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Last Updated on May 10, 2019

15 Habits of Highly Miserable People

15 Habits of Highly Miserable People

The definition of a miserable person is wretchedly unhappy or uncomfortable. That is pretty spot on, don’t you think?

When a person is miserable, they never see or expect the good in anything and always try to make those around them feel just as bad and negative as them. Being miserable is a way of life for some people because they get sympathy, constant reassurance from other miserable people and a sense of self, defined by whatever circumstance they find themselves in.

If you are tired of being miserable and want a happy existence , I’ve come up with a few habits of highly miserable people that you can avoid. If you can identify and change one around, you’ll be well on your way to a good life again!

1. They’re never thankful for anything.

Being grateful and thankful for anything in a highly miserable person’s life is a big no!

When a person shows gratitude, they should do it from a point of view of happiness and are usually ten times more likely to be thankful for things they already have rather than the things they don’t.

A miserable person avoids any expressions of gratitude at all costs because it goes against what they believe. They think that counting their blessings is a waste of time and life will always be full of something to be ungrateful about.

2. They lead a very unadventurous life.

Highly miserable people lead a dull, boring and unadventurous life. They ensure to have a mundane existence, with no fun, no possibility or excitement and then complain about it!

When life is unadventurous and boring, they’ll start to believe that they are boring and project that upon other people.

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Life is predictable as far as a highly miserable person is concerned. TV is a big activity in this kind of life coupled with addiction and other mediocre activities such as reading tabloid papers and celebrity magazines, none of which stimulate or invigorate the body or mind.

3. They live in and glorify the past.

We’ve all done it, said things like ‘it was so much better when I was a kid’ except highly miserable people tend to live their lives stuck in the past rather than remembering it fondly and moving on.

They’ll talk about what has happened, what they have done and what it was like back then, saying that life has only gone downhill since.

When a highly miserable people vilify the past, they refer to it as being born in the wrong place at the wrong time, or life when they were a kid was unhappy and they never got what they wanted.

4. They do things for personal gain.

“All the happiness in the world stems from wanting others to be happy, and all the suffering in the world stems from wanting the self to be happy.” – Shantideva

Being self-centered and only doing things for personal gain is an extreme habit of a highly miserable person.

Life is about having and gaining more and getting it no matter how they get it, even at the expense of others. They’ll surround themselves with like-minded people and even take on ‘professions’ that involve criminal activities. They’ll have no qualm about taking from others or acting as if they are doing good whereas their intentions are not so.

5. They are afraid of economic loss.

Fear is a good habit to have if you want to be a highly miserable person.

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Fear keep miserable people from doing a job they absolutely hate; it makes them work long unbearable hours working for a company that doesn’t care about its employees.

They are greedy and stingy with money, generosity isn’t even in their vocabulary; and if it is, there is personal gain involved.

They’ll become ill because of their money worries, probably depressed and lose friends/family as a result. If they could, they’d sit and worry all day long, thinking about what they could lose if they took a risk, left their job or tried something different.

6. They love to pick fights.

Every now and again, a highly miserable person often picks a fight out of the blue with someone close to them. They usually pick a fight about something absurd and completely unrelated to their current situation.

Secondly, they expect that person to respond with kindness and sympathy and if they don’t, they’ll be quick to point it out. If however the other party mentions it again, they’ll be sure to make it seem as if they don’t know what they are talking about and that they never intended for the situation to occur. They’ll quickly act to be hurt and be the victim, even though they started the fight.

7. They blame others and play the victim.

Highly miserable people are brilliant at blaming their parents, because, after all, they were the ones who brought them to this world and shaped who they were.

Typically, they’ll also blame the bully who bullied them as a kid, a teacher who didn’t like them or a friend who never wanted to do what they wanted to do.

They simply can’t let go of the idea of playing the blame game.

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8. They think people’s intentions towards them are always dishonorable.

They’ll take any remark, comment or opinion the wrong way, believing that whoever gave it is trying to insult, belittle or put them down. They believe that humiliation is at the forefront of most people’s intentions of which will make a highly miserable person distrustful, resentful and always on the defense.

Miserable people expect the very worst from people and can’t imagine a person acting on good intentions.

9. They give themselves a negative identity and revel in it.

Highly miserable people let their perceived emotional problem absorbs their very core.

For example, if they suffered from anxiety, depression, grief of some sort, they’d define them as a person. They also try to make everyone know exactly what’s wrong with them. They make this the focus of their life, talking about it constantly, and bringing it up at every opportunity.

10. They get involved in others’ drama.

They are the center point of all the drama in their lives and others’. This includes family and community dramas.

They want to be the person that people will turn to, to share their miserableness with and to help carry the drama to new levels; exaggerating situations and consoling others with their own sorry stories about how life has dealt them a cruel hand.

11. They always expect the worst.

Life sucks and all the bad stuff happens to them, is the mantra of a miserable person.

Optimism for the future is nonsense and being positive will only be done in vain. To them, their marriage probably won’t work out, their children won’t love them, their house will fall apart and their job is an unbearable chore.

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12. They focus only on themselves.

Highly miserable people focus on themselves, their needs and their problems, as they believe that nobody else’s issues or struggles are as bad as theirs.

They worry all the time about why they do things, why they behave in certain ways, while analyzing their flaws and chewing over their problems.

13. They are critical of everything.

Nothing is good enough, nothing works and nothing makes a highly miserable person happy. They are critical of everything whether people agree with them or not.

Miserable people always voice their opinion before everyone else. They criticize something that someone loves just to make sure their point is heard. They love to antagonize and believe they are always right while everyone else is always wrong.

14. They worry too much.

Worry makes people miserable. Miserable people won’t listen to reasons and are obsessed with situations and things they have no control over.

Worrying feeds into their misery so it’s only natural that these types of people are worrisome by nature.

15. They are envious of other people’s success.

Miserable people won’t outright say they are envious of other people’s successes. What they will do however, is to put down other people’s achievements and successes by pointing out the negatives or downplaying the news so the other person’s excitement is immediately deflated.

When someone is happy, a highly miserable person will point out all that could possibly go wrong in great detail.

If you feel as though you have some or all the traits of a miserable person, now is the time to change so you can be a happier, cheerful and more successful person.

Articles to Change up Your Attitude

Featured photo credit: Fickr Miserable Soul – Mr.C90 via flickr.com

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Paula Lawes

Paula loves people and connecting. She writes about communication and relationships tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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