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14 Things People Who Feel Comfortable With Themselves Do Differently

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14 Things People Who Feel Comfortable With Themselves Do Differently

It`s the ultimate dream to feel truly comfortable with oneself; to do, say and believe exactly what you like without bitterness and without worrying about what others may say.

To feel fully comfortable with yourself is a long road that requires not only tens of hours of working on yourself but also knowing exactly what you should do.

In this article you will learn about what self confident people do differently, and how they feel comfortable with themselves.

Read till the end, know what you need to do, share it when you like it (and I`m sure you will) and don`t forget the most important thing – do it.

1. They are only nice to the nice

“The persons whom you cannot care for in a novel, because they are so bad, are the very same that you so dearly love in your life, because they are so good.’

– Anthony Trollope

I can tell you be kind, be good to others and always see what is good in people, but that`s NOT how life goes on everytime you do so.

Many people lie, some people cheat, others steal, kill, stab in the back, make fun of you or make your life misery,

On the other hand, there will be those who love you, those who really want to help you and those who will always support you and believe in you.

To feel truly comfortable with yourself you must know who deserves your support, love, kindness and respect and who deserves your neglect, hate or punishment.

Behind everyone a story or need, read people well, know what they want and what moves them, don`t let anybody put you down or make you feel bad about yourself, and for those who bring the best out of you; show them your love, your kindness, trust and unconditional support.

Always be nice, but keep an eye on people. That`s how confident people do.They have a brain, and they do the thinking.

2. They are not attention seekers

Craving for attention is a sign of insecurity, it simply means someone either didn`t get the proper attention in his/her childhood or got a plenty of it during that time to the extent that always being the center of attention has become an addiction to him or her.

Those who are comfortable with their themselves do seek attention – like any other human being – but they are not dying for it.

They don`t talk too much to impress every single person around, they don`t fake a lie to grab attention, they don`t act a -know it all – and they don`t always buy the newest or the most expensive gadget just to get people to talk about them.

3. They are bold

“Freedom lies in being bold.”

– Robert Frost

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This is who a I am, this is what I believe in and as long as I`m convinced with what I do, I don`t have to change it for the sake of you.

This is how confident people feel.

4. They are not afraid to lead

You have to admit it, leadership is scary.

Nobody wants to be the center of everybody`s attention, nobody wants to be judged and since most people think low of themselves and their capabilities then everybody will tend to avoid leadership so that they don`t get exposed.

Only those who are confident in their own skin, believe in their skills and believe in their plan who will have the courage and ambition to lead when nobody else will.

“Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities; because it is the quality which guarantees all others.”

– Winston Churchill

5. They believe they are wanted

Everything starts with a belief even if it was a fake one.

There are clues for almost every belief that you want to put into your mind this includes the belief of being liked/wanted or believing you are an outcast…. In both cases; what you believe will turn to be true, and this is what confident people believe in.

Having interest in your own self, not over judging, not beating yourself up for a mistaken behavior and gathering clues for being wanted is what you need to build up a high level of self confidence.

It`s the corner stone you need to have before looking for people to get interested in you. Just start changing the way you look at yourself. The more worthy you see yourself, the more worthy others will see you.

6. They ask.

“If you don`t ask, the answer is always NO.”

– Nora Roberts

Those who believe in themselves do whatever they can do to get what they want and where they want and a BIG part of this process is having the courage to ask for what they believe they deserve.

Confident people are less sensitive towards rejection because they know it`s inevitable and that it`s better for them to accept and deal with rejection rather than sitting there and do nothing but wishing.

“You cannot avoid rejection, but you can always try to have a better chance.”

That`s what they believe in.

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7. They don`t beg.

“You will never gain anyone’s approval by begging for it. When you stand confident in your own worth, respect follows.”

– Mandy Hale

When there`s a will there`s a way, so why beg?

Confident people don`t beg, neither for love nor money…. Nothing.

There`s always another solution, and there`s always someone else to love.

Money will make you happy, love will make you happy and so respect and self satisfaction.

As long as you believe in your own skills, and that there`s always a way around then never tear your dignity apart. You may be happy at the moment, but the bitterness will always last.

