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Last Updated on January 17, 2018

15 Things Narcissists Don’t Do

15 Things Narcissists Don’t Do

Do you know a narcissist? From a psychological perspective, there are several characteristics that define a narcissistic person. They are extremely egotistic, with an exaggerated sense of self-importance, have fantasies of unlimited success and brilliance, expect special treatment, like to exploit others, lack empathy, are filled with envy, expect people to envy them and are extremely arrogant.

While these traits should be easy to spot in a person, you need to remember that narcissists are tricky people. They are manipulative and are easily able to con you into thinking they are different. No one wants to fall for the manipulation of a narcissist. It would be helpful to know who to stay away from, so to help you identify them: here are some things narcissists don’t do.

1. They don’t show their true selves

Narcissists are manipulative, so of course they won’t show you who they really are when you first meet them. They lure you into believing that they are someone completely different, maybe someone sweet and kind. You won’t find out their true personality until it’s too late

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2. They don’t incorporate security into relationships

Narcissists tend to keep you on your toes. The last thing they want is for you to feel safe and secure in the relationship. It gives them pleasure to be above you in every way, and when you feel insecure it makes them secure in turn.

3. They never allow you to see them as the bad guy

In a narcissist’s mind they can never be the bad guy and they make sure you know it too. No matter what the situation is the blame will ultimately fall on you and this will make you feel like a terrible person, however they don’t care. You feeling bad about yourself is exactly what they want.

4. They don’t like losing control

Narcissists are control-freaks and losing control makes them extremely upset or angry. They need to have control of people and their surroundings. It gives them a sense of security in knowing that you will do whatever they want without question.

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5. They won’t let people prove them wrong

A narcissist will argue that black is white until even you begin to believe it. This is one of the biggest traps to fall in when being around a narcissist. Arguing with them is a waste of time and effort; their manipulative nature will cause you to start doubting yourself and soon you’ll start believing them.

6. They don’t see others as equals

Narcissists believe they are on top of the world – they don’t believe anyone is on the same level as them. If you try and associate yourself with them as an equal, then they will do anything in your power to bring you down so they are on top once again.

7. They never have sympathy

These are the kinds of people who laugh while everyone cries during a sad movie. They don’t really care that your mother just went through a divorce or your parent just died. They don’t care about your feelings and they’re tired of hearing about your recent breakup or job loss. If it doesn’t concern them, they won’t bother with it.

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8. They don’t do anything that doesn’t benefit them

They didn’t buy you dinner out of the kindness of their heart… They are probably going to ask you for a world of favors afterwards. Narcissists don’t do anything without a purpose to benefit them. Giving a narcissist what they want is the last thing you want to do.

9. They don’t take orders from others

Don’t try to order a narcissist around. They are egotistical people, and trying to take control is a big hit to their self-esteem. It wouldn’t be surprising to later find yourself in a plot for vengeance later on, just for trying to take control of a narcissist.

10. They don’t like to admit they have feelings

Narcissist of not, everyone has feelings. They undoubtedly feel emotions differently to other people but a narcissist will often say: “I don’t have feelings.” This is of course an excuse for all the horrible things they can sometimes do. They use the pretense of not knowing how emotions work to get away with anything without people thinking badly of them.

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11. They don’t listen

They don’t listen, they just wait for you to shut up so they can say what’s on their mind. They really don’t care about what you have to say, all they’re concerned about is your willingness to listen to them rant on and on.

12. They don’t stick around

If you’re staring to bore them in any friendship or relationship, expect a narcissist to pack up and leave. They want attention, and if you aren’t giving them what they want then don’t expect them to stick around.

13. They don’t pick unattractive friends

As mentioned, narcissists don’t do anything that doesn’t benefit them. Picking friends is one of those examples. They surround themselves with attractive and upper-class people making them feel more superior and invincible. It will be rare to find a narcissist surrounded with an unattractive, undesirable crowd.

14. They don’t give compliments

Narcissists want to be complimented. They don’t have to make people feel good about themselves because it’s not their job to do so. You’d be lucky to get a compliment from a narcissist, and even if you do you have reason to be suspicious.

15. They don’t like to be polite

At the best of times a narcissistic sense of superiority allows them to feel exempt from the rules of society – common courtesy being one of these exemptions. No matter how tempting it is, don’t disrespect a narcissist, because they are definitely not going to turn the other cheek.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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