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15 Bitters and Sweets Only People Living Alone Will Understand

15 Bitters and Sweets Only People Living Alone Will Understand

Living alone may no longer be such a great aberration. As a woman in her forties who lives alone, I was ecstatic to discover this good news. There are delightful upsides to living alone, although there can be downsides, as well. But what relationship doesn’t have its ups and downs? The difference for singles is that ‘we’ have no one but ourselves to blame when something goes wrong!

1. You can leave the toilet lid down (or up)

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    Ladies will especially love this one. No more stumbling to the toilet in the middle of the night only to dip your cheeks into toilet water. Or get that unearthly feeling of falling into the toilet! This fear completely disappears when living alone.

    For guys, now you have the convenience of putting that lid down only when you need to!

    2. You have to pay for everything yourself

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      Certainly, it is better to have two incomes to pay for the bills, rather than one. And those of us who choose to be single are indeed responsible for the entirety of the bills. On the upside, for the ladies there may be a break when or if a gentleman takes you out. It’s always polite to pay halfsies at least, of course, but a true gentleman is always prepared to foot the bill (sorry guys).

      But all the rest of the bills that come down the pike are yours and yours alone.

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      3. You only have yourself to argue with

      There’s just no one else to blame if the dishes go undone, or the laundry, or anything else for that matter. Most singles would argue that this is on the plus side of living alone. You get to be as messy or as neat as you choose to be and there is no one around to tell you otherwise.

      4. You have to carry in your own groceries

      When living alone there’s no one else to carry out the shopping duties but you. In so doing, you are inherently responsible for carrying in said groceries. That could mean trudging back and forth all on your lonesome. It also means you get to choose exactly the menu for the coming week. And there is the upside that there’s no one else around to decide what or when to eat. The downside is that fresh veggies sometimes do go to waste as there is only one of you to go around.

      5. No one else has to put up with your morning breath

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        As a single only you are required to wake up to that foul, sticky taste in your mouth. You get to arise and take a good, long stretch, and there is no reason to go rushing into the bathroom to brush your teeth (unless of course, you have invited over some company). You are also not required to grin and bear through a hangover or headache for anyone the morning after partying. If you don’t want breakfast, skip it! After all you’re the only one to blame for a lack of getting breakfast.

        6. You can do what you want, when you want

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          Have an itch in a private place? For that matter, need to fart? Burp? Just need a quiet moment to blow your nose (or pick it)? Go ahead, you live alone and no one’s there to bother you about it. Now the downside here could be that you’re sick (as in physically ill). In that case, there’s no one around to take care of you but you. And well, yeah, that does kinda suck. Otherwise, when in the company of yourself, be as gross or as disgusting as you’d like!

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          7. You can leave the bed unmade or made

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            In other words, the decision is yours and yours alone to make. As a single, your bed can stay unmade for days, even weeks. Fitted sheet come undone? That’s OK, a single can sleep on the bare mattress … this single thing is all about you. Some call this insufferably selfish. ‘We’ singles say it is unconscionable freedom … and singles like it that way.

             8. You get to choose how you want to relax

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              Sick of watching TV? Turn it off and go read a book. Take a nice, long walk. There’s no one to stop you. Want to stay out all night? Go ahead, no one’s waiting up for you, remember? Want to go out and eat? See a flick? The choices are virtually endless. Except maybe when it comes to going out with friends … after all, they might have someone they need permission from before heading out on the town!

              9. You never have to worry about asking your roommate if it’s OK for someone to come over
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                You live alone. The only excuse you might have for not wanting someone to come over is the condition of the place. You may not be the world’s best housekeeper, so you find yourself querying your date. Does he or she mind the mess? Are you willing for him or her to wade through the mess to the bedroom? The choice, as per usual, is yours and only yours to make.

                10. You know that living alone does not exclude you from great relationships

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                  Yeah, everything really is up to you. The difference being your significant other has their own place. So, what’s not to like? You get to tell even him or her that time’s up and it’s time to go. No more clingy relationships for you. Just sheer freedom and attachments only when you want them.

                   11. You never have to come home to a drunk roommate

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                    No more helping anyone else but yourself to bed. No more listening to those unfathomable sounds from the bathroom either.The only drunk person you have to deal with is yourself. Maybe you’re the type who feels the need to comfort someone else while they sick up a night’s worth of beer and heaven knows what else. None of that is for the person who has decided to live alone.

                    12. You don’t have to leave an “Occupied” sign on the doorknob

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                      In other words, you can just let a romance bloom any way you want. Want to bring that super nice guy to your apartment? Or some nice chick? You are under no obligation to call or leave a secret sign to anyone else that you need your time with someone else.

                      13. You can leave your laundry where you dropped it

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                        Sure, the fact remains that you’ll have to wash your laundry eventually. But what’s the hurry? Shrug it off wherever you are in the apartment and simply leave it lying around. After all, there’s no one else who has to look at it or even acknowledge it exists. Cleaning day does eventually come. But singles know that ‘eventually’ doesn’t come until they’re good and ready to conquer it.

                        14. The bathroom’s all yours

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                          No more waiting until the roommate gets out of the bathroom. Or dancing on one foot trying to patiently wait to pee. The shower is always open. You don’t have to rush putting on makeup or drying your hair. The bathroom’s yours and yours alone.

                          15. The stuff you buy is all yours

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                            Ever felt peckish around midnight only to find a roommate had eaten your last yogurt? No more sharing food, or anything else for that matter. What you buy is yours, completely your responsibility. You can arrange and rearrange as you please.

                            Featured photo credit: Wikipedia Commons via commons.wikimedia.org

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                            Last Updated on September 18, 2020

                            13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                            13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                            For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                            “We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

                            “It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

                            Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

                            You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

                            Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

                            1. Take a step back and evaluate

                            When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

                            1. What is the problem?
                            2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
                            3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
                            4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
                            5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

                            Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

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                            2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

                            If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

                            At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

                            Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

                            3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

                            Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

                            4. Process your thoughts/emotions

                            Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

                            1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
                            2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
                            3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
                            4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

                            5. Acknowledge your thoughts

                            Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

                            By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

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                            Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

                            6. Give yourself a break

                            If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

                            7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

                            A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

                            Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

                            After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

                            8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

                            As Helen Keller once said,

                            “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

                            Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

                            9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

                            In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

                            1. What’s the situation?
                            2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
                            3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
                            4. Take action on your next steps!

                            After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

                            10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

                            A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

                            Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

                            For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

                            11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

                            No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

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                            12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

                            No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

                            13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

                            There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

                            After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

                            Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

                            Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

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