8. They lie less

“Some lie to deceive, some lie to achieve while others lie so people don`t think less of them.”

I`m not going to talk about the first two types; I`m leaving it to your own morality, But if you want to feel comfortable with yourself then DON`T fear telling the truth about yourself, your identity and your mistakes.

The more you lie so people can like you, the less you will like yourself…. Confident people don`t do that.

9. They are not afraid of competition

The more your skills develop, the more confident you become and the more advanced you like your game to be and that`s how those who are comfortable with themselves deal with competition.

The more thrilling the competition, the better the victory will taste.

Don`t let fear get into your own heart, you are just competing with humans.

10. They keep their promises

“You lose a lot when you don`t keep a promise.”

– Author Unknown

In life you may lose a thing, you may lose someone but your greatest loss is when you lose your own self trust and not keeping up with your promises is the shortest way to do that.

When you don`t keep up with your promises you simply let weakness take advantage of you and it will take you double the energy and more promises to keep before you start believing in yourself again.

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For those who are confident in their own skin a promise is not a word they give, a promise is a commitment that affects their self esteem and how they respect themselves.

For the confident; it`s either you have the courage to say NO, or have enough self respect to keep your words.

Once they say “I will”, it`s done.

11. They are not afraid to smile

The easiest people to read are those who put that angry “Don`t touch me” face on their heads.

Those who are comfortable with themselves are not afraid of what people may say about them.

They believe in their own skills and they are overconfident with the idea that they are liked which helps them act calmly and induce a comfortable atmosphere around themselves, thus getting more fans and admirers.

Always know this;

Your smile is your charm. Your confident, amazing smile will bring you more friends, more fans and more money.

People who fear to smile or act comfortably around others do so because they fear that other people won`t take them seriously or think they are too kind or too stupid.

If you are sure about your skills, if you know when, where and to whom you should give your charm and if you trained yourself to put a confident, sexy smile on your face and be willing to show it more often then I guarantee your life and your level of confidence will be sky high.

Your smile is precious, just try it out.

12. They have tolerance to different opinions

Only the insecure who are not sure of his thoughts and beliefs will always fail to have a proper conversation with anyone who shares different beliefs.

And only those who are comfortable with themselves respect themselves and respect their minds to the level that makes them change their beliefs if they are strongly convinced.

Truely confident people may hate what you do or don`t like what you say but they will always believe that their rights to say and do what they like stems from your right to say and do what you like, as long as you don`t offend or hurt somebody for sure.

13. They are assertive 

They know their own rights and they guard them at all costs.

They have the right to be treated fairly and with respect, they have the right to do, speak, dress what they want and they know how to set the proper boundaries that define those rights in the eyes of other people.

Remember:

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“What you allow is what will continue.”

– Anonymous

14. They can look you in the eye

People simply don’t make eye contact anymore.
– Eric Kripke

Once you feel comfortable with yourself you will confidentially communicate with any person you want.

A big sign of someone who is comfortable with his or her own self is the ability to maintain a good eye contact.

The more confident someone in himself (or the less he has to hide) the less likely he will avoid eye contact.

Most of the time, he or she will not see him/herself as a recipient who is waiting for other people to judge, instead he sees himself as the one others want to attract or the one who is trying to figure out who are those he is talking to.

Now it’s your turn

You have read, you have recognized and now is the time to start working things out,

You probably didn`t pick this article unless you really want to feel more comfortable with yourself and around people and you will probably bookmark so that you can read again later, but later mostly never comes.

So, here`s a deal:

I want you (after you share this article) to pick up a single trait from the 14 traits listed above (just one) and to work on it for the next 30 days.

I want you to think of it, to live it, dream it and take action towards it, I want you to imagine your life with a new skill that you deeply need and to start working on it until you see results.

And once you get there, you`re gonna be …. you know that song of Drake, yes UNSTOPPABLE.

Go for it and give it a try, it`s only one life to live, and you don`t want to live it with misery and sadness.

Enjoy your day

Featured photo credit: Alessandro Baffa via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

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How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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