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15 Social Skills That Will Make You Successful In Every Aspect Of Life

15 Social Skills That Will Make You Successful In Every Aspect Of Life

The academics taught you how to learn from a book; other experts or experiences to achieve success. Do you remember any professor telling you how to cope with a conflict, deal with your emotions, or “feel for others”. No? Thought so!

Here’s a real secret to success that you may or may not already know: It’s not all about what you know when it comes to being a credible and reputable expert in your field. There are many secrets to success that go beyond the typical goal-achieving attribute.

Social skills are one of the most important contributing factors to success. This isn’t something you want to gain just to improve your personal relationships. Social skills contribute to a variety of other aspects of life including your health, profession, spirituality, education, and more.

According to Stanford Social Innovation Review, social competencies can be learned and developed with practice, the same way a 20 year old develops fluent language skills through training and practice. Here is a guide on how to hone some of those crucial social skills needed for success…

1. Optimism

Now, you’re thinking, “Wait, this isn’t a social skill”. In reality, optimism can work for personal, social, and several other areas of life. Positivity works like a magnet that attracts any and all. People are naturally drawn towards positivity and optimism because the attitude makes them feel great about themselves, as well as life. Clearly, the opposite can be said for negative people.

Think about a co-worker/friend who is always upbeat and energetic with an unwavering smile on her face. Now, think about another person who does exactly the opposite, complaining about the work, complaining about the people around, backbiting, and occasionally snapping at you as a consequence of a “bad mood”. Which co-worker or friend’s company would you prefer?

How to foster it: Positivity and negativity derive from thoughts, which eventually become feelings and then turn into actions or behavior. To remove the roots of negativity you need to stop feeding and watering it. Whenever a worthless, negativity crosses your mind, replace it with a positive one instead. You can also nourish your positivity by choosing to be with people who remain positive most of the time. You’ll find that it catches on like a virus—a good one in this case!

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2. Compassion

The feeling of compassion is defined as a “deep awareness of the suffering of another, coupled with a wish to relieve it”. This is another social skill that allows you to naturally feel for others and have a deep desire to help them out.

How to foster it: To learn compassion, you need to carefully listen when someone tells you about a problem or a suffering of another. Try to relate the problem they are describe to a similar situation you once had. Next, try to find ways you can help either by pointing out your own solutions to a previous, similar problem or suggesting something new. Get involved with the sufferer, whenever possible. Doing charity work for organizations such as Red Cross is another way to cultivate compassion.

3. Politeness

Mannerism or politeness is a trait your teachers, parents, or the society may have taught since the day you were born. This is exactly why you stay at the back of line when someone is in front of you. Or, act differently at a funeral as compared to the way you would at a party. Clearly, this attribute can be learned.

How to foster it: Making an extra effort to be polite shouldn’t be too difficult if you are careful about what you say before you say it. Think twice about your words before you say them and always avoid negative emotions or words. Encourage yourself to speak politely by using words such as, “please” “thank you” “sorry” and “excuse me” often. Your sugar-coated responses will eventually kick-in and you will get into the habit of being extra polite every time.

4. Emotional Intelligence

Writing a paragraph for this vast topic won’t be enough. For starters, emotional intelligence deals with knowing exactly how to act and react emotionally to a given situation, or the emotions of other.

How to foster it: You can learn more about emotional intelligence and how to foster it using psychologist Daniel Goleman’s, “mixed model”. This speaks of five key areas that improve emotional intelligence.

5. Discipline

Discipline teaches you to behave in a manner that is in accordance with a set of rules, customs, laws, policies, or other guidelines. A disciplined person willingly complies with a systematic method in a given environment. This teaches self-control that promotes acceptance by other members of the society.

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How to foster it: According to Forbes, a proven method to gaining self-discipline is by allowing yourself breaks and treating yourself with rewards after long periods of success. Don’t wait for something to “feel right.” Change your routine, push yourself hard, and most importantly, step out of your comfort zone.

6. Diligence

As the great Benjamin Franklin once said, “Diligence is the mother of all good luck”. Giving your work due diligence is the only way to receive credibility for what you do. People know when you have worked really hard to obtain something and sometimes it is just that trait that wins the hearts of many.

