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15 Things Narcissists Don’t Do

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15 Things Narcissists Don’t Do

Do you know a narcissist? From a psychological perspective, there are several characteristics that define a narcissistic person. They are extremely egotistic, with an exaggerated sense of self-importance, have fantasies of unlimited success and brilliance, expect special treatment, like to exploit others, lack empathy, are filled with envy, expect people to envy them and are extremely arrogant.

While these traits should be easy to spot in a person, you need to remember that narcissists are tricky people. They are manipulative and are easily able to con you into thinking they are different. No one wants to fall for the manipulation of a narcissist. It would be helpful to know who to stay away from, so to help you identify them: here are some things narcissists don’t do.

1. They don’t show their true selves

Narcissists are manipulative, so of course they won’t show you who they really are when you first meet them. They lure you into believing that they are someone completely different, maybe someone sweet and kind. You won’t find out their true personality until it’s too late

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2. They don’t incorporate security into relationships

Narcissists tend to keep you on your toes. The last thing they want is for you to feel safe and secure in the relationship. It gives them pleasure to be above you in every way, and when you feel insecure it makes them secure in turn.

3. They never allow you to see them as the bad guy

In a narcissist’s mind they can never be the bad guy and they make sure you know it too. No matter what the situation is the blame will ultimately fall on you and this will make you feel like a terrible person, however they don’t care. You feeling bad about yourself is exactly what they want.

4. They don’t like losing control

Narcissists are control-freaks and losing control makes them extremely upset or angry. They need to have control of people and their surroundings. It gives them a sense of security in knowing that you will do whatever they want without question.

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5. They won’t let people prove them wrong

A narcissist will argue that black is white until even you begin to believe it. This is one of the biggest traps to fall in when being around a narcissist. Arguing with them is a waste of time and effort; their manipulative nature will cause you to start doubting yourself and soon you’ll start believing them.

6. They don’t see others as equals

Narcissists believe they are on top of the world – they don’t believe anyone is on the same level as them. If you try and associate yourself with them as an equal, then they will do anything in your power to bring you down so they are on top once again.

7. They never have sympathy

These are the kinds of people who laugh while everyone cries during a sad movie. They don’t really care that your mother just went through a divorce or your parent just died. They don’t care about your feelings and they’re tired of hearing about your recent breakup or job loss. If it doesn’t concern them, they won’t bother with it.

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8. They don’t do anything that doesn’t benefit them

They didn’t buy you dinner out of the kindness of their heart… They are probably going to ask you for a world of favors afterwards. Narcissists don’t do anything without a purpose to benefit them. Giving a narcissist what they want is the last thing you want to do.

9. They don’t take orders from others

Don’t try to order a narcissist around. They are egotistical people, and trying to take control is a big hit to their self-esteem. It wouldn’t be surprising to later find yourself in a plot for vengeance later on, just for trying to take control of a narcissist.

10. They don’t like to admit they have feelings

Narcissist of not, everyone has feelings. They undoubtedly feel emotions differently to other people but a narcissist will often say: “I don’t have feelings.” This is of course an excuse for all the horrible things they can sometimes do. They use the pretense of not knowing how emotions work to get away with anything without people thinking badly of them.

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11. They don’t listen

They don’t listen, they just wait for you to shut up so they can say what’s on their mind. They really don’t care about what you have to say, all they’re concerned about is your willingness to listen to them rant on and on.

12. They don’t stick around

If you’re staring to bore them in any friendship or relationship, expect a narcissist to pack up and leave. They want attention, and if you aren’t giving them what they want then don’t expect them to stick around.

13. They don’t pick unattractive friends

As mentioned, narcissists don’t do anything that doesn’t benefit them. Picking friends is one of those examples. They surround themselves with attractive and upper-class people making them feel more superior and invincible. It will be rare to find a narcissist surrounded with an unattractive, undesirable crowd.

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14. They don’t give compliments

Narcissists want to be complimented. They don’t have to make people feel good about themselves because it’s not their job to do so. You’d be lucky to get a compliment from a narcissist, and even if you do you have reason to be suspicious.

15. They don’t like to be polite

At the best of times a narcissistic sense of superiority allows them to feel exempt from the rules of society – common courtesy being one of these exemptions. No matter how tempting it is, don’t disrespect a narcissist, because they are definitely not going to turn the other cheek.

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Elizabeth Andal

Elizabeth is a passionate writer who shares about lifestyle tips and lessons learned in life on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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