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14 Things That Happened When I Compared Myself to Others

14 Things That Happened When I Compared Myself to Others

I’m talking about comparing myself to “successful” people. People who have achieved things. Things that I want to achieve. They’re the kind of person I aspire to be like. Seemingly, they have it all: money, success, fame, happiness. But… do they?

If you’re comparing yourself to others, and you’re not getting a whole lot of satisfaction from it, read on:

1. I forgot my “why”

I stopped focusing on me and started focusing on them. I thought I wanted what they had. But did I actually want it? Was I just letting jealousy blind me? No and yes. Because I was focusing on them, I started making poor decisions, or, perhaps worse, no decisions, because I just didn’t know what direction to go in.

2. I became demotivated

There were a few times that I actually ended up laying in bed in the fetal position. I wish I was kidding. Solutions became problems. Everything was an obstacle. I couldn’t see a way forward. A few times, I was close to giving up.

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3. I wished I was them

They’re just so successful and rich and have everything they want… why wouldn’t I want to be them? They were already where I wanted to be. So far down their own path. I was jealous. But, did I even stop to think whether or not they were actually happy? Nope. And isn’t that what really matters? For me, absolutely.

4. I forgot that everyone has their own path

Everyone’s different, but it’s a truth we all seem to forget from time to time. I certainly did. I know who I am, and I’m damn proud of it, so why am I trying to copy someone else? I’m not them. They’re not me. If you find yourself trying to copy someone else, have you even bothered to find out who you are?

5. I thought I wasn’t good enough

“How did they do it? How have they achieved so much?” I would often wonder. It’s ok to respect achievement, but I was in danger of becoming so in awe of it that I’d think I could never achieve something like that. Not a fun place to be, and an extremely limiting one. 

6. I rushed

I wanted to speed everything up because I wanted everything they had RIGHT NOW. Deep down, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. The people I was comparing myself to had been working their ass off for years to get where they are and have what they have. Now, it was my turn.

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7. I forgot to be happy

This is an important one. I got so caught up in trying to achieve and make progress no matter what that nothing else even mattered. Not even being happy. I just totally forgot to be grateful for anything. Like the fact I was pursuing a dream. Like the fact that there’s people who would do anything to be in the position I’m in now. And, like the fact that, actually, I’m a happy person.

8. I stopped living in the moment

I was always thinking about the future. When will I “make it”? What will my life be like? This is, of course, very useful to think about from time to time. But I was rarely living in the moment, and it’s hard to be happy if you don’t (trust me. And, if you don’t trust me, trust the research!)

9. I forgot I was in control

When I was comparing myself, I sometimes gave that control away because I’d look at them being so successful right now and I’d feel a bit hopeless. “How will I ever get there?” But then I (chose to) remember that this is my life and I’m the boss. I’m the man. I can make whatever choices I want, whenever I want. So I’ll keep choosing success.

10. I thought they were lucky

A tempting way to think, perhaps, because it conveniently ignores all the hard work they put it and the fact that you could replicate that if you really wanted to. What an outrageous excuse. They’re successful because they’re lucky. Really? Do you think successful people blame luck for their success? Or do they blame themselves?

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11. I forgot that amateurs call it genius, and masters call it practice

I let myself think that all these successful people were somehow blessed with an abundance of talent that allowed them to get where they are today. In actual fact, they just worked really damn hard and never stopped. There’s all sorts of evidence these days suggesting that natural talent barely matters. So what does? Practice. And a lot of it. Being a genius isn’t a requirement for success, and I wasn’t going to continue to use it as an excuse.

12. I forgot that I’ll absolutely, unequivocally, get to where I want to be

Of course I will. This is my dream. This is what I truly want. And, unlike a lot of people, I’m actually getting off my ass and working for it.

13. I forgot that everything takes time

As Warren Buffett once said “You can produce a baby in 1 month by getting 9 women pregnant.” A fun experiment though, I reckon.

14. I assumed they’re happy

How did I know they were happy? I didn’t. How could I? I had to remind myself that being rich doesn’t make people happy. We all know that. But, them being successful (in my eyes) doesn’t necessarily make them happy, either. They might not even like their life. I would hope and think they do, but there’s no way of me knowing. They’re rich and successful on the surface, but what else did I really know about them? Nothing. So, being envious of them is pointless. This one was a good lesson for me.

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To conclude…

Comparing yourself to others isn’t a problem unless it’s a problem. If, by comparing yourself to them, you become inspired and motivated and take action, awesome. If, however, you become demotivated, depressed, and unhappy, then that isn’t quite as awesome.

You are good enough and you damn well know it. Stop letting other people control how you feel and determine your worth. That’s up to you. Who are they to you? You don’t even know them. Do you think they’d be happy knowing that you’re comparing yourself to them and getting depressed? I doubt it. How would you feel if you were them?

This is your life. You’re the only one who has to live it. When you believe you’re good enough, when you know you deserve to have what you want, you’ll never compare yourself negatively to anyone ever again.

(If you don’t believe or know that, just read this: The 3 Things That Will Give You Stronger-Than-Iron-Man Self-Esteem.)

Featured photo credit: mgstanton via flickr.com

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

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Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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