How to foster it: Simple. Tell yourself that there are no shortcuts in life and nothing comes by easily. At the end of every day, you can use a diary to log any tasks that you have achieved which contribute to a long-term goal. Have at least two or three such tasks on your list every day.

7. Patience

Most of the daily nuisances we face are in some way or the other related to people. Got stuck in traffic? There could be too many people in the cars — or the city. The internet won’t work? It could be due to a fault at the main server, which eventually a bunch people need to fix. Human error is natural, but it doesn’t mean that you find someone to place the blame on.

How to foster it: As Oprah blog says, patience is a skill – and very much a social skill. Instead of playing the blame game, practice patience by using meditative techniques. Before exploding into a fit of anger, take a few seconds to think about what is making you so mad. After identifying the trigger, take deep slow breathes, one at a time. Close your eyes while you do this and count to 10. Think of the moment as an activity that is “testing” your patience and in order to pass the test, you need to react in the most sensible and constructive manner. Visualize that ideal reaction and try it out every time.

8. Affability

It goes without saying that in order to be social, you need to learn sociability. To be specific, affability deals with how well you get along with people. Are you a cave-seeking hermit? Or do you love hanging out with people, laughing, and chatting about anything that concerns “life”?

According to Stephen Elliot’s (the author of Social Skills Improvement System-Class wide Intervention Program) statement on newsvanderbilt.edu, “If we increase social skills, we see commensurate increases in academic learning. That doesn’t mean that social skills make you smarter; it means that these skills make you more amenable to learning.” Social people always have “a friend or two” who is more than willing to help. Even a random stranger you met only once could teach you something that could come in handy later on in life.

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How to foster it: The best way to learn affability is to throw yourself to people whenever and wherever possible. Get into the habit of having a conversation with anyone you meet be it in a restaurant, a bus station, or your workplace. Give a compliment, ask polite and relevant questions, and when they have something to say, listen attentively and respond appropriately. Keep practicing!

9. Listen

Successful people are not just great talkers. They are also great listeners who give equal importance to what the other has to say. Without the ability to listen carefully, you won’t be able to learn, exchange information, or understand a constructive criticism.

How to foster it: Practice turn-taking habits. For example, if you are conversing with someone, don’t try to dominate the conversation by being the only one who has something to say. Notice the amount of input you are giving in to a conversation versus what the other person is pitching in. If you tend to run into conversations where 80% of the input is given by you, you need to stay quiet and listen more often.

10. Forgiveness

To make peace with the pain can be tricky at times. However, successful people try not to take things to the heart. Bearing grudges not only increases stress which is harmful to health, but also reduces unforeseen opportunities for possible gains through the relationship.

How to foster it: Think about where they are coming from. Have you ever been in a similar situation where you were unjust to someone important to you? Imagine how you would feel if they hadn’t forgiven you for it. It didn’t make them weak, but rather strong, right? This is exactly why you also need to learn to forgive others.

11. Resilience

The quality to bounce right back up every time someone, or something, tries to knock you down is called resilience. Resilience goes one step beyond “motivation”. It is the power to survive and thrive no matter how testing an environment is. Failure is only valuable feedback, not a dead end.

How to foster it: The American Psychological Association claims that resilience can be learned by cultivating strong relationships. For example, a network of family and friends will always be there to support you through the most difficult times.

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12. Responsibility

It’s easy to shrug off a problem and say, “I don’t know. It wasn’t me”. Successful people own their problems and mistakes, take responsibility for their own actions — even if it wasn’t a direct liability, and work towards betterment.

How to foster it: Own your actions, by first realizing what you are directly responsible for. This could be your homework, housework, a job, bills, taxes, trash and more. Once you have accepted this as your responsibility, admit your fault at every failing. Finally, own it by correcting your mistake.

13. Leadership

It won’t take a couple of sentences to explain leadership skills or how to cultivate it. However, we have good news: Stewart Freidman, the author of Leading the Life you Want, believes leaders are born, not made which is contrary to popular belief.

