Advertising
Advertising

15 Habits of Highly Miserable People

15 Habits of Highly Miserable People

The definition of a miserable person is wretchedly unhappy or uncomfortable. That is pretty spot on don’t you think? When a person is miserable they never see or expect the good in anything and always try to make those around them feel just as bad and negative as them. Being miserable is a way of life for some people because they get sympathy, constant reassurance from other miserable people and a sense of self, defined by whatever circumstance they find themselves in.

Unfortunately, highly miserable people are much more accepted in society as opposed to someone that is happy and upbeat all the time, who can be looked at as ‘weird’ or ‘strange’.

If you are tired of being miserable and want a happy existence on this planet, I’ve come up with a few habits of highly miserable people. If you can identify and change one around you’ll be well on your way to a good life again!

They are never thankful for anything

Being grateful and thankful for anything in a highly miserable person’s life is a big no! When a person shows gratitude they should do it from a point of view of happiness and are usually ten times more likely to be thankful for things they already have rather than the things they don’t. If you are a miserable person, you’ll avoid any expressions of gratitude at all costs because it goes against what you believe. You’ll think that counting your blessings is a waste of time and life will always be full of something to be ungrateful about.

Advertising

They lead a very unadventurous life

Highly miserable people lead a dull, boring and unadventurous life. They ensure that you have a mundane existence, with no fun, no possibility or excitement and then complain about it! When life is unadventurous and boring, they’ll start to believe that they are boring and project that upon other people. Life is predictable as far as a highly miserable person is concerned. TV is a big activity in this kind of life coupled with addiction and other mediocre activities such as reading tabloid papers and celebrity magazines, none of which stimulate or invigorate the body or mind.

They live in and glorify the past

We’ve all done it, said things like ‘it was so much better when I was a kid’ except highly miserable people tend to live their lives stuck in the past rather than remembering it fondly and moving on. They’ll talk about what has happened, what they have done and what it was like back then, saying that life has only gone downhill since. When a highly miserable people vilify the past, they refer to it as being born in the wrong place at the wrong time, or life when they were a kid was unhappy and they never got what they wanted.

They do things for personal gain

“All the happiness in the world stems from wanting others to be happy, and all the suffering in the world stems from wanting the self to be happy.” – Shantideva

Being self-centered and only doing things for personal gain is an extreme habit of a highly miserable person. Life is about having and gaining more and getting it no matter how they get it, even at the expense of others. They’ll surround themselves with like-minded people and even take on ‘professions’ that involve criminal activities. They’ll have no qualm about taking from others or acting as if they are doing good whereas their intentions are not so.

Advertising

They are afraid of economic loss

Fear is a good habit to have if you want to be a highly miserable person. Fear will keep miserable people from doing a job they absolutely hate; it will make them work long unbearable hours working for a company that doesn’t care about its employees. They’ll be greedy and stingy with money, generosity isn’t even in their vocabulary and if it is, there will be personal gain involved. They’ll become ill because of their money worries, probably depressed and lose friends/family as a result. If they could, they’d sit and worry all day long, thinking about what they could lose if they took a risk, left their job or tried something different.

They love to pick fights

Every now and again a highly miserable person will pick a fight out of the blue with someone close to them. They usually pick a fight about something absurd and completely unrelated to their current situation. Secondly, they’ll expect that person to respond with kindness and sympathy and if they don’t, they’ll be quick to point it out. If however the other party mentions it again, they’ll be sure to make it seem as if they don’t know what they are talking about and that they never intended for the situation to occur. They’ll quickly act to be hurt and be the victim, even though they started the fight.

They blame others and play the victim

Highly miserable people are brilliant at blaming their parents, because, after all, they were the ones who brought them to this world and shaped who they were. Typically, they’ll also blame the bully who bullied them as a kid, a teacher who didn’t like them or a friend who never wanted to do what they wanted to do. Blame is essential; it must never be forgotten and used almost every single day to ensure miserableness is continued.

