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15 Things Not To Say About Yourself

15 Things Not To Say About Yourself

How you view yourself can make or break you. If you want success, watch out for these 15 things not to say about yourself.

1. “I wish I didn’t have such bad luck.”

The more opportunities you pursue, the better your “luck” will get. If you want something, go get it. Success comes from hustle (not chance).

2. “It’s too late for me, so why bother?”

It is never too late to change your life. Even the most damaged of us can rise from the ashes to take control of our life. See your age as an asset (not a liability). With years comes experience, and with experience comes knowledge.

3. “But what will they think about me?”

Getting caught up in what everybody else thinks about you is a sure-fire way to multiply your stress levels. Never sacrifice your true personality in an attempt to impress others. If a friend is worth having, they will appreciate you for who you are, not who they think you should be.

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4. “I’m so stupid.”

No one has all the answers, so ease up on yourself. We all have our own unique skill sets. Being bad at one thing doesn’t make you stupid. Instead of agonizing over your weaknesses, focus on developing your strengths and then use them as much as possible! The more you can do what you’re good at, the more confident you will become in yourself.

5. “No one will ever love me.”

How could you possibly know that? Answer: you couldn’t. And if you’re staying at home thinking about how no one loves you (instead of putting yourself out there so you could meet a potential new partner), you’re just making a bad situation worse. Mr. or Ms. Right won’t find you if you’re holed-up in your PJs. If you want to be found, act like it.

6. “I can’t do it.”

Don’t admit defeat before the race even starts. If it helps, think about the three biggest things you’ve achieved in your life. That could be graduating college, getting a promotion, starting a blog, landing a date, or whatever.

Got your three things? Now ask yourself, “What strengths did I use to achieve this specific thing?” for each item. Write down your answers.

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Notice any trends? If so, the road to success is right in front of you.

7. “I don’t think ______ likes me because they didn’t answer my text/call/e-mail.”

Jumping to conclusions like this displays a self-centered worldview. And besides, wouldn’t it be more likely that your friend/partner got tied up with class/work/(insert thing here)? People have things to do, so don’t assume it’s all about you.

8. “Life isn’t fair. If only things were better…”

No, life isn’t fair (and I hate to break it to you, but it never will be). There will always be good and bad things happening in your life at any given moment. This is beyond your control, so let it go. But whether you focus on the good or bad part is entirely up to you. You’re welcome to stress out about negative things you can’t control, but do know that won’t make you feel any better (quite the opposite). Keep your eye on the positive, because no matter how it looks right now, you’re doing better than you think.

9. “I hate my body.”

Please don’t say that. Whether you’re curvy, skinny, or muscular is irrelevant. Your body is a glorious vessel that carries you everywhere you go in this world. Take care of your body and it will take care of you. Getting caught up in what you see as imperfections is a waste of your precious time and energy. Don’t look for physical traits you dislike, but focus on the things about yourself that you find cute, handsome, or attractive. If you want to feel better about your (incredibly good-looking) body today, check out these 10 reasons why you are attractive.

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10. “I’m so embarrassed I wish I could disappear.”

I’m bet everybody reading this has spilled food on their shirt, dropped (and broke) a dish, tripped over a random object, and/or walked face-first into a wall (I can’t be the only one). If you have a goof in public and feel your cheeks flush, take a deep breath and tell yourself, “This isn’t a big deal.” For bonus points, make a quick lighthearted joke at your own expense to show you don’t take things too seriously.

11. “I’m out of his/her league.”

There isn’t such a thing as a “league” for you to be in or out of, so stop it with the negative self-talk. If you’re attracted to a person, say so.

12. “I can’t believe _____ got picked over me.”

Jealousy is a destructive emotion that does lots of harm and no good. If a co-worker got a promotion you hoped for, be a good sport about it. They probably deserve the position just as much as you do (and even if they don’t, it’s no reason to be hostile — it’s certainly not their fault you didn’t get picked). When rejected, your best bet is to transfer your negative feelings into positive action. Think you should have got the gig? Don’t gossip about it — prove it.

13. “It’s too hard.”

You know what’s really hard?

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Yeah…you don’t get to say anything is “too hard.”

If you can believe it, you can achieve it.

14. “I can’t trust anyone, I’ve been hurt too much.”

Funny thing about trust: the less you trust other people, the less they tend to trust you. Are all people worthy of your trust? Certainly not, but that’s no reason to be paranoid. Just because a past partner or two (or several) proved untrustworthy doesn’t mean everyone is out to get you, it just means you haven’t found the right person yet.

15. “I might as well give up.”

Life is like a video-game. No matter how many times you lose, you can push “Continue” as many times as you need to. You don’t lose until you quit, so don’t quit.

If you have any other things not to say about yourself that would be a great addition to this list, please leave it in the comments below.

More by this author

Daniel Wallen

Daniel is a writer who focuses on blogging about happiness and motivation at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

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Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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