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Mentally Strong People Mindset: Accept Failures Without Doubting Yourself

Mentally Strong People Mindset: Accept Failures Without Doubting Yourself

If you’re an entrepreneur, you will likely experience several challenges while creating your vision. The challenge with these setbacks is the way we react to them. It’s a real blow after years of work to find that the first draft of your novel has a huge plot hole in it, discovering your business partner has let you down, or you’ve lost that big client.

This kind of difficulty or rejection can make it easy to fall into negative, doubtful thinking. This can mean a loss of focus or direction for your dreams. If you’re are in this situation right now, this article can help you to take your power back, stop doubt in its tracks. You can shift from feeling lost to thinking ‘what now?’

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“Don’t confuse doubting yourself with accepting failure”

That’s the advice of Navy SEAL, Sean Haggerty. While we may not all be navy seals, anyone who is driven to create something or make a difference in this world will also come up against doubts.

Setbacks are the worst doubt inducers. The important thing to remember is that you have a choice at this point in the road. Either to notice the doubts and carry on or to quit. Choosing to quit means you’ll never have doubts again, you’ll have regrets instead. It’s up to you whether to sit in the darkness of doubt or step out and face your fears.

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If you choose this path over quitting, you might still have doubts and experience some form of failure, but you’ll never doubt your ability to work things out. Accepting doubts will become easier if they don’t have any say in whether you succeed or not. Once you’ve decided you will never quit, you can give them less air time in your mind so that you can get on with the main event. Whatever it is you are trying to achieve.

The doubts of others will hold you back if you let them

Don’t listen to anyone telling you that you can’t do something. Just like your own doubts, these will only hold you back if you take them seriously. Self-belief essentially comes from within us. That is the first step. After that, having people around who are positive role models, who encourage and support us remind us of our true capabilities.

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The more you surround yourself with these kinds of people, the better. If you can go to a seminar, or meet with a potential mentor, this will help dispel your doubts and change your focus to what you can achieve.

You are going to want to quit

Movies about successful entrepreneurs often give the image of them never wanting to quit when they face hardship. They keep going, no questions asked. But here’s the thing, we all want to quit something at one point or another. Even if deep down you know something is your life work, at some point or other you might think that you would just rather be watching Netflix than working on it.

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The point is, you don’t need to worry about the desire to quit. You only need be concerned if you actually quit something that you know in your heart you’re meant to do. If it seems hopeless, but you still have a grain of hope that there is a way then keep at it. The desire to quit is not the problem in this case. The problem would be quitting when you know the right thing to do is carry on.

Failure is inevitable. But fortunately, failing often leads to other opportunities and ideas we would never come across if we hadn’t taken that detour. Those who are driven give doubt little of their time because they know that underneath that doubt, their resolve is to win.

This knowledge will empower you to be your best self and to push the boundaries of what you thought you could do. So you not only surprise those around you, you surprise yourself. And success is one sure fire way to kick doubt out the door.

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Daniel Owen van Dommelen

Coder, Director, Writer, Human

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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