They think people’s intentions towards them are always dishonorable

They’ll take any remark, comment or opinion the wrong way believing that whoever gave it is trying to insult, belittle or put them down. They believe that humiliation is at the forefront of most people’s intentions of which will make a highly miserable person distrustful, resentful and always on the defense. Miserable people expect the very worst from people and can’t imagine a person acting on good intentions.

Advertising

They will give themselves a negative identity and revel in it

To be highly miserable they must, without doubt, ensure that any perceived emotional problem absorbs their very core. For example, if they suffered from anxiety, depression, grief of some sort they’d make sure it defines them as a person.  They also have the habit of making sure everyone knows exactly what’s wrong with them. They make this the focus of their life, talking about it constantly, and bringing it up at every opportunity. The highly miserable people will ensure that they know about their ‘condition’ inside and out, reading up on it and knowing all the symptoms.

They will make sure they are involved in other people’s drama

They will be the center point of all the drama in their lives and others’. This will include family and community dramas, so that they can be the person that people will turn to, to share their miserableness with and to help carry the drama to new levels. Exaggerating situations and consoling others with their own sorry stories about how life has dealt them a cruel hand.

They always expect the worst

Life sucks and all the bad stuff happens to them, is the mantra of a miserable person. Optimism for the future is nonsense and being positive will only be done in vain. Their marriage probably won’t work out, their children are bad and don’t love them, their house will fall apart and their job is an unbearable chore. If a disaster is going to happen, it will most certainly happen to these people, and they definitely won’t be surprised.

They focus only on themselves

Highly miserable people focus on themselves, their needs and their problems, as nobody else’s issues or struggles are as bad as theirs. They will worry all the time about why they do things, why they behave in certain ways, while analyzing their flaws and chewing over their problems.

Advertising

They are critical of everything

Nothing is good enough, nothing works and nothing makes a highly miserable person happy. They will be critical of everything whether people agree with them or not. Miserable people will always voice their opinion before everyone else. They will criticize something that someone loves just to make sure their point is heard. They love to antagonize and truly believe they are always right while everyone else is always wrong.

They worry too much

Worry makes people miserable, so a highly miserable person will make sure to do plenty of that! They won’t listen to reasons and will be obsessed with situations and things they have no control over. Worrying feeds into their misery so it’s only natural that these types of people are worrisome by nature.

They are envious of other people’s success

Miserable people won’t outright say they are envious of other people’s successes, what they will do however, is to put down other people’s achievements and successes by pointing out the negatives or downplaying the news so the other person’s excitement is immediately deflated. When someone is happy, a highly miserable person will make sure to point out all that could possibly go wrong in great detail!

If you feel as though you have some or all the traits of a highly miserable person, now is the time to change some of these habits so you can be a happier, cheerful and more successful person.

Featured photo credit: Fickr Miserable Soul – Mr.C90 via flickr.com

More by this author

15 Habits of Highly Miserable People If You Think Love Is Always Uncontrollable, You Don’t Understand Love 10 Reasons Why Growing Up Isn’t As Bad As You Think Why The Key To Finding True Love Is Self-Love 4 Reasons Why It’s Awesome To Be A Nerd

Trending in Communication

1 How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward 2 What Are Interpersonal Skills? Master Them for Better Relationships 3 How To Stop Negative Thoughts from Killing Your Confidence 4 This 4-Year Old Girl’s Explanation On the Problem with New Year’s Resolutions Is Everything You Need 5 What You Really Need to Feel Secure in a Relationship

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 15, 2019

How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

How to Talk to Strangers Without Feeling Awkward

Many of us feel awkward talking to strangers. I’m a very outgoing person, even though I sometimes feel uncomfortable walking up to someone and asking a question or starting a conversation. I consider myself pretty high up on the extrovert meter. So what is it that makes us pause and become worried or anxious about talking to people we don’t know?

In this article, we will discuss why we feel this way as well as some tips on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Step right up, don’t be shy!

