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15 Things Narcissists Don’t Do

15 Things Narcissists Don’t Do

Do you know a narcissist? From a psychological perspective, there are several characteristics that define a narcissistic person. They are extremely egotistic, with an exaggerated sense of self-importance, have fantasies of unlimited success and brilliance, expect special treatment, like to exploit others, lack empathy, are filled with envy, expect people to envy them and are extremely arrogant.

While these traits should be easy to spot in a person, you need to remember that narcissists are tricky people. They are manipulative and are easily able to con you into thinking they are different. No one wants to fall for the manipulation of a narcissist. It would be helpful to know who to stay away from, so to help you identify them: here are some things narcissists don’t do.

1. They don’t show their true selves

Narcissists are manipulative, so of course they won’t show you who they really are when you first meet them. They lure you into believing that they are someone completely different, maybe someone sweet and kind. You won’t find out their true personality until it’s too late

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2. They don’t incorporate security into relationships

Narcissists tend to keep you on your toes. The last thing they want is for you to feel safe and secure in the relationship. It gives them pleasure to be above you in every way, and when you feel insecure it makes them secure in turn.

3. They never allow you to see them as the bad guy

In a narcissist’s mind they can never be the bad guy and they make sure you know it too. No matter what the situation is the blame will ultimately fall on you and this will make you feel like a terrible person, however they don’t care. You feeling bad about yourself is exactly what they want.

4. They don’t like losing control

Narcissists are control-freaks and losing control makes them extremely upset or angry. They need to have control of people and their surroundings. It gives them a sense of security in knowing that you will do whatever they want without question.

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5. They won’t let people prove them wrong

A narcissist will argue that black is white until even you begin to believe it. This is one of the biggest traps to fall in when being around a narcissist. Arguing with them is a waste of time and effort; their manipulative nature will cause you to start doubting yourself and soon you’ll start believing them.

6. They don’t see others as equals

Narcissists believe they are on top of the world – they don’t believe anyone is on the same level as them. If you try and associate yourself with them as an equal, then they will do anything in your power to bring you down so they are on top once again.

7. They never have sympathy

These are the kinds of people who laugh while everyone cries during a sad movie. They don’t really care that your mother just went through a divorce or your parent just died. They don’t care about your feelings and they’re tired of hearing about your recent breakup or job loss. If it doesn’t concern them, they won’t bother with it.

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8. They don’t do anything that doesn’t benefit them

They didn’t buy you dinner out of the kindness of their heart… They are probably going to ask you for a world of favors afterwards. Narcissists don’t do anything without a purpose to benefit them. Giving a narcissist what they want is the last thing you want to do.

9. They don’t take orders from others

Don’t try to order a narcissist around. They are egotistical people, and trying to take control is a big hit to their self-esteem. It wouldn’t be surprising to later find yourself in a plot for vengeance later on, just for trying to take control of a narcissist.

10. They don’t like to admit they have feelings

Narcissist of not, everyone has feelings. They undoubtedly feel emotions differently to other people but a narcissist will often say: “I don’t have feelings.” This is of course an excuse for all the horrible things they can sometimes do. They use the pretense of not knowing how emotions work to get away with anything without people thinking badly of them.

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11. They don’t listen

They don’t listen, they just wait for you to shut up so they can say what’s on their mind. They really don’t care about what you have to say, all they’re concerned about is your willingness to listen to them rant on and on.

12. They don’t stick around

If you’re staring to bore them in any friendship or relationship, expect a narcissist to pack up and leave. They want attention, and if you aren’t giving them what they want then don’t expect them to stick around.

13. They don’t pick unattractive friends

As mentioned, narcissists don’t do anything that doesn’t benefit them. Picking friends is one of those examples. They surround themselves with attractive and upper-class people making them feel more superior and invincible. It will be rare to find a narcissist surrounded with an unattractive, undesirable crowd.

14. They don’t give compliments

Narcissists want to be complimented. They don’t have to make people feel good about themselves because it’s not their job to do so. You’d be lucky to get a compliment from a narcissist, and even if you do you have reason to be suspicious.

15. They don’t like to be polite

At the best of times a narcissistic sense of superiority allows them to feel exempt from the rules of society – common courtesy being one of these exemptions. No matter how tempting it is, don’t disrespect a narcissist, because they are definitely not going to turn the other cheek.

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Elizabeth Andal

Elizabeth is a passionate writer who shares about lifestyle tips and lessons learned in life on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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