that your loved one has emotions too.

Yes, they may forget you, they may get angry at you, or they may ignore you for days, but they do have emotions. Your actions and words can have a great impact on them. One of my uncles suffers from Alzheimer’s. He cannot remember anyone, not even his children! But sometimes, he would smile at them, or laugh with them. Check out this article and see for yourself why emotions matter!

12. You have to be realistic in your expectations.

Whether it is your expectations for yourself or for your loved ones, you have to be realistic. This is very significant because setting practical goals will make you expect the unexpected. In this way, you won’t feel disappointed as you see your loved one struggle with this disease.

13. You should have fun with your loved one!

Just because your loved one is suffering from a horrible disease doesn’t mean that they cannot have fun. Plan a trip to the zoo, or to the nearest park, and take your family members with you as well. Take plenty of photos, and bear in mind that even though your loved one may not show emotions, they still certainly enjoyed your company!

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14. You should ALWAYS remember that Alzheimer’s detection is NOT a death sentence!

It is not the end of the world. No, a patient of Alzheimer’s can live for twenty or more years with the disease. Utilize whatever time you have at hand and make the most out of it. Don’t leave a hollow space that will leave you with regrets.

15. You must love your loved ones as they are now.

You should not try to change them, because they will never go back to their old selves. You should embrace them as they are, in their current situations, with their current behaviours, their frequent mood swings, and everything that is related to them. In other words, love them as they are right now!

You should not perceive your loved ones as burdens, because they are not! There will be total life changing experiences for you as you struggle to cope with your new role. You will get upset and emotionally challenged at times, but always remember that this is a person who has loved you very much. Respect them, love them, and live with them.

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Sumaiya Kabir

Sumaiya is a passionate writer who shares thoughts and ideas to help people improve themselves.

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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