Why We Feel Awkward Talking to Strangers

The next time you feel uncomfortable talking to a stranger, tell yourself that’s completely normal. There are numerous reasons why it’s actually natural to feel awkward talking to strangers:

Our Stress Levels Rise Around Strangers

Numerous studies have show that our levels of cortisol go up when we are around strangers.[1] Cortisol is the hormone inside of us which produces stress responses.[2]
So there you go, right off the bat you can see part of your standard response to strangers is due to a chemical reaction!

A very interesting by product of increased cortisol is that it makes us less empathetic. More than likely this can be traced to our evolution. The increase in the cortisol and the corresponding decrease in empathy makes us want to stay away from strangers. We are biologically wired to feel concern around strangers.

Evolution Taught Us to Be Wary

Evolution has also taught us to be wary of strangers in general. Humans as a whole have spent a large chunk of their history banded together in small protective groups. We did this in order to help protect each other and maximize resources.

When you think about it in this context, outsiders to our small groups or strangers are considered potential threats. Fear of strangers is common across almost all human cultures.

Culturally Conditioned

We can also thank our society for helping us feel uncomfortable and sometimes afraid of strangers. The term “stranger danger” is something most of us can relate to either growing up or raising kids. Or both.

I remember hearing this from my parents, mostly about not getting in someone’s car I didn’t know. And as the father of 2 teenage girls, you can be sure I’ve talked to them about this very concept more times that they want to hear.

The thought that strangers can be dangerous is built into us as it is. Toss in the amplification of the media on strangers doing things such as kidnapping kids and it takes it to an even higher level.

Advertising

Now that we’ve reviewed some of the reasons why we are nervous, let’s look at why you should talk to strangers more.

Benefits of Getting over the Awkwardness

Let’s take a quick look at some of the advantages of how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward. These are some high level benefits of talking to strangers.

1. Broadens Your Network

After you talk to someone, you didn’t know previously they become someone you know at least a little bit. This alone helps broaden your network of people you know. This is helpful in many ways whether it is work related or socially related.

2. Improves Your Communication Skills

I am a huge proponent of the value of solid communication skills and have written about it often. The more you talk to people, especially people you don’t know, the better your communication skills become.

Interacting with a wider variety of people will bring the added benefit of improving your communication skills.

3. Continually Learning

So many of us don’t actively seek to learn new things. This is one of the primary keys to staying engaged in life and our own personal self fulfillment.

Almost every time I speak to someone I didn’t know previously, I’ve learned something new. When we speak to strangers, it pushes us out of our comfort zones and we tend to learn new things.

4. Increases Self Confidence

Every time we learn to do something we were previously anxious about, we feel better about ourselves.

Forcing ourselves to talk to strangers will lead to increased self confidence. As we get more and more comfortable doing something that previously made us feel awkward, our self confidence will go up and up.

So, how to talk to strangers to reap these benefits?

How to Talk to Strangers

Here are some tips to on how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Advertising

1. Say Hello

Putting “say hello” first may seem a bit obvious but let’s take a deeper look. Much of the social awkwardness when speaking to strangers is simply breaking the ice. The first words that will engage someone.

Most people will respond when someone says hello or hi to them. And those that don’t, you probably don’t want to talk to anyway.

Practice being the person that opens the door to a conversation. Say hello.

2. Ask About Them

Something that I have noticed over the years is that people love to talk about themselves. Even fairly private people tend to open up when asked about events in their lives.

You can ask leading questions that get people to talk about themselves and recent events. Things like recent movies watched or the summer vacation are great to get someone talking.

As a father, I also know that people love to talk about their kids. Asking about kids is a fairly easy topic to bring up and in general, most people will expound upon all the great things their kids do or are involved with.

3. Just Do It

One of the biggest reasons we don’t do things we want to or know we should is because we overthink it. Quit thinking about it so much and just do it.

When you give yourself the time to analyze every little angle about a situation, you also give plenty of time to talk yourself out of it. You’ll wind up thinking what if this happens or what if that happens.

Try to force yourself to jump right in without thinking about it too much. Whenever I have done this, I always feel great about it afterwards, no matter how it turned out.

4. Don’t Take It Personal

One of the greatest lessons in life I ever learned was don’t take anything personally. We all go through life with our own sets of experiences and see things through our own lens. The way people react to different situations has almost nothing to do with us. It has to do with previous experiences and the way people feel about things other than us.

When someone’s reaction isn’t what you’d hoped or expected, chances are it has nothing to do with you. Remember that and keep it in context.

Advertising

5. Get a Chuckle If Possible

I used the word chuckle purposely because it makes me laugh. In my opinion, it’s one of those funny words. We all like to laugh because it makes us feel good. And when someone makes us laugh, we typically remember those people in a positive light.

One of the best ways to make a conversation easy and free flowing is to get some laughter going. It doesn’t mean you have to be the master joke teller or anything. See if you can work in a way to make the person you are talking to get a smile or some laughter in. In fact, laughing at yourself maybe a nice try.

6. Detach

A great feeling is when you don’t mind which way something turns out, that you will be fine no matter what happens. Kind of like when I watch my two favorite football teams play against each other. I don’t really care who wins, I just want a fun game.

Treat talking to strangers the same way. You don’t really care how the conversation goes because you are detaching from the outcome. Make it a fun time with yourself and if the conversation goes well, awesome! If not then no big deal, move on.

7. Share Your Stories

Well, all like to feel connected to other people. And many times we wind up hanging out with people that we have things in common with. No surprise here.

To help with how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward, tell stories that have commonalities with the person you are talking to. Kids are an easy one. I have a daughter who was a competitive cheerleader and now plays club volleyball. I have instant connection and stories with strangers I speak with who have kids that play sports. It’s easy to relate to.

So when you are speaking to a stranger and you have a story or mutual connection point, bring it up.

8. Give a Compliment

Almost everyone likes hearing a compliment, whether they admit to it or not. As a general rule, we don’t give out enough compliments. It’s amazing how one small remark someone tosses your way about how good you look can literally make your entire day.

When you are speaking with someone you don’t know, see if you can work a compliment in. Nothing creepy here. Not a good idea to tell someone you just met that they are the prettiest or handsomest person you ever met. However, if you can share how you like their tattoo or shoes or something like that, it will help put the conversation into an easy going, smiling place.

9. Relax Your Body Language

If you go into a situation all worried and nervous, it shows on your body. Your shoulders are tensed up, there’s a look of consternation on your face, things like that.

When you engage a stranger in conversation, make it a point to relax your body language. Take a deep breath before you engage the person, let your body relax, and put a smile on your face. This will help relax you and it has the added benefit of putting the other person more at ease.

Advertising

If they see that you are relaxed, it helps them relax. Plus having open, engaging body language is very conducive to inviting someone to open up into a conversation with you.

10. Practice, Practice, Practice

Like everything else in life, talking to strangers gets easier with practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Make it a point to talk to several strangers each week and it will definitely help you relax as you do it more and more.

After a while, it will become something you don’t even think about, you just do it. And that takes all of the awkwardness out of being in these type situations.

The Bottom Line

As we have seen, it is perfectly natural to feel awkward talking to strangers. We are biologically built that way and we have our own society constantly warning us how dangerous it is. It’s no wonder we feel awkward talking to strangers!

There are numerous benefits to learning to be more comfortable talking to strangers. See if you can employ some of the techniques mentioned to learn how to talk to strangers without feeling awkward.

Once you start practicing speaking with strangers more often and utilizing some of the tips, you will become more comfortable doing so. This in turn will lead to a learned new skill and increased self confidence.

Remember, everyone you know was a stranger at one time. Now get out there and make some new friends.

More Resources About Strengthening Communication Skills

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next