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15 Bitters and Sweets Only People Living Alone Will Understand

15 Bitters and Sweets Only People Living Alone Will Understand

Living alone may no longer be such a great aberration. As a woman in her forties who lives alone, I was ecstatic to discover this good news. There are delightful upsides to living alone, although there can be downsides, as well. But what relationship doesn’t have its ups and downs? The difference for singles is that ‘we’ have no one but ourselves to blame when something goes wrong!

1. You can leave the toilet lid down (or up)

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    Ladies will especially love this one. No more stumbling to the toilet in the middle of the night only to dip your cheeks into toilet water. Or get that unearthly feeling of falling into the toilet! This fear completely disappears when living alone.

    For guys, now you have the convenience of putting that lid down only when you need to!

    2. You have to pay for everything yourself

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      Certainly, it is better to have two incomes to pay for the bills, rather than one. And those of us who choose to be single are indeed responsible for the entirety of the bills. On the upside, for the ladies there may be a break when or if a gentleman takes you out. It’s always polite to pay halfsies at least, of course, but a true gentleman is always prepared to foot the bill (sorry guys).

      But all the rest of the bills that come down the pike are yours and yours alone.

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      3. You only have yourself to argue with

      There’s just no one else to blame if the dishes go undone, or the laundry, or anything else for that matter. Most singles would argue that this is on the plus side of living alone. You get to be as messy or as neat as you choose to be and there is no one around to tell you otherwise.

      4. You have to carry in your own groceries

      When living alone there’s no one else to carry out the shopping duties but you. In so doing, you are inherently responsible for carrying in said groceries. That could mean trudging back and forth all on your lonesome. It also means you get to choose exactly the menu for the coming week. And there is the upside that there’s no one else around to decide what or when to eat. The downside is that fresh veggies sometimes do go to waste as there is only one of you to go around.

      5. No one else has to put up with your morning breath

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        As a single only you are required to wake up to that foul, sticky taste in your mouth. You get to arise and take a good, long stretch, and there is no reason to go rushing into the bathroom to brush your teeth (unless of course, you have invited over some company). You are also not required to grin and bear through a hangover or headache for anyone the morning after partying. If you don’t want breakfast, skip it! After all you’re the only one to blame for a lack of getting breakfast.

        6. You can do what you want, when you want

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          Have an itch in a private place? For that matter, need to fart? Burp? Just need a quiet moment to blow your nose (or pick it)? Go ahead, you live alone and no one’s there to bother you about it. Now the downside here could be that you’re sick (as in physically ill). In that case, there’s no one around to take care of you but you. And well, yeah, that does kinda suck. Otherwise, when in the company of yourself, be as gross or as disgusting as you’d like!

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          7. You can leave the bed unmade or made

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            In other words, the decision is yours and yours alone to make. As a single, your bed can stay unmade for days, even weeks. Fitted sheet come undone? That’s OK, a single can sleep on the bare mattress … this single thing is all about you. Some call this insufferably selfish. ‘We’ singles say it is unconscionable freedom … and singles like it that way.

             8. You get to choose how you want to relax

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              Sick of watching TV? Turn it off and go read a book. Take a nice, long walk. There’s no one to stop you. Want to stay out all night? Go ahead, no one’s waiting up for you, remember? Want to go out and eat? See a flick? The choices are virtually endless. Except maybe when it comes to going out with friends … after all, they might have someone they need permission from before heading out on the town!

              9. You never have to worry about asking your roommate if it’s OK for someone to come over
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                You live alone. The only excuse you might have for not wanting someone to come over is the condition of the place. You may not be the world’s best housekeeper, so you find yourself querying your date. Does he or she mind the mess? Are you willing for him or her to wade through the mess to the bedroom? The choice, as per usual, is yours and only yours to make.

                10. You know that living alone does not exclude you from great relationships

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                  Yeah, everything really is up to you. The difference being your significant other has their own place. So, what’s not to like? You get to tell even him or her that time’s up and it’s time to go. No more clingy relationships for you. Just sheer freedom and attachments only when you want them.

                   11. You never have to come home to a drunk roommate

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                    No more helping anyone else but yourself to bed. No more listening to those unfathomable sounds from the bathroom either.The only drunk person you have to deal with is yourself. Maybe you’re the type who feels the need to comfort someone else while they sick up a night’s worth of beer and heaven knows what else. None of that is for the person who has decided to live alone.

                    12. You don’t have to leave an “Occupied” sign on the doorknob

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                      In other words, you can just let a romance bloom any way you want. Want to bring that super nice guy to your apartment? Or some nice chick? You are under no obligation to call or leave a secret sign to anyone else that you need your time with someone else.

                      13. You can leave your laundry where you dropped it

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                        Sure, the fact remains that you’ll have to wash your laundry eventually. But what’s the hurry? Shrug it off wherever you are in the apartment and simply leave it lying around. After all, there’s no one else who has to look at it or even acknowledge it exists. Cleaning day does eventually come. But singles know that ‘eventually’ doesn’t come until they’re good and ready to conquer it.

                        14. The bathroom’s all yours

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                          No more waiting until the roommate gets out of the bathroom. Or dancing on one foot trying to patiently wait to pee. The shower is always open. You don’t have to rush putting on makeup or drying your hair. The bathroom’s yours and yours alone.

                          15. The stuff you buy is all yours

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                            Ever felt peckish around midnight only to find a roommate had eaten your last yogurt? No more sharing food, or anything else for that matter. What you buy is yours, completely your responsibility. You can arrange and rearrange as you please.

                            Featured photo credit: Wikipedia Commons via commons.wikimedia.org

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                            Last Updated on March 30, 2020

                            What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

                            What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

                            Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

                            You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

                            This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

                            What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

                            According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

                            Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

                            There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

                            How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

                            When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

                            Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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                            1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

                            One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

                            The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

                            Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

                            2. Be Honest

                            A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

                            If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

                            On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

                            Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

                            3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

                            Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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                            If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

                            4. Succeed at Something

                            When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

                            Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

                            5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

                            Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

                            Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

                            If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

                            If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

                            Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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                            6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

                            Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

                            You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

                            On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

                            You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

                            7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

                            Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

                            Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

                            Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

                            When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

                            Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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                            In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

                            Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

                            It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

                            Final Thoughts

                            When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

                            The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

                            Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

                            Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

                            Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

                            More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

                            Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

                            Reference

                            [1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
                            [2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
                            [3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
                            [4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
                            [5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
                            [6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
                            [7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
                            [8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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