How to foster it: According to Steward Freidman, you need to first “discover what’s uniquely you”. The next step is to harness your passion, skills, and interest aligning values, aligning life’s boundaries, and embracing change. Read more on how to do so here.

14. Asking For Help

You may have expected “helping others”, which is indeed a necessary trait to do what comes next: asking for help.

How to foster it: Successful people don’t hesitate to solicit a helping hand. Of course, this goes both ways. This particular social skill not only improves your relationship, but also allows opening many opportunities for success through another assistance.

15. Honesty

Politeness can at times come into conflict with the desire to be honest. How can we overcome this dilemma?

How to foster it: The trick is to balance both. While being polite might mean giving false, incomplete, or inaccurate information, speaking your mind would deem you “rude”. However, being overly polite all the time would give the image of a fake or deceitful person. The trick is to be polite even when you are trying to be honest. Start on a positive note then follow with the negative news. For example, instead of throwing an abrupt “no”, you can say, “Umm, I would love to help, but currently ….”

Featured photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/davefayram/ via flickr.com

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Last Updated on May 27, 2019

How to Think Positive and Eliminate Negative Thoughts

How to Think Positive and Eliminate Negative Thoughts

In a world that is full of external factors that we cannot control, it is becoming more and more important to at least control ourselves.

Thinking positively can have a tremendous effect on our lives. By eliminating negative thoughts, we’re able to at least influence the part of our lives that we can control: our own mindset.

In this article, you will learn how to think positive and ditch the negative thoughts. Before we dive into the step-by-step guide on how to do so, I’d like to share with you how I learned to thinking positive the hard way…

How I Learned to Think Positive

At the start of 2019, I was quite stressed at work with multiple tight deadlines. I was constantly worried and the stress was affecting my ability to sleep. Numerous nights in a row, I would experience insomnia, where I had a staring contest with the ceiling because my mind would simply not stop thinking about all the stressful things I had to deal with.

I eventually got up and wrote everything down. Every single thought that rushed through my head, I wrote it down in detail. This allowed me to do a couple of things:

  • It made everything relatable
  • It showed me that every obstacle that was on my mind was not that big on its own. I was only stressed because these obstacles were big in numbers, while independently, these obstacles were just minor things that I could overcome.
  • It allowed me to think positively about these little obstacles and how I was going to conquer them one at a time.
  • Writing down my negative emotions allowed me to wipe them clean from my mind. Think of it as a laptop: after having browsed for a long time, I was able to clear my RAM and start fresh. My mind was finally clear from negative thoughts.

After doing this, I was finally able to sleep, and the next day, I slowly started to tackle these small obstacles.

This is just one example of how I manage to think positively and eliminate negative thoughts from dominating my mind.

Here are other actionable steps you can follow in order to achieve the same thing.

Step 1: Turn Every Obstacle into Smaller “Challenges”

In the intro, you read that I was stressed because I was worrying about a big number of small obstacles as opposed to one big devastating obstacle. Writing down my worries allowed me to zoom out and look at the bigger picture.

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As a result, I observed my problems as single challenges that I could overcome.

When you’re currently surrounded with negativity – whether that’s because of a stressful project or problems in a relationship – you should try to dissect that challenge into different sub-challenges.

For example, if you have to deliver a huge presentation at work on Friday, try to think of this big task as multiple smaller tasks:

  • Find sources to support your presentation
  • Think of interesting anecdotes, introductions or examples
  • Create a general outline of your presentation
  • Complete the first 5 slides
  • Add a small video or puzzle to your presentation
  • Finish the presentation
  • Think of a keyword for each slide to remember what you have to say
  • Practice the presentation in order to finish it within 30 minutes
  • Deliver a great presentation

While this example may not be relevant to you, the message is all the same. You can tackle pretty much any obstacle – no matter how big it may seem – as long as you take it one step at the time.

That’s how you can eliminate negative thoughts such as “I can never do that” or “I’ll never be good enough” or “I’ll never reach that goal” from controlling your actions.

Take it one step at the time and pretty much any goal becomes manageable.

Step 2: Realize That Positive Thoughts Can Be a Choice

Happiness is determined as follows:[1]

  • 50% is determined by genetics
  • 10% is determined by external factors
  • 40% is determined by your own outlook

This determination has been studied by numerous researchers, and while the details differ, the results all share the same observation:

Your happiness can be influenced by your own thoughts.

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Even though there are things in life that we cannot control, we can still often control how we react to these things.

In that sense, we might not get to control 100% of our happiness but we can still influence a big chunk of it.

I believe we can learn to influence the 40% of our happiness that is determined by our own personal outlook. Happiness is a choice, and you can learn to recognize these situations on your own.[2]

How does this help you to think positive and eliminate negative thoughts?

Well, because this shows you that it pays off to learn how to think positively in difficult situations.

By developing this skill, you can really increase happiness in your life. It is definitely not always easy, but you can change a bad day into a good one just by focusing on the positives instead of the negatives.

This is the reason why I love this quote of Winston Churchill:

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity whereas an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Step 3: Spend Time with the People That Have a Positive Influence on Your Life and Be Grateful for Them

Almost everybody has a small circle of people that they trust and love, whether that’s a partner, family or friends. These people have a positive influence on your life.

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I want you to focus on spending more time with these people. When you’re surrounded by negativity, you are more likely to postpone activities that require you to be outgoing. You’d rather be lazy and watch Netflix all day than to go outside and meet up with your friend.

You must try to break out of your comfort zone and spend more time with the people who actually have a positive influence on your happiness. These people can act as a support net for the moments when you’re feeling down. This might sound intimidating and scary, but it’s a step that should not be underestimated.

Even when you don’t feel comfortable sharing your challenges with these people, there’s another thing you can actively do to initiate positive thoughts; and that’s to be grateful that these people are in your life:

  • Be grateful that you have parents who support you, no matter what you do.
  • Be grateful for the friends with whom you can laugh your ass off.
  • Be grateful that you have a healthy and loving partner.
  • Be grateful that you have a kid that looks up to you and thinks you are the best.

Being grateful might sound like a rather pointless thing to do. Why would being grateful help you in thinking more positively and eliminating negative thoughts?

Well, the answer is simple.

Being grateful forces you to think of the good things that you already have in your life. This allows you to face your issues with optimism, instead of negativity. People that actively practice gratitude are much better able to deal with toxic emotions.

So what do you have to do?

Go out there and meet up with the people you love, and be grateful for having these people in your life.

To help inspire you to feel more grateful, here’re 60 Things To Be Thankful For In Life.

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Step 4: Don’t Give up After a Setback

So you had a bad day last week? Or maybe a terrible week in which you allowed negative thoughts to control your life? Who cares!

We are only human, so we’re bound to experience a day of negativity every once in a while. It’s important to realize that everybody occasionally experiences negative thoughts in their life. Eternal happiness does not exist. Even the happiest man alive has experienced negativity and sadness on some days.

What you need to when this inevitably happens to you:

  • Don’t let this set you back.
  • Don’t interpret it as a failure
  • Don’t let it stop you from trying to think positive

You see, even the most optimistic person experiences negativity on occasion. Sure, we can try to be as positive as possible every day, but we have to accept that negativity is something that we have to deal with from time to time.

So what if you’re engulfed in negative thoughts today? Screw it and know that tomorrow is a new day and that you can try to work on this again.

Take a look at this article and learn about Why Negative Emotions Aren’t That Bad (And How to Handle Them).

Final Thoughts

In the end, there’s no arguing that we cannot control 100% of our happiness. We can’t stand in front of a mirror, repeat the words “I am thinking happy thoughts only” ninety-nine times and accept to suddenly be happy.

It doesn’t work like that.

However, there are a number of things we can do to at least improve our mindset in the situations where we do get to choose how we react to external factors.

I hope that you have a better idea of what you can do in these situations. Sooner than later, you will influence your own mindset to think positively and to eliminate negative thoughts.

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Featured photo credit: Lucas Marconnet via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] For a State of Happiness: Happiness: it’s not just your genes, stupid!
[2] Tracking Happiness: How Happiness Can Be A